A Tempo

Chapter Twelve: Stone Hearts & Hand Grenades

Unfold box, fill box, tape close. Unfold another box, fill box, tape close. And so on, and so on.

Rachel had been at it for hours, mentally taking notes of what she was packing as she did so. She'd already stripped all the walls and shelves of their pictures and knick knacks, packing them away into one box after another. Slowly, the boxes began to pile up. First in the living room, then in her bedroom, the bathroom, and now she was in the kitchen.

Strangely enough, Rachel hadn't cried at all during the process. Maybe it was because she'd done enough crying over Finn Hudson the first time they'd been together. Or maybe it was just because she'd done enough crying over the past year. Either way, she hadn't shed a single tear.

Instead she was numb, unfeeling. She worked on packing up her apartment mechanically, not really seeing what she was doing, but functioning like a semi-normal person. Sometimes the urge to curl up in her bed was overwhelming, but she quickly tramped it down and moved on to packing the next thing.

She had stayed up all night, staring blankly at the ceiling. She hadn't been alone in weeks and she started to wonder if she actually missed Finn or just having someone around. He did fill a particular void, but in the end, he'd only made the hurt so much greater. What made it so much worse was what he said about David. He hadn't said anything particularly untruthful, and it caused her to feel uneasy.

She had been in love with David, she really had. And love was about sacrificing a part of yourself so another person could be happy, right? But what had David sacrificed for her? She had been the one to give up her dreams. She gave up everything that made her who she was. Just the fact in itself that she even let that happen disturbed her. What would have 16-year-old Rachel Berry done? She never let anything stand in her way, not friends, not relationships, nothing. She even gave up Finn for her dreams, and he had been her one true love.

As unsettling as these thoughts were, they were something she had been avoiding for a long, long time. There was nothing she could do about the past, she would just have to get up, dust herself off, and move on. And that started with this move.

True, returning to Lima may have had a little bit of a stigma to it, but it's not like it was a bad place to grow up. She turned out fine for the most part. There was nothing wrong with living in a small town.

Her fathers were already on their way over with a U-Haul trailer and would be there later that evening. They would load up everything she had in the morning, except for the furniture, which she had rented with apartment, and then they would be on their way back to Lima. She barely had any time to pack, but she needed to be there as soon as possible so she could interview for position of choir director.

She'd already called Maura and told her to bring the boys back right away. This was going to be a hard meeting, but it was something that she had to do. She knew her mother-in-law was going to pull out the big guns, but she had a few tricks up her sleeve yet. She was done letting Maura Kutner control her life.

She opened the refrigerator and started sorting the food by what she could and couldn't take to Lima. Unfortunately very little of it would keep; she hated to throw away good food, but it wouldn't even last long enough for her to donate it, so into the trash it went. She was just tying up the trash bag when she heard Maura's telltale sharp knock at the door.

She stood quickly, fighting off a sudden wave of dizziness, and walked to the door. She took a moment to take a deep breath and brace herself for the battle royal she knew was coming before pulling the door open.

"Hey guys," she said, ushering Michael and Andrew in.

"What's going on?" Michael asked, observing the boxes.

Maura raised an eyebrow upon entering and turned to Rachel. "Are you finally moving out of this sty?"

Andrew didn't say anything, just stood on tiptoe to peer into one of the open boxes.

"Yup," she announced. "We're moving!"

"To where?" Michael questioned.

"Well, I'm going to talk to you about that in a minute. Right now I need you and Andrew to go to your room and start gathering up your toys and clothes while me and Bubbe have a talk."

When neither of them moved, she gave them a stern look and pointed to their room. "Go. Now."

Michael wrinkled his nose and cast a furtive glance at Maura, who merely shrugged. "Go on," she ordered. "Listen to your mother."

She waited until their bedroom door was closed before rounding on Rachel.

"Really, Rachel, what's the meaning of this? You're being a little melodramatic don't you think?" Maura said drolly. "If you've found a new apartment, just say so. As long as it's not with your… gentleman friend… then we won't have a problem."

"Would you like to have a seat?" Rachel asked, ignoring Maura's comment.

"I'll stand, thank you. Just tell me what this is about."

"Well, you're right. We're moving. I've decided that I am taking a job back in Lima. We're leaving tomorrow."

Maura stared at Rachel for a moment in shock. "Y-you can't do that," she finally said.

"I can and I am."

Maura squinted dangerously at her. "I've already told you Rachel, I'm not afraid to make this a legal issue. They are my grandch-"

"And that won't mean anything in a court of law and you know it," Rachel snapped. "I'm their mother, I do not mistreat them and I make sure that all their needs are met. Even at the expense of mine. So please, bring on your lawyers, Maura. I can assure you, I am equipped to put up a fight."

"So you're just going to take them away from everything they've ever known? They've only ever lived in this city; this is where their school is, where their friends are. It's where we are. Surely there is some way for us to work this out."

