First of all, I just want to say, I am so sorry it has been so long since I last updated. Computer problems plus college work means not a lot of writing on my part. Somehow the first time I wrote this chapter, my computer managed to delete it, so I've had to rewrite. Hope you like the chapter and thanks for the previous reviews on other chapters. X

The insistent banging on the door would have been extremely annoying if I wasn't scared out of my life due to the experience I had just undergone. My hands were still shaking even though I knew whatever had just happened to me had subsided.

'Rose, come on, open up.' Dimitri commanded, his forceful pounds shaking the door almost off its hinges.

'I'll be out in a minute.' I called as lightly as I could manage with the disturbing turbulent thoughts whirling through my head.

I had actually anticipated Dimitri leaving me alone, uselessly wishing that he would ignore the false tremor in my voice and think of it as nothing more than me feeling ill, or a bit off. But Dimitri being Dimitri, and knowing me better than I knew myself, I should have guessed better. He knew there was something wrong with me, he knew something wasn't right, and nothing would budge him from the other side of the door.

He hit the door harder, shaking the door handle, making it sound a vile metal screech at the displeasure of being disturbed. 'Roza, if you don't come out here now or let me in, I will force this door open.' He warned, the seriousness in his voice leaving no doubt in my mind that he in fact meant every word he spoke.

This was all I needed, Dimitri on my case when I hadn't even got my own head around what had just happened. 'I said I will be out in a minute.' I snapped, loosing patience not only with him, but with the whole problem I had at hand. A louder bang reverberated from the door and around the room. I glared at the door, gritting my teeth. 'If you wake Libby up, I will seriously kill you.'

Immediately Dimitri quietened, he might want to get to me urgently, but he didn't want Libby disturbed in the process if it wasn't a life or death matter – yet anyway. 'I'll be in the living room when you're ready to come out.' He whispered, although his voice was low, he knew I could hear him.

Finally, silence. The noiseless atmosphere immediately engulfed me in its questioning muteness. I knew that in this alone time that Dimitri had finally given me, I should contemplate what had just gone on, but for some reason, I just couldn't face the prospect of that. What I didn't know or understand couldn't hurt me, right? Isn't it better to live in blissful ignorance than be inundated with information I have no use for, or that could uselessly freak me out?

Taking a deep breath, I unbolted the door and slipped out, making as little noise as possible, revelling in the momentary silence that I knew was about to expire any second.

I wondered into the kitchen, very aware of Dimitri on the couch, eyeing me cautiously, like I was a time bomb, ready to explode and leave nothing but devastation and destruction in its wake. Still blanking his hot, insistent gaze, I snatched a glass from one of the cupboards and filled it with water, taking a long satisfying gulp before heading to the living room, to be greeted by the inevitable questions already trying to break free of Dimitri's compressed curiosity.

I didn't meet his stare as I sat down on the chair opposite him, next to the window overlooking the academy's campus. I tried to loose myself in my observation of the hustle and bustle of the students making their way from A to B and greeting any familiar faces on their travels. There was something therapeutic about people watching. Allowing yourself to step outside of your own life and watch others carry on with their normal escapades, it sort of provided me with a release I desperately needed right now.

'Are you going to talk to me, or am I going to have to go talk to Lissa?' Dimitri asked in a curt tone, knowing that if I intended to keep my problem from him, that Lissa would know about it and most likely for my own good, divulge the information to him.

Slowly, I brought my head around to face him. His eyes were fiercely studying my every expression, pressing me for the answers he so desperately wanted. The answers that I knew I couldn't give him. If I told him what was happening to me, would he leave me? Again? Would he take our daughter with him? Branding me an unfit parent and more of a liability than anything else? He had left me once not long after I had told him of my impossible sightings of Mason, why would he stay this time?

I knew I was being irrational, and Dimitri would never do something like that to me again, it wasn't his fault last time. But what if when he had abandoned me he had considered it a lucky escape?

