Emotional Conflict
The next day, I was told to pack up my gear because Norm, Trudy, Grace and I were leaving. I packed up my things and injected myself with my medicine before I wheeled into the other room.
"So, where are we going?" I asked.
"We're getting out of Dodge," said Grace. "I'm not about to let Quaritch and Selfridge micro-manage this thing. There's a mobile link up at Site Twenty-Six that we can work out of, way up in the mountains."
Norm was grinning like a kid a Christmas. "The Hallelujah Mountains?" he asked.
"That's right," said Grace.
"Yes!"
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, confused.
"The legendary Floating Mountains of Pandora?" said Norm, in a patronizing tone. "Heard of them?"
I shook my head.
"Leave her alone, Norm!" Trudy barked. "Dawn's got enough on her plate already with trying to please the Omaticaya and getting around here with her joint pains and having no legs. So, I suggest you quit picking on her just because your ego's been wounded or so help me, I'll break your nose."
Norm flinched and I shot Trudy a grateful look. She smiled and nodded. At least I had one friend here who liked me.
"Hey, Dawn, are you feeling okay?" asked Grace. "Do you need an injection of that medicine before we head out?"
I was surprised she was asking. Grace was actually concerned about me. "No, I'm fine. I injected myself this morning."
"Good," said Grace, as we got into Trudy's flyer. "If you need help, tell me. I'm not letting one of my own get hurt or die out there."
"Thanks," I muttered.
We flew over some amazing sights. It was so fantastic, yet little about this place seemed to surprise me anymore.
"We're getting close," said Grace.
"Yeah, look at my instruments," said Trudy, as the computer started frizzing out.
"We're the Flux Vortex," said Grace. "We're going to have to VFR from here on."
"What's VFR?" asked Norm.
"It means you're going have to see where you're going," I explained.
"You can't see anything," he protested, as we came into a huge cloudbank.
"Exactly, and ain't that a kick in the pants?" said Trudy.
Up ahead, we got out of the cloudbank and then we saw the majestic Hallelujah Mountains. Norm looked stunned and I had to admit, they were astounding. Floating mountains, some big and others small, and others whose waterfalls seemed to vanish at the bottom.
We reached a remote research station which was two shacks and a few clusters of instruments perched on an outcrop near the Hallelujah Mountains. The shacks were airlift modules the size of buses made out of steel.
Trudy's flyer landed and then we all got out with our Exomasks on and then got ourselves into one of the shacks. Grace got the lights and equipment up and running. Inside were four bunks, supplies, some Link beds, and some workstations. It wasn't too bad, I'll admit.
I smiled to myself when I saw the photos taped to the fridge door. It was Grace at her school with the Na'vi kids. They were so adorable. Then I realized that Grace was just missing her students. Grace didn't miss a beat. She knew I was talking to the Colonel. But I had what she needed, a way back into the Clan, so she's playing nice. Or maybe she was genuinely starting to like me. She'd been a bit of a mother hen ever since the pain med episode.
"Dawn, come here!" she called, snapping me out my thoughts. "You'll be in the Link at the end. Unit one, Beulah. She's the least glitchy."
"Thanks," I said.
"Not a problem," she replied. "You sure you're alright?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
She nodded and then I got linked in. I wasn't lying to Grace about being alright, I was fine for now. But I couldn't tell her the real reason I was taking the medicine or the fact that the pain had been getting worse because I was nearing my death date. I only took the medicine once a day or if the pain became too much to bear, but sooner or later, I'd run out or someone would find out. I hoped that would never happen.
I didn't dwell on this as I entered my Avatar body and Tsu'Tey got me going on more training. He had me run and leap over branches and gaps for what felt like forever until we finally stopped at the top of the Hometree where the "Banshees" were.
I stopped to admire the view and then Tsu'Tey made some bird calls. After a few moments of listening to some bird noises and leaves rustling, an enormous ikrancame down. It was green with black markings and its skin was leathery.
"Do not look in his eye," Tsu'Tey warned as he fed the ikran and murmured soothing words to it. "Ikran is not horse. When tsaheylu is made, ikran will fly with only one hunter in the whole life." He got up on the ikran's back. "To become taronyu, hunter, you must choose your own ikran and he must choose you."
"When do I do this?" I asked.
"When you are ready," he replied.
