I honestly am ashamed at myself for taking so long to update things. And I know I promised a chapter of Remembering next, but I really wanted to finish this before tonight's episode. Other than a possible epilogue for this fic, which I'm not yet sure if I'm going to post, my next goal is definitely to finish another chapter for Remembering. :)
The song is Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall.
Chapter 3: Maybe it's Fate
Her face is a map of the world,
Is a map of the world.
You can see she's a beautiful girl,
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light.
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it.
It makes you calm.
She holds you captivated in her palm.
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be.
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me.
Weaving through the maze of hallways, Jack began to wonder if it was futile trying to catch someone who obviously wanted nothing more than to escape. What did it matter anyway? Other than the strange feelings he kept having about her, Jack had no reason to make her stay.
Still, some part of him just couldn't let her go. It didn't make sense, wasn't rational at all, but it was true. It was in his very nature to not let mysteries like this go and, after what had just happened in the hallway between him and Ana, he definitely needed some answers. So he sped up, straining to catch sight of Kate as he raced down one hallway after another, knowing who he was chasing was someone much more important than an escaping patient.
Kate was tearing through the hospital as fast as she could. She'd finally managed to lose Jack and, hopefully Ana Lucia, but the problem was she had no idea where she was going. Keeping an eye out for a staircase or elevator, she continued forward, not knowing what else to do.
As she rounded yet another corner, she ran smack into something solid on the other side. Letting out a frightened squeak, the sound died in her throat when she saw what, or rather who, she'd run into.
Eyes as deep as the ocean bored into her, freezing her in place, and a cocky smile appeared on his lips, twisting his face into a mockery of triumph. Jim. He appeared exactly the same as when she last saw him, blonde hair hanging in his face, framing his sharp cheekbones and perfectly tanned skin.
If she was being honest with herself, he was one of the most stunningly attractive men she'd ever laid eyes on. And he frightened her as much as he drew her in.
But when he spoke, his voice low and dangerous, his charm melted away with his words.
"I found ya', Sweetheart."
As soon as he said it, something in Kate's mind flashed back to memories long forgotten. Memories of hiding underneath a bed or in a closet, frightened of whatever was waiting in the darkness.
He raised an eyebrow, taking in her injuries with a hint of amusement lighting up his eyes. "Damn, that car sure did a number on you, huh?"
"How did you find me?" Kate asked, hating how weak her voice sounded.
"Hell, it sure wasn't easy, 'specially since ya' were loaded in the goddam ambulance before we could figure out where they were takin' ya'. I had Miles follow behind ya' but the idiot lost track of where the ambulance was goin', so we've been searchin' for ya' at all the local hospitals ever since. Guess it's fate that I get to find ya' 'n bring ya' in."
He reached his hand out to her slowly, taunting her by showing how powerless she was. And just like that, Kate sprung into action.
She whirled around, dashing off in the opposite direction. He caught her before she'd run more than five steps away. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her close to him.
"Where'd my handcuffs go?" he whispered, meaning the pair he had snapped onto her wrist yesterday. His breath was warm against her skin and Kate could feel herself flushing at his closeness, despite her terror.
"Not gonna answer, huh? Well damn, I guess it don't matter anyway, judging by the look of ya'," he said, eyeing the arm she had strapped against her chest.
Once again Kate found herself struggling against him, the very thought of being caught and sent to jail putting her panic into overdrive. And once again he reacted too quickly, his strength proving too much for her to overcome.
Just as he was pressing her up against a wall, twisting her good arm painfully behind her back and putting too much pressure on her damaged one, a familiar voice nearly made her cry in relief.
"What the hell are you doing?" Jack's stern voice echoed loudly through the hallway.
Kate felt a tremor go through the cop at Jack's unexpected arrival, but he didn't release his grip on her. Instead he only pushed her harder against the plain white wall.
The crushing weight against her became too much for Kate's already throbbing arm. She screamed in pain, trying to get free without popping her other arm out of its socket.
Jack reacted to the sound of her cry, racing forward and ripping her out of Jim's grasp. He stepped in front of her, eyeing the detective menacingly.
"You better have a really good explanation for what you were just doing, or I am gonna call the cops and haul your ass off to jail faster than you can blink."
Jim straightened up, not about to be intimidated by some smart-ass doctor. "Well you're in luck, 'cause I am the cops," he said dryly. He took out his badge, flipping it open and holding it up high so Jack could see. "Detective James Ford at your service."
