Killing Loneliness
"Silence, can you hear me?
Press me to your lips and I'll suck the poison out..."
Ville remembered death very well; sometimes he even longed to feel it again. He realised now why so many people spoke about "the sweet embrace of death" and such things. It used to seem like a morbid way of looking at it, but it was true – death was like an embrace. The most vague way to describe it was like being held in the arms of someone you truly loved and not having any worries or any pain in the world. Death was so relaxing and free – it was like being in a place where there was no fear, no pain and no loss. It was like an out of body experience; you were still yourself – just in a completely pure form that was free of any heartache, thoughts or memories. The memory of death reminded him of being asleep – one of those nights where you fall asleep easily, don't dream and don't wake up in the night, just one long strip of tranquil rest, except in death there was never any subconscious thought that at some point you had to wake up, that was never there because death was final – you couldn't wake up from death… or so he thought.
It had been almost fifty years since that fateful night; Ville remembered it like it was yesterday. Waking up from that death like sleep was horrendous. When he woke up he jerked his body across the bed, gasping for air. He felt like his lungs were on fire, craving oxygen. He was trying to gasp for air but his body didn't respond; his lungs didn't expand and his heart didn't beat. After lying on the bed in anticipation of once again dying he went into shock and didn't move for what felt like hours. Even after fifty years of being undead it was still hard for him to accept that he should be dead and would continue to live but would never actually be alive again. It took him ten years to even be able to freely say the word "vampire" without cringing at the thought. What else could it have been though? He was now literally white as death, he was no longer able to eat food without throwing it up, he had higher than average reflexes and senses, blood seemed strangely alluring and sunlight burnt his eyes and blistered his skin. Vampire.
Even though he was undead, Ville lived in fear of death for the next twenty years. He resided inside Castle Bam, which Bam had left to Ville in his will. No one ever came to Castle Bam anymore. Ville broke all connections with the people he and Bam knew, he couldn't ever take the chance of someone seeing him like this or finding out what happened to him. All of his and Bam's friends probably felt very bitter towards Ville now, but he had no choice except to drive them away. He had to isolate himself; there was no other option available. If he thought that it was possible to keep those people in his life after what had happened to him, he would have – but he couldn't. He had a seven-foot high brick wall built around the fourteen-acre property that Bam had bought so many years ago. It wasn't built for protection; it was so he could keep people out and stop anyone from ever stumbling across Castle Bam, then he could live in total isolation.
Ville stretched out on the sheep wool blanket on his floor. The blanket that was once white and fluffy had deteriorated from decades of use, but it still held a strange and comforting feeling that Ville couldn't go without. Ville lied on the worn out blanket every day. He would peer out at the black sky from his bedroom window until the sun rose and illuminated the huge forest surrounding Castle Bam. When the sun took over the night sky and lit up everything its radiant beams touched, Ville would retreat. Since being taken by Elizabeth so many years ago, he couldn't withstand the suns once magnificent rays. He had tried so many times to go back into the sunlight that he once loved so much, but now it blistered his skin and burnt his eyes. It was simply unbearable to think that the things he once loved in life were being taken from him one by one. It was a cruel fate to wait for every day of what he now called his life.
He sighed deeply, knowing that it was going to be another day of pathetically trying to sleep, but never being able to. Ville rolled onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. How many days would he spend pathetically trying to sleep, knowing that he couldn't? How many years would he spend miserably trying to hold onto his human habits, knowing that he would never gain anything from them? How many decades would he have to spend alone, knowing that it was the only way? It was all too much. Ville huffed impatiently and rolled back onto his side, resting his face on the top of his arm. He knew he had to do something to occupy his mind; otherwise he would spend the next twelve hours tortured by his relentless thoughts.
Ville unwillingly pulled himself off of the blanket and sat on the side of his queen sized bed. He pulled open the top drawer of his bedside dresser and pulled out his usual pair of sunglasses. He smiled, chuckling slightly when he thought about his maid. If he came out of his room during the day he had to wear sunglasses because the maid insisted on opening the curtains around the house to let sunlight come in through the windows. Ville didn't mind, really. The maid was a pleasant, middle-aged woman who didn't talk much and did her job. He'd hired her a few years ago to keep the house clean – after decades of not cleaning Ville decided to hire a live in maid who was smart enough to keep to herself and mind her own business, which she did.
Ville walked slowly down the stairs, barely making any noise as he descended. He could hear the maid in the kitchen fumbling around and clanging pots and pans. He slid around the corner and watched her for a minute. She was stirring something in a giant pot on the stove and humming to herself.
"Good morning, Natalie," Ville greeted her quietly.
"Ville!" Natalie gasped as she spun around, "You scared me, Ville. I didn't hear you come down."
Ville smiled lightly, "I'm sorry, Natalie."
Natalie stood up straight and took a step forward to the kitchen bench. She continued cutting and grating a bag of carrots. Ville grinned mischievously at her.
"It looks like you've been busy," He smiled as he peered down at her gravy covered t-shirt and sweat pants.
"I've just been getting the dogs food ready," She smiled back at him.
