Disclaimer: see chapter 1...
Thanks for reading if you've continued past the first three chapters. This will be completed soon (I hope...work and life continue to be hectic). I hope it does the Supernatural world justice and, even though it will wind up being obsolete once Season 6 comes back, I hope it works for all you fans out there!
Please review, whether you hate it or love it! Thanks again!
Sam hunts almost all the time now. He does it under the radar, taking small cases that won't attract too much attention. He doesn't know exactly how much hunting Dean has cut out of his life; how much, if at all, he talks to Bobby and Rufus. It's safe to say that Bobby would call Dean the millisecond he heard a rumor of Sam being topside and that's not what Sam wants. His older brother has earned the right to cut his ties and be "Joe Somebody" with a nine-to-five job and a pretty wife with two-point-five kids. If anyone has earned that right, Dean Winchester - who sacrificed his life and happiness countless times, who went to Hell and came back, who saved the world - deserved it.
Sam lives meagerly, hustling pool and poker to earn the cash to pay for the crappy fast food and even crappier motels. He never stays in one town for more than a few days, long enough to complete his job and move on. He doesn't notice the pretty girls who smile at him from across the hole-in-the-wall diners he sometimes stops in and his perpetual "game face" keeps them from approaching him. Gone are the puppy-dog eyes Dean used to rag on him about. Sam's face is hard, hazel eyes distant, and he barely recognizes the person he sees in the mirror most mornings.
Occasionally, he has nightmares and, on those nights, he fishes a bottle of Jack Daniels out of his duffle bag and numbs his brain with liquor. It helps...sometimes. Sam almost wishes he could pick his nightmares because he'd try to make them all the pit. Those are the ones he can reconcile himself with. Sam deserves pain and anguish for all the terrible things he did in the name of good because they were still evil actions. He feels he's earned every second of torture he suffered while in Hell. But those aren't the nightmares Sam has. It's the time spent with Lucifer inside him that haunts Sam most nights.
Lucifer had taunted Sam from the confines of his own mind. Had pointed out how fate had led them to where they were now and that, as long as Dean kept his nose out of things, Lucifer would spare him. After all, it was clear that Dean was never going to say yes to Michael and possibly be responsible for killing Sam. Sam had fought hard, ignoring Lucifer's longwinded internal speeches, had scratched and clawed towards the surface as Lucifer had blown Castiel to bits, snapped Bobby's neck, and begun beating Dean mercilessly.
Eventually, as the memories of Sam's childhood - all the years he'd spent in the backseat of the Impala; all the days, months, years, he'd spent traveling around the country with his big brother; all the little moments of peace and happiness that Sam had held on to over years - came flooding out of his mind with a force Sam had never thought he was capable of. That had been the final blow that had freed Sam and made him able to overpower Lucifer. He'd fought his way back to his big brother and, with what Sam had thought would be his last living act, put Lucifer back where he'd always belong.
It had been a relief, after waking up in the middle of an empty cemetery in the middle of the night, to find himself alone inside his own body. Whoever, or whatever, pulled Sam from the pit had made sure Lucifer was left behind. Even though Sam had no idea how he got topside, he would be forever grateful to the entity that had made it happen. It was just too bad it couldn't have erased the memories of having the devil inside him.