Kate, who was still hiding behind Jack and trying to focus past the pain of her broken arm, felt her heart beat faster at the sound of his name. 'James' suited him much better than 'Jim'. If only she could figure out why she kept thinking of him as 'Sawyer'...
Watching James' face, she saw the sense of victory he felt from talking down to the doctor. She watched Jack's hands clench into fists at his sides and she knew that James had gotten to him. But no way in hell would he show that to the cop.
He glanced back at Kate and must have seen something in her eyes because he gave her a smile filled with warmth and tenderness.
"So what do you want with her?" Jack asked, turning back to James. Kate noticed he didn't use her name, as if he didn't want to give her away.
The detective scoffed, his eyes glinting as he sensed another victory. "Well, let's just see here," he said loudly, his condescending tone thick with smugness. Kate watched as he pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket. She already knew what it would read.
"Katherine Anne Austen. Wanted for first degree murder, arson 'n assault on a federal office, to name a few of your charges."
If she hadn't been standing so close to him, Kate wouldn't have noticed how Jack's body suddenly went very still. Her heart sank as he looked back at her and she read the now-familiar expression of distrust on his face.
"Betcha' weren't expectin' that when ya' took the damn handcuff off her wrist yesterday, huh Doc?" James gloated.
Jack was still frowning but he kept his gaze locked on Kate, the question in his eyes easy to read. Was she really guilty of all that?
She swallowed thickly past the lump of emotion forming in her throat. It had been a long time since anyone actually asked her if those accusations were true. Jack looked so hopeful that she wasn't actually a criminal and Kate was certain he would believe whatever she told him.
Tears filled her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to stop them, at his silent gesture of trust. And suddenly she couldn't speak, too afraid to say the wrong thing.
Oddly enough, her fear of rejection from Jack was worse than her fear of being locked up in jail. She didn't know how that was possible, she'd only known him for a few hours, but he was fast becoming a very important part of her life.
Her mind flashed back to the dream she'd had of him, chasing her nightmares away, and she wondered if it was a premonition of some kind. Or was it something more? A sign that she and Jack were always meant to be together? That it was their destiny?
Why am I thinking about this now? she asked herself. There were much more important things to be concerned about, like not getting caught. James was still distracted by glaring at Jack, and Kate saw her chance to escape.
But this time as she ran – something she was becoming more and more accustomed to doing –she felt a surge of regret for leaving Jack behind and she wished fiercely he could come with her, wherever she was going.
Watching her retreating form disappear from view as she rounded a corner, Jack wasn't sure if he wanted to chase after Kate or stay where he was and continue his life without her.
Just thinking about leaving her behind made the crushing weight of her absence crash down on him like a tidal wave. He shuddered at how alone and empty he felt without Kate nearby. How was it possible that he'd become so attached to this complete stranger?
Because we belong together. The thought came, unbidden, into his mind and he couldn't shake the sense that it was right. Maybe that's why he and Kate kept being pushed together, one way or another, from the plane to his hospital.
He'd never been a big believer in destiny, but recent events had started to change his mind. And if it was true, that he and Kate were supposed to be together, then how could he just let her go?
The answer was clear; he couldn't.
James must have seen the change in his expression, because he reached into his pocket for his extra pair of handcuffs. Dangling them from his fingers, he looked Jack straight in the eyes, his lips set in a serious frown.
"I'm gonna have to follow her, ya' know," he said. Jack was about to respond, but the cop held up his hand. "Just a warnin' for ya', Doc. If ya' go chasin' after this girl, she's gonna break your heart."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jack demanded, shocked.
James didn't answer. He stood, unmoving for a few seconds until he blinked fiercely and gazed around him, as if coming out of a trance. He took in Jack's open mouth and snorted. "Ya' look like a fish that's just had a run-in with a stun gun, Doc. What're ya' starin' at?"
Jack wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't even sure what had just happened. "What did you mean?" he asked, trying to figure out what was going on. "Why is Kate going to break my heart?"
James chuckled nervously. "I dunno. You two got somethin' goin' on, Doc? Ain't it against the rules to date your patients?"
"How am I supposed to know? You're the one who said it, for god's sake!"
"Ya' know what, I think you're nuttier than I first thought, Jackass," came James' reply. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jack felt a sense of familiarity surround him at the mention of the nickname. James shifted from side to side nervously and it was obvious he felt it too.
Shaking off the strange sensation, Jack kept up his interrogation. "You just said it to me. Are you telling me you don't remember?"
"Hell no. Why would I tell ya' anything 'bout our favourite run-away criminal breakin' your heart? I may not be a damn school teacher, but I know stupidity when I see it. 'N that, Doc, would be a stupid thing to say."
