HOPE ESTHIEM

I waited. And waited. And waited. The months turned into years, and I grew restless. I tossed about in bed, I began to shout back at the neighborhood kids, I argued day and night with my mother. My once joyful smiles turned into teeth-sucking and eye rolls. I was no longer myself. I didn't come out of my room for my 13th birthday. All I could do was open the safe underneath my bed and touch and fiddle with the necklace given to me by Snow.

Snow. It was a special name. A name that only danced well on my tongue- no one else's. A name that led to memories, even though they were slowly drifting away. Memories of his golden hair and ocean blue eyes. A name that fit well for someone of his nature. His skin wasn't the color of snow- neither was his eyes or hair. None of his articles of clothing that he wore that day was the color of snow. But, snow was pure, and gentle, and blew softly in the breeze. I've never seen real snow before, but that was how books would explain snow. I've seen pictures, movies- all kinds of things with snow. I've never met snow, or touched snow, or played in snow. But, somehow I knew that Snow Villiers was just like snow. Mysterious, gentle, disappearing in the palm of your hands.

I wasn't the only one restless. Mother and father fight almost every night ever since I turned 10. I can hear them- I can feel the floorboards vibrate as father's footsteps crashed about. I can see paintings shake on the walls as mother hits against things. My only escape is my room, with that little safe in my lap. With the necklace around my neck. It was hard to forget. Too hard to forget him. He knew that. He really did. I only met him for a moment; a very small moment that any other person wouldn't think much of. But, to me, it was my life. The only string that kept me tied to life.

The fighting stopped that night. It stopped short, but I could hear mother sob in the room next door. Her sob is like the sound of a lonely piano playing in the distance. No one can hear its cries; no one can hear its voice slowly fade. It's dying- dying slowly. Holding on to nothing but air. And even that will soon leave it. I can't cry, though. My tears have been long since dried. Nothing can fall- nothing at all.

Father's loud footsteps are soon to reach my room. I quickly lock the necklace back into its little safe and tuck it neatly underneath my bed. I sit on the thin carpeted floor with my knees to my chest, awaiting his arrival. Quickly after, my door swung open and hit the wall, the hinges creaking in protest. Father stood at the doorway, his nose flared and dark eyes staring down at me.

"You and your mother are worthless, you know that?" He said.

I stayed quiet.

"You're both dumb, you both don't bring in any profit- you're worthless."

Yet, I still stayed quiet, eyes refusing to look at him. He says these things as if I don't already know it. I know I'm worthless- I know I can't do anything. I have no talent. If you count cleaning animal crap as a talent, then that's the only thing I'm good at. But, repeating it everyday wasn't necessary. And he knew that. But, he loved to remind me. It made the whole family realize his worth. Without him we wouldn't even have this house. He and I both knew that.

"If you died, no one would care, Hope. You're lucky you're my son. My only son. Otherwise, you would be out in the streets, you ugly shit."

He turned away from me and left the room. My eyes finally raised and looked at the spot where he'd once been.

One day all who speaks bad of me will pay. That was a promise to myself, and I'm living to it. Snow may have lied to me about when he was to come back, but I wasn't angry. I probably never will be. I'm willing to wait. I'll wait even until the age of 18.

That was a dumb child's choice.

I didn't have to wait long after that. Another year passed, and he came back a month after my birthday. He was still wearing the same thing; he still had the same blase look upon his face. I was cleaning up the pen house when I saw him pass by my home. My heartbeat did a few jumps when the breeze carried his thick cologne straight to me. He was looking around, and I'm sure it was for me.

"Snow!" I said, running around the house and unlocking the latch to the house gate. He stood and watched as I pushed the creaky gate door open, and ran to him. Hooper heard my joyful shouting, and decided to follow me around the house. Hooper greeted Snow with a few lazy licks to his jeans.

Snow, at first, looked a bit uncertain, as if he didn't recognize me. His blonde eyebrows raised in confusion, and he took a step back, his eyes running over my body as if scanning me. The same chill from years ago ran up my spine, and I couldn't help but blush.

His face, then, lit up, and I felt happy. He remembered.

"Ahhh- Hope, is it?" He said. Some of the neighborhood kids down the road stopped playing ball to look. Their eyes ran from me to him, most certainly wondering why someone like Snow was speaking to someone like me.

"Yeah; I'm Hope." I said, and then felt stupid for getting so excited. He didn't seem as happy to see me as I did to see him.

"Do you still have th-"

"Yes. I kept it safe." I said, nodding nervously. I looked up and saw a kind, distant grin on his face, and then I looked away again.

"Good." He said, giving my shoulder a pat. "Go get it; I'll meet you by the bench 'round the corner."

