Raising-Cain: Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews!
Cain: *croaking* My voice...is gone...
Raising-Cain: Oh yeah right Cain. I saw you stuff that frog down your throat!
Cain: Near...do the disclaimer...before I die!
Near: Why am I being followed by two random people? I thought more people liked me than that!
Raising-Cain + Cain: We like you! (hug)
Near: Get off me.
Raising-Cain and Cain: No.
Near: Raising-Cain and Cain do not own Death Note, the chocolate or LittleKuriboh's Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Do you have toys?
*lights go on, then fuse*
Raising-Cain: What the-*crashes into the camera* Damnit...technician, fix it!
*Lights come on, and audience claps*
Raising-Cain: Welcome to the third episode of HHC. The judges are ready to judge, but are our contestants ready to contest? Thanks to all reviewers-
*cellphone rings, playing L's theme*
Raising-Cain: Sorry, that's me *checks caller ID* Huh, it's Cain. She better gave a good reason why she's not in.
*Phone squibbles*
(A/N: 'Squibbles' is not a real word, it's the best word that describes incoherent phone conversations. Don't use it in exams, kids!)
Raising-Cain: What do you mean, you're ill? Who'll replace you?
*Phone squibbles*
Raising-Cain: Damn straight it's my problem!
*Line goes dead*
Raising-Cain: She...did not...just...hang up! Urgh!
*phone rings again*
Raising-Cain: IF YOU EVER HANG UP ON ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'M GONNA BASH YOUR BRAINS OUT! *crying from the phone* Oh, no little girl! Don't cry. You have the wrong number, sorry.
*turns off phone*
Soichiro: May I ask what happened?
Raising-Cain: *sigh* Cain's ill and can't present. Where are gonna find a replacement in time?
Random Package Dude: Package for Miss. Raising-Cain!
Raising-Cain: Hmm, it's from Cain. Labelled "Here is your replacement."
*Teru Mikami jumps out of the box*
Raising-Cain: O.O OH MY GOD!
Mikami: You mean 'Oh my Kira'.
Raising-Cain: ¬.¬
Mikami: Cain gave me instructions about this show. She said that God will forgive me if I do this.
Misa: Misa's bored! I wanna see what Light's doing!
Mikami: God?
Ryuk: Yeah, let's see them.
In the house
BB and Light: Rock, paper, scissors shoot!
Light: *grins* Ha, I beat you again! Scissors beat paper!
BB: If you win again, I will –
Near: Play nicely.
BB and Light: Rock, paper, scissors shoot!
*Light does rock* *BB pulls out his knife*
BB: *evilly* Knife beats rock. It also beats the crap out of you, Yagami.
Light: Oh, shi- *blood splatters*
Near: I SAID PLAY NICELY!
Matt: Screw it, Near. They won't listen to an albino child.
Near: I'M NOT ALBINO!
Mello: Is it someone's time of month?
*Nears gives Mello a death glare*
L: I suspect Near is irritated by the lack of toys in this building.
Raising-Cain: *uses author powers to revive Light* I wish I could give toys. But it's the reviewers' will.
Mikami: Let's ask them!
Raising-Cain: Wow, you actually have a good idea. So reviewers; should we get Near some toys? Or make him suffer?
Ryuk: *using hypnotist voice* make him suffer...make him suffer...
Raising-Cain: STFU Ryuk! Some people do like Near, y'know?
Ryuk: Really? O.o
Raising-Cain: Well, I do.
Mikami: First revie- *bashed by a baseball bat*
Raising-Cain: THAT'S MY LINE, YOU RETARD! First review! :)
Nyce nyce bay-bay.
I think that Mello and L must go against each other to get a bar of chocolate. Yeah, just take all sources of sugar away from them both!
Loving teh showw. -wiggles elbows-
-NP the Bunny/Ninja/Pirate
Raising-Cain: Evil, I like it! Mikami, notify the technician!
*Mikami mumbles about Kira-worshipper abuse*
A few minutes later...