Is he being serious? Jack wondered. From the confused look James was giving him, Jack assumed he wasn't lying. So what was that about? Why doesn't he remember?
Ignoring his sudden sense of foreboding, Jack turned around and stormed after Kate, leaving the cop standing in the hallway, wearing a very baffled expression.
"I will catch her, Jack. 'N when I do, you might be lookin' at some charges for aiding a fugitive too." James' shout echoed down the hallway, mocking him. Jack waited for the sound of footsteps behind him, but they never came.
He figured James must be taking another route, though he didn't know if it was to give him and Kate a head start or to cut them off before they could escape. Either way, Jack wasn't about to waste any more time standing here. He quickened his pace, needing to get to Kate before James did.
He finally spotted her, dashing into an elevator up ahead. Not going to let the opportunity fade away, Jack stepped inside just as the doors were closing. Kate's gasp made him realize he startled her.
"Sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to talk."
She bristled instantly. "There's nothing to talk about!" she shouted as she backed up towards the doors, but they closed before she could escape again.
She knew right away how trapped she was and her earlier feelings of claustrophobia came back, except this was much, much worse. Kate eyed Jack warily, making sure he kept his distance as she pressed the button for the ground floor.
Only when the elevator gave a sudden jolt and began moving down did she relax slightly; this would all be over soon. Just hang in there until then, she instructed herself.
But the jolting and shaking continued, shoving her around the small space. Somehow along the way she lost her balance and ended up in Jack's arms. That wasn't her greatest concern, however, because the elevator dropped a few more feet – she heard its cables screaming eerily in protest – and then stopped.
While Kate tried to figure out what had just happened, the absolute silence made her ears ring. She sank lower in Jack's arms, trying to stop the room from spinning around her.
Jack tightened his hold on her, feeling her body go slack. "Hey, you okay?" he asked softly.
She waited for her eyes to stop seeing double before she nodded. "What happened?"
"The elevator must be broken again. This has happened before and I guess no one fixed it properly last time."
His explanation did nothing to reassure her. "How long will it take before they get us out of here?" she wondered aloud, not expecting an answer.
"Could be anywhere between one to six hours," he responded cheerily as he realized this worked out better than he'd hoped. Kate couldn't help smirking.
"Well, it seems we've got nothing but time. So what did you want to talk about?"
They started by discussing the events that led to her accident. Kate didn't give much away, but Jack understood that she was running away from James and his partner. And as time went by, the two began sharing more personal stories.
Jack talked about his son David – "He's such a great kid, reminds me of myself when I was young" – and Kate told him what it was like to grow up on a farm.
Eventually they got to the topic of the plane – Jack was surprised she even remembered meeting him there – what they were doing on it and what they did after arriving home. Kate, very reluctantly, described her escape from the Marshal. How she tried to use Jack's pen to get rid of her handcuffs and, when that failed, fled the airport in a taxi.
"I don't know what I'm going to do if he finds me again," she whispered, shuddering at the thought. By now they were both sitting on the floor, Kate a few inches away from Jack. She had her knees tucked up to her chin – as much as her bandaged arm would allow – and was resting her head on them, staring vacantly across the elevator.
Jack shifted closer and wrapped his arms around her. Instead of flinching away at his touch, Kate melted into him, sighing in relief. He rubbed her back gently, soothing her bruised and aching muscles.
"I can't stay here, you know," she mumbled. His hands paused briefly, then continued massaging her good shoulder.
"You don't have to leave, Kate. Why don't you stay with me for a while? I promise I'll keep you safe."
The raw truth in his voice made her eyes well up with tears again – damn, she was crying a lot today – and, without fully understanding what she was doing, Kate angled herself upward and searched until she found Jack's lips. Pressing her mouth against his, she forced herself against him.
She felt his body go rigid for a moment, but she didn't stop kissing him and soon he responded to her contact. Their lips moved together as the kiss deepened, releasing emotions in Kate that were more meaningful than anything she'd felt before. Finally she pulled away, scared of how connected she was feeling towards Jack, and how desperate she was for more of him.
"Kate, did you really kill someone? If we're going to do this, I have to know," Jack said, breaking the silence. She noticed he was panting slightly and eyeing her with an expression akin to wonder.
She glanced up, eyeing him sharply. "Do what, Jack? It was just a kiss..." but she trailed off, they both knew it was so much more than that. She still didn't want to answer his question, though. What if he didn't believe her?
