Disclaimer: See Chapter One
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
A/N: Thank you LadyRainbow for the great advice.
T'Pol looked around her white space, expectantly, but she was alone. She had hoped Trip would join her there on his own so they could talk more freely, even though she hadn't summoned him. She simply wished that he would come on his own after she had seen him in his cabin. She closed her eyes and reopened them to see the flame that sat on her meditation table.
She so wanted to reach out to help Trip in some way, but she didn't know how. She fully comprehended his grief—right from the night Elizabeth died—but she still wasn't sure how to interact with him. They were bonded, their minds linked in shared sorrow that was incomprehensible to anyone else, especially given the bizarre circumstances of Elizabeth's life and death. Yet, even though the Syrannites considered the matebond to be a marriage, she had kept her distance. Thanks to their mind link, she knew that seeing her reminded him of Elizabeth and flooded his mind with pain. The pain then flowed into her own mind, and she could barely suppress it. She could not bear causing him pain, not after all she had put him through, and moreover, a human untrained in the art of meditation might not be able to withstand exposure the to full fury of her Vulcan grief, if she did finally lose control of it completely.
Ironic, she thought, that our previous journey to Vulcan was so peaceful. Those days, less than a year ago, seemed as though they were centuries in the past.
T'Pol opened her eyes, momentarily disoriented by the Vulcan gravity and heat of her cabin. As she inhaled a pleasant human scent, however, memory returned. She realized that she was under the blanket, while a sweating Trip lay next to her naked and without a covering. She was unclothed as well, as they hadn't bothered redressing after their sexual relations and instead drifted off to sleep in each other's arms. Clearly, despite his assurances to the contrary, Trip was not fine with the Vulcan temperature of the cabin.
T'Pol sat up and watched the rise and fall of his chest and the peaceful expression on his face. She had touched and kissed nearly every part of his body, yet it gave her pleasure just to observe him. They had been lovers for some time now, but she had never seen him sleeping like this.
After what was probably nearly an hour of enjoying the sight of him, he stirred and his eyes groggily opened. He smiled slightly.
"Hey," he said, "It's not morning yet, is it?"
She shook her head. "We retired early, if you recall. It's shortly after 0100 hours."
He stretched and sat up, then playfully pulled the blanket off her body, tossing it on the floor in a heap.
"That's better," he said as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She relaxed against his cool body and soon was enjoying the feel of his strong hands lightly caressing her all over. "I didn't imagine the best part of the trip would be the Vulcan transport," he said softly, "not even when you broke it to me that we'd be sharing your cabin."
"The purser raised an eyebrow when I told him you would be staying with me," she replied, "Although I don't know why, it was the only logical choice given the rest of the staterooms were booked."
Trip's mouth covered hers, and she shivered slightly as his tongue explored her mouth. Her body melted into into his. After awhile, he broke the kiss and traced his fingers over her ear and down her jawline.
"Are you sure you shouldn't tell your Mama about us?" he asked, "I, mean, she's gonna wonder why you brought me."
T'Pol sighed and gazed into his eyes. She couldn't imagine taking a mate other than Trip, and part of her very much wanted her mother to know that. But human mating customs were different. They certainly didn't rush into lifetime commitments, that was certain. It wouldn't be fair to put Trip under the pressure that would come by arriving as her mate. He viewed their visit as a vacation, and after the trauma of The Expanse, he deserved a chance to relax.
"No," she finally replied, "I would rather have a peaceful visit. If it becomes necessary to tell her about us in the future, I will write a letter. That is customary."
Trip gave her a skeptical look, but he did not reply. Instead, he pulled her on top of him. She straddled him and began returning his caresses.
"Well then," he said, "we'll have to make the most of the five days we've got before we arrive."
"Agreed," she whispered.
T'Pol stood up and headed down the bright hallway to the turbolift, passing several monks on the way. Thanks to their Vulcan discipline, none of them stared, which was a relief. She took the lift to the top deck and entered the meditation atrium. It was a large, domed space that contained a circular Vulcan garden, including sand, rocks and desert plants. As he had promised, Captain Valrick was there. He was seated on a cushion in the center of the garden, his eyes open as he stared up at the whirring stars above.
