Mad World
"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only away"
There was sunlight beaming in through the bedroom window. Ville had just woken up. He rolled over to say good morning to Bam, but Bam wasn't in the bed. He looked around the empty bedroom, the door had been left open. He sat still, propped up on his elbows, trying to see if he could hear anything downstairs. Nothing. He figured Bam was probably downstairs and he just couldn't hear him. Ville swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. It was 3pm. Staring blankly at the clock he wondered what had happened last night; he and Bam were pretty drunk. They'd decided it was a good idea to make homemade punch - mixing those kinds of quantities of vodka and watermelon wasn't a good idea. It might have seemed like it was at the time, but his pounding headache was telling him otherwise. With a sigh he stood up, he was still wearing his jeans from yesterday; he presumed that he had lost his beanie and shirt somewhere along the way.
Ville had looked everywhere but there was no sign of Bam. Where was he? Ville sat down in the lounge room after taking some painkillers. His headache was thumping, but he still felt like he could drink some beer. Someone had told him before that the best way to cure a hangover was to just stay drunk, and at this point in time, it didn't sound like a bad idea. God, he felt dreadful. He looked impatiently at the clock. Where was Bam? He huffed and stood up. Maybe he should try phoning again, Bam hadn't answered earlier when he tried to phone. Maybe he was busy? Ville dialled Bam on his mobile again but there was still no answer. All Ville could do was wait and hope that Bam was okay. He had no idea where Bam would be, so there was no point in going out to look for him. Ville figured that if bam left while he was still sleeping, he probably wanted to be alone anyway. This kind of disappearance from Bam had happened a few times already in the last couple of weeks, so at this point in time, it didn't strike Ville as unusual.
A couple of weeks ago April died and a year before that Phil died from a heart attack. Bam was absolutely crushed. He had loved both of his parents very much, and the factors of their deaths had just made his situation worse. Phil died because of his weight, and Bam had always blamed himself for that. Bam used to give Phil such a hard time about being overweight, but Phil had never listened to him. Ville knew that Bam thought if he'd just pushed Phil that little bit further or nagged that little bit more, that Phil would have listened, gotten healthy and still have been here today. April died a few days after the one year anniversary of Phil's death. She passed out in the house, when Bam found her he called an ambulance. She died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. There was an autopsy conducted at the hospital and the coroner said that she had died from a stroke.
Ever since that happened a couple of weeks ago, Bam had been really depressed. Ville couldn't blame Bam for that; he knew that Bam loved his parents and was understandably devastated by their loss. Ville felt hopeless in the situation because there was nothing he could do for Bam except try to be there for him, but he sometimes wondered if that alone would be enough.
Ville jumped slightly when his phone started ringing. He picked it up and checked the caller ID before he answered it.
"Hey Bam, where are you?" Ville asked with a slight sigh of relief.
"I just needed to go out for a while ya know? Just for something to do."
"Is there anything I can do or...?" Ville offered, feeling helpless and unsure of what to say.
"Nah.. I... I just needed to get out for a bit.. I'm okay..."
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" Ville asked again, hoping that Bam would tell him what he could do to fix everything, but sadly he knew that wouldn't happen.
"It's okay... hey, I might go out tonight"
"Yeah?" Ville was slightly surprised – Bam hadn't exactly been a social butterfly lately, and that was completely understandable given the circumstances.
"Yeah.. just for a couple drinks.. nothin' major."
"Will you be alright by yourself or..?" Ville didn't want to be pushy or pressure Bam into asking him to come along, so he left the conversation open so Bam could tell him what he wanted.
"Yeah, It's just a couple. I'm gonna shopping first, so I probably won't see you until tonight."
Ville sighed, "Okay, take care." He wanted to be more empathetic towards Bam, but he never really knew what to say.
"I'll see you tonight." Bam hung up.
Bam had lied to Ville. Even granted that it was a small lie, he still felt bad about lying to him at all. Bam wasn't going shopping like he told Ville he was. In a bout of depression he had decided to visit his parents' graves. April's funeral had only been last week. He didn't quite know if he could actually bring himself to visit their graves, but he wanted to so that he could try to get some kind of closure, seeing their graves would make all of this big disaster seem real and might even enable him to move on, but at the same time, the thought of seeing their graves made his heart wrench. He didn't want to accept that his parents were gone with no chance of coming back and he hated that he blamed himself for their deaths. Looking at the gold ring on his finger made a rush of guilt pass over him. He really hated lying to Ville. They'd been together for a couple years now, they were married and Ville had even taken Bam's last name - he loved Ville. He just wished that there were some way to make it so that none of this had ever happened.
