Title: Touch Me
Author: Raining on my Parade
Summary: Before Kairi came, you were just mine. Then you became hers and mine. Now you're just yours. And I can't touch you. No matter how hard I try, you are always out of my grasp.
Disclaimer: it's on my wish list, but it seems like it won't be coming true anytime soon…therefore I still don't own Kingdom Hearts
A/N: And here's another one! I'm keeping my promise! Thank you for the reviews by the way!
Guide:
~~~Sky~~~ or ~~~Land : These normally begin a section and tell whose point of view it's in. Sky is Sora, and Land is Riku. Keep this in mind, people, it's helpful to know who is talking!
~~~: this just means it's a break in either Sora or Riku's section. Either it's a time skip or a scene change.
Also, this takes place after KH 2, so yes, all events in the games apply. And that's about it for now. If anything else comes up, I'll be sure to add it. Enjoy!
Chapter 5 : Hear Me Out
~~~Sky~~~
This is getting just plain annoying now. Annoyingly depressing, but annoying all the same. Honestly, I'm glad you're feeling better now, but I wish you would just stay put! I realize that yes, you are avoiding me, and yes, you may not want to talk to me, but god damn it you have to at least hear me out. I've finally gotten my resolve, and just when I think I'm getting somewhere, you get better and take off for who knows where.
I sigh for about the hundredth time today as I sit on a bench along the streets of our hometown. It isn't all that busy since it's only about three in the afternoon, but I've been searching all morning. I can't sleep well again. I had thought it had gotten better once Tidus started taking my mind off of things, but now that I have this resolve, I don't want to lose it by keeping thoughts of you out of my mind. So when I have nothing else to do, I end up searching for you from morning until night. I don't want to bother you too late or early though, so in the twilight hours when everyone but me is asleep, I keep to myself in my room. I know I should take better care of myself, Kairi and Tidus tell me every time I see them, but I can't help it when all these thoughts keep me up at night.
I watch the people of our home walk past, wondering how many other stories there are like ours. Of course, nothing like hopping from world to world, fighting off blobs of darkness, but friends trying to find a way to stay that way after feeling the threads beginning to unravel. I wonder how many stories of unrequited love there are out there, and I wonder how many of those stories have happy endings, how many ends are in sorrow and heart break, and just how many never get a chance to play out. I'm not sure where ours falls, but I'll keep it to myself for now. For a long time actually, if I can help it.
A wave of exhaustion comes over me suddenly. It's welcomed. I want to sleep so I can waste some time, and maybe, just maybe (I wish with all of my heart), you'll be there when I wake up. It's unlikely, but I'm too tired to care anymore. I don't care that I'm in public, I don't care that I'm out in the open. The sun is shining and keeping me warm, I'm comfortable where I am, and my body is finally tired enough to let me sleep. It doesn't take long before I'm dead to the world for at least an hour or two.
When I wake up, I'm lying down in someone's lap. At first it's very comfortable. I imagine it's you, that you came, and you waited for me to wake up, that you'll be there when I open my eyes. I snuggle into your lap a little until I hear a few giggles. This is what brings me back, what reminds me that I fell asleep on a bench in the middle of the day. My eyes snap open as I spring up off the bench, expecting to have fallen onto some poor person's lap by accident.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I—!" I stop when I see exactly who I had been lying on. Tidus (who is grinning deviously at me) has his hands up in mock surrender, but for what, I'm not sure. I just pout at him. "You could have woken me up."
"But then we wouldn't have gotten any of these adorable pictures of you sleeping!" a voice squeals from behind me. I turn quickly to see that Kairi and Selphie are there, each holding up their phones proudly displaying my sleeping face.
"Hey! No fair! Delete them!" I say, pouting more. I've tried glaring before, but that only ever works for you. I've found that pouts and puppy dog eyes work better for me, not that I'm happy or very proud of that fact. I do still have my pride as a man to think of.