I immediately listened to him and rushed into the house, my heart pounding hard in ears. Hooper trotted back around the house to the backyard.

We were going to meet again! I listened to his every word the last time we met years ago; to never go to that bench until he returned. I listened to his every word. I memorized it. Wrote it down, even though I couldn't write much.

Slipping by unnoticed by my parents, I left the house once again and trotted excitedly down the dirt road. This time the neighborhood kids didn't pick on me, kick the ball at me, or mock me- they just stared. Their eyes were uncertain and worried, as if I suddenly had a great power over them. They were probably thinking that Snow would come after them if they messed with me.

Heh. Let them think that. I probably was special around here, because a man from Pulse actually wanted to be partners with me. It was hard to contain myself thinking about those words from so long ago. It was a distant memory, but I still held strongly onto it. For, without it I was my old self. I was the dumb kid who no one wanted to be friends with. No one wanted to be friends with except for her...

My head immediately snapped to the right, looking at the house on the corner. It was a house a bit bigger than the rest of Cocoon. Vanille and her family lived there. For some reason, Vanille had a great interest in me. The way were eyes went glassy when she spoke to me, and the way she bobbed on her heels told me so. I didn't care much for her, though. She was quite annoying and a stalker. Her family was known as the crazy family. They were way too joyful for their own good, despite the fact that they were in such a crappy place. I actually kind of felt sorry for her. They lived in an artificial world. A world that isn't for me.

Snow was sitting the exact same way he was years ago when I turned the corner. Eyes up at the sky, hand into a fist. Except, nothing was in his fist. I slowly sat down with the safe gently placed onto my lap. He seemed not to acknowledge me for a small bit; his eyes were still distant, but in time his head turned to face me. I felt nervous underneath his heated stare. I looked nothing like him- my hair was slightly messy and unkempt, my clothes, fortunately, was new and hardly dirty at all. My skin was still pale, even paler than him, but the small bits of freckles across my face gave my skin some sort of darker tint, albeit it wasn't much.

"Is it in perfect condition?" He seemed worried.

I gave him a nod, and then unlocked the case, showing him the shining silver necklace. His eyes swelled up in tears at the sight. I wasn't quite sure why, but I prevented from asking him. He seemed too caught up in his thoughts to even notice my presence; he gently grabbed the necklace and raised it in the air, whistling between his teeth at the sight.

"It's in perfect condition, alright." He said. "It's a bit warm, though- have you been holding it a lot?"

My face flushed. I looked away.

"So you were?" He voice raised in a playful tone. "How cute."

If my face could turn any redder, it did. "It looks pretty, okay?"

"Were you thinking of me?" He asked innocently.

I forgot how to breath for a few seconds. Turning my head away, I muttered, "Sometimes."

"Sometimes?" He repeated loudly. A few kids on dirty, rusty bikes rode by. We both stood still as they did. Snow settled back onto the bench and looked up at the clouds again, placing the necklace on his lap.

"Sometimes." I nodded, assuring him that was all it was.

"Think of me more than sometimes," He said. "We should always be thinking about one another- we're supposed to be partners, remember?"

"Yeah," I said. "I remember." I couldn't forget. He's such a pretender- he knew well I thought of him way more than sometimes. I didn't like being played with, but I said nothing. It was best to stay silent. If it was him playing with me, I didn't care.

"And as partners, we always back each other up. Understand, Hope?" Snow said, his intensifying ocean blue eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.

"I understand."

"Partners also lie for one another to get them out of trouble, and they always know where each other are." Snow continued.

"Lie?" I asked. I could never lie to anybody. It was hard for me to. "I-I can't lie."

"You won't get in trouble."

"Yes I will."

"I thought you trusted me."

"I do! But... But I can't lie to my parents."

"Dumb people turn on their word."

Those words stopped me in my tracks. "I-I'm not turning back on m-"

"You're saying you won't lie for me. As partners, we should lie for one another to help one another out. If you can't lie for me then we can't be partners. And that's going against your word." Snow didn't skip a beat.

I looked down. "I am your partner..."

"Then you'll lie for me. Right?"

"...Right." I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be liked badly. I didn't want him to hate me and think of me as dumb like the rest of Cocoon did. I'm not dumb- I can be smart. But, no one stays to listen long enough. Everybody leaves; even my mother. She believes I'm dumb, too. She may not say it, but I know she thinks it. She has never called me smart- never. And it hurts. It hurts beyond belief.

I looked at him, and caught him looking back at me. I couldn't look away; I was pulled towards him. Just like those years ago. Just like when I was nine. His hand reached my thigh, and zips of electricity shot through me. His hand stayed there, while the other one touched my dry cheek.

