It's finished. Alright. This chapter is a tribute to my romantic nature. I've also decided to finish off the Akatsuki, one way or another, before ending the story. If you have any preferences for how a particular akatsuki member should turn out, let me know and I'll take it into consideration.
There is bad new. It will be a while before I can update again. I have several tests coming up and final exams are the first week of december. Meaning I have to study study study. Did I mention i have to study? Anyways, I apologize ahead of time.
Disclaimer: we all know already. I don't own Naruto...just Aya and other made up characters.
Ch. 15: Then and Now
His eyes opened slowly and then he blinked at the white ceiling above him. He shifted and felt something next to him. When he looked, he saw her. She was sleeping. Her hand laid over his heart as if keeping track of his life even in her sleep. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the bandages on that hand. She'd been hurt because of him. It was his fault that for a moment, she'd been exposed to the shinobi way of life. A life she chose not to take.
"So, you're awake," a calm voice said from the doorway. Gaara looked up to see Sasuke walk in. The Uchiha had changed in the last few years. He'd become...softer and warmer towards others. He was was still distant but not unapproachable anymore. Those dark eyes focused on Gaara and then looked at Aya. "Once she woke up she came here and wouldn't leave."
"Sounds like her," Gaara said. Gently, so he wouldn't wake her, he got out of the bed. There was a bandage over his chest. He frowned. When had that injury happened? Gaara shook his head and put on his shirt. His eyes moved over to Sasuke. "How long have I been out?"
"A week. We were all starting to get a little concerned." Sasuke leaned against the doorway.
Gaara met his gaze. "Did you want something, Sasuke?"
"Yes. I know how you think since I think the same way."
"I know that. What's your point?"
"I just figured I'd give you a friendly piece of advice. Don't push her away, Gaara." Sasuke's gaze intensified a little. "You'll feel guilt for what happened and want to blame yourself. To atone for that guilt you'll want to push her away so that she'll be safe. Aya would be hurt more by that than by anything the anyone could do to her."
Gaara looked at Aya.
"I'd feel the same if it were mine." The Uchiha turned. "I just wanted to say that to you. I knew the thought would come to mind and wanted to make sure you didn't go through with it."
"Why? She'd be safer away from me."
Sasuke's eyes turned distant. As if he was remembering something. "I've pushed people who loved me away before. Even now, I can still remember the look in her eyes when I walked away from her. There was so much pain." A pair of tear filled emerald eyes came too mind instantly. Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. "I don't want you to have to spend the rest of your life remembering that look. Feeling guilt for putting unspeakable pain in Aya's eyes."
Gaara considered Sasuke carefully. If anyone would understand this, he would. Gaara nodded. "You're right. Thanks, Sasuke."
The Uchiha nodded and stepped out of the room.
Gaara sat on the bed next to Aya. With a gentle shake, he woke her. Aya always woke slowly. It took her a moment to get her bearings and remember why she was there. Once she did, Aya jumped up and hugged him. "I'm so glad you're alright. I was so scared, Gaara. You could have died and it would have been my fault."
He held her and waited for her to calm down again. "Aya, I don't think I'll ever understand you."
"What is there to understand?" she asked.
"Why do you care so much about me?"
She tilted her head and smiled in amusement. "You mean you don't know? Gaara, I've made no attempt to hide it and you're an intelligent person. How do you not know?" Her eyes met his. "I love you."
His eyes widened in shock. "No one can love me," he said automatically. "I'm a monster."
Aya sighed and stood. She tugged him up and dragged him out of the hospital. Gaara knew they they were heading towards to her clan's compound. What he wanted to know what why? He'd expected her to be angry with him for still believing he was a monster. Gaara acknowledged that he had changed but he couldn't deny one fact. Shukaku still lived inside him. He was still a monster deep down.
"Here. Look at this painting," Aya ordered.
Gaara came out of his thoughts to see that he was in Aya's room. Hanging on the wall was a painting of him from when they first met. He remembered sitting through those sketches. Aya had apparently turned the sketch into a painting and it was a very good one. The color was brilliant and somehow she'd captured his haunted expression. Hatred and pain burned in his eyes with such intensity that he wondered how Aya hadn't felt fear knowing him then. A desire to kill seemed to emanate from the painting with terrifying strength. But there was something else too. There was a sense of...longing. A desire for things that he didn't think he could have.