"No way! They're too cute not to keep!" Selphie exclaims, hiding her phone from me when I make a swipe for it. Kairi laughs at my expense, but I find the humor in the situation too and laugh with her. It feels like a while since I've laughed with her. It's sad, but I just make a note to hang out with her more in the future. Kairi grabs onto Selphie, looping their arms, and throws me a grin.
"We only had time to stop for a few pictures, so Selphie and I shall be taking our leave now," she says, kissing Selphie on the cheek quickly, causing the other to giggle and flush. "See you later, and I'll tell you if I see Riku, 'kay?"
I nod and wave goodbye to them as they wander off into the crowd. I notice the orange and reds in the sky, and realize that I've been asleep for a long while now. I turn back to Tidus who's still sitting on the bench, and I rejoin him with a sigh.
"You really could've woken me up, you know," I say with defeat. He laughs.
"Sorry. I tried, but you were pretty much dead to the world," he tells me, and I suppose that's reasonable. I really did need some sleep. I feel a little more refreshed now that I've gotten some sleep.
"Fine, but you still didn't have to let them take pictures," I say with a frown. I'll find a way to get those pictures deleted later. Tidus shrugs.
"I didn't see the harm in letting them do it," he says, and then as an afterthought, "Maybe I should get them to post those pictures all over town. I'm sure some people would get a kick out of it."
"Traitor," I say, pushing him a little, my shoulder against his. He laughs and so do I. It's refreshing. It's a nice little reprieve from trying to find you. It always is when Tidus is around, I've found.
"You still looking for Riku?" he asks. I shake my head.
"Mm, not today. I feel too dead to do anything else," I say, flopping myself back down onto Tidus' lap. He chuckles and starts threading his fingers through my hair. It's comforting and soothing. It makes me want to fall back asleep to the repetitive movement, but I keep myself awake. I certainly don't want any more pictures taken today.
"Except sleep?" he asks.
"Except sleep," I confirm. "But I won't do that again until I go home and am safely in my room, away from crazy girls with camera phones."
He goes quiet, and I let the silence drift with the background noise of cars rumbling by and conversations going on around us that fading in and out. Tidus' other hand is resting on my stomach. I pick it up and start playing with his hand. He looks like he wants to say something, but he never opens his mouth. He just continues threading his fingers through my hair.
"So what's up?" I ask him finally. "And don't tell me "nothing." I've been doing my own thing these past few days, so I know you've been doing yours."
He doesn't protest, just stays quiet for a minute and then smiles.
"Doesn't look like your thing is working out very well," he says.
I frown.
"Neither does yours by the fact that you changed the subjects so quickly." It's a counter, and I can tell it hits home. "What happened?"
He shakes his head and frowns, and for a moment I think he really won't tell me what it is. I wouldn't have pushed him either. If he wants to talk to someone, he will, but he isn't obligated to do so. And then he opens his mouth and lets it out.
"Wakka showed up today."
I stop playing with his hand, immediately more concerned with examining my friend more closely for bruising. There have been a few incidents when Wakka has shown up since Tidus' confession where the confrontation only ends up in a fight. It never gets too out of hand, but they usually both end up with marks and some cuts to show the evidence. This time I don't see any visible. He notices my scrutiny.
"He didn't do anything to me this time, so quit worrying," he says, poking my nose. I scrunch it in response and stick out my tongue at him.
"So then what happened?" I ask, knowing that though the marks of their encounter may not be visible, not all marks left are physical.
Tidus shakes his head again. "Nothing."
I let his hand drop onto my chest with my own hands lying lazily on top of it. I frown, if only because it's the first time since his incident that Wakka has done nothing to him. Tidus looks down and I know he can see that I'm waiting patiently for him to elaborate on exactly what happened.
"He just kind of showed up during practice. He didn't say anything; he didn't even look at me. He just said he was quitting the team and then left."