My thoughts were so jumbled they were almost unrecognisable and totally unreadable. I must be seriously messed up if I can't understand what is going on in my own head. I rubbed my eyes viciously, trying to wipe away the scrambled thoughts shooting through my head. One thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to infect my family with my problems; I would protect them for as long as I could. I couldn't risk loosing them, not when I had finally got everything that I wanted and my life was finally where I wanted it to be.

'You're not going to bother Lissa over nothing.' I replied, shaking my head at him. 'Just because we have the bond doesn't mean she knows what is going on with me. It only works one way remember?'

He shot me an exasperated look, I could see the tension in his deep chocolate eyes, and the fuming anger he felt bubbling away before his calm facade. 'Don't treat me like I'm stupid Roza.' He warned, leaning forward on his chair and balancing his elbows on his knees. Closing the distance in an intimidating manor. 'What happened back there? And don't go on to tell me how it's nothing.'

'It was nothing.' I defended, immediately going on the defensive, painfully aware that soon Dimitri would turn this into an interrogation instead of a friendly talk between man and wife. 'You're overreacting as usual. Cant I come home and go to the bathroom anymore without you thinking there is something going on.'

'I saw your face.' He stated, raising an eyebrow, goading me to retort back.

'Yes, and I saw yours too, when you look at someone that is how it generally tends to work.' I muttered sarcastically.

'Don't give me that crap Rose. I'm used to your big mouthed comments, don't try and make this into me being overbearing and paranoid.' He soothed his temples with his fingertips, like the conversation was providing him with an aggressive headache. 'I saw your face, the expression.' He took a deep breath and unsteadily met my eyes. 'I've only ever seen that look on you once before. It's Lissa and spirit again isn't it?'

'No.' I laughed dryly, denying the fact that he had hit the nail right on the head with his first guess. 'I would tell you if that ever happened to me.' I lied, loathing myself for breaking my promise to always be truthful with Dimitri. 'I just felt a bit off.'

'Off?' He asked, trying to hide the wanting relief he desperately needed to feel. It was like I was in his head though, seeing the true way his mind worked. He was willing this to be true, begging for this to be the reason he had spotted the difference in me, but his better judgment was telling him that I was feeding him a load of bullshit, and he wasn't going to fall for my talented lies easily, even if he wanted to.

'Yeah, you know, I was feeling dizzy, a bit sick. Don't worry; I skipped a meal, that's all.' I spurted the lies to him one after another, and then approached him, pushing him back by the shoulders so that I could curl up in his lap. When he realised I was settled, he wrapped his muscled arms around me, pinning me so tightly to him that if I wanted to move, I would be unable to. Close proximity sometimes worked in distracting Dimitri, but something told me, that this wasn't going to be one of those times.

'Please don't lie to me Rose. We need to speak about these things... we're suppose to talk.' He pleaded.

'I'm not lying.' I mumbled into the crook of his neck, making goosebumps appear where my breath had tickled his skin.

'And why don't I believe that?' He whispered the tender loving nature he had towards me, displayed clearly in his worried tone.

I sighed and scrambled off of his lap. I knew I was lying, but surely he should trust me. Isn't that what a marriage is about? Trust? And although, yes I was being untruthful, surely he shouldn't start mistrusting me until he actually found out that I was lying.

'Roza, where are you going now?' He called as I retreated from the room, leaving him alone in the living room.

I ignored his call and wondered into Libby's room. It was so quiet and peaceful in there, the only noise being her steady, light breathing. I peered over the edge of her cot, taking in her relaxed sleeping form, stretched out as much as her little body would allow.

It was hard to remember a time when I was as innocent and naive. The joys of being a baby, not having to worry about anything apart from getting your next feed. Placing a gentle kiss on Libby's forehead, I lightly traced my finger over her delicate cheek, then left the room, heading for my own.

After everything today, all I wanted was to curl up in a ball in my own comfy bed and sleep for a decade, turning a blind eye to the events of today. Once I was snugly wrapped in my duvet and my head had reached my velvety pillow, I lost all consciousness and drifted into a thankfully peaceful sleep.