And with that, he let out a cry and took off on his ikran. They flew so perfectly, it was almost like magic or something. I found myself wishing I could be out there with him on the ikran's back.
Time passed and the days began to blur together. I was fluent in the Na'vi tongue, but I still had some trouble pronouncing some of the more difficult words. Tsu'Tey helped me out. It's a bit difficult, but it's like field-stripping a weapon, just repetition, repetition, until the job's done.
Once I had the language problem sorted out, Tsu'Tey began teaching me how to shoot bows and arrows. It's not as easy because I have five fingers and he has four. It's only when we're both so frustrated that we want to scream that we call each other, 'skxawng.' It means moron, but somehow, neither of us really means it and we usually patch things up between us.
Norm finally changed his attitude. I think it was because after he picked on me again when I was talking to Grace about something I didn't understand or know about the Na'vi, the next thing I know, Trudy's yelling at him and he's got a black eye and a broken nose. I didn't ask questions. Plus, it was kind of funny to see practically cower when he saw Trudy after that.
My feet are getting tougher. I can run farther everyday. I just have to trust my body to know what to do. Everyday it's reading the trails, the tracks at the waterhole, the tiniest scents and sounds. Tsu'Tey is always going on about the flow of energy, the spirits of the animals. With Tsu'Tey, while he's patient with me, sometimes it's learn fast or die.
I was also finding it difficult to leave my Avatar body willingly. In my Avatar body, I wasn't dying or crippled. I was a part of something greater and I was truly happy for the first time since my parents had died.
After a while, I had a small talk with Mo'at and she consented to let Grace come to the village for a while as long as Tsu'Tey and I stayed with her. I left my Avatar form feeling happy and couldn't wait to tell Grace. The next morning, I pulled her aside.
"Grace, can I talk to you?" I asked.
"Sure, Dawn," said Grace. "What is it?"
"I, uh, talked to Mo'at last night. She said you can come visit your students if Tsu'Tey and I are there with you. You can come right now if you want."
She looked both excited and surprised. Then, to my surprise, she hugged me. "Thanks, Marine. I'll meet you on the other side."
I smiled and then got linked in.
Tsu'Tey and I took her to the village and then she was flocked upon by her students. Her face was practically glowing with happiness and who could blame her? This is the first time she's been here since her school was closed down.
"You've all gotten so big," she said, smiling. "You're so pretty."
"That was a kind thing you did," said Tsu'Tey.
"She's my friend."
Tsu'Tey nodded. Not another needed to be said.
Grace and I had already begun to get close like mother and daughter, but she seemed to like me more after she got to see her students. She made sure I ate at least twice a day, she got me into bed when I was too tired to move, she'd listen to me if I needed someone to talk to or Trudy was too busy, and she made sure I got my medicine.
I ended up telling Tsu'Tey that I would miss a day of training because I needed to rest. Grace said I was burning myself out, I was getting too thin, and I needed to relax for at least twenty-four hours. I had to admit that she was right when I came down with a small fever. I got better the next day, but it was nice to just relax for once.
Trudy kept me company when Grace got busy with her work. She and I were almost like sisters now. She told me stories about her growing up with her many brothers and her rookie days. I told her a few things about Rose and we ended up having a good time, despite it all.
When I was better, Tsu'Tey and I did more training. We went swimming, I finally got the hang of the bow and arrow, and even though I didn't want to admit it, I realized that I was falling in love with Tsu'Tey. This left me feeling confused and torn and I tried to ignore it and focus on my work. I tried to understand this deep connection the people had to the forest. Tsu'Tey talked of a network of energy that flows through all living things. He says all energy is only borrowed and one day you have to give it back.
One rainy day, I completed my first hunt. I killed a beast, but I didn't like it. Tsu'Tey and I knelt by its body.
"I See you, Brother," I murmured. "And thank you. Your spirit goes to Eywa. Your body stays behind to become part of the People."
"A clean kill," said Tsu'Tey. "You are ready. Ready to choose your ikran."
I said nothing, but I smiled.
The next morning when the skies were clear, Tsu'Tey and I rode up to some really high and tiny floating cliffs with some other Na'vi teens and Kintri. Here was the place where I would fly my ikran or die trying. Personally, I was hoping the latter wouldn't happen to me. Learning to ride and ikran is the test that every young hunter has to pass. But to do that, you've got to go where the ikran are, which is not a place I'm terribly fond of.
