I don't really know anything much about Breast Cancer. I've done research, so I'm trying to get everything as accurate as possible.

I'm sensing a tissue warning…but I'm not completely sure. I'd have some just in case.

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BPOV

"Some breast cancers require the hormones estrogen and progesterone to grow, and have receptors for those hormones. Those cancers are treated with drugs that interfere with those hormones, usually tamoxifen. Low-risk, hormone-sensitive breast cancers may be treated with hormone therapy and radiation alone."

The doctor was talking, but I found it nearly impossible to focus.

Edward and I sat side by side in Dr. Gerandy's office, holding hands while he explained things to the both of us. It was extremely hard to hear, but I knew I had to do it.

"Breast cancers without hormone receptors, such as in your case, are of higher-risk, and are treated more aggressively. Cycophosphamide plus doxorubicin are some treatments available." Dr. Gerandy said, and Edward squeezed my fingers a little tighter in his. "The drugs damage DNA in the cancer, but could cause serious side effects later on. We could add docetaxel, a taxane, to your treatment as well. Taxane attacks the microtubules in cancer cells." The doctor continued to talk, but I found my mind wondering again.

What in the world would be say to our children? They were so young, so innocent…I didn't want to take their childhood away. I wanted Emmet to kept playing football, because he loved it so much, and I wanted Alice to continue being the sweet, energetic little girl she had always been.

Then, Edward tugged on my hand gently and I snapped back to attention, blushing a little bit.

I had to stop letting my thoughts wander. I wanted to know everything possible about this cancer so I could beat it.

"Radiation is usually added as well to take care of cancer cells that were missed by surgery, which usually extends survival."

"Aren't there risks to radiation? Like for the heart?" Edward interrupted, his lips pulled down in a slight frown.

Dr. Gerandy nodded solemnly. "Although radiation is helpful, exposure to the heart may cause some damage or maybe even heart failure later in life." He explained, and Edward and I exchanged a fearful look.

"And what about chemotherapy?" I asked, leaning forward slightly.

"We're going to start you on chemotherapy first, to see how well that works. You'll come in as an outpatient once and week and we'll get you set up with a hickman-line. There's a good chance you'll experience some nausea and vomiting, but you'll also be given an anti nausea drug to try and keep that under control. If the chemo doesn't take effect…we'll have to schedule you for a mastectomy and remove your right breast. Later, you can have an implantation."

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to absorb everything.

There was just so much to take in.

"And what about breastfeeding? After this, will it be possible to do that?" I asked, and Edward shot me a confused look.

We hadn't talked about the possibility of another child in at least a year. But if I made it through this, I wanted another baby. I wanted to have another child with the husband I loved so much.

"You won't be able to breastfeed from your right breast." Dr. Gerandy said without missing a beat. "There would be too much tissue loss for that breast to properly lactate."

I nodded, and Edward put his arm around my waist. His face was like stone, and I so wanted to know what he was thinking right now.

Our discussion continued for a while longer, and it only got scarier from there. Hearing all the things that could go wrong…it was horrible.

Absolutely, mind numbingly horrible.

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Usually, sitting around the table with my children and husband made me feel better. But not tonight.

Telling my children that I had cancer…I wasn't sure how they would take it. I wasn't even sure how to tell them that I was sick.

"Emmet, Alice…" I said carefully, and both of them looked up at me from their plates. Seeing their wide eyes…Emmet's dark brown ones and Alice's bright green…it somehow made this much harder. I wasn't sure what would happen to that sparkle in their eyes after this discussion. "Daddy and I have…we have something we need to talk to you about."

"Am I grounded?! Because I really didn't mean to break the swing, it just-"

"No, Emmet. You're not in trouble." Edward said, but he didn't look up from his plate and his voice was low and rough.

I took and deep breath and gripped my fork tightly in my hand. "I'm sick." I finally said, unsure of how to tell them just how sick I really was.

"Like I was sick last week?" Alice piped up, taking a gulp of her juice. "Because it's okay mommy. You'll get better soon, like I did." I tried to smile at that, but I felt tears rush to my eyes and threaten to spill over.

"Mommy is sicker than you were." Edward said softly, lifting his head. His eyes were red, but tears had yet to fall.

"With what?" Emmet asked, his eyes wide with alarm.

"There's this disease called cancer." I said quietly. "And it can happen to anyone, on any part of their body. I went to the doctor last week, and they found a tumor. I have to start treatment real soon, or I won't get better.

Edward nodded, his eyes fixated on me. "Your mother is going to be very tired and sick, okay? We don't want you to be scared, because that's something the medicine mommy has to take causes."

Alice's eyes were filled with tears then, her bottom lip trembling. "When will you get better?" She asked in a small voice.

"You're not going to die, right?" Emmet asked, and then the tears I had been holding back broke through.

Everyone else was silent as I sobbed; holding my face in my hands as my body racked violently. Then Edward suddenly pulled me out of my chair and held me tightly against him, rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head. Then Emmet joined the hug as well, his arms tight around my waist. And then Alice, who clung to my legs and buried her face into my waist.

We were all crying, although Emmet and Alice didn't completely understand why. That must be terrible…

Not knowing why something so terrible has happened to your family.

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Watching Four Christmases with my husband and the rest of the man child brigade. Good stuff.

Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie