Carlisle

As I watched Jasper collapse, I knew something was wrong. I had never seen Jasper, my soldier son, look so weak, so vulnerable.

Something was very wrong with my family. Something else has happened. But with Bella dead, and Edward hiding from us in South America, what could possibly have happened to make our family's dismal situation worse?

"What's happening now, Jasper?" I asked. When he didn't answer immediately, but instead stood there looking unsure of what to say, just like when they had told us Bella was dead, I knew it was something bad indeed.

What could be worse than the news of Bella's death - news that surely was only going to tear apart my fractured family even more?

"Bella's alive," Jasper told us. My heart temporarily soared, until I realised that there was more to it than that.

There has to be something else. If it were good news like that, than why did we find Jasper sobbing to himself?

"But that's good news, surely?" My wife's question echoed my own confusion.

"No, because Edward thinks she's dead."

"Why does Edward," I knew the answer to my question before I had even finished asking it.

"Rosalie phoned him?" Jasper's face had hardened at the mention of Rosalie's name, which suggested I wasn't the only one who was currrently frustrated at her, and then he had nodded.

"He is coming home then?" Esme asked optimistically. I knew the answer before Jasper said it, but it still pained me.

"No. He's …" Jasper trailed off uncomfortably.

"He's..." I prompted, looking at Jasper expectantly.

What would Edward do now?

I looked at my darling wife standing next to me. What would I do if she were gone? I didn't know the answer to my question. It was an unimaginable future, the idea of living without Esme by my side.

"He's going to Italy." He didn't need say to anymore, I knew what he meant. He was going to the Volturi. But why?

"Why?" Esme asked. As I looked at her, I knew the answer. I couldn't imagine living without her, and Edward felt the same about Bella.

He is going there to die.

Throughout my decades there, I had seen the Volturi extract their own branch of punishment on many an immortal. But now in my mind, it was my son I saw ripped apart and burned, and, unlike the others, the imagined Edward in my head was perfectly content as they killed him. The image horrified me to my core.

"He is going there to die," I said out loud. It wasn't a question. I knew it was true.

"Yes," Jasper confirmed. Beside me, Esme gasped.

"No! Vampires can't commit suicide. He can't die!" she sobbed hysterically. I pulled her into my arms while she continued to sob. Hysterical as she was, I couldn't help but agree with her. He can't die.

A thousand memories spanning the length of a century flashed through my mind. Some of them stood out more than others. The day Edward allowed me to call him 'son' for the first time. The day he returned home after disappearing for four years. The day he brought Bella home for the first time. All happy memories with my son.

My son. I had always thought of him as that, from the very day he woke up, even if he hadn't permitted me to call him such at first.

Had I let him down as a father?

Not for the first time, I wondered if I should have left him to die in that Chicago hospital in 1918. Left him to die at peace, to be with his parents. Rather than dragging him into my immortal life, only for him to die a violent fiery death in the end of it all anyway.

Perhaps now, at least, he could find his peace in the afterlife. I knew Edward did not believe it possible, but I had to cling to my faith. Cling to the hope that after everything I did to him, he would still be permitted to join his parents. And Bella.

But Bella's not actually dead.

"Bella's not dead?" I asked my son for confirmation of what he had said earlier, over my wife's shoulder.

"No, I'm not entirely certain what happened, but Alice saw it wrong." He paused before continuing. "Bella and Alice are on a plane to Italy, they hope to get there in time to show him Bella's alive, and stop him."

There it was. The strand of hope I needed to cling to. There is a chance Edward might survive. My happiness was short lived, as I realised how high the price of failure would be. Would we lose all three of them? My son, my daughter and the girl I'll admit I had once had high hopes would join our family at Edward's side.

Worst of all was the realisation that there was nothing I could do.

The game was in play. The players were in motion. The price of losing was death.

And I could do nothing but wait for news of the outcome. Wait to find out who had won and who had lost. Who had survived and who was dead.