Bam glanced at the clock on the pub wall. It was past midnight. He'd been sitting here for hours drinking. He thought that maybe if he drank enough, it might make things better - or at least make the hurting stop, but it didn't. He still felt as shit as he did before he started drinking. He knew what Ville would say, "I don't think your parents would want you to be miserable because of them, they would want you to move on and live a happy and full life. That's what they would have wanted for you, Bam." With a sigh Bam stood up and left money for the barman on the bench. It was getting busy, and he really wasn't in the mood for being in a crowded pub. He just wanted to go home and see Ville. For the last couple of weeks he'd been very distant from him, and he knew how much that hurt Ville. He didn't want to push Ville away, but he didn't want to bring Ville down with him either. Ville said he didn't mind what happened, he just wanted to be there for Bam, but everything that happened just made Bam feel even guiltier. He considered himself lucky to have someone care about him so much, but he couldn't seem to move past the fact that he felt like he was pulling Ville under with him. He picked up his phone and dialled Ville's number.
"Hei," Ville answered sleepily.
"Hey..." Bam replied in a quiet voice.
"What's up?" Ville yawned down the phone. He must have woken him up.
"I just...wanted to talk to you." Bam said in a humble but stern voice.
"I'm listening." Ville replied, still sounding tired.
"I...I don't think we can be together anymore." Bam managed to choke out.
"What...what do you mean?" Ville stammered, obviously shocked by what Bam had said.
"I don't want to drag you down with me...I just can't do it to you anymore."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Where is this coming from, Bam?"
"I just..." Bam's phone cut out. Shit! He didn't realise his credit was low. He checked his wallet for change and quickly went outside to find a payphone. It was dark and cold outside so he had to use the streetlights as his guide to search for a pay phone. He seemed to recall that there was one nearby - was it at the back of the pub? He really couldn't remember. He started walking towards the back of the pub where he was sure he'd seen one before. As he walked rain began to fall from the sky. There was less light the further he walked, but he really had to make that call to Ville. At the back of the pub he saw the payphone he recalled at the end of the alleyway. He strode towards it, desperate to make that call as quickly as possible – he had to try and undo the damage he'd done as soon as he could. He picked up the phone, holding it on his shoulder with his ear, he got out his wallet to get some change. Suddenly, a man appeared out of nowhere and made Bam physically jump from fright and drop the phone. Where had that guy come from? He looked before coming down the ally and he hadn't seen anyone in sight.
"Give me your fuckin' money!" The man screamed at him while holding a knife up.
Bam froze from shock - he'd never been mugged before, his mind was trying to calculate a thousand things at once. Should he run? Give the guy his money? Throw his wallet at the guy and then run? Would he make it away in time if he ran? Would the guy even chase him if he gave up his wallet first? Bam dropped his wallet on the ground and held his hands up in front of him as an indication to the guy to take his wallet. Without any warning the guy stabbed Bam before he could start running. He grabbed Bam's wallet and ran off. Bam put his hand on his stomach and fell to his knees. He tried to yell for help but he couldn't get any words out of his mouth. He looked at his hand and saw blood running down his arm. The rain gradually got heavier as he kneeled with his hands clamped over his wounded stomach. He fell into the muddy water on the pavement and rolled onto his back. He could taste blood in his mouth and felt tears welling in his eyes. Why did he have to make that call to Ville? Why didn't he just go home like he was going to in the first place? He just hoped Ville knew this was all a big drunken mistake. He loved Ville, and he hoped Ville knew that, too. As he stared up at the black cloudy sky, he just hoped Ville knew that his last thought was of him.
Authors Note: The lyrics at the beginning are from "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park. The title is "Mad World" by Gary Jules. It should be noted that I will use a song name for the titles because that song in particular reminds me of the chapter, but I don't want to use the songs actual lyrics for the chapter lyrical quote (And I'm only hoping that made sense lol). Thank you for reading!! All reviews are greatly appreciated.