"This is very good, Aya, but I dont' get why you're showing me this."
She walked over to her stand with a painting sitting on it. Aya pulled the cover off and allowed Gaara to see her latest work. The painting was of him again only he was older. Gaara could tell she'd done this recently. Within the last year at least. He looked at her with some confusion.
"Look carefully, Gaara," she ordered. "You're not the same now."
He turned his attention back to the painting. The more he looked the more he realized that she was right. His eyes were the biggest difference. They were, warmer in this painting. The pain had lessened and the hatred was gone entirely. There was even a small smile in those eyes. The longing was still an undertone of the painting but it was somehow less. The desire to kill wasn't even hinted at anymore. He seemed...content rather than angry or sad.
Gaara looked over at Aya. "That isn't right."
"Yes it is. Gaara, you've changed." Aya smiled as she took his face in her hands. "This is what I see when I look at you now. While I don't believe you were ever a monster, you are definitely not one now. A monster wouldn't have risked his life to save mine."
Gaara closed his eyes. "Aya...You could have been killed because of me. I should push you away so you'll be safe."
She snorted, "Good luck with that. I won't make it easy."
He grinned, knowing she was right. Aya could be very stubborn when it suited her needs. "I said should but I won't. I can't. I..." He opened his eyes as he realized something for the first time. "...I need you."
Aya smiled, "I know. Now, let's go find Temair and Kankuro. They'll what to see that you're alright. Not to mention Naruto."
Gaara allowed her to tug him behind her as she led him through the village. Something was different now. There was something there was hadn't been there before. Or maybe it had been there all along and he was just now noticing it. What it was, he couldn't be sure. It felt good though. Warm and comforting. He may not know what it was, but he did know that it wasn't going away and it would get stronger. With each moment he spent with Aya the feeling would get stronger until it dominated everything else. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to care.
"Aya."
She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Hmmm?"
"Thank you. For everything."
Her eyes widened in surprise then she smiled warmly. "It's what friends do, Gaara. Not only that, but you matter to me more than anyone. Making you happy is my goal in life at the moment."
The village was a mess. It would take at least a month to clean it up. Kakashi's and Guy's teams both stayed to help Suna repair damage. Aya stayed close to Gaara through the entire time to make sure he didn't push himself too much. Sakura had informed her that Gaara would be recovering for weeks from using so much chakra. The poison had also caused quite a bit of damage to his body and that would take time to repair. Gaara didn't question Aya when she ordered him to rest. It was easier for both of them that way. Besides, if he did question her Aya would probably beat him until he had no choice but to rest.
"Gaara," Naruto called out.
Gaara looked over. It had been nearly a month since the Akatsuki's attack and the Leaf shinobi were all preparing to leave soon. Naruto seemed excited to return home. Gaara was willing to bet it had something to do with a certain kunoichi from the Hyuga clan. Apparently, Neji had gotten tired of Hinata being so shy and told Naruto how she felt about him. Naruto's response had been to hug Hinata and demand why she hadn't just told him. The two had been dating since. Hinata still wasn't sure if she wanted to beat or thank her cousin.
"What is it?" he asked Naruto.
"We're leaving in the morning." Naruto grinned, "Just in time too. Hinata's birthday is coming up and I have to be there for that."
Gaara nodded and looked back down at Suna. He was standing on the cliff above it. It wasn't abnormal. This was where he went to think. Right now, he wasn't thinking. He was just...looking. All these years and changes and he still couldn't see the world Aya did. It still looked like Suna to him. Not the dream world she'd painted him nearly four years ago.
"Speaking of birthdays, we all left a present for Aya's birthday," Naruto informed the Kazekage. "It's in a week right."
Gaara nodded slowly. "She'll be sixteen."
"What are you getting her?"
"I don't know yet. I got her a sketch pad last year."
"Should probably go with something different. Besides, you really should give her something more meaningful."
The Kazekage looked at Naruto in confusion. "Why?"
Naruto smacked his forehead. "And they say I'm slow. Because she means something to you, Gaara."
Gaara nodded, "I know. She was the first person to see me and to care. Aya is my first and closest friend."
"That's not what I mean," Naruto snapped in exasperation. "Sure all that is important but it's more than that. You love her."
Gaara blinked. "What?"
Naruto suddenly laughed, "You should...see your face," he managed between laughs. "I've...never seen you...so confused."