It was about an hour later by the unusually hushed tones emanating from the living room that I woke. They were persistent and eager and unmistakably belonging to Dimitri and Lissa. I had the urge to removed myself from bed and press my ear up to the door, like a child eavesdropping on their parents and not wanting to get caught. However I knew that if I did that, one of them would probably hear me, so it was safer to just stay still and listen to as much as I could.

'Dimitri, you know there is no point talking in a hushed voice, if she wants to hear she can just leak into my head.' Lissa pointed out, still keeping her voice low, no doubt out of respect for Dimitri's wishes.

'She's asleep.' Dimitri stated.

'Yes, but she's been known to pop into my head while she sleeps.' Lissa reasoned, I expected with a sympathetic expression presented for Dimitri. 'Usually at inconvenient moments.' She muttered under her breath, but loud enough for both Dimitri and I to hear.

'Yes, but as you just pointed out, it's usually at times when you are' He cleared his throat uncomfortably. 'In the middle of... uh... when you are highly emotional.' He stuttered, changing what he was about to say at the last minute.

I could imagine Dimitri replacing his expression covered face for his guardian mask, hiding his humility at having to approach this topic with Lissa. Equally I would bet everything that Lissa's face had now blushed into a soft tinted pink.

While enjoying the thought of my best friend and my husband broaching uncomfortable topics, I stopped. Why was Dimitri so determined not for me to hear this? Why did he want them to be quiet while discussing whatever they were talking about? I laughed silently to myself humourlessly. The answer was simple, they were being quiet because they were talking about me and didn't want me to catch on. No doubt they were talking about earlier.

'What did Rose say to you when she came home?' Lissa asked curiously, sharing Dimitri's concern for me.

'Nothing, as usual.' What was that supposed to mean? 'She just glanced at me, and then shot into the bathroom, locking the door.' He sighed.

'How long was she in there for?' Lissa asked carefully. Sensing that this was probably a sensitive area for Dimitri to talk openly about. He was always worried about the first sense of trouble either in my health or any other aspect of my life. Any problem and he was there, worried, but willing to fight for me.

'Not that long thinking back on it, but it was the fact she wouldn't talk to me, or when she did her voice was so fake I could tell she was spewing me a load of lies.' A load of emotions were running through Lissa at that moment. Sympathy, guilt, regret, worry, fear. 'She is so used to handling everything by herself, it's like she can't get used to fact that we're a team now.'

'You know what she's like, she hates to look weak, she'd rather die than let anyone know that something's wrong and she needs help.' Lissa said, laughing in annoyance at my stubborn attitude.

'Can you try talking to her? She seems to lock everyone out but you.' Dimitri asked, almost pleaded. I knew by the way he was speaking that he knew what had happened and why I had gone the way I did today.

'You really think she doesn't lock me out?' Lissa chuckled dryly. 'Back when we were students here, that is exactly what she did. I didn't find out about the two of you until you had left, and then afterwards. She was so unlike herself that it scared me, and trying to get her to talk about what was going on in her head was like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.' Lissa paused, inhaling deeply. 'She wont talk to anyone until she is ready, and there is nothing you nor I can do about it Dimitri.'

'I swear she is the most frustrating woman I have ever met. Most guys complain because they can't get their wives or girlfriends to shut up, what I would give to be in their shoes.' He sighed.

'Yeah, but you wouldn't love her any other way because she simply wouldn't be her.' Lissa stated the obvious. 'Anyway, I've got to go, I left Christian with Eric and Rosie's coming over for the weekly family dinner.' She giggled at the next thought. 'Let's just say Christian can't handle the chaos of having kids as well as you seem to.' And with that Lissa left.

That was my cue. I jumped out of bed and stood in the doorway of our room, shooting a stormy glare in Dimitri's general direction. 'Have a nice mothers meeting about me Comrade?' I asked, hand on hip, foot tapping, the stance of any pissed off mother. 'Here's a tip for you, next time you want to go behind my back and talk about me to my best friend, you should probably check that I am in fact asleep.'