Tsu'Tey helped me get there. He was patient and held my hand through the worse parts. I didn't understand why he was being gentler with me, but I didn't care. I was still grateful he was there and even happier I had him as a friend. When we finally arrived, Tsu'Tey's ikran came and let me nuzzle its beak.
"Dawnlight should go first," said Kintri, challengingly. Okay, seriously, what is this guy's problem? He's just one of the Na'vi. He's not in power nor will he obtain it, yet he's constantly trying to make my short life even more difficult. Well, I'd just show him that I could be everything a Na'vi could.
Tsu'Tey was about to protest to this, but I held up my hand to silence him.
"It's alright," I told him. "I'll go first."
"I will go with you," he said.
I nodded and then slowly walked over to the ikrans in the rookery. Part of it was frightening, but I forced myself to ignore the fear. Tsu'Tey kept his hand in mine and helped to keep me balanced on the rock's edge.
"Now, you must choose your ikran. This you must feel inside. If he also chooses you, move quickly like I showed you," said Tsu'Tey. "You will have one chance, Dawn."
"But how will I know if he chooses me?" I asked.
"He will try to kill you," he said. "And I do not think he will respond to your flute if you try to use it."
"Fine, then I won't use it." I took it off my belt and handed it to him. "Keep this for me until I return."
He nodded and took it. "Dawnlight, good luck," he murmured.
"Thanks."
I walked forward, making several ikran shriek and fly away. Others flapped their wings and showed off their fangs as a threat. I kept the leather strap I'd brought that I would use to bind the ikran's beak and yelled at several off, scaring them off. Then one of them hissed at me and I hissed back, knowing I'd found my ikran. It was a large blue, purple, silver and black male.
Kintri laughed as I began to swing around my strap. "This pitiful female's going to die," he said. He was actually enjoying this? Yeesh, just when I thought he couldn't get any sicker. Stupid freak. "Don't be afraid, she-warrior!"
The ikran lunched for me, jaws wide. It narrowly missed as I quickly bound its beak shut and launched myself onto its back. I tried to attach my queue to its antennae, but it kept trying to buck me off and finally sent me towards the edge of the cliff. I fell off, barely catching myself one of the vines below.
"DAWN!" Tsu'Tey shouted.
I managed to pull myself up as it tried to undo its bonds. I jumped at it again and landed on its neck. This time, I attached my queue and then it froze. I caught my breath and I closed my eyes as I stroked its neck.
"Yeah, that's it. You're mine now," I said, unable to keep the happiness out of my voice. I undid its bonds and then slowly it raised its neck as I got on.
Tsu'Tey walked over to me and gave me my flute back, but he still looked concerned. "First flight seals the bond. You cannot wait. Think, 'fly!'"
I barely had time to react before the ikran plunged down the cliff and I nearly lost the bond. It was out of control and we nearly crashed several times before I finally screamed, "Shut up and fly straight!" And then it did. "That's it. Bank left. Level out, that's it." I was relaxing more and having some fun.
The other Na'vi were cheering me on. "Whoo! Go, Dawnlight!" they cried. I smiled, also somewhat pleased with myself. Then I heard someone else cheering and saw that Tsu'Tey had joined me. We flew near each other and all around, laughing and enjoying ourselves. This is the first time I've seen Tsu'Tey so happy before.
I may not be much of a horse girl, but I was born to do this. Tsu'Tey helped me perfect my flying skills. I found myself wishing it could all last forever and never end. Down below, I saw the Well of Souls. Outsiders were strictly forbidden to go there, but at least could admire it from afar.
I was a stone cold aerial hunter. Death from above. Only problem is, I'm the not the only one. Once, when Tsu'Tey and I were out flying, we were attacked and nearly killed by a winged creature at least three times the size of the ikran. It was scarlet with black stripes and a midnight blue crest on top of its head and its lower jaw. It scared me to death and when we were safe, Tsu'Tey told me its story.
It's celebrated based on fear and respect. It's known as Toruk, the last shadow. It had only been tamed five times since the First Songs. Tsu'Tey's grandfather's grandfather was once chosen to ride Toruk. Each time Toruk was tamed was a period of great sorrow or battle when the Clans had all been joined as one to fight a great foe. The one Toruk chose was called Toruk Mocto, the Rider of the Shadow.