I can hear the hurt and damage that this action has done. I let him know my concern and that I'm here to comfort him by squeezing the forgotten hand on my chest. He smiles a little and I can see the strain past the grateful look. I want to wipe away, take it all away from him. It upsets me that my friend is hurting and I can't do anything about it.
All of the boys on Tidus' team know that he's gay now. It's possible that nearly everyone knows this fact by now, since Wakka had seen fit to make a spectacle of the fact. But nearly all of the team accepted the fact quite easily. Some were a bit uneasy about it, but there are always some like that. I imagine it can be hard for a friend to completely accept that someone is homosexual right away after believing that that person was straight until the moment of revelation. Still, people adjust and adapt. Wakka was one of the few still resistant to adjusting, or maybe it was the way the fact was revealed with a kiss and admission on Tidus' part that made it harder for him to accept. I don't really know.
"Do they blame you?" I ask, hoping not. I wouldn't want any more relationships with his friends to come to an end over something like that. It would just be unfair.
"They say they don't, but I imagine some of them do. I might too, if one of them were the cause of one of our best players leaving," he tells me. He looks like he's accepted this, but he still isn't very happy about it.
"They'll get over it. Wakka will come back eventually," I say. I am optimistic (mostly). What can I say? It helps when trying to deal with situations like these. He just shrugs.
"Maybe," is his response. There's no confidence in it, and I suppose he thinks it will never happen unless he eventually quits the team himself. I hope it isn't true. I want to believe for Tidus' sake that Wakka's discomfort and disgust don't run that deep. I want to believe that they will be able to make things right again because I'm not sure I could have the same optimism for my own situation if I didn't. Selfish, maybe, but it's true. I may be determined to fix this and talk it out with you, but that doesn't mean everything will be fixed by the end. I can only hope for the best.
Well this is a downer. The atmosphere has grown somber and quiet aside from the background noise around us. So I decide to get up and drag Tidus off somewhere with no destination in mind, only the need for distractions for both of us.
"H-hey now, where are we going?" he asks from behind me, startled. I don't let go of his hand, liking the weight of it in my own, and simply grin back at him as I usually do.
"No clue," I say and continue pulling him along. I'm watching the road ahead, but I can almost see Tidus' mouth turn up into a grin to match my own. I notice his hand grasp mine instead of hang there like a dead fish in my own.
…It's nice.
~~~Land~~~
I've gone back to successfully avoiding you.
It doesn't seem as effective before.
You've invaded my mind again and made a nice little nest for yourself there in a corner that won't seem to go away no matter how much I try to think of other things. And believe me. I've tried.
This is how Tidus finds me four days after I jumped out of my window to run from you. I'm sitting on the little island with the paopu tree once again. I hardly ever see anyone here anymore aside from a few kids who have discovered the treasures and forts we left when we were young. I hear footsteps along the wooden bridge connecting the tiny islet of land to the rest. I don't think anything of them, distracted by you as I am and assuming that it's just one of the kids come to see who's invaded their island.
The footsteps stop next to me, and who ever it is sits down about a foot from the tree I'm leaning against. I can feel a pair of eyes regard me for a minute, which I still don't give much thought, until the person speaks up.
"So is this where you run off to all the time?" he asks. It catches me by surprise that it's Tidus sitting there. I suppose I should have paid more attention, as it could have just as well been you sitting there and asking me that. I'm sure that if it were, you wouldn't be asking it in the same placid tone he is.
The surprise wears off and I find an answer.
"It's quiet here," I tell him. "Good for thinking."
"I can imagine," he says. He regards me quietly for a few moments. "Are you going to stop running from him soon?"
"…" I'm not sure what I should say to his question. It certainly comes as a surprise. The guilt I have in avoiding you flares up again and prevents me from giving a proper answer. Tidus just sighs. It sounds tired.
"It's hurting him you know?" he tells me with a straight face. I wince, knowing that it's my fault. "He's determined to get to the bottom of this. It would be so much easier on him if you just told him you hated him instead of just running away all the time like a scared little kid."