"I spent 30 years in a monastery on T'Khut," he sighed, "I don't think I'll ever adjust to blurred stars. I like them as I expect to see them. It was difficult enough to adjust to the configuration of Earth's sky. Even before, when I served on a starship, I couldn't meditate near a window."
T'Pol glanced up at the skylight. At this point, she was more accustomed to the whirring than she was a planet's skyscape. She found the meditation garden, whirring stars and all, soothing and peaceful. The space, along with the monk's calm presence, helped her control her maelstrom of emotions. "I would again like to express my gratitude that you have chosen to return to Vulcan sooner than you'd planned," she said.
"Gratitude isn't very Vulcan-like," he said, but before she could explain, he continued, "but perhaps that should change now that our people are changing. I think Surak would be in favor of gratitude."
T'Pol was silent. She had only begun to understand the changes that were coming to Vulcan society thanks to the discovery Kir'Shara, and she wasn't comfortable expressing an opinion.
"You did not come here just to express gratitude, T'Pol, even you have not become that human."
She clasped her hands behind her back and approached him as he got to his feet. She did not wish to make the monk uncomfortable by even a telltale sign of emotion. She spoke plainly and carefully.
"What I am about to tell you is in strictest confidence and requires the revelation of personal information," she said, "You will understand when I tell you." He nodded and she continued. "Commander Tucker and I have formed a matebond. It has allowed us to share our grief during this difficult time. However, I do not believe it's in his best interest to remain bonded with me. Do you know a way the bond could be safely severed?"
If Captain Valrick was shocked by this news, it did not show on his face. "Has Commander Tucker expressed a desire to be free of the bond?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No," she replied, "but I wish to give him the opportunity to be free of me, if the bond can be safely broken."
Valrick clasped his hands behind his back in a gesture that mimicked her own.
"The two of you have appeared very much mated to me," he replied, "So much, I confess being surprised when you requested separate quarters. You are bonded. You have had a child together, regardless of the circumstances. What makes you think he would want to sever the bond?"
"He did not choose to bond with me. He did not choose to have a child with me. Humans value freedom of choice. The brief life of our daughter inspired a strong desire in me to remain bonded with Mr. Tucker, but my wish to be his mate should not be forced upon him. If he senses my desire, he might feel obligated to stay with me."
Valrick appeared to ponder her words for a few moments before speaking. "Your daughter made you believe that creating a family with a human was not only possible but desirable. You wish to remain bound to him, but you think he will resent you for trapping him as well as causing him pain."
"Yes," she asserted, "He must be free to make his own choice of a mate and not be compelled by a bond that is alien to him."
Valrick sighed. "Matebonds are dangerous things to break. They don't form by accident or by force. Bonds evolve when a couple is open to one, and become stronger through difficult times. However, if you both truly desire the bond to be severed, it can be done. However, it will require you to go through Kolinar and have your memories of him suppressed. That is, if you wish to be able to take a Vulcan mate."
T'Pol swallowed. She wanted none of that, but she needed to let Trip go, even if it destroyed her. It was for his own good. "I will discuss this with Commander Tucker," she replied.
Valrick nodded. "I would advise waiting until after your child's interment to broach the subject. Once the funeral is over, the human will be able to think more clearly and make an informed decision."
T'Pol nodded. Valrick's advice was wise, and she would follow it.
Trip arrived to the commissary promptly, just as the monks were arriving. The long room had communal wooden tables and was lit with candlelight. The space vaguely suggested a monastery, albeit a contemporary, space-faring one.
The ship's chief engineer approached him. "Would you care to dine with me, Commander? I would be interested in hearing about your ship's warp technology and sharing information about ours."
Trip bit his lip to hold back a smile. The Syrranite Revolution sure as hell had changed Vulcan attitudes about sharing technology. "I'd like that."