His eyes narrowed, "Naruto, if you don't explain I'm going to throw you off this cliff."
"It's simple. You love her."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, you risked your life for her."
"So did you and the rest of your team."
"You also worry about her and get upset if anyone makes her unhappy," Naruto continued. "Just looking at her makes you happy. I bet you even get a warm and comforting feeling when she's around. It's written all over your face. The only person more gone over a girl than you is Sasuke." Naruto thought about it for a moment. "I take that back. You two are about even."
Gaara looked back at the village. Could it be possible? Was he even capable of love? He thought of the two painting Aya had done of him. In the first one, he'd been cold and uncaring. Maybe then, he'd been unable to love. Some part of him had always wanted it but hadn't known how. Now, he still didn't know what love was, but people who didn't know fell in love all the time. Perhaps no one really knew what love was until they were in love. The newest painting flashed through his mind. That one was capable of loving another. He did love now after all. Gaara had just never considered being in love.
"Then and now," he whispered.
"Huh?" Naruto said as he tilted his head.
"Then I was a monster, incapable of love. You would understand that."
Naruto's eyes turned serious. "Yeah. Anyone containing a tailed-beast would. We're all treated the same after all."
Gaara nodded. "That's not the case now. For either of us. Both of us have...changed for the better. But I don't know, Naruto. Are jinchuriki capable of love?"
"Of course we are, Gaara. We're still human," Naruto stated with conviction.
The Kazekage nodded, "Yeah. We're still human." His eyes moved to Naruto. "So me and Sasuke aren't the only ones gone on a girl as you put it."
Naruto laughed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "No. You're not." He met Gaara's eyes. "So, you gonna tell her?"
Gaara shook his head. "Not yet. I want the Akatsuki taken care of before I do anything else. Aya was nearly killed because of her connection to me. I don't want to give them more reason to use her to get to me."
"Aya is strong, Gaara. She did practically save herself," Naruto pointed out. "Sasuke and me have to worry about the same things, remember."
Gaara gave Naruto a look. "You and I both know that Sasuke hasn't told Sakura how he feels about her and he probably will never say it."
"She knows though. He doesn't have to say it."
"There is also one major difference between Sakura and Aya or even Hinata and Aya. Sakura and Hinata are both kunoichi trained to fight. Aya is a civilian, Naruto. If the Akatsuki decide to kill her, she won't be able to stop them. Delay them, sure, but not stop them."
Naruto could only nod in agreement. "I guess you're right. I still think you should tell her though."
"Not until the Akatsuki are all dead," Gaara stated. "And they will die, Naruto. I will make each and every one of them pay for what they did to her."
"Yeah, I figured that. Sasuke still wants to hunt down Itachi too." Naruto looked out at Suna. "I promised to help him."
"You have Suna's loyalty with that," Gaara stated.
Naruto nodded. "Then and now, huh?"
Gaara nodded. "Aya had two paintings of me. In one I'm twelve and in the other I'm sixteen. One it Then the other is Now. For all of us there is a then and now."
Naruto thought about it and agreed. "Yeah. We were all different people then." Naruto grinned. "I think I like now better. Things are finally going right."
"I wonder how long that will last," was Gaara's reply.
"Now don't be so pessimistic. You sound like Sasuke." Naruto glared at him and then turned. "I'm going to get some sleep. See you in the morning."
Gaara took one last look at Suna. Then he couldn't see Aya's world. Now, maybe he was seeing a glimpse of it. His eyes moved to the Hayashi compound. Aya would be in her room either painting or sleeping. She was probably painting. Putting her world on canvass for someone else to admire and dream about. She had a gift for capturing dreams and making the world seem much better than anyone thought it could be.
"She paints dreams," he said to himself. Gaara shook his head. "She's rubbing off on me. I'm getting fanciful." He summoned a sand cloud and lowered himself down the cliff. "Naruto's right though. I'm in love with her. I wonder when that happened?" He thought about it and couldn't pin the moment down. Probably because it hadn't been in a moment. It had been all of them. Every moment spent with her had softened his heart until she held it in her hands. It was ironic that of all the people in the world, this young girl, who wasn't even a shinobi, had been the one to tame him. "My father would die of shock. The monster of Suna has a heart after all and it took a civilian to prove it."
That's it for now. I'll try to update asap but no promises. The studying.