"I don't hate him," I say in alarm, wanting to correct the wrong.
It's so far from the truth.
"It certainly seems like you do." His brows are furrowed and I can see that his anger is rising.
"I don't." I say it firmly, leaving no room for doubt. I really don't hate you. I'm not trying to give you that impression either.
"Then stop running away from him! And if you can't do that, then just tell him you hate him and let him get on with his life," he says so seriously it makes me pause. I look down, away from him, shame building up.
"I don't hate him," I say, still trying to defend the misinterpreted feelings. "I'm just…not fit to be around him right now."
He stops. "…Why?"
"I'm just not. That's why I'm staying away from him. When I know I'm fine, when I get better, that's when I can be near him again."
Why am I explaining this? I should have just left it and walked away. Perhaps Tidus would have told you and you would have stopped looking for me. Then I wouldn't have to worry about you finding me anymore.
There's a silence as he thinks this over. The waves gentle pulsing and the leaves rustling in the afternoon sun are the only noises.
And then finally, "Don't tell me. Tell him."
It sounds so simple.
It's not so simple.
(Or maybe I'm just making it too hard.)
"I can't," I croak. I don't want to tell Tidus how I don't want to think about whether you're angry with me for this or not. I hear shifting in the sand and see him getting up. He looks down at me with sad and weary eyes set into a frustrated expression.
"You can. You have to. Otherwise you'll just keep on hurting him, and I don't want him clinging onto you with false hopes."
I can't say anything to that. It sucks. It hurts.
Tidus leaves, seeing that he has gotten his words across, and believe me, they have. I'm reluctant, but I hate hurting you. I want you to be happy. I want you to smile. I want you to forget about me. And maybe the best way to do that is to tell you to forget. Then maybe you won't hurt so much and I can try to move on in peace.
I stay in my spot by the paopu tree. I think about the legend I heard from Selphie years ago. I remember how I chucked one to you telling you to use it with Kairi. I think about how much I want to share one with you if possible. And I remember that I need to cleanse these thoughts from my mind by tomorrow so that I can tell you to forget me without any regrets.
~~~Sky~~~
I'm ready.
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.
I keep telling myself this, but each time I think it, it becomes increasingly clear that I'm actually not.
I couldn't sleep last night, if only for the thoughts of whether or not all of this can end well. I'm still exhausted and I'm nervous. Even more so actually, because Tidus told me he found you on the island where we used to play. It's the first place I check in the morning right after he tells me. You aren't there when I arrive, so I decide to wait. I feel my nerves lighting up, and feel myself get more on edge as I wait. I'm anxious to get this over with now that I know I'll have an opportunity, now that I know where you've been going to.
It's well past noon when I give into my stomach and wander back to the mainland for food to quiet the rumbling demands. This is where I get caught up by Kairi and Selphie.
"Sora!" she says with excitement. I think that maybe she and Selphie want some more pictures like the other day, and I'm almost ready to bolt. But I see no cameras or phones and decide that my pride won't be hurt as much by surprise "cute" pictures than it would be if I ran away when they weren't even planning to take any at the time. So I stay and wait for them to tell me what exciting news has come up or what they want me to do for them. It turns out to be the former.
"Guess who we saw!" Selphie says with a mischievous smile.
"It's a certain someone you've been looking fooooor~!" Kairi sings. Their arms are linked together and have, for lack of a better discription, attached at the hip for the past few days. I'm not surprised that they're playing this game together with me. Lucky me, I know who they are talking about for once.
"You saw Riku? Where?" I ask, forgetting about lunch and all matters in food in favor of finding you. I wouldn't have been able to eat much anyway now that the nerves are back, transformed into butterflies in my stomach at the thought of finding and confronting you finally.
They grin at each other and then turn to me.
"He was walking along the boardwalk," Selphie tells me.