Soon, Trip found himself in deep conversation with the engineer while dining on a meal that weirdly combined bland Vulcan food with spicier vegetarian options from Earth. Apparently, the monks' chef had learned out to make tabouli and hummus. A few minutes into the meal, he looked up and saw T'Pol arrive with Captain Valrick.
The old Syrannite had been a friend of her mother's, a former Starship captain that had been living in a secret Syrannite monastery for decades. Now that his order was out of the closet, they had decided to do some exploring and check out the universe's infinite diversity for themselves. The Sol system was their first stop, and so they had been nearby when the Terra Prime incident happened.
Trip's eyes met T'Pol's and they acknowledged each other with a slight nod as she sat down with Valrick. Trip turned his attention back to the engineer, but his mind remained on T'Pol for the rest of the meal.
After agreeing to spend some time in engineering the next day, Trip excused himself and headed back to his room. T'Pol had disappeared before he could speak to her. Part of him wanted to seek her out and offer her whatever comfort he could, but he feared his human emotions would only hurt her. He knew she was having a hard enough time dealing with her own sorrow, let alone hers.
Halfway to his cabin, he ran into Captain Valrick. He took a deep breath. He had heard that Valrick had deep knowledge of Vulcan . . .stuff. Stuff that Trip needed to know about it.
"Good evenin', Captain. I wanted to thank you again for taking T'Pol and me to Vulcan. It means a lot both of us."
The older man paused at that, before responding. "It means a great deal to us to be able to help T'Pol and you during this difficult time."
Trip paused this time. "May I talk to you about something else? It's kinda personal. . ." his voice drifted off.
"I was just heading up to the meditation garden before retiring. Most of the monks prefer to use it in the morning, so it should be empty. Would you like to join me?"
Trip nodded and followed him to the atrium with the rocks and Vulcan cacti. Weird that they managed to make a starship smell like a desert. Desert smells made him uncomfortable, even pleasant ones, but he didn't say so.
"What can I help you with, Commander?"
"First," replied Trip, "You need to promise me that this goes nowhere else. What I am about to say is very personal. On Earth, priests and monks have to keep things to themselves."
"This conversation will not be shared," replied the monk as he gestured to one of the benches.
"All right," said Trip as he sat down, "T'Pol and I have one of these Vulcan mating bonds. You know what that is, right?"
It occurred to Trip that he didn't know if these monks had wives or not. From what little he knew about Vulcan mating cycles, an Earth-style monastic life was probably impossible.
"I know what that is. What do you want to know?" replied Valrick as he sat down next to Trip.
"Well," said Trip slowly, "The bond formed between us by accident. I was wondering if there was any way to break it. . .I mean, if it was up to me, I'd keep it. Lord knows I'd keep it, despite everything. Our daughter, Elizabeth, she made me think T'Pol and I could have life together — one that felt . . .right to me. . .but she was pressured into one marriage she didn't want. . .and she shouldn't be forced into another, especially not with a human who blasts her with his emotions all the time."
Valrick was quiet, but he looked at Trip very . . .oddly. Vulcans were difficult to read under normal circumstances, but Valrick was a puzzle wrapped in an enigma.
"I love her," said Trip, "and if I have to give her up so she can be happy or content or whatever you Vulcans call it. I'll do it. I did it before, I can do it again. She doesn't deserve anymore hurt."
Valrick sighed. "It seems to me that neither of you deserve any more pain, of that I am certain. But to answer your question, it is possible to sever a matebond if both parties truly wish it to be severed, though there might be unpleasant side effects, especially for a human."
Trip exhaled a relieved breath. Even if it turned his brains to scrambled eggs, he'd do it to help her. He couldn't bring their daughter back, but he'd help T"Pol find some peace.
"Good," said Trip.
The monk stood as though to leave, but he stopped. "Commander, I would advise you to wait until after the funeral ritual to discuss this with T'Pol. She'll be more in control of her emotions then and thus more capable of making the logical choice. You both need to consider the matter in detail before proceeding."
With that, the old monk turned on his heel and headed toward the door.