At the house
Mello: I'm so damned hungry! Does no one understand my chocolate needs?
L: Don't complain, child. You don't see me complain about the severe lack of sweets *starts to salivate* gorgeous sweets...my precious, precious sweets...angel cake, shortcake, chocolate-
Mello: Don't you say a word about chocolate! And don't call me child!
L: Okay, child.
Mello: GTFO L!
Matt: Well, that wasn't nice.
Mello: I'm not a nice guy, GET. OVER. IT.
Near: *whispering* time of month...
*Mello punches Near in the face*
Studio: *le gasp*
Raising-Cain: O.O ...Well, before we see anymore Mello violence, let's pull those trapdoors!
*trapdoors are opened*
Mello: S**************T, NOT AGAIN! *echoes*
*both landed with a thump*
L: I can never look at a trapdoor the same way. They have officially scarred me for life.
*both see a bar of chocolate on a stool*
Mikami: Cue heavenly music!
Choir: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Mello: My...
L: Precious..
*glare at each other*
L: *battle cry* For justice!
Mello: *battle cry* For my stomach!
Raising-Cain: Oh God... (Mikami: Kira!)...time to censor!
VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE
Matsuda and Ryuk: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Raising-Cain: This is why I told Cain to disarm Mello. *uses author powers to heal L's gunshot wounds*
Mello: VICTORY!
L: Damn you, child!
Mello: Shut up, panda man! I whupped your a**, and you can't admit defeat! Loser!
Raising-Cain: Mello is p***ing me off. Scores, please.
L
Soichiro: Made a heroic effort – 3.5
Misa: T_T L was shot – 3
Mikami: Oh, now you care.
Matsuda: Mello is scary, so – 4
Ryuk: Come on, he didn't get it – 2.5
(The average is 3.3)
Mello
Soichiro: That is one disturbed child, but – 4
Misa: He scares me – 3
Matsuda: His obsession over chocolate is like my dad's obsession over socks! – 4
Ryuk: Good show – 4.5
(The average is 3.9)
Raising-Cain: Matsuda...socks?
Matsuda: No one ever asked about my life during the series.
Audience: Awww!
Raising-Cain: Right o.o Next review!
PoisonXLilly
I love it!
Keep up the good work!
I have a dare~!
They all must watch and comment on episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (or CardGamesFTW)
Raising-Cain: Well, Cain actually decided to watch the LittleKuriboh abridged series, and she loved it! We'll use that version.
After the set-up...
In the house
L: I hate you, child.
Mello: I hate you, panda man.
L: Bottle blonde!
Mello: Thumb sucker!
Near: *twirls lock of hair* Well, this is annoying.
Light: You should try hanging out with BB. It's even more annoying.
BB: What did you say, Imagay?
Raising-Cain: ^^Yay! BB knows the Imagay thing too! ^^
Audience: *le groan*
Light: *sigh* I'm sorry, My Royal Jam-ness. May I kiss your feet?
Matt: ?
BB: This is what happens if you lose rock paper scissors against me.
Matt: Mental note: NEVER lose to BB.
BB: *evil grin* easier said than done, my goggles man.
Mikami and Raising-Cain: TRAPDOOR!
*everyone yells in pain*
Mikami: TT_TT Why did I agree to this? God is hurt.
Raising-Cain: You will be too if you don't stop calling Imagay God.
Matsuda: Imagay God *giggles* I'm a gay God, so funny...
*crickets chirp*
Ryuk: You do realize that I'm a God, don't you?
Matsuda: A gay God?
Raising-Cain: *spots vodka* alright, who gave Matsuda alcohol?
Misa: *raises hand* O/O
Mikami: Stop that! Stop being mean to God! *takes out a sexy photo of Light* They don't mean it. I love you for what you did.
Raising-Cain: *bonks him with a frying pan* NO YAOI, HALF-WIT!
Soichiro: ...Let's get back to the show. They have all just watched Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Let's see what they thought.