"He looked kind of out of it, so don't surprise him too much or he might run away!" Kairi warns jokingly, although I wouldn't be surprised if it were to happen. I launch myself at them for a hug, give them my thanks, and the run for the boardwalk.
I try to think of what I might say or how I might try to start this conversation with you. My mind draws a blank. Which is frustrating because even though I've decided to be spontaneous and just wing this whole thing, I still would like to know how to bring it up. Actually I would really just like to know how to catch you first and make you listen. That would be the best thing to know right now. Then all of that conversation stuff can get underway, and maybe, possibly, hopefully it will be easier. I doubt it.
The boardwalk comes into view, and though my stomach growls when delicious smells enter my nose, I ignore them. I slow my pace from a run to a fast walk, looking around as best I can. It's annoying being shorter than average guys, though I'm not that much shorter. Still it makes it harder to see through the crowds that tend to crop up along the boardwalk on a nice day like this. I wonder if you will want to talk here or somewhere with less people. I wouldn't care where as long as we could talk.
I come out on the other side of the boardwalk with no luck. There's no sight of you, no sign of silver hair in the crowds. I think that maybe I just missed you in a bout of obliviousness, which tends to happen at times even when I concentrate my hardest and actually try to stay focused. So I make my way back down the boardwalk looking over crowds, around booths and stalls selling various things, and asking a few people if they've seen anyone with silver hair. A few girls say that they saw someone with silver hair, but when I get to where they tell me they saw the person, I realize it isn't you.
I arrive at the beginning of the boardwalk with no more luck than my first run through.
Damn it! Can't I just get this over with?
It's frustrating and nerve wracking and I wish I could just find you. I huff and sit down on a nearby bench, slumping.
Have you gotten wind that I might know where you are? Is that why it's so hard to find you? You know I'm looking, so you slip away even when I know where to look. You always were good at hiding and escaping, or maybe it was just that I've always been bad at finding you. Either way, I still don't know where you are. My nerves are all worked up and buzzing and making me anxious. My stomach growls again, loudly enough to warrant looks from a few people passing by. My cheeks go pink from embarrassment at the sound. Stupid stomach, demanding to be fed at an inconvenient time.
"Sounds like someone's hungry," a voice to my left says, sounding amused. I look up quickly, hoping it's you, but I'm disappointed with the sight of my blonde friend instead of you.
"Well jeez, don't look so excited to see me," Tidus says sarcastically. I hadn't realized my disappointment was showing on my face so I just grin sheepishly and apologize. He rolls his eyes and offers me a hand. "Come on, let's go get some lunch."
My stomach lets out another roar, attracting more stares from passersby and making Tidus laugh. I pout and he pokes my side.
"Come on," he says. "Let's get some food in your stomach before it starts eating some unfortunate people nearby."
"Fine but you buy 'cause you laughed at me," I pout, beginning to think the same thing as my stomach lets out yet another roar. I poke it in retaliation and it gurgles. Talkative little bastard today, wasn't it?
I hear Tidus laugh again, and soon I laugh with him. I don't know what I find funny about the situation, other than my obnoxiously loud stomach, but it feels good to do it. It lets out some of the stress and nerves that have bundled up inside in my anticipation of finding you. We arrive at a burger stall and Tidus orders a burger and a Coke. I poke him.
"Hey, I thought you were going to pay for me," I complain. He looks at me, completely serious.
"I never said I would, you just decided that on your own," he replies. I attempt to glare at him this time, but it develops into a pout complete with puppy dog eyes.
"Oh, please? I don't have any money on me right now," I say. He takes the bait too easily and gives in with a sigh.
"Fine," he says, changing his order to two burgers and two drinks. "That's a dirty trick."
I shrug. "I'll keep using it until it doesn't work anymore."
"Guess I better get used to that then," he replies with a tone of resignation and I just laugh.