Never in my three centuries of existence had I felt so powerless. I was supposed to be the father, the leader, of our family, but everything was out of my control. All I could do was wait.

And so we waited.

At some point, Rosalie and Emmett arrived home, later followed by the Denali clan. We gave explanations and had discussions of possible outcomes. But we all knew we were just filling time. Filling time until the phone call from Alice that would tell us what had happened. Or until enough time had passed without that phone call for us to know it hadn't ended well for anyone.

Unable to do anything else to help, I prayed. I repeated my prayers silently in my head over and over again. It was in God's hands now, all I could do was keep waiting.

I watched Jasper as he struggled to hide his own worry for his wife, watched Rosalie as she tried to hide her guilt, watched Emmett as he grew more and more impatient, watched Esme as she fretted for her children. But that was all I could do –watch. I wanted to say something, do something to help them all. But I couldn't think of the right words, the right actions, to bring them some comfort. I couldn't help them, not when I was barely keeping it together myself.

I felt like a failure. A failure as a father and as a leader. My family needed me to be strong now more then ever, and I couldn't do it. The best I could do for them was to keep it together, to not get lost in my own grief, but I struggled to do even that.

Images raced through my mind continuously as we waited. Edward and Alice ripped apart and burnt. Bella, that sweet, innocent girl, drained of blood. Nothing more in the eyes of the Volturi than a meal.

It was Elezear that had suggested a different possible outcome.

"I don't think Aro would kill Edward or Alice," he had said. We had all turned to look at him sceptically. Aro may have been my friend, but if Edward arrived in Volterra asking for death, I'm sure he'd willingly gave him it. And if Alice got in their way, I'm sure he'd willingly order her destroyed.

"A psychic and a mind-reader, one who can hear minds without the need for touch. I think that would intrigue Aro."

"You think he'd offer them a place in the guard?" I asked. I tried to imagine it. My children in the cloaks of the Volturi guard, eyes red as the fed of humans indiscriminately. Loathsome though the image was, it was better than them dead. Would I truly rather have them turn their back on everything I believe in than die? The answer was yes – anything was better than them dead.

"Bella would probably still be killed though. I don't think Edward would take that to well, unless, her blood does call to him, I'm sure Aro could find a way to trick him into-" Elezear never got to finish his sentence.

"No," I said darkly. My son would never do that. Elezear had looked at me like he was scared; I hate to imagine what my face must have looked like. Had I, for once, looked more like the vampire I was rather than the human I pretended to be?

Nobody said much after that, shortly afterwards Elezear and the rest of the Denali clan drifted out of the living room, leaving just the remaining members of my family behind.

No, didn't think like that. They're still alive. They're still a part of your family.

None of us had anything to say. So we sat frozen. Me and Esme on one sofa, Rosalie and Emmett on another, and Jasper alone in a chair. All of us lost in our own thoughts. Even Emmett, who usually can't sit still and silent for longer than a minute, was uncharacteristically quiet. I wanted to say something, to make them all feel better. But I couldn't think of anything to say to break the silence, to comfort my family. There was no point saying, 'I'm sure they'll be fine.' No one would have believed me.

And so we kept waiting. Never has time passed me by so slowly. For an immortal, mere hours should mean nothing. And yet those hours were torturously slow, one painfully after another.

"That's it!" Emmett's outburst broke the silence that had hung over us all for hours.

"I'm not waiting one second longer. We have to do something."

"Like what?" Jasper asked sarcastically.

"I don't know. Just something. Something to help Edward. And Alice. And Bella. I can't wait around for one more second. We need to do something." I understand how Emmett felt. I had felt the desire to 'just do something' to help all night, but I knew there was nothing we could do.

"And what do you suggest exactly?" Jasper snapped sarcastically.

"Don't shout at him, Jasper, at least he's trying to do something. Don't you want to do something to help Alice?" Instantly I knew Rosalie had said the wrong thing. In one fluent movement I stood up from the sofa, ready to intercede should anything happen.