When we were rested, Tsu'Tey asked me what I was going to call my ikran. After a moment, I chose the perfect name.
"Emrys," I murmured. "His name shall be Emrys."
"What does Emrys mean?" Tsu'Tey asked.
"Immortal," I told him.
He nodded. "It's a good name. Go up to the Hometree and wait for me. I'll gather the fruit we need. Soon it will be time for you to become one of us, one of the People."
I just nodded and went up.
I ended up waiting a long time.
But I didn't mind. I was grateful for the time to myself. I needed it to think in peace for a few moments. I sighed. Everything was backwards now. It was like my human life was a dream and my life as a Na'vi was the reality. I could barely remember my old life. I barely knew who I was anymore. It was getting harder and harder to willingly return to my crippled and dying body, and harder to leave Tsu'Tey. My time of death was getting nearer. The pains were getting worse and once I had even ended up crying because of it. How was I ever going to tell Tsu'Tey the truth? I tried to push past that when I saw a sleeping Na'vi in the distance. Softly, I began to sing.
"They think you're an ignorant savage
And they've been so many places I guess it must be so
But still I can not see, if the savage one is you,
How can there be so much that they don't know?
They don't know
They think they own whatever land they land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But we know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
They think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if they walk the footsteps of a stranger
They'll learn things you never knew you never knew
Have they ever heard the ikran cry to the blue moons
Or asked the flying Toruk Macto why he flew?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Come run the hidden leaf trails of the forest
Come taste the sun sweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth
The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The hexapede and direhorse are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends
How high does the Hometree grow?
If they cut it down, then they'll never know
And they'll never hear the ikran cry to the blue moons
For whether we are white or blue-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind
We can own the Earth and still
All we'll own is Earth until
We can paint with all the colors of the wind
As I stopped singing, I heard a voice say, "That was beautiful, Dawnlight."
I spun around to see Tsu'Tey behind me with the fruit in his arms.
"Tsu'Tey, you startled me," I said.
"Forgive me," he said. "I did not mean to. I heard you singing. That song is beautiful. Does it come from your world?"
"Yes, it does," I explained.
He looked surprised and then shook her head. "You are confusing, Dawnlight. You fight and hunt like a warrior, yet you speak and sing of Na'Vi ways and beliefs."
"Guess I'm just hard to figure out," I said, softly. "To be honest, some days I confuse myself. I didn't intend to become a warrior at first."
"You didn't?" he asked, sounding surprised.
I shook my head. "No, I wanted to be a doctor, a healer. But when fighting broke out close to where I lived, I felt that I had another path waiting for me. I became a warrior so that I might protect my twin sister better. I wanted home to be safe for her. After our parents died, we were all each other had. I took care of her and she was there when I needed someone to talk to. I promised her I'd keep her safe, but I failed."
"You've never spoken of your sister before," said Tsu'Tey. "How did you fail her?"
I sighed. "Long ago, I was traveling with my warriors. My sister, Rose, came to visit. She told me she was coming to this world. She was so excited, so happy for the first time since our parents had died. I was so proud of her. I was going to stop traveling for a while so we could have time to celebrate, but then we were attacked. The enemy sought to take us by surprise and they did. I leapt to protect my sister from the attackers, but there was a great boom and I passed out. When I woke up, I was being helped by healers. They said my sister was dead and I was wounded. It was my fault."
"It was not your fault," said Tsu'Tey, softly. "You did all you could to protect your sister. You did not know of what would happen. You are not to blame."
"That's what everyone keeps telling me. But I still miss her so much. I'm only here because we made a promise to each other. If either of us died before we could fulfill our plans for this life, we'd take the other's place. I wish she was here with me right now. She would've loved this place."
Tsu'Tey placed a hand on my shoulder. "Your sister would also be proud of you."
I was surprised at how gentle he was being, but I didn't comment on it. After a moment, I pulled back and handed him the gift I made him. It was a flute that I'd whittled myself. He looked surprised.
"It's for you," I said. "I thought that maybe, if you wanted to learn, maybe I could teach you what I do. I don't know if it'd work, but I thought it might be worth a try. We don't have to do it if you don't want to, I just—"
"I would like that very much," he interrupted.
I smiled and for the next two days, I taught him everything I knew. By some miracle, it worked for him just as it did for me. On the third day, I knew there was going to be trouble, because Trudy was taking us back to the base.