*the lights turn on. Studio audience claps*
Cain and Raising-Cain: Welcome!
Raising-Cain: This is the first episode of...Haunted House of Cameras; Death Note edition!
Cain: Let's introduce the HHC judges for this series.
*judges panel lights up*
Cain: Soichiro Yagami!
Soichiro: I'm pleased to be here. Although, I can't condone locking my son up inside a haunted house.
Raising-Cain: Yeah...who really gives a damn?
Cain: Misa Amane!
Misa: LIGHT! You know I'll be rooting for you until the end!
Raising-Cain: You know that Light can't hear you.
Cain: Touta Matsuda!
Matsuda: I've always wanted to do this. Hi Mom!
Raising-Cain: o.o
Cain: Last, but definitely not least...Ryuk the Shinigami!
Ryuk: Hyuk, hyuk, it's good to be here.
Raising-Cain: You're just here for the free entertainment, aren't you?
Ryuk: Yeah, sounds about right. Oh and the apples.
Cain: ...Right. Anyway, Raising-Cain, why don't you tell the audience how we ever got the guys' permission?
Raising-Cain: Certainly. It wasn't too hard.
*rolls film*
Necromancers: We pray to the almighty death god to revive these bodies named L, Mello, Near, Matt, BB and Light Yagami.
Raising-Cain: I just realized something. All the contestants are actually dead.
Cain: O.o
*pauses film*
Raising-Cain: That's how we got 'permission' from them. The judges were handpicked by us.
Cain: Now, I think it's time to show you our contestants!
*Raising-Cain switches to live video feed*
Misa: TT^TT Why is Light in a box?
Raising-Cain: *rolls eyes* each contestant has been blindfolded, ear-muffed and drugged with sleeping pills.
Cain: And maybe a little weed.
Raising-Cain: WHAT? You put cannabis in the drug?
Cain: It makes it more interesting.
Raising-Cain: Where did you get it from?
Cain: I'll never tell. Moving on; they are all inside a soundproof room right now. When our technician goes to take off the blindfolds and stuff, the door will open, and the contestants will be awake.
Raising-Cain: But before that, let's explain the rules.
*brandishes huge scroll*
Raising-Cain. No.1 – eggs. No. 2 – Death Note manga series. No. 3 – chocolate. Oh wait...this is my shopping list.
*takes out small list*
Raising-Cain: Reviewers, it is your job to fuel us with dares. There are many secret floors inside the mansion, and we are loaded with cash. You can dare anything. The judges will award them with points on how well they do on the dare. When a contestant reaches 40 points, they are free to go!
Misa: Yay! Misa will make sure Light wins!
Cain: And we'll make sure he doesn't! Now, here are some t's and c's; please, no yaoi. It will make us sick to write it. Respect personal beliefs, please. Oh, and try to keep it clean, kinda. Having said that, you can call Light 'imagay' can much as you want! In fact, go nuts!
Misa and Soichiro: Hey!
Cain: ^^. The technician has taken off the blindfolds.
Raising-Cain: Wait! L's waking up!
Cain: O.O already? But I gave him extra!
Raising-Cain: ¬.¬
*in the room*
L: LIGHT IS KIRA! CANDY! WHERE AM I? *looks around* I swear all these people are dead. *pokes himself* I'm alive! Well, that is strange...
*Light stirs*
Cain: Imaga-*Misa and Soichiro give evil stare*-I mean Light Yagami's awake! *whispering* Imagay...
Light: What the h***? I swear Ryuk said that we go into nothingness? Ha, I outsmarted the Shinigami!
L: No, Light. You are alive.
Light: What? Don't be ridiculous. I think the sugar's getting to you.
L: Nonsense. If the sugar had got to me, I would be dead by now.
Light: But you are. I mean were. *thinking* I made sure you were. Damn Shinigami Rem...
L: Shut up.
Light: Ooh, touchy.
*Mello wakes with a starts, and fires gun*
*Light dodges*
Raising-Cain and judges (except Ryuk): *gasp*
Raising-Cain: Cain, I thought you disarmed Mello?
Cain: Oops. *evil grin*
Mello: What the h***?
L: We are all inside some building. Let's get out of here.
Mello: Whatever. MATT!
*pulls back goggles, and they twang onto his face*
Matt: S***! What was that for?
Raising-Cain: Thank God for the censor button.
Cain: Yep. I have a feeling we're gonna use it on Mello and Matt a lot.
*Light sees BB sleeping*
Light: L, why is there two of you?
L: That's BB. The creepy version of me.
Mello: Wow, he must be really creepy. *pokes BB with the gun*
*BB wakes, and gives an evil glare*
BB: Well, f*** me. I'm alive.
Raising-Cain: *face palm* good button pressing, Cain.
Mello: Well, the only person left to wake up is Near.
Cain: Aww, doesn't Near look cute when he's asleep?
Raising-Cain: ¬.¬ he always looks cute, so shut up!
BB: I'll wake him. *pokes Near softly with a knife*
Raising-Cain: You didn't disarm BB, either. HE'S A PYSCHO, AND YOU LET HIM HAVE THE KNIFE?
Cain: Hey, no need to make it boring for the viewers!
Raising-Cain: Oh sure.
*Near doesn't wake*
L: This is how you wake Near up. *cups hands to his mouth, and yells* NEAR! THE NEW i-Robot XJG-67-DNKU-789 IS OUT!
*Near grabs for the air*
Near: Where? Oh...you tricked me. *twirls hair with finger* that wasn't nice.
Entire studio: AWWW!
Ryuk: Oh, get over it!
*puts live feed on mute*
Cain: So, judges; what are your impressions so far?
Soichiro: Right now, the most level-headed are Near and L. Though, things may change.
Raising-Cain: You got that right. Misa?
Misa: Light will win! Light will win!
Cain: You are so biased. You better change that attitude. Matsuda, what are your thoughts?
Matsuda: There's gonna be drama! I can see that Mello, BB and Matt all woke up on the wrong side of the grave! *rimshot*
Audience: Boo!
Matsuda: o/o
Raising-Cain: Go on, Ryuk. What are your observations on these humans?
Ryuk: *munches apple* some funny stuff. This is gonna be good. Well, as long as people send in good dares!
Cain: Well, then, we are at the end of our first episode! Don't forget to tune in next time to Haunted House of Cameras: Death Note edition!
Raising-Cain: Good night! And happy review - BB! Oh great, he skewered Light.
Cain: *sighs* *uses author powers to revive Light*
This episode has been brought to you by: Cosme-Misa
Misa: Misa-Misa uses it every day! And look at Misa's lips! Misa-licious for only $4.99!
*Raising-Cain tackles Misa*
Raising-Cain: And that's for free! MWHAHAHAHAHA! HA!
Cain: *face palm*