"How dare you? You think I don't wish it were me who was there instead of her? That I wouldn't do anything to know she was safe?"

"Then why aren't we there in Italy? Why did you phone us and ask us to come home?" Rosalie goaded Jasper.

"I'm not waiting around for one more second," Emmett stated again. "Let's go." He and Rosalie started to walk toward the door.

"Emmett. Rosalie. Wait." I called after them. I couldn't let them walk out. If there was a chance they could have done something to help, then it would have been their choice if they went to do it or not. But there was nothing they could do to help. And I couldn't have any more of my children out there. I just couldn't.

"What, Carlisle?" Rosalie said testily.

"There's nothing you can do. You may as well stay," I told her miserably.

"I'm not going to sit around, and do nothing, like you," she snapped at me.

"Actually, Rosalie, I think you've done enough," I snapped back coldly. The words came out of my mouth unbidden, but they were true enough. If she had never phoned Edward, none of this would be happening.

All three of my children looked at me in surprise. I don't usually snap at people. I usually put all my effort into hiding my temper when it flared up, to the point where I think my family have an unrealistic image of me. The image of someone who was always calm and patient, someone who didn't have a temper.

Well, that's definitely not true. I had never wanted people to view me like that. And now the image was shattered anyway. I just hadn't been able to keep my temper in check, not today, not when my nerves were already on edge from the seemingly endless waiting.

"What did you say?" Rosalie asked me icily.

"I think Carlisle may be referring to the fact that you phoned Edward, despite both him and Alice telling you not to," Jasper replied sarcastically on my behalf.

"So it's all my fault? Don't you dare blame this all on me! I'm not the one who decided Bella would make a nice meal." Jasper looked at Rosalie like she had slapped him.

Jasper can't honestly believe this is his fault? One look at his face told me the answer to that. Yes, yes he can.

"Jasper. Rosalie." I wanted to regain some control over them, to stop their argument. But how could I shout at them, when I had acted no better myself? Shame for my earlier lapse in control over my temper washed over me.

"Don't you dare lecture me, Carlisle," Rosalie snarled at me.

Jasper started ranting at her before I got a chance to reply. "It's not just my fault, Rosalie. I may have caused the separation, but you phoned Edward. I may have loaded the gun, but you pulled the trigger. All this time, I've been blaming myself, but it's wasn't just me now, was it? If anything happens to Alice…" The last words came out as a menacing hiss.

"Stay the hell away from my wife, Jasper," Emmett growled menacingly.

"If my wife's dead, give me one good reason too."

"Stop it! Jasper! Emmett! Stop it!" I ordered, but neither of them listened to me. I couldn't control them. Just like I had no control over what was happening to my children half a world away, I now couldn't control what was happening right in front of me, as I literally watched on as my family fell to pieces.

I really am a failure. I'm not a father or a leader, they all deserve better.

"I'll rip you to shreds, is that a good enough reason?" Both men were squaring off to each other now. I darted in-between them, hoping that would be enough to stop them. There was no way I could physically stop both of them.

"Get out of the way, Carlisle," Jasper growled at me.

"No, Jasper, I won't have a fight."

"I doubt there'll be a fight, Carlisle, Jasper's not that stupid," Emmett goaded, behind him Rosalie chuckled.

"I really would get out of the way, Carlisle. I don't want to rip you apart as well, but if you happen to be in my way when I go for Emmett," Jasper told me, with a eerie calmness to his voice. I heard Rosalie hiss at him.

"Stop it!" The scream was desperate and pleading. It caught the attention of all of us. Turning around, we found my wife had stood up. Her usually gentle face had a look of steely determination to it. "Just stop it. Three of my children are already dead. I won't lose anymore. So, you, just stop it!" Her words were rushed, but angry, and there was a slightly hysterical edge to them. She breathed heavily afterwards, and if she could have, she would have been crying.