Dimitri was sat with his back to me, elbows on knees, chin propped up with his hands. 'How much did you hear?'

'All of it.' I stated, striding over to him so I was stood in front of him, leaving him no choice but to look at me.

He met my eye with no trace of guilt or remorse, just the usual plain concern. 'And what did you mean by saying that I said 'nothing as usual'?' I demanded, my anger increasing by the second as I recalled their secret meeting.

'You never talk to me.' He said in a calm voice. Rising from the sitting position and looking down on me to regain control.

'All I ever do is talk to you.' I folded my arms and shifted my eyes to the floor, boring a whole in the ground below us. 'Maybe I just don't have anything else to say.'

Dimitri tilted my chin up to look at him, his solid brown eyes caving into mine, craving answers from me. 'Why won't you look me in the eye?'

I stared at him, making sure I held his stare. 'What does it look like I'm doing now?'

He smirked inwardly, his expression making him seem like he had a bad taste in his mouth. 'Tell me now that what happened today was nothing. That I shouldn't be worried because you are completely fine.'

I swallowed nervously and had to avert my gaze. It was bad enough lying to him earlier, but I couldn't look him in the eye and do that. It seemed too cold and disrespectful.

'You can't do it.' he observed calmly, but I could sense by the tension in his body that what I had just confirmed with my silence, unnerved him. 'Talk to me Roza. Please?' He gently traced his fingers across my cheek bone and lowered his head so he could place a delicate chaste kiss on my lips, soft as butterfly wings. 'Don't shut me out all the time. I'm not going to judge you. Remember whatever you go through, I go through, we're in this together, we are in everything, together.'

I shook my head, he wasn't getting the point. 'There is no point in me confiding in you because I don't even know what it is I should confide in you about. There is no point in worrying you over what could be nothing.' I reasoned. Yeah, that was me trying to justify my reasoning to myself more than my caring husband who wanted nothing but to ensure that I was safe.

'You wouldn't have acted the way you did this morning if you didn't know what was going on Rose. Why are you acting so scared?'

In his frustration he hadn't realised what he had said, but as soon as he did, he knew what a big mistake he had made. I wasn't scared of anything as trivial as spirits effects. Sure they freaked me out a little, but it was nothing I couldn't deal with.

'I'm not scared.' I stated.

He had two choices, he could back down and stay on my good side, or he could stand by his statement and probably lead us into a full blown argument.

He nodded his head and smiled tenderly at me, seeming subdued. Backing down, wise move. 'We're married now right? Have been for a while. You need to learn to let me in and talk to me about absolutely everything.'

'What like you do with me?' I retorted, knowing full well that Dimitri doesn't share every aspect of his own life with me.

'This isn't about me Rose, this is about you, and this is about what is happening to you.'

I scrubbed my eyes tiredly, feeling all the relaxation I had received from my nap disappear. 'You know what? I'm so tired; I don't want to get into a fight, especially not with Libby in the next room. Even though she won't remember it, she doesn't need parents who do that in her presence.' Dimitri nodded in agreement. 'Can you just do me a favour, just for now?'

'Of course, anything.' He vowed.

'Just drop it. Don't ask me anymore questions that I don't want to answer, don't accuse me of anything or act like you understand. I just want a night of normality, with you and our daughter. So please, just drop it, even if you only leave the subject alone for tonight.' I pleaded, feeling very much the fragile little girl, instead of the ready for anything feisty Rosemarie Belikov.

'Fine, we won't talk about it tonight, but I'm warning you, this isn't over.' He said, wrapping his arms around me tightly, as if he though that without his support I might crumble. I revelled in the fact he seemed to know when I needed his warm embrace.

'I know I'm difficult and hard to figure out, but you know I love you right?' I mumbled into his chest, needing now more that ever for him to know that I did love him unconditionally and that would never change.

He chuckled lightly into my hair and kissed the crown of my head. 'Yes Roza, I do know that.' He sighed sweetly and lowered his voice even further. 'And I love you, more than you will ever know.'

Well, there it is, chapter four. Thanks for reading and please review. x