As her mind was going around and around in circles, Jack waited patiently. He didn't press her for an answer, even though she knew they were running out of time. Elevators could only be broken for so long before someone was bound to fix them.
Taking a deep breath, Kate knew what she had to do. It was better this way, it was what everyone else wanted to hear.
"Yes," the simple word nearly pushed her over the edge, already tears were filling her vision. "I killed someone. I didn't want to but I had to."
Jack surprised her by slamming his palm against the wall of the elevator. "Kate, why are you lying to me?" he whispered, forcing himself to get his anger under control.
Kate nearly reeled back in shock. How did he know? Still too afraid to admit the truth, she acted like she didn't know what he was talking about. "What do you mean?" she asked innocently, putting just the right amount of hurt and annoyance into her voice.
Jack wasn't buying it, though. He stared at her and Kate felt as if his eyes were gazing right at her very soul. "Why can't you tell me the truth? Why are you taking the blame for something you didn't do?"
"Okay, what the hell are you trying to say? That you think I'm innocent but am lying to the police about it?" she snapped, losing her patience.
His reply shook her to her very core, making her question the firm disbelief she'd always had in mind readers and psychics.
"Yes." The unwavering certainty in his voice was frightening.
"Well if you're so sure, then why are you asking me?" she countered, not fully understanding what was happening between them.
"Because I need to hear you say it, Kate. I need you to know that you can trust me and don't have to lie to me." The unexpected tenderness in his voice was too much for her. After so many years of bottling up her emotions, pretending everything was fine, Kate Austen broke down. As if a dam had burst inside of her, everything she'd ever felt came spilling out of her mouth and there was nothing she could do to stop the flood of words now.
"Fine! You're right! It wasn't me, I didn't kill anyone. But the world has to think it was me, so I keep pretending, letting myself get caught and then escaping all over again. And why in god's name am I doing that? Huh, Jack? I'll tell you why! Because it's my goddam destiny, that's why! I didn't kill him, but I sure as hell thought about it. I was supposed to, that's what I was meant to do.
"But I was too scared, so someone else did it for me. And every day I am haunted by that, knowing I didn't have the courage to do what I was born to do. It kills me, Jack. So no matter how much it scares me to go to jail someday, I accept it because I am not going to let anyone else suffer for me."
When she finished, the silence that filled the elevator was so dense that she could almost see it swirling around the room. The only sound was her sniffling as she tried to control the tears spilling down her cheeks.
Jack remained very still, trying to process what she'd just said. Her mention of destiny sent shivers down his spine and a voice inside of his was screaming that this was his destiny. To be here with Kate, to guide her.
And suddenly he knew what to say, the words that were coming to him so familiar it was as if he'd said very similar ones before.
"What we did and who we were before, who we were supposed to be, it doesn't matter now. This," he gestured around at the elevator, "here and now is a new beginning. We all deserve a chance to start over, even you Kate. And right now it's your chance."
Then he did something else that was completely unexpected, though Kate was finding it harder to be surprised by the many different sides to this man. He reached over and, brushing back a strand of her tangled, blood-matted hair – making her wish desperately that she could have a shower – he gently wiped a tear from her face.
Cupping her face in his hands, he pressed his lips against hers once more. This time Kate didn't try to fight the onslaught of feelings, instead she embraced them. Deepening the kiss, she caught a glimpse of something else, something that felt strangely like another life.
Trees swayed in the breeze above but all that mattered was the man in front of her. Jack, his body glistening with sweat and looking more handsome than she could ever have imagined. He wasn't looking at her, he was staring off in the distance. Though in that moment, that glimpse, Kate felt more at home than she ever had before.
When she and Jack broke apart, both breathing heavily, they stared at each other in complete shock. She didn't even have to ask if he'd seen that as well, she could tell from the passion that lit up his eyes.
Now it was her turn. She launched herself against him, so forcefully that he slammed against the wall. Kate laced her moveable arm around his neck, pulling him closer in anticipation for what was to come.
Their lips met again and this time their kissing wasn't filled with a frantic sense of urgency. Now it was tender and bursting with love.
Another vision filled Kate's mind. She saw a dark-lit room and, looking closer, could make out Jack's slightly illuminated form, as well as that of a young boy. He had tussled blonde hair and was sleeping soundly.
Her attention was drawn back to Jack when his soft voice filled the room. She could see that he was reading from a book and smiled, listening to him intently.
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? But if I'm not the same, the next question is who in the world am I? Aha, that's the great puzzle."