I feel my nerves calming down now as I walk with Tidus, eating my lunch. It's calming and I welcome it. I don't know how I could have made it through this without him. He's really helped me a lot. Sometimes with advice and other times just with being there for the sake of being there, because sometimes that's all anyone really need. Eventually we find a bench facing the beach and we watch the families and couples and random people playing in the sand and salty waters. I'm hit with nostalgia of easier days and the want to have another day like the ones we used to have with everyone out on our island away from everyone else. But everyone's drifted a little, gotten into fights and become closer to other people.
It's strange.
It's sad.
It's life.
"Did you ever find Riku and talk it all out?" Tidus asks me at last. I've been waiting for this question since he showed up in the back of my head, but it still takes me a moment to answer.
"Not yet," I say with a sigh. I toss my trash into the garbage can next to the bench and slump down. "He wasn't on the island so I came back to get lunch. And then I saw Kairi and Selphie, and they told me that they saw him on the boardwalk, but I still couldn't find him! I mean really, has he suddenly learned how to disappear or teleport or something?"
Tidus laughs a little at that. "Don't worry, you'll find him. Trust me. And if you don't, I'm sure he'll find you soon."
Wait, what?
I pause and raise an eyebrow at him. "You sound so sure."
He rubs the back of his neck and smiles at me sheepishly. "Ah, well, you know how I told you I found him over at that little island we used to play on?"
I nod.
"Well, I actually ended up talking to him. I told him you were looking for him and he kept making excuses so I told him to man up and just talk to you! I mean, you're already going through all the trouble of trying to find him, he should know that he's making you worry by avoiding you all the time."
I slump even more. "So he really is avoiding me." It's the only thing I get from that.
Tidus frowns. "Well, yeah. He admitted to that. I don't really understand why, but he said he has a reason. Not that there's really a reason that's good enough to explain why you would avoid your best friend when they've done nothing wrong."
This makes me worry. My stomach tightens and my nerves seem on end again. "Or maybe he thinks I've done something wrong. Maybe I really have done something wrong and I didn't know it? He's acted a little different ever since we got back, but I didn't think that it would change our relationship that much." It all comes out quickly, too quickly, and I have to take a deep breath when I finish. Tidus takes the pause as an opportunity to place a finger on my lips.
"Stop. You're just stressing yourself out. I don't know what his reason was, and you won't either until you two finally talk it out. But I'll tell you something good," he says. He takes his finger away and I bite back more worries behind clenched teeth. He leans in close and touches his forehead with mine, his eyes locking onto mine. "He didn't seem like he was mad with you about anything when I talked to him. I even asked him if he hated you and he said no like he really meant it."
You don't hate me?
"So don't get all worked up over nothing when you don't know the whole story. It'll be fine. Don't worry."
Simple, comforting words. They feel like gentle cold waves against the hot burning emotions that have gotten worked up inside of me. I really have to thank Tidus for everything. He's been the one to calm me down and help me through, even when I was trying to help him as well. He's doing better, but I know he's still hurting. I feel bad for letting my own problems overtake me when I should have been helping him too. He doesn't seem to mind though, and it just makes me want to do something to show him that I really do appreciate everything.
I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't realize just how close he's gotten from the few inches separating us before to now. My cheeks heat up as it hits me what he's trying to do right now.
I have to say, I probably should have expected this scenario. Of course, I'm wishing it were someone else (you), but it's happening all the same. I can feel his breath on my lips, the source so close, maybe only a hair's breadth away. Pulling away doesn't even seem to be an option. Even though he's not the one I want, I don't see the harm in letting him do this.
At least, not until I catch a flash of silver in the crowd.
I'm off of the bench in a heartbeat (which is pretty quick, considering my heart was pounding when I realized Tidus was about to kiss me) and I'm already running to where I think I saw the silver. I don't think about explaining my sudden departure to Tidus as I run away. I don't even look back. In the back of my mind, I figure that I can tell him later and push away all thoughts of possible consequence to my actions.
