Chapter 9: Just A Dream
You know how when you dream about something while your sleeping, and then the next day you try to tell someone about that dream because it was either so great, or so sad, or so scary and you cant remember, well that's definitely not what happened with my dream, or was it meant as a nightmare? I could remember every single detail of it, all the colors, all the people, everything. I just kept replaying it my mind the next morning when I woke up.
My dream/nightmare went like this, I went to Ketlar with Josh to stay with him for the night, we sat there for what felt like an eternity and then I asked him why I even went there because I could have just went back to Billings and done the same thing. For some reason he doesn't really get what am saying I think he takes it the wrong way, even though I was just trying to be funny. He then asks me why I even came and that I should just leave, that he set this whole night up with Trey, blah blah blah. So I leave because I am an idiot, and am standing right outside his door and I brake down. Next thing I know Gage is in my dream asking me if am ok. It had to have been a dream because Gage is usually not this nice. He then asks me if I want him to walk me back to Billings and I say YES!! What the hell was I thinking?
"OH MY GOD!" I yell to myself as I sit up in bed.
"I'm not dreaming." I say to myself.
"Knock knock." someone says as they are opening my door.
"Oh hey Constance." I say to her.
"Hey, you gotta get up, its almost breakfast." she tells me.
"Um, ok yea um right. I'll be down there in 10 minutes." I tell her.
"Okie dokie. See ya there." she says as she's closing the door.
So I get up and get ready in 10 minutes, skipping a shower. As am walking to breakfast I see Josh walking there as well. I know he saw me too, but for some reason he just kept walking, didn't even bother to wait up for me or wave or not even a hi or good morning. I really wish last night was a dream. I start walking a little faster to try to catch up with Josh.
"Josh, wait please." I yell out to him. And to my surprise he does stop just enough time for me to get to him.
"Hey." I say to him.
"Hey." he says a little to fast.
"Is everything ok?" I ask him.
"Does it sound like everything's ok, Reed?" he asks me.
"Look all I did was ask you a question, there's no need to get an attitude about it." I say right back to him.
"You know what your right Reed, am sorry. Now I gotta go." he says sarcastically and starts to walk away. But I grab his arm and say,
"What is your problem? Why are you acting like this?" I ask him.
"What's MY problem are you serious right now, am sorry if it came off like I have a problem, but maybe you should look in the mirror and ask yourself that same question." he says.
"I don't have a problem with anything except the way your acting." I say to him.
"Is everything ok?" someone behind me asks. I turn around to see Gage standing there.
"Everything's fine, now I have to go." Josh says. As he is walking away Gage asks me,
"Are you ok?"
"No, am not ok." I say on the verge of tears.
"Come on, lets go talk somewhere in private." he says and takes me by the hand and leads me to the library.
"This is what you call private?" I ask him.
"Well it was either this or the Art Cemetery, so I figured this one was the best choice." he responds.
"Yea I guess your right." I say as I flop down on a couch.
"So…." he says.
"So I don't know what am doing wrong, and he doesn't talk to me about it. Am just sick and tired of fighting with people, you know." I say.
"Yea. But I don't think your doing anything wrong, maybe you should try and talk to him." he suggests.
"I do, I really do. Nothing works. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be." I say. Ok now am crying.
Just saying those words makes my stomach turn and makes me cry. Josh and I are meant to be, I mean we love each other right. I love him, but does he really love……….me????
"You cant say that. If you think it was meant to be then it is, but if you think it wasn't then its gonna turn out that you guys aren't. You have to think positive you know?" he says.
"Yea, I guess. Positive is good, but I just I don't know anymore. Its complicated." I say.
"I know what that feels like. Complicated is a very bad word, especially in a relationship." he tells me.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asks me.
"Sure." I say.
"Do you KNOW what love means?" he asks.
What kind of question is that, do I know what love means.. Ha.. I guess from the expression on face he knew I didn't, so he says
"Love is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion. Now the real question is do you guys have that feeling of tender affection and compassion towards each other?" he says/asks.
"Wow, that's wow." I say because that's all I can literally say. Who would have thought that Gage Coolidge is this deep.
"Some people my think they are in love, but they think of love as giving them things and moving in together, and kissing each other. But not many people really know the true meaning of what it means to actually LOVE someone." he says.
I am in complete and total awe right now. This is the last person I would have thought knew anything about what love is. I mean seriously, am I dreaming?
"Gage, that's…. Am not gonna lie but that's really deep, and well thought out. Have you ever been in LOVE, like the actual love?" I ask him.
"Umm, I have, I mean I still am. But it kinda doesn't really work out because I love her but I don't think she loves me, at least not like I want her to." he says.
"Awe, Gage!! That's so cute. Who is she, so I can tell her to like start loving you." I ask him.
"Haha, its its no one you know." he says blushing slightly.
"Oh, well any girl that is stupid enough to not like you doesn't deserve you." I tell him.
"Thanks, that's means a lot." he says looking down at the floor trying to hide the blush that's creeping up his neck.
"I have to get to class, but thanks for listening and the advice. Hopefully I will get the courage to go and talk to him." I tell him.
"Yea I have to get to class too, and I think you'll get the courage sooner then you think. Bye." he says and then turns around and starts walking down aisle.
"What do you mean, sooner then I think?" I yell/whisper to him.
"You'll see." he says as he turns down another aisle.
Two minutes later I turn around and Josh is standing right in front of me. So this is what he meant, come on Reed you can do this.
