Admitting the Truth and Finding Love

Quaritch called me in so we could have a chat. I could tell the minute he walked in that he wasn't very pleased with me.

"You're not getting lost in the woods, are you?" he asked. "Your last report was more two weeks ago. I'm starting to doubt your resolve. From what I tell, it's time to terminate this mission."

"No, I can do this," I said, quickly.

"You already have. You've given me plenty of usable intel. I've got these savages by the hammer with that, when it turns into a war, which it will. It's time to come in."

I was shocked. Ever since Tsu'Tey and I had met, I hadn't given any crucial or sacred information to anyone, not even Grace and the others. How could my vague reports be of use in a war?

"By the way," said Quaritch. "You're going to get your legs back. I got your corporate approval. It's a done deal. I'm going to have you on a shuttle tonight. I'm a man of my word."

No! I didn't care about my legs anymore. I wasn't even going to be able get them anyway. I had to do something. I had to do what I should've done in the first place. I decided to play my last card.

"I've got to finish this thing," I said. "There's one more thing. It's a ceremony. It's the final step of becoming a woman. If I do it, I'm one of them. They'll trust me. And I can negotiate the terms of their relocation."

Quaritch looked impressed and then nodded. "Okay then. You get that done." And then he walked off.

Grace looked at me with fear and concern.

"Dawn, what're you planning to do?" she asked.

"What I should've done in the first place" I replied. "Get me my medicine and help me get linked in. I've got work to."

Grace didn't question me, but she looked worried nonetheless.

I couldn't tell Grace that I was going to tell Tsu'Tey the truth about everything. Whether he accepted it or cast me aside, it didn't matter. I no longer considered myself one of the Sky People. I didn't think I had for a long time now. Nor had I ever believed that what the Sky People were doing was right. I had to set things straight and save the People or find some way to make this end as peacefully as possible.

Neytiri and another Na'vi girl painted my body and prepared me for the ceremony. The Na'vi says every person is born twice. The second time is when you earn your place among the People forever. After getting prepared, I walked up to where the other Na'vi people were waiting.

Eytukan said, "You are now a daughter of the Omaticaya. You are part of the People."

All of them began smiling and placing their hands on my body, forming a giant web of blue. I couldn't stop the tear that fell from my eye. I was happy about belonging somewhere for the first time in life. For the first time, I felt like I was truly home.

"Why do you weep, Dawnlight?" asked Eytukan.

"It is a tear of joy," I replied, making him look pleased.

When it got dark, Tsu'Tey and I walked along the glowing flora and fauna. I should've been happy, but my heart was heavy with what I had to tell Tsu'Tey. He took me to a grove of huge glowing pink and blue trees.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"This is a place for prayers to be heard and sometimes answers. Where the Mother Eywa hears us," he explained as he attached his queue to one of the branches. "We call these trees, Utraya Mokri, the Tree of Voices. The voices of our ancestors."

"It's beautiful," I murmured. I could hear their voices, but I pulled away and I sighed. "Tsu'Tey, there is something I must tell you."

"In a moment," he said. "You are Omaticaya now. You may make your bow from the wood of Hometree. And the men here may choose you as their woman. But because you are a Dreamwalker, you'll have some say in who chooses you. Anhor is a great hunter."

"I don't want Anhor," I replied.

He turned away. "Janos is one of our best fighters. D'antor is smart and brave. He will make a good mate and father to your children."

"Yes, all of those men are great, but I don't want them. I know who I want," I said, as he turned to face me. "But I can't have him for many reasons. For one, he is already promised to another." Even if I wasn't a crippled and dying woman and a traitor, how could he love me and choose me as his mate? He was already chosen by tradition.

"He is not promised to anyone," said Tsu'Tey, as he looked at me. "Neytiri has taken another as a mate. He is free to choose as he will."

My heart skipped a beat. So, he was free to choose another woman? That meant…no. I couldn't even consider it. What if I was mistaking his words? "But who will he choose? Ninat? Minla? Peyrel? They're all fine women and the best picks for a mate."

"They are not the best because they are not the one he wants," he said, as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "I have already chosen a very special woman. But this woman must also choose me."

I gazed up at him. He couldn't mean me, could he? But I looked into his golden eyes and saw that he did want me. "She already has," I murmured, before I could stop myself. Before I knew it, we were kissing and holding each other close. My mind was racing. What was I doing? But it was too late to change what had been done. We were mates now. And that bond could never be broken, not ever.

