Cain: I completely forgot to do any author's note last chapter. Forgive me fans...
Raising-Cain: Shut up, Cain.
Cain: Fine. L, can you do our disclaimer?
L: Who are you?
Cain: Your worst nightmare. Now say it, panda man!
L: Penchant-for-raising-Cain, which happens to be two girls, do not own Death Note, the eyeballs or the ghost.
Cain: No, we own the ghost.
L: Please leave me alone.
Raising-Cain: NEVER!
*the lights turn on. Studio audience claps*
Cain: Before we start the show, I and Raising-Cain realized something. Contrary to what we had said last show, Near was not dead so we didn't bring him back to life. Thanks to Miss Bright for pointing that out.
Raising-Cain: Anyway, this is the second episode of HHC: Death Note edition! ^^ Thank you to all reviewers that responded!
Cain: The judges are now in. And no, we won't introduce them again.
Raising-Cain: Let's take a look at our contestants.
*switches live feed on*
*Group wandering through a dark corridor*
In the house
Light: L, walk away from me, this is my personal bubble.
L: I am not near you. That's BB.
Light: Dammit BB! Get away from me! *pushes BB*
BB: *snaps fingers in attitude style* Oh no you di-int!
*L face palms*
Cain: Well...they're doing better than I thought they would. Where's Near anyway? And Mello and Matt for that matter?
Raising-Cain: Bickering up ahead. Let's switch cameras.
In the house
Mello: I could think of 30 different places I'd rather be than here.
Near: I can think of 40.
Mello: F*** you, Near, do you have to beat me at everything?
Matt: Chill Mello! At least he's using his awesome albino head to bust us out! This place reminds me of Luigi's castle *shudders* Creepy.
Mello: Will there be...ghosts?
Cain and Raising-Cain: O.O Mello's afraid of ghosts?
Soichiro: Well, all humans are afraid of something.
Cain and Raising-Cain: O.o Mello's HUMAN?
Ryuk: *sarcastically* No, he's a Shinigami. Of course he's human.
Misa and Matsuda: -_-
Cain: Alright, that's about as much pleasure time we can give them. Raising-Cain, FIRST REVIEW!
Raising-Cain: Thank you for being our first reviewer, Miss Bright! Cain is a bit dumb, so thanks for pointing out the mistake! Here it is:
Miss Bright
I have a dare! Make them eat really disgusting/creepy dishes/food, like eyeballs and spiders. MWAHAHA! :D
This is really creative and hilarious so far!
However I'd just like to point one line out:
"Raising-Cain (a/n-sorry, we were supposed to censor our names): I just realized something. All the contestants are actually dead."
Near hasn't died yet...or did you kill him off for your show? o.o
Cain: Wow, I love it! We'll put all of them in different rooms, and give them a meal they won't forget. Oh technician!
*Technician runs in, epic superhero music playing*
Raising-Cain: Maketh this happen, knave!
A few fun-filled Amazon adventures later...
In the house
*stomachs growl*
Mello: I'm hungry. I've finished all my chocolate.
L: Me too.
BB: *sigh* Jam...wherefore art thou, jam?
*everyone stares at BB*
Light: O.o Yeah, he needs food.
*distant crashing sound*
*Everyone stops on the ultraviolet X's marked*
Near: Did you hear that?
Mello and BB: Ghosts?
*trapdoors release*
Cain: Now it get's interesting! Let's start with Imagay. Uh-oh, Misa's making that wild animal growl again...*grabs chair and fends off Misa* No, Misa! Bad Misa! I now I called Light 'Imagay', but he deserves it! Back, Kira-worshipper!
Light
*Light falls onto a chair, screaming like a girl*
Light: What the f*** just happened? Am I in hell?
*spots food bowl, marked 'Halloween Candy'*
Light: This will have to do for food, although it makes me feel like L...
Raising-Cain: What Light doesn't know is that those 'candy' spiders and eyeballs are REAL spiders and eyeballs. No spiders and eyeballs were harmed during the making of this episode. But Light will be harmed...*evil Kira laugh*
*Light grabs some 'sweets' and chews*
Light: Hmmm...different. The eyeballs are bursting with flavour, though I'm not sure what. Reminds me of iron. Oh, and the spiders are so crunchy. Delicious! It's almost like they're real.
