I made it to the cemetery only minutes later. The sun was high and I stood for a long moment listening to the wind rustle every leave, trying to clear my mind of everything that had just happened. Trying to put together the little pieces I had missed over the last few days. But even the vague memories I could muster still felt like a wall. Like I was missing a grand picture that I just couldn't bring into focus. Something wasn't right. I felt distant from the world. Why did everything feel so strange. Why did I feel the way I did when Damon was around.
I walked to my parents grave and sat down bringing my knees to my chest. I thought about my old life that was a world away it seemed. Mom, dad and Jeremy. Things were so different now. Suddenly I was enraged. My body burned with anger with no particular reason. I jumped up and ripped a branch off a tree and sent it hurling towards another. I watched it burst into splinters and fall to the ground. I watched as two rabbits fled from the area and in a flash I had one laying in my hands draining it of life. I began to cry as I looked down at it's lifeless body in my hands. Why had I become what I was, why did I do this to myself. Nothing was worth being a monster. I couldn't imagine why I would have ever cared. The watched the other rabbit that had stopped and was staring in intense fear at me.
"I'm sorry!" I screamed. I took off and ran another mile or so north into the woods where I finally laid down on the forest floor and stared up through the canopy of the trees. The tears streaked down the sides of my face. I laid for hours, thinking and rethinking and sometimes trying to not think at all. The sun was beginning to fade and the forest became a pink hue. That's when a new wave of strength hit me. I sat up and wiped my face dry. I would stop trying to make sense of everything. I was what I was and there was nothing I could change now. If I wanted my life back I would just make it that way. I had Jeremy and Jenna and Stefan. I would start hanging out with my friends again and get my life back on track. I couldn't reverse anything so I would make the best of it. I nodded in conformation to myself and got back up.
I decided to head to the Salvatore's house and stay with Stefan. Try to get a feel back for my old comforting places. I headed to the edge of the woods and made my way back onto the road. I was only a few miles from the house. I walked at a slow steady pace, hearing a car approach from behind me, The headlights casting my shadow in front of me.
"Where are you headed?" I heard his familiar voice ring in my ear. I sighed and looked to find Damon in my car.
"I'm heading to see Stefan." I answered. He nodded and then smiled.
"I can get you as far as the driveway." He answered sarcastically still smiling. I rolled my eyes and trying to ignore the jump in my stomach. I opened the passenger side door and got in. He put the car in drive and began our way to the house.
"Thanks for the new tire." I said noticing the donut tire had been replaced with a new one.
"Don't mention it." He answered. Suddenly the sky seemed to open up and rain began pouring in sheets. We drove in silence other then the radio playing quietly. I looked over, studying his face carefully. His brows were drawn in a troublesome crease, seemingly deep in thought. Finally we pulled into the driveway. We sat for a moment listening to the rain beat down on the car. Niether of us moving or speaking, and suddenly something seemed familiar to me. Something about me sitting in the car, the rain, and him. It seemed like I'd been here before.
"Deja vu." I said before I even knew I was saying it. He looked over at me. A look of strange surprise lit up his face.
"What is it? What do remember?" He asked calmly.
I laughed lightly. "I don't remember anything, it's deja vu Damon. It's just...the sitting in the car in the rain...with..." I stopped trying to avoid even more awkwardness.
"Me?" He finished.
I didn't answer. He nodded.
"I guess we should get inside." He finally said nodding towards the house.
Once we got inside Stefan headed around the corner.
"You weren't at school, I just called the house and you weren't there, I was worried." Stefan said helping me take off my jacket.
"I'm fine." I smiled. I looked up just in time to see Stefan sending a dark look over my shoulder to Damon. He then returned his focus to me.
"Well good. Do you want to hang out down here or do you just want us to go lay down upstairs? " He asked wiping some of the drops of rain from the top of my hair.
"Let's just go to bed." I sighed.
"Alright, let's get upstairs then." He smiled. I began to walk towards the staircase when I noticed him sharing another dark glance toward Damon. He made his way up to me and we started upstairs.
"Elena?" I heard Damon call. I turned to see a tortured expression draw his face.
"Yeah?"
He stood in silence for a long moment. "Goodnight." He finally said.
"Goodnight." I replied.
Stefan closed the door behind him upstairs.
"Where were you today?" Stefan asked joining me on the bed.
"I had to get out of the school today. I just wasn't feeling ...right." I answered.
"So you were with Damon?" He asked.
"No, no I went to see my parents...clear my head. I got a flat tire though and he came and fixed it and he saw me walking to the house...gave me a ride." I answered feeling strangely on trial.
He nodded seeming to relax. A few quiet moments went by.
"I love you Elena." He said.
"I love you to." I answered.
The next morning I made my way downstairs with Stefan. I didn't see Damon anywhere, although I noted that I searched.
"Hey, before you go, let me get you something. I'll be right back." Stefan disappeared down the hall towards the cellar. I went over to the oak cabinets that lined the library and grabbed a bottle of rum shoving it in my bag. The nagging feeling obviously wasn't done with me so I thought I would try to drink it away later in the night. Stefan finally returned holding a glass.