Before she could get another look at the sleeping child, whom she felt so inexplicably drawn to, Jack pulled away and broke whatever connection they'd had.
Both stared at each other in shared amazement until at the same time, almost as if they'd planned it, they both whispered, "Aaron."
Voicing the boy's name released Jack from his stunned silence. "Where is he?" he asked, worried about the child he suddenly thought of as his son.
Kate answered right away, without any hesitation. "With Claire." A question already forming on Jack's lips, she continued explaining what she was certain in her heart was the truth. "He hasn't been born yet," she said, thinking back to the name Claire had given her unborn son at the hospital.
That Aaron and the Aaron from her mind were one and the same, she was absolutely positive of this. But what she didn't know was how she ended up looking after Claire's child, the two had never even met before. Or so she'd once thought.
Jack frowned, trying to remember why the name sounded so familiar to him. "There was a Claire in my father's will. Someone named Claire Littleton. I didn't know who she was, neither did my mom..." he trailed off doubtfully. What were the chances of the two Claire's being the same person?
A shiver ran through Kate, so strong that she felt as if something deep inside of her had shifted slightly. "I met this pregnant Australian woman at the airport, I think she was on our plane," she said, leaving out the part of how she'd met Claire in the first place.
"What does she have to do with Aaron?" he wondered.
"Her name was Claire Littleton," Kate replied, seeing the shock register on Jack's face. "What if it's not just a coincidence, Jack? It's too strange, all of us being on the same plane and her name being in your father's will."
Her suggestion made Jack frown and run his hands through his short hair. Kate waited patiently for him to voice his thoughts aloud.
"Maybe it's not just Claire," he said, surprising her. "I know this sounds crazy but ever since our plane landed in L.A., I've been seeing other passengers everywhere. Yesterday I ran into the man who sat beside me and another guy who'd been choking on heroin in the bathroom. I think this is about more than just us. What if everyone on that plane is involved somehow?"
Now Kate was really thinking too, forcing her brain to try and remember who she'd seen on the flight. "James, the cop who wants to arrest me, he was on Oceanic 815 too. Oh my god, Jack. I think you're right. I've been having this really strange feeling ever since we left Sydney.
"When the plane landed, I couldn't help thinking that something wasn't right. That things weren't supposed to happen this way. And what if they weren't? Maybe our plane was never supposed to touch down in L.A.," she said, finally giving voice to the thoughts that had been nagging at her ever since she escaped from the Marshal at the airport.
Jack nodded absently, his thoughts whirling too fast for him to speak. Things were starting to come together, like pieces of a puzzle, and he felt the rightness of it deep in his soul.
"So if everyone else is part of this too, then I guess we have to go talk to them and get this figured out. And I believe you, Kate. I haven't felt right either since getting off that plane. I think if we can get all of the people who were on the flight together in one place again, maybe we can make some sort of plan," he suggested already wracking his brains for the perfect meeting place, and how he was going to find everyone who'd been on the flight.
The weight of what he was trying to accomplish came crashing down upon him, threatening to send him into a full-blown panic attack, but he felt Kate grab his hand and he remembered that he wasn't alone in this. She was right by his side.
"We should start with Claire," she told him, an idea Jack was in full agreement with.
The entire task seemed so daunting, and so much could still go wrong, but with Kate nearby he felt like he could handle it.
It was at that moment that the elevator lurched again, finally continuing in its descent to the ground floor after hours of remaining still. Kate's heart began to beat faster, knowing who would be waiting for her when the doors opened.
Jack felt her tremble and he squeezed her hand, reminding her that he would be by her side throughout it all.
It's strange, she thought absently. I came here all alone and feeling like the whole world was against me. Now I'm walking out with practically an entire family beside me, or just waiting for me to find them.
The doors dinged open, parting like the gates to hell – or heaven – and Kate held onto Jack's hand as tightly as possible, he was her lifeline after all. Through their close contact she channeled the calm flowing from him. He smiled down at her and his grin helped her realize that no matter who was waiting on the other side, they would face the unknown together.
They'd figure out the rest of this mystery later, but right now they would step out of the elevator side by side – just like it was supposed to be. She could do that now.
So Kate took a deep breath and, as the light spilled in from the outside world, she stepped forward into her future. Not alone this time.
Yes, I honestly do believe that Kate is innocent in the alternate universe. Either she's a really good liar or she actually isn't guilty, in my opinion. But tonight's episode might just prove me wrong...we'll see. ;) And I think it's time the survivors start realizing the connections they have to each other, so I figured I'd do it Jate style!
