04. CONFESSIONS

SULPICIA CALI
The years pass, turn into decades, and then centuries. We witness the rise and fall of societies, participating in some, ignoring most. Eternity is longer than any of us were able to imagine. Velathri becomes Volterrae becomes Volterra, and our coven takes on the name Volturi, growing until Marcus is more frequently required in the great hall with Aro and Caius. The latter two thrive in this new, more powerful environment; Marcus broods without his wife. His angst is understandable; I cannot fathom living without Didyme.

Of the three of us wives, Athenodora is given the most freedom, and she spends the time apart from her husband in the marketplaces and sometimes with travel to far-off lands. She returns with handcrafted potteries, colorful—if flawed—human paintings, and so many books that soon we will need to add another library to the fortress.

Didyme and I love to hear her stories. The world is so vastly different since we were last a part of it. Sometimes I am thankful for eternity, that I should be so lucky to see the world change, even if I view it only by vicarious means.

I do not mind that I cannot join in on these travels. Our husbands' trials and Athenodora's absence leave Didyme and me together—and alone—more than ever before.

We are never far from each other during these times. If we are not casually embracing, we are holding hands. It is easy and beautiful, more an act of touching a part of my own body than it is touching another. I know her, for I know myself. Our similarities are part of what draws me to her; we understand each other, not only as the wives of powerful rulers, but as vampires, as childless and ageless women.

Aro is my other half, the piece of my existence that I cannot survive without. Didyme, though, is an extension of myself, a part that I might be able to survive without, but which undoubtedly makes me a better creature with its existence. I am in love with both of them, but for very different reasons. It is painful to not act on this love. The pain grows exponentially with each decade that passes.

An unspoken sentiment lies heavy and thick in my mouth.

I love you.

A tension is wedged between us.

I want you.

We sit now by one of the large outdoor fountains, our feet dangling over the stone edge, resting in the water. The scent of lilies is in the air, and afternoon sun falls upon us. I am entranced by Didyme's flawless skin, the way the light refracts from her body onto mine in what my imagination suggests is an almost intimate pattern. Since their completion in the last century, the outdoor gardens and fountains—fenced off from the human eye—have become our favorite places to sit. We rarely speak, our stories having already been told a hundred times over. For us, it is always enough to simply be.

Didyme holds my hand and traces the lines of my venom-filled veins. "Sulpicia?"

"Yes, sister?"

She does not look at me as she speaks. "I feel you should know that Marcus and I have decided to leave Volterra. We have considered this for a while now, as you probably know. Marcus will ask for Aro's blessing today. It is a formality, of course." She rolls her eyes. "It is not as if my brother has not seen our desire to leave for quite some time now." She chuckles.

I try to mask my pain. I knew this was coming, since she mentioned a year ago that she and Marcus were making plans about where they would go next; Londinium is a contender. Aro's sudden relief and the way he has begun to complain less about the time I spend with his sister has told me for a while now that they would leave soon. For some foolish reason, I think he believes that once Didyme is gone, I will move on and forget her. But how might one forget the sun? It is impossible.

I trap Didyme's fingers with my own. "I am happy for you, sister." And I am envious. Freedom from these walls, this place, will never come for me. I have never wanted it until now, until the idea of Didyme leaving me behind. I conjure up images of the four of us—Marcus, Didyme, Aro and I—freely existing as nomads. It is a fool's dream, as Aro will never let go of his precious Volturi coven; his greed and pride will never allow it. I will be here with him until another coven overtakes us, or until the world crumbles to dust. "When do you depart?" I ask.

"Soon," Didyme whispers. I hear the excitement in her voice. "The next full moon, at the latest."

"I see."

She untangles her hand from mine for a moment, leaving our only point of contact to our shoulders, where we are leaning against one another. She heaves a deep and unnecessary breath into her lungs and says, "You and I are bonded, you know, in our own strange way."

I stiffen beside her, uncomfortably exposed.

"It is all right," she continues. "I have always known, and certainly Marcus knows." She smiles. "In fact, he was the one to assure me that my feelings were not one-sided. He does not mind, Sulpicia…he knows this is not the same bond I share with him, nor a competing one. He wants us to see this through before we leave. He says we will regret not doing so. He…gives his blessing." Reaching up, she brushes a stray lock of hair behind my ear. Her touch is soft, like a gentle spring breeze. "You cannot possibly know how long I have wanted to act on my desires." She laughs softly. "Well, perhaps you do know. We have been dancing around each other for so long."

Over the centuries, I have often thought about a moment such as this, where Didyme might declare similar affections to my own, but now that the moment has come, I realize that what one wants and what one may have are two very different things. "I cannot pursue this," I say. "Aro will not allow it. He is jealous of you—how people follow you out of love, rather than fear…" I frown at my lap. "He sees my…affection for you to be a betrayal."

Didyme sighs, and her hand leaves the side of my face. "I know you love my brother, but Aro has always been jealous and paranoid, even when we were human, and so he will forever be." She shrugs. "Embrace it as a part of who he is, but do not give into it." She leans closer, her body turning into mine just slightly. "Give into this, instead. He will not know until later, and by then it will be too late for him to change anything." Her mouth nears the shell of my ear, and she whispers, "Give into me, sister. Let us love one another, even if for just this one time in all eternity."