*stops mid-chew*
Cain: Man, he was close!
*Light spits out the stuff and dances around the room*
Light: GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!
*Canned studio laughter*
L
L: Ouch. That was uncomfortable. * bites thumb*
*spots candy bowl*
L: Candy? CANDY!
*grabs a handful and shoves it in his mouth*
*swallows thoughtfully*
L: This brand was cheap. They didn't add enough sugar.
Entire studio: O.O
Ryuk: Whoa, even I feel queasy!
Mello
*doesn't land on the chair*
Mello: Umph, s***. Who's brainiac idea was it to put a trapdoor there?
*sees the food*
Mello: Well, well, well. I hit the jackpot before Near. In your freakishly pale face, Near!
*eats it, and immediately vomits*
Raising-Cain: Ick.
Misa: Ewwww, that's horrible!
Matt
Cain: We modified the 'sweets' to look like edible games. You know, to appeal to Matt's obsession.
Matt: Video games?
*sees the sign*
Matt: Edible video games? Wow, someone knows how to appeal to my obsession.
Raising-Cain: o.o How did he know?
*swallows in one go*
Matt: ...so that's what a video game tastes like. Meh, too squishy and iron like.
Audience: Blech!
Near
*falls into the room*
Near: *sees 'sweets'* Sweets? No thank you, that is L and Mello food. Possibly BB's too.
*examines them*
Near: *with distaste* These look real. *stomach growls* Well, it's better than nothing.
*eats, and spits out*
Near: S***! WHAT THE H***? THEY WERE REAL! :(
Entire studio: *crickets chirping*
Matsuda: ...Near...cursed...? Wow. O.O
Raising-Cain: Well, expect the unexpected, that's what I say! Who's with me?
*crickets still chirping*
Cain: STFU crickets! *crickets stop* I'm with you. And last but not least, BB! After him, we'll take the judges scores.
BB
BB: First, I'm stuck in a house. Second, I'm stuck in a house with three annoying brats, my killer and my rival. Third, I'm hungry enough to eat ANYTHING! Where in God's name is my JAM?
*sees bowl*
BB: Ha, I pray and I'm answered. I bet it sucks to be the others right now!
*eats entire bowl*
BB: *wipes eyeball blood off his face* Hmmm, good. Not as good as jam, but good.
Soichiro: It looks like L and BB aren't that different after all. They'll eat anything labelled 'Candy' without question!
Raising-Cain: And that is the beauty of the show. They can't question!
Cain: Now, scores! The maximum points that can be given are out of five each.
*Misa grumbles about Light discrimination*
Light Y.
Soichiro: He was half-way there, so – 2.5
Misa: Misa's Light wimped out in the end - 2
Matsuda: Hey, he did okay - 3
Ryuk: Couldn't care less – 1.5
L
Soichiro: I don't think anyone has eaten eyeballs like that, save BB – 4
Misa: Wierdo – 3
Matsuda: That was fantastic *claps* - 4.5
Ryuk: He ate them the way I eat apples *crunches apple* - 4.5
Mello
Soichiro: Poor – 1
Misa: Disgusting – 0.5
Matsuda: Give him some credit – 2
Ryuk: He is interesting... - 3
Matt
Soichiro: O.o – 3.5
Misa: If this was about style, then 0! What is up with those goggles and gloves? But, right now – 3
Cain: Please, his style beats yours any day!
Matsuda: Strange child – 3.5
Ryuk: Hyuk, hyuk, this guy's funny – 3.5
Near
Soichiro: No effort, and this is me pardoning his language – 2
Misa: *tear* Near's an angel – 3.5
Matsuda: Don't be biased! He didn't complete the task! – 1.5
Ryuk: No comment... – 1.5
BB
Soichiro: Meep - 4
Misa: Meep - 4
Matsuda – Meeeeeep – 4.5
Ryuk: Prissy judges– 4.5
Cain: And there we have it! Scores will be added at the end of the show. Now, we got a dare from school. What is it?
You know they're in a haunted house right? Well Mello is scared of ghosts, so he has to go find a ghost and make friends with it and then take it as a friend to meet the others, I want to see what will happen. - Anon
Raising-Cain: Ghosts, huh? Well, we can make that happen...*evil grin at Cain*
Meanwhile, in the house
Mello: That was...horrible. I ate an eyeball.