Both Emmett and Jasper moved out of their offensive stances. I heard them and Rosalie mutter words of apologies to each other, but I wasn't paying much attention, I was too focused on my wife.

As I watched her, I was hit with a crushing realisation. I had failed her too. All Esme had ever wanted was a family. And I had given her the closest I could, but now it was crumbling around us, and I was doing nothing to stop it. I had failed as a father, as a leader and as a husband.

I walked up to her and placed my arms around, as I did so, I wondered if I really should be permitted too.

"Oh, my darling, I'm sorry," I murmured into her forehead, apologising for more then I think she realised.

Her words from earlier resonated through my head, 'three of my children are already dead.' That was it then, she had given up hope, and if she had, then so had I.

The phone would never ring. Our children weren't coming home. Our family is soon going to be nothing but history.

If Alice never returned, then Jasper would surely drift off alone. Rosalie and Emmett would probably go their own way as well eventually, I just couldn't see Rosalie and I living comfortably together, not with all the unspoken accusations and guilt there was between us.

I remembered back to when Edward had left us the first time. Esme and I had got by, we still had each other, but it hadn't been the same, not without our son. Now we had lost five, no six, children. Bella counted, from the minute she had walked into our house beside Edward, both Esme and me had secretly counted her as our child, or at least our future child.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her again. Sorry I failed you and our family. Sorry I couldn't keep them all together for you. Sorry everything's gone wrong.

Wordlessly, Esme removed herself from my embrace, took hold of my hand, and walked me toward the sofa again. We both sat down again and I noticed the other three had done the same. We were all sat exactly as we had been earlier.

And so we started waiting again. Except this time I was no longer waiting for news of my children, I was waiting for everyone to accept the inevitable. I felt empty, like there was a giant void in me, one that could never be filled. It was a quiet agony.

I prayed one last time. This time for the souls of my children, including Bella. At least with her, I knew it was a purposeful exercise. As for the other two, despite the fact that no one of my kind agreed with me, not even Edward and Alice themselves, I hoped they still had a chance at redemption. It was the least they deserved.

All-powerful and merciful God, I commend to you, my children. In your mercy and love, blot out all the sins they has committed through weakness. In this world they have died: let them live with you forever. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

It was the last thing I could do for my children, the last thing that it was still in my power to do.

An hour later, Jasper's phone rang. All eyes snapped towards him.

This is what we had been waiting for. Was I wrong? Had I written my children off too early? Was there still hope? For the first time in hours, I felt something other than crippling grief.

"Alice?" Jasper's voice was worshipful, the smile that lit his face told us all we needed to know.

"When will you be back?" There was a pause while Alice answered. "And Bella and Edward too?" He continued his conversation, but I wasn't listening. All the grief and despair was washed away, replaced with relief and joy. I felt light-headed. I turned to Esme who was sat beside me. She looked like she was in shock, though I knew she just overwhelmed by her own happiness.

"Oh, Carlisle, they're OK. They're coming home," she whispered unbelievingly. She hugged me close and kissed me.

"They're coming home," she repeated, this time excitedly. "They're coming home. They're coming home."

I hugged her close and kissed her again.

"They're coming home," I whispered in her ear, unable to keep the amazement out of my voice.

They're coming home. It's over. They're all safe. All my children – safe. Thank you Lord.


This chapter has turned out to be a lot longer, and has a lot more angst and self-doubt, than I had originally planned. I just sat down to write and this is what happened. However I like it still, so it's all good, I guess.

What did you think of Carlisle's reaction? Reviews are always appreciated, even if you're telling me I've gone completely OTT with all the angst and self-doubt.

Only one chapter left now. It's going to be the airport scene, with a few paragraphs from everyone.

A/N: I am not a religious person, so I have no idea what sort of prayers you might say for the dead. I have to admit, I simply googled 'Prayers for the Dead', clicked on the first page in the list, picked the most suitable looking one and changed a few words so that it fit Carlisle's situation. If you think that it isn't a suitable, or if you can think of a more suitable one, please tell me.