"I'll take care of you if you take care of me. Understand?" Snow said, quietly- carefully.

"...I understand." I muttered without thinking. My eyes glazed over, and Snow became a blurry blob as he slowly closed the gap between our mouths.

I wasn't thinking about the consequences when I felt his soft lips against mine.

All I was thinking was that I was wanted.

Snow wanted me.

I was happy.

SNOW VILLIERS

I woke up in my bed just to find the necklace I gave Serah on my nightstand. The keys that I also gave to her sat there, mocking me, teasing me. I wanted to punch something so badly. The wall by my bed now has a big gaping hole in it.

Now it knows how my heart feels.

I sat on my bed, fingers tangled through my messy hair, eyes tightly closed, wishing this was just a terrible dream. She couldn't really be gone, could she? She was the one who practically screamed "Yes!" when I got on my knees and revealed to her a ring! She just couldn't up and go!

I finally looked at at the full-length mirror across the room from me. I looked at how desperate I was- how I longed for Serah so badly. Was it really time to move on? To find another? No. It couldn't be time yet. I still loved Serah with all my heart. I want the days to come back from when I opened my eyes, and there she was, in a lacy pink bra with matching underwear, sleeping peacefully beside me. The smell of flowers that radiated off of her fresh, supple skin engulfing me once again. The sight of her pink, soft lips, the sight of her calm, beautiful eyes. It'd only been one day, and I craved for her like this.

There was no going back on my word now. It was do this or lose all of my pride along with Serah.

"God... Serah," I muttered to myself, pulling restlessly at my hair. She was going to make my frickin' lose my mind! That meant I had no time to waste! I needed to go, and right then and there.

Taking one last gulp of the ocean air the flowed endlessly into my arch window, I stood up, marched over to my closet door, and swung it open. It banged against the wall, revealing rows and rows of clothing. Just as I was about to walk inside and choose only my best outfits, I paused. I didn't need all of this concentration. It was best to keep it simple.

So, I grabbed my favorite trench coat, jeans, some shoes, and my favorite necklaces. I was already wearing the shirt I wanted to wear. It only took a couple of minutes to change out and brush my hair. I shoved my hat on top of my head, and then left my bedroom. Leaping down the stairs, I snatched my wallet, house keys, car keys, and phone.

There were two missed calls from Lightening. What did Lightening want? Didn't she know I didn't want to associate myself with someone like her? It was all her fault Serah was now gone, and for good. Once Serah makes a choice, she sticks to it. There's no changing her mind.

Sometimes I loved that about her, sometimes I didn't. And right now, I disliked it.

I called Lightening back.

"What do you want?" I asked as soon as she picked up.

"What are you talking about?" She said. There was an engine rumbling in the background. They must be leaving already. "You called me."

"The two missed calls from earlier," I spat. "What do you want?"

"I want nothing from you, you dead beat." She snapped. "That was Serah." There was some talking in the background. The voice was like a soft tweet from a bird. It was Serah!

"Is Serah there with you!?" I asked, leaving the front door of my house. In the distance, I could see early birds lying down on the beach, trying to tan underneath the burning morning sun. The overwhelming smell of ocean sea water surrounded me immediately.

"Yeah," Lightening said. "Why?"

"I want to talk to her! Let me talk to her!" I shouted, pausing on my cobblestone road. It snaked all the way down to the beach.

"She doesn't want to t-"

There was a loud rustling, as if they were fighting over the phone.

"Snow?" Serah's voice appeared.

"Serah!" My voice shook. I hated when it did that.

"...What is it?" She asked quietly.

"Please... just-I don't care if I sound lame right now-please give me another chance," I said, voice still shaking.

"I'm sorry, Snow. I can't. Not anymore." Serah said.

"Wait-please let m-"

"I'm sorry. I trusted you. I believed in you. And you let me down. I don't know what else you're hiding, but I don't have the time to force it out of you. Bye, Snow. I loved you."

She hung up.

Despair fell over me so terribly that tears stung the back of my eyeballs. I let my phone slip from my gloved fingers and to the stone ground, where it cracked immediately in half. "Fine!" I shouted at no one in particular. Girls tanning on the beach nearby sat up to look at me.

"FINE!" I repeated again, louder, angrier. I stormed back into the house, up the stairs, and into my bedroom. The silver necklace was still sparkling on my bedside dresser. "You want to act this way, Serah?" I picked up the necklace, watching it glow. Like she used to. Like she always used to. "Then we can both act this way. There will be no more past for you, or me." I stuffed the necklace into my back pocket, and marched right back out of the house.

It was war.

"I knew he was going into something bad, but I loved him too much to tell him."