"I am with you now, Dawn. We are mated before Eywa for life," said Tsu'Tey, softly. "I love you."

"And I love you," I whispered, before I could stop myself. My heart felt broken and full all at the same time. Tears stung my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I pressed my face into his chest as my mate held me. What had I done? I'd just condemned him to having a mate who could give him nothing except for grief.

"MyDawn, why do you weep?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Tsu'Tey, I'm so sorry. I love you so much," I whispered. "Just…whatever happens from this point on, however long we have together, just know that my life has been so much better because of you and I'll never stop loving you, ever. You are my life now, remember that."

He pulled away and lifted my chin and my eyes met his. "Why do you speak as if you are leaving?"

"Because I am," I confessed. I had to tell him now before I lost my nerve. Heaven forgive me for putting this off for so long and ruining the perfect moment. "Not now, but soon I will be with Eywa forever."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, looking afraid.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sick. My-my human body is dying."

His eyes widened. "Dying?" he repeated. "No! This cannot be true! Tell me it isn't true! You're not dying!"

I shook my head. "I wish it wasn't, but it is."

"But why are you dying?"

"I have a sickness of the blood. It's called leukemia. The healers tried to cure me, but I couldn't be healed from it. It's in the fatal stage and it's causing me to slowly die," I explained. "When I'm in my human body, I take medicine for the pain, but nothing else can be done."

"How long have you known about this sickness? Who else knows? How long do you have?" he demanded, as he held me.

"No one knows except for you, my personal healer and myself. I have a month left, maybe less," I whispered.

"How long have you known?" he repeated.

I sighed. "Since a week after my sister died," I confessed.

Tsu'Tey's golden eyes were full of pain and grief. "How could you have known for so long without telling me before? Why did you not say something?"

"I tried so many times, but in the end, I didn't know how to tell you. I never intended things to get like this. I was trying to live my life as much as possible before I died. But then I met you and things just got beyond my control before I knew what was happening and I fell in love. I fell in love with the forest, the People, your ways, with you…" I stopped to wipe my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Tsu'Tey."

Tsu'Tey looked distraught, before he held me tight. "I will not allow you to die so soon. I won't!"

"Don't say such things. You can't prevent it anymore than I can." I got out of his arms and looked at him. "There is more that I must tell you. But you must listen and not interrupt until I'm finished. When I am done, you won't want me anymore."

"I will never stop wanting you," he said, sternly. "How could you think such a thing?"

"You will think the same when I'm finished," I murmured. "I didn't just come here to learn. I came here because…" I poured out everything. I told him about my past, my mission here, my accident and sickness, my feelings, how I'd felt no loyalty to the Sky People since our first meeting—everything. When I had finished, he just touched my face and lifted my chin. There was no anger in his face, only acceptance, love, and some pain. But mostly love.

"It doesn't matter to me why you first came here," he said. "Everything changed and you told me the truth. Eywa wanted you here for a reason. Your heart is pure. You're one of the People, you are my mate and I'll always love you, MyDawn."

"And I love you, MyTsu'Tey," I whispered, as we kissed again and cried together. "Hold me."

"I'll never let you go," he whispered, as he held me tight.

We remained in each other's embrace and lay against the tree. Tsu'Tey kept stroking my hair as I pressed my face into his chest and we talked. He would warn his people in the morning and I would help in whatever way I could, and he assured me that he didn't consider me a traitor, only his mate. I was grateful, but I was also afraid and I didn't know what to think. I pushed everything away and tried to focus on the feel of my mate's touch and his love. I wanted to remain in his arms forever, but that was impossible. I was going to die and nothing could stop that. But at least we had tonight.

After a long time, I fell asleep and woke up back at the base and in pain.

I opened my link bed and then the situation crashed down on me and I burst into tears. I tried to stifle my sobs, but Grace seemed to have heard me. We'd developed a close bond over the past several weeks. She got up and held me as I cried. She didn't ask what was wrong, as she knew I didn't feel like talking, so she just comforted me.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked, when I began to calm down.

"My medicine and some water," I said, as my sobs died down.

She nodded and helped me drink my water and take my medicine. She stroked my hair as I took several deep breaths.

"Come on, sweetie," she whispered. "Let's get you to bed."

I nodded and allowed her to help me into bed. I fell into a fitful sleep and wished I was back in my Avatar and in Tsu'Tey's arms. I didn't want to die and leave him. My acceptance of my fate was gone.