Crowds seem to part before me (though it may just be me pushing through them and people avoiding the crazy lunatic running by them). The flash of silver reappears in the form of the back of someone's head and I'm ecstatic. I get closer and closer, a grin spreading on my face already. The back looks familiar with every step nearer until I'm just close enough to you.
I've found you!
I've found you.
I hope to whatever god is out there that this is you.
I'm pretty sure, but not one hundred percent sure that this person is you and it's too late now to rethink anything because whoever they are, I've just jumped on their back and cried out your name. The person doesn't fall over, just stumbles a little from the extra weight attacking them from the back (me) and grunts. I refuse to let go. If it's you, I don't want to take the chance of you running away again.
And then the person turns their head to the side and I'm met with those aquamarine eyes I've missed so much. It's you.
It's you.
"It's Riku," I whisper, slightly awed that I actually found you (and hadn't jumped on a completely random stranger). I hug you tighter. I can feel hotness behind my eyes, but I refuse to cry like I did the last time I found you. Instead I nuzzle my face into your shoulder and grin in triumph. "Gotcha!"
…
I hang on a few more seconds before I realize just how tense you are. I was so caught up in the happiness of finding you after so long that I forgot you had been purposely avoiding me. Immediately I scramble down from my position on your back, but I grab your sleeve just in case you try to run away. I'm aware you might not have wanted me to touch you, you have since we got back, but I will not let you just slip away.
"Uh, sorry. It's just been a while, so I got excited because I've been trying to find you all day and then I saw you over here and I was really hoping it was you and I couldn't help it that I ended up jumping you, so…sorry. Again." It all comes out in one breath, and faster than I intended, and I feel stupid for rambling. I couldn't help it though.
You just stare at me for a moment. You're eyes are kind of wide for a moment before they look down and away.
"It's…okay. I just…wasn't really ready for that," you say. You look tired, you look nervous, you look resigned. I wonder what you've been doing while you've been avoiding me, but I stop myself. Instead, you say the words I want to ask of you.
"We need to talk," you say, and somehow it doesn't sound like anything good will come of it. I take a step closer, and though you stay where you are, you don't look at me. Concern and a new wave of anxiousness washes in, but it all gets interrupted by surprise when you grab my arm yourself, breaking my hold on your sleeve, and start leading me somewhere.
I don't ask where we're going. I'm distracted.
I don't ask why.
I hate myself for it, but all I can focus on is the burning sensation where your hand wraps around my wrist. It's so hot it's almost unbearable, but it's comforting all the same. I know it shouldn't be happening with just a simple, innocent touch like this. You don't mean anything by it, and still I get like this.
I can't let this distract me though. I have to be clear headed. I've accepted that I can have nothing more than your friendship, and I'm determined to get that back right now. I finally have you in my grasp, in my sights, and now we're going to talk it out. I won't mess up this chance.
I don't take in any of my surroundings until we end up in the residential area of the town. My thoughts are nearly in order, and finally I get enough of my mind to ask where we are going.
"Somewhere we can talk in private," you replies.
Well that's specific.
I can't help the snarky thought, but I keep my mouth shut tight until we arrive at your house. You walk in and lead me to the living room. I stop when you stop, and stare back as you stare at me. I don't know how to start, so I wait to see if you will. It's a tense silence, like nothing before. I want to break it. I want you to break it.
I want something to break it.
The burning of my wrist continues as your hand stays where it is and it's becoming too much. I still don't want to pull away though. I'm too aware of it. My nerves are too focused on that one spot and it's like I don't want it to stop.
I can't stop it when you realize that you're still holding my wrist and pull your hand back quickly. It hurts. I say nothing. But it hurts.
"Sora."
I look up. You don't meet my eyes. You aren't looking at me again.
Look at me. Please…
"You need to forget about me."
And for that one moment, my heart stops.
A/N: As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts in a review!