Coming out of the TV room
Light: My eyes are burning from the cheesiness of it all! That is the crappiest abridged series ever! I'm sticking with 1Kidsentertainment's Death Note: The Abridged Series. That way, I can see myself.
L: Don't be so mean. It was nice, albeit crass. Yugi is a great friend. Most of the time.
Matt: I prefer video games to card games. WTF are adults doing playing a children's card game?
Mello: 'My voice gives me super strength!' *LOLs* That was brilliant.
Near: *trembling* So much vulgarity. *stops being prissy* But quite entertaining. It was fun to watch the 'My hair is your father' man.
BB: Not enough blood. If they were alive, I might kill them. But Bakura was cool.
All: Who?
Raising-Cain: *face palms* Scores, please. And make it fast; at least with Cain here, she could beat Mikami up for me. I'm tired.
*Mikami sits in the corner, wearing a dunce hat*
Mikami: *sob* I failed you, God. Again. Why am I a retard?
Raising-Cain: Some men were born retards, and some had retard-ness thrust upon them. *dramatic music*
Soichiro: Ahem, scores?
Raising-Cain: O/O Right. Continue.
Light
Soichiro: He was not nice – 3
Misa: You tell them Light! – 3.5
Matsuda: Egotistic b****** - 1
Ryuk: He hasn't changed a bit. Still doesn't give a s*** about anyone else – 0.5
L
Soichiro: His comment gave the series justice – 4
Misa: He understood Yugi so well – 4
Matsuda: Yeah, awesome comment – 4
Ryuk: *munches on apple* Good... – 4
Raising-Cain: Are you talking about the comment or the apple?
Ryuk: *nom nom nom* Both.
Matt
Soichiro: Kind of a negative response – 3
Misa: But he speaks the truth – 3.5
Matsuda: *sad face* I play children's card games – 3
Ryuk: Fair enough – 3.5
Mello
Soichiro: Surprisingly nice – 4.5
Misa: Misa loved it! – 4.5
Matsuda: He still creeps me out, but – 4
Ryuk: I think I like this guy. He's so bipolar – 4.5
Near
Soichiro: It's a 50/50 comment – 2.5
Misa: Can't he make up his mind? – 3
Matsuda: I understand where he's coming from – 3.5
Ryuk: Albino child! – 3
BB
Soichiro: For God's sake, someone restrain him – 2
Misa: His favourite character was Bakura? (Audience: Who?) – 2
Matsuda: o.O – 1.5
Ryuk: He's my favourite, next to Mello- 3.5 *fangirl moment*
Raising-Cain: Are you alright, Ryuk?
Ryuk: Never better!
Raising-Cain: *sweat drop*...Right. *mutes live feed* Let's take a look at the final scores!
Light – 17
L – 35.3
BB – 23
Mello – 26.9
Matt – 26.5
Near – 20.5
Raising-Cain: Wow! L has an amazing lead! But still in last place is Near. If you want Near to catch the others up, give him more dares! Individual dares do boost scores!
Mikami: So, thank you for watchi-*slams him into the delivery box and closes the lid *
Raising-Cain: STOP. SAYING. MY. LINES! As I was supposed to say, tune in next time, and –
*phone rings in the distance*
Random technician: Call for you.
Raising-Cain: Who said you can speak while we're on air?
*snatches phone*
Raising-Cain: Hello? Cain! Why did you send the most annoying replacement ever? You might as well have sent Demegawa! Oh, you have something to say? Hold on, let me put the phone near the mic...
Cain: *warbled* Give a huge hand to Raising-Cain, who single-handedly saved the show from falling into anarchy, led by Mikami. I watched the show, and the reviews were fantastic! Thanks so much, and I will be here next episode. Good night!
Mikami: GOD! SAVE ME! *Raising-Cain whacks him with baseball bat*
Cain: Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Don't forget to R+R, people! ^^
Raising-Cain: WHAT! YOU CAME BACK NOW? *Runs after Cain with baseball bat*
Cain: *somewhere off in the distance* Thanks guys! Bye! OW!