Since Ville had money and no longer had the need to eat food he insisted that his pet dogs should at least have the luxury of nice food. Of course Natalie didn't know this, she was just told that he liked to treat his pet dogs well and since he had the money to do so, then why not? Natalie never questioned anything he said, even when he was blatantly lying to her. Over the last few years she seemed to have developed a soft spot for Ville, always trying to treat him well and look after him. Ville had to admit that he'd grown fond of her company. When the day came that he had to kill her it would be very sad indeed.
"Would you like something to eat?" Natalie asked him quietly, adequately aware that he was probably very hung over.
Ville shook his head slowly and raised his hand to decline her offer. He wasn't hungover, but even so, the thought of eating food made him feel ill. Whenever he tried to eat food it made him vomit; for some reason his body just couldn't handle it anymore. Even the thought of vomiting made his stomach churn.
The day went as slowly as ever. Ville slouched across the couch, aimlessly flicking through the channels on the television. He briefly heard Natalie walk behind him and out the front door to feed the dogs. Ville crossed his arms and closed his eyes. God, he was bored. Natalie stood behind him in the lounge room.
"Did you want any dinner, Ville?" She asked him quietly.
He gave her the same answer he always did, "No thank you, I'll get something later on."
Natalie silently left the room to finish whatever she was doing. Ville groaned and childishly let himself slip off of the edge of the couch and onto the floor. He relaxed and allowed his body to ease into the soft rug on the floor. He listened to Natalie, going back and fourth numerous times with rubbish bags and mop buckets. He lied there for what felt like hours until he heard the late night news on the television, prompting him to open his eyes. He watched the blonde woman on the news carefully as she spoke.
"…Local girl, Sadie Clark has been missing for two months and local police fear the worst."
Ville closed his eyes again. It was all you heard on the news now "Local girl missing, worst feared – found dead". It was always the same.
Ville closed his eyes again and allowed himself to rest. He never really slept, not in the true sense. Usually he would just close his eyes until he zoned out enough to feel like his mind was at ease, at least enough to allow his mind to stay free from any thoughts for a while. Sometimes it felt like the only thing that kept him sane.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been making a vague attempt at sleeping for. He heard Natalie walking around the house, flicking lights off before she went to bed. After so long Natalie learnt that no matter how many times she woke him up in the night, if he was on the floor asleep she should just leave him, because he would never move to his room to sleep. Ville didn't really see the point, it's not like he was really sleeping anyway. It was more interesting to rest in the lounge room and listen to the television while he did that. To some it may have defied the purpose of trying to sleep, but he found that he could absorb the television while he was resting, and it really didn't affect his rest in any way.
Ville pulled his coat tighter around his body, feeling colder than usual. He always had a constant feeling of being cold, but some days it affected him more than others, it just depended on how well he could block out the thought of always feeling like he was freezing. Ville opened his eyes when he heard Natalie, trying to sneak past him.
"What are you doing?" He questioned her suspiciously.
"Oh, Sorry Ville, I was trying not to wake you up." She apologised, "I just thought I heard the dogs barking and wanted to make sure they were okay."
"They always bark, Natalie. It's really nothing out of the usual." Ville assured her.
"I might just check anyway." Natalie insisted.
Ville watched Natalie walk out of the room and heard her footsteps as she approached the front door. He listened as she unlocked the front door and started to walk outside. Ville stayed where he was, he wasn't going to make an attempt to go outside when he was sure there was nothing unusual going on. He lied there for a few minutes with his arms still wrapped around his body. Ville's eyes flew open, startled, as he heard a gut wrenching scream echo through the hall from outside. Natalie, he thought, as he jumped up off the floor. Ville ran to the front door and flew outside into the cold night air, trying to see where Natalie was. Natalie was half way down the driveway, watching the dogs in horror as they mauled something they had pinned underneath their rigid muscular bodies.
"Ville!" Natalie screamed helplessly, "Help!"
Without thinking, Ville sprinted towards the pack of snarling animals, unable to see what they were tearing at. Ville launched himself at them, yanking at their bodies viciously, as they were the helpless creature beneath them. He punched and shoved at the dogs, desperate to get them to stop and leave what they were killing alone. The dogs yelped as he threw punches to their heads and bodies, eventually they backed down and realised that Ville was asserting his dominance over them. Ville gasped in horror when he saw a bloodied, dirt covered body lying on the ground in front of him.
"Natalie," He called out wearily to the woman. "Quick…"
Natalie moved closer to the bloodied heap on the ground, but stopped only meters away, covering her mouth as she retched at the sight. Ville knelt down next to what looked like a female body, but it was hard to tell in the dark. He held his hand over her open mouth, and could feel warm shallow breaths escaping her mouth. He pressed his fingertips to her throat and felt a faint pulse. The blood covered body beneath him let out some weak coughs in between desperate gasps for air. Ville knew that if he was going to save her he would have to act quickly, time was of the essence. He looked around, scanning his surroundings quickly. There was no sign of anyone that had been with her or any clues as to why she ended up here, but whoever she was – she wasn't meant to be here.
Authors note: In relation to what Ville looks like and how he lives think of the "Kiss of dawn" video clip.