"Here drink this. It will help you." It was filled with a rich dark blood. Upon drinking I instantly knew it was human.
"Where did you get this?" I asked finishing it off and handing him back the glass.
"Damon...and I got it for you when ...I changed you." He answered. I nodded, not knowing if I wanted to know any more if Damon was involved.
Damon walked into the room without looking at us and went straight for the scotch on the counter.
"Well, I'm going to go." I said.
Stefan leaned in and kissed me until I heard the glass Damon had slammed down on the counter. I pulled back and we both looked at Damon who was pouring another glass.
"Love you." Stefan smiled. Without answering I turned and headed out to my car where I felt like I could somewhat breath again. I pulled out of the horseshoe driveway and headed down the road. I rolled the windows down and let the crisp air filter through the car, through my hair. I caught the scent of something familiar and comforting. I instantly looked down searching for this perfect scent when I caught a glimpse of something sitting in the passenger seat. I pulled over on the side of the road and put it in park. I took a deep breath and picked up the brown hoodie. The hoodie Damon pulled off yesterday and put in the car. I ran my fingers over the fabric and the wool inside. I held it up to my face and took in the scent deeply. It was intoxicating, it felt so familiar and so safe and comforting. I held it close, burying my face into it again and again as I let the tears fall.
(Damon & Stefan)
Damon stared darkly at Stefan until he heard Elena pull away.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Damon demanded.
"Damon, what do you want me to do? You know we obviously have to play by Katherine's rules or Elena's going to become even more of a target then she already is. Katherine feels like she's not as much of a threat with me and that our relationship will fizzle out eventually. I guess because you changed so much with Elena she felt like she might have you completely out of her control. This is the best thing for her and you know it." Stefan explained.
"Well isn't that convenient for you!" Damon snapped. "I have to tell her Stefan, I can't do this anymore. We can protect her from Katherine." Damon pleaded.
"Can we! Can we protect her Damon? Think about it. Were all together a lot, but were not with her all the time. Are you willing to let Katherine slip through the cracks the minute were off guard and allow something to happen to her?"
"This is torture Stefan! I'm willing to keep watch over her 24/7 for the rest of eternity, I don't care...I can't do this!" Damon yelled.
"How do you think I felt! I've been through this Damon if you remember. But I just want her to be happy just like you do." Damon walked closer to Stefan.
"Well, she's clearly not happy Stefan. Have you noticed that? She's in pain. She misses me she just doesn't realize it." Damon said softly.
"I know." Stefan replied simply. He turned and began to walk upstairs.
"Stefan." Damon called. Stefan turned and looked at Damon. "I thought you were supposed to forget to." Damon said.
"I did to, I guess she changed her mind. I guess she's trying to break the two of us down to." Stefan replied.
I drove with no specific place in mind until I realized I was down the street from Bonnies house. I pulled into her driveway and ran to the door. I went to knock when she opened the door. Her face fell into shock when she saw my face.
"Elena! What's wrong? She asked grabbing my arm.
"I'm losing my mind." I managed to choke out between tears.
"Come in." She demanded pulling me inside. We went upstairs to her room and sat down on her bed. I took in the room and realized it hadn't changed it all since the last time I was here. I also realized I missed her horribly.
"What's going on Elena?" She asked kindly putting her hand on my shoulder.
"I don't know. Bonnie I'm...I'm a"
"I know." She said. "Stefan told me they turned you." She explained.
"You don't hate me?" I began to cry harder.
"Of course I don't Elena. But something tells me that's not why your here."
"I can't tell you what's wrong Bonnie because I don't quite know myself. I just feel confused. I don't remember the last dew days very well. Something seems wrong and I can't stop thinking about..."
"Damon?" She asked tilting her head.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"Elena I'm psychic remember? And I can tell that brown sweater your clutching to you isn't Stefans. It's his."
I broke down completely and fell into her arms. "It just makes me feel better." I choked out. She ran her hand over my hair for what seemed like forever as my sobbing quieted. I sat back up.
"I just don't know what to do Bonnie." I sniffled. She sat and watched me trying to compose myself. She had the strangest expression on her face, somewhere between sadness and contemplation.
"Are you inlove with him Elena? Are you inlove with Damon?" She asked quietly.
My stomach went weak.
"No...I mean...I don't know." I answered feeling the tears coming back. "He seemed so different today Bonnie. He seems so...soft. I mean, I almost wish he would act like his usual jerk self or do some horrible thing just so it would feel normal again." I explained.
"Do you really want that? Do you just want him to go back to normal and you can be happy with Stefan, or not?" She asked.
"I don't know what I want Bonnie. I just want to be happy again. That's all." I answered.
"Okay." She simply replied. "Everything is going to be just fine Elena. I promise." She said.
"Do you really think so?" I asked.
"Yes." She smiled softly.
(Sorry for such a long break guys! I live in Vegas and I've had a lot of visitors over the summer. Hope you enjoy it whether your new or an old reader. Please please leave reviews!)
3 Alexis