L and BB: It's candy.
Light: No, it wasn't. Wait a minute, you weren't there with me. What's going on?
Matt: This place is haunted, I know it. Trapdoors and eyeballs don't just happen to be in a house!
Near: Let's think clearly. There are no such things as ghosts. Just ask Mello.
Mello: *clutches crucifix*...No such thing as ghosts...no such thing as ghosts...
*Loud knock comes from inside a room*
L: Mello, go check it out.
Mello: W-why me?
Light: Because you're the one with a gun, dumb-a***!
*Mello opens door, which closes immediately*
Mello: Meep! O.O
Ghost: Eeeeee...I'm a ghost...I have come to befriend the one called Mello...
Mello: You...want to be friends with me?
Ghost: Yesssss...
Soichiro: Where is Cain? She would love this.
Raising-Cain: Oh don't worry. Cain has her own way of participating.
Flashback
Raising-Cain: *holds baseball bat* You'll do it!
Cain: Never! *brandishes her own baseball bat*
Raising-Cain: Do your worst!
Cain: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
Raising-Cain: That was good enough to be a Kira laugh. Now, back, presenter, back!
Cain: You'll never get me to be the ghost!
Raising-Cain: *brings out bag of books and a flamethrower* I'll destroy all your prized books.
Cain: Fine. :'(
End flashback
Soichiro: O-kay. ¬¬
Cain: *thinking* There's a baseball bat beating with your name on it, Raising-Cain...
Mello: You're not gonna drive me insane, right?
Cain: No...I wish to be your friend...
Mello: *shaking* Okay. *thinking* Meep...
*takes ghost/Cain to the group outside*
Mello: *monotone* here is a ghost. He is my friend.
Cain: *normal voice* He?
The gang: O.O
Cain: *coughs* I mean...he...I am a girl ghost...
Mello: Oh – okay. Guys, ghost. Ghost, guys.
Near: What shall we name her?
Matt: Shy guy. *ghost/Cain glares at him* I mean, shy girl.
L: Pleased to meet you.
*notices Light and BB remain silent*
L: BB, Light, say hello to the ghost.
BB: It's really a g-ghost?
Light: Oh don't tell me. The super master serial killer is afraid of ghosts? *laughs*
BB: NO!
Light: Aww, you afraid all the people you killed will come back to haunt you? *laughs harder*
L: Well you don't look so excited yourself Light.
Light and BB: I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS!
L: No need to yell in unison.
Raising-Cain: Okay, that's enough of the ghost. The last thing we need is someone to pull the sheet and see Cain underneath.
*uses author powers to make Cain vanish*
Near: Why did she leave?
Matt: Maybe she needs to haunt someone.
Mello: Maybe she saw your face, and left.
Matt: HEY! I happen to have a beautiful face.
Mello: You were only in the episode for two minutes.
Matt: And yet the girls go crazy over me. Am I awesome, or what?
*Cain appears in the studio*
Cain: That was horrible. I was suffocating in that sheet. The next time I get to see the cast, can I look human?
Raising-Cain: You know the rules; these guys can't find out about the show. That means we can't meet them.
Cain: T.T
Raising-Cain: SCORES FOR MELLO!
Soichiro: He handled it better than I thought – 3
Misa: Wimp – 2
Matsuda: Well, you have to admit; Cain is scary, so – 4
Cain: Thank you very much *devil grin*
Ryuk: I think he could have been tougher – 2.5
Cain: When only one person is dared, we use an average of the scores.
*Cain mutes lives feed*
Raising-Cain: We are now reaching the end of our second show. Here are the scores so far!:
Light – 9
L – 16
BB – 14
Mello – (2.9 was the average) 9.4
Matt – 13.5
Near –8.5
Cain: We have L in the lead, and Near at the bottom!
Misa: Light should be winning! Misa's gonna give him 5's from now on.
Raising-Cain: *holds up baseball bat* Oh no, you won't.
Cain: ...Well then, tune in next time, and happy reviewing! Good night!
Cain: Sorry to any reviewers who weren't mentioned in this chapter; your dares will be in the next one. R+R, please.
Near: Stop sounding so desperate.
Raising-Cain: Well, you could say that we're 'Near' desperation *giggle*
Near: ...Not funny.
best wishes, Penchant-for-raising-Cain