Pickle Surprise:

How Wesker incorporates his Catchphrases from RE: 5 IRL (In real life)

Jill was minding her own business as she was walking down the rather dull hallways of the S.T.A.R.S. station. It was the late shift, and there was nothing else better to do than wander; it was also her excuse to get away from the guys' idiocy for once, too. It wasn't a pleasant time when Chris, Barry, David, Joesph or Forest got bored, they started having food fights or, when they felt it was necessary, talked deeply about how their guns were complements of their penises; they'd even have the nerve to ask her what her opinion was. Jill shuddered at the thought, and continued forward until she ran into a dead end with the lone door of the Men's locker-room.

Just when Jill was about to turn around to head back, she heard a muffled voice from inside. She knew that she shouldn't eavesdrop, and her better judgment would have been to ignore it, but the voice was that of her captains; she couldn't help but wonder what he was doing.

"Grrggghhh….."

Jill froze, he was growling. It almost sounded as though he was in pain. The growling was growing louder, and it sounder much more strained.

"Grrrrrggggghhhhh….ugggh" (Oh mai)

Jill knew that she couldn't just stand there, her captain needed her aid. Though, a sudden thought struck her. He'd be wondering what she was doing near the Men's locker-room to begin with; the Women's locker room was across the building from here. She contemplated for a moment, but then thought of an excuse of hearing him from her office. Jill breathed in deeply and cracked the door a little.

"Um…sir?" No answer.

"Hello….?I heard some growling and…"

Jill was cut off by Wesker's growling.

She mustered up all the courage she had and went inside. In front of her was a bunch of red lockers in a row and some wooden benches underneath them. She peaked around the corner of the locker area but didn't see her captain.

"Sir….?"

"*Growl**Growl*Growl*Growl*Growl*"

"Okay, seriously…that's just obnoxious." Jill thought it best to follow the sounds of his growling, but did so quietly so he wouldn't be caught by surprise; that wouldn't be pleasant for our heroine at all. (O rly?)

The growling was getting louder, so she assumed she was getting closer to his location. Jill froze in place for a moment.

"Oh damn…" She heard a shower running…Wesker was taking a shower. "Shit…." Jill cursed under her breath as her face flushed. She wanted to make sure he was okay, but she wasn't so sure if she wanted to see him…. in the nude.

Jill gulped and continued on, standing a good distance away from the shower stalls. She could clearly see which one Wesker took residence in. As she was turn around and head back towards the hallways, she heard him speak.

"There's no point in hiding…." His sultry, yet mocking tone resounded and bounced off the walls. Jill felt these vibrations, her body tensing in response.

"IS HE TALKING TO ME! OH GOD, HE KNOWS I'M IN HERE!SHIT, OH SHIT, SHIT….JESUS MOTHER-FU-" Jill's mind was racing with every curse word know to man. Her face was as red as a tomato. If he knew she was in here, she'd be so totally fucked. Her oh-so-amazing excuse may not even be enough to get her out of this. Jill was now regretting not turning back sooner. She was jolted from her thoughts when he spoke once more.

"You can't hide forever….."

Jill didn't know what to do; she was too dumbstruck to move from her spot. Her mind was yelling at her to high-tail it, but she felt no movement in her legs.

Time stood still. She stopped any breath from flowing into her lungs, and instead breathed quietly into her nose. Maybe if she didn't make any noise, Wesker would think that no one else was in here and all of this could just blow (lol) over.

"You're only postponing the inevitable…."

"I'm fucked." Jill was still unable to flee. Then it hit her, hard (OH GOD! I need to stop.).

"AH! THERE YOU ARE!"

Jill's heart stopped, the color faded from her face, and finally she felt herself slip into an unconscious state, falling onto the ground.

The shower stopped, and the stall's curtain slide right open to reveal the relatively fit body of Albert Wesker, a wide Cheshire Cat-like grin was plastered on his face; along with his shades, of course.

"It's all right everyone." He announced to an invisible crowd, "I have found my penis! I thought I lost it earlier this afternoon and believe me, it was quite a trifle-some situation. Much man-bawling ensued. But, rest assured, I have discovered my body's new found ability to retract my 'tyrant' at will. " Just as he was about to step out from the stall, he noticed Jill sprawled out on the floor. Forgetting to wrap a towel around his waist to cover his indecency, he strode over to where she lay and squatted next to her.

"Valentine…? What on earth are you doing in here?" No response. ", I AM TALKING TO YOU! RESPOND, SOLDIER!" He shook her violently, but she did not reply. He waved a hand in front of her face; no reaction was to be found. She must have blacked out.

In that very instant, a very terrible thought crossed over Wesker's mind.

"Well…I did happen to find my member, just a few moments ago. Also, I'm finding this to be a MAJOR turn-on for me. That's how I like my women you know…unconscious and unable to fight back."

Wesker shifted his eyes around the room to make sure no one was watching. He dragged the unfortunate Jill, by her feet, into a deeper, more secluded part of the locker room.

YOU GONNA GET RAPED!

END

So, yeah…. Take that society and your social norms.

I did use actual catchphrases Wesker used in RE: 5 (you know, the part where you have to fight him before he gets on his plane, which reminds me of the plane from X-Men, oddly(Which makes me also wonder how he even has clearnance for that)?)

The only lines that weren't from the game (obviously) was the last part where he talking about his preference in women being unconscious, though, you never know for sure (it could have happened during the time Wesker was…experimenting on her. OH GOD! BAD TOUCH, I NEED AN ADULT! Actually, that wouldn't be a bad touch if you think about. *COUGH*WESKERISSEXYBEAST*COUGH*)

Ahem.

Next Chapter will be written after my insanely busy week coming up. I know, *sad face*. But, surprisingly enough, I do have a life…and a job.

I write for fun, plus, it's warming up my skillz for College, woooot!

NOW START FLAMING! BURN ME BITCH!