"You know what, I am sick of everyone telling me what I can and can't do!" Rachel practically yelled. Maura actually had the decency to look affronted and took a few steps back so that she could plop down on the sofa. She looked up at Rachel wide-eyed as she continued to rant. "You're not the only one who knows people. My fathers have some very influential lawyer friends who will gladly make sure that there will be no way for you to ever see my children again. So you will stop threatening me this instant or I will make good on that promise, do you understand me?"

Maura continued to stare up at her, completely speechless, before her face suddenly crumpled and she began to sob brokenly into her hands. This caught Rachel completely off guard and she threw a worried glance towards the boys' room. Thankfully they didn't seem to be listening, so Rachel walked over to the couch and sat down next to the older woman, awkwardly patting her leg in consolation.

"You don't understand," Maura sobbed. "Th-th-they're the only thing left that I have of my son. Can't you see that?"

Rachel stared down at her in surprise as Maura continued. "My only child is dead. My David isn't coming back. And I just thought that maybe, maybe, if I could have a second chance with them, things could turn out right. You don't think I don't know why you're here, why you had to live in this hovel? If I had only known, if I hadn't stressed to him that it wasn't about what you had, but who you had, things would be so different."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Rachel leaned over and hugged Maura. "I am so sorry, Maura," she murmured, her own tears streaming down her face. "I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you… if anything were to happen to Michael or Andrew –" she cut herself off and shook the thought out of her head. That wasn't something that she could ever wish upon anyone.

She pulled away from Maura, but kept her hands on her shoulders. "But you have to understand, they're still my children. You have to let go and let me raise them how I see fit."

Maura sighed. "Oh, Rachel. I know that. I've always known that. And you really do a splendid job. They adore you. You're all either one of them can talk about… and now Finn, of course."

Rachel tried not to let that comment affect her, but she suddenly knew that the bond they had made with Finn would make things so much harder for them as well. If only she had stayed home that day instead of going to the park – she would have done anything to keep her sons from the pain that she knew was inevitably coming.

"Are you sure there is absolutely no way you can stay in New York?"

"I'm sorry; I just think it would be better for the boys and me in a smaller town. It will take some getting used to, but we've gotten through worse. But, Maura, I'm not taking them away from you. I need you to know that. You will always be their grandmother and I will never take that away from you."

Maura nodded slowly, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief that she pulled out of her purse. "Is there anything at all that you need Benjamin and me to do?"

"Actually, yes," Rachel said, a thought dawning on her. "You can let me sell the house. It's just sitting there and –"

Maura held up her hand and shook her head. "That house needs a lot of work, Rachel. It's been empty for nearly fifteen years now." Rachel's shoulders slumped in defeat. She knew she probably wouldn't get much for it, but it would be all profit on her part. She'd never seen it, but if it really was dilapidated, there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't even want to imagine the taxes she would have to pay on it for the next year.

"But," Maura continued, "we can have an inspector go out and see what needs to be done. Then Benjamin and I can front the bill to have it renovated. Not over the top, of course, but just to make it marketable. We really should have kept up with the upkeep, but I just assumed that David… unfortunately, I didn't raise the most responsible son, I'm afraid. It may take a few months, but is that alright?"

"Are you serious?" Rachel exclaimed. Her mother-in-law smiled and nodded.

"Oh, thank you, Maura!" she cried, throwing her arms around her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Maura chuckled and took Rachel's hand in hers, patting the back of it lightly. Never before had she been so matronly, and Rachel almost burst into tears again. She had always hoped that she and Maura could have this kind of relationship, but Maura had always kept her at arm's length. Why couldn't they have had this breakthrough years ago?

"You know," Maura said quietly, "you remind me a great deal of myself at your age."

"I do?"

"Oh yes. Strong-willed, emotional… talented." She smiled at some distant memory. "Do you know how Benjamin and I met?"

"No," Rachel said slowly, not sure that she knew where this was going.

"Well, I was living in London in the 80s; running around with the West End crowd. Can you believe it?" Rachel shook her head. "Oh yes. As soon as I graduated high school, I packed up my things and flew off to England. I left everything in Indiana behind; my friends, my family, my beau...

"Anyway, my friend Andrew began writing a little musical called The Phantom in the Opera while I was there. They all say that he wrote the part of Christine for his wife, but the truth is," she pointed at herself and nodded, "he wanted me to originate the role."

Rachel's jaw dropped. Her mother-in-law knew the Andrew Lloyd Webber and, on top of that, she was supposed to be Christine Daaé? There was no way she could believe that! "Wh-what happened?"

Maura rolled her eyes. "I met a boy! Benjamin was there on a summer tour before starting law school. The rest is, as they say, history!"

"I don't believe you!" Rachel laughed.

"Oh, it's true. Remind me to show you some of my photo albums next time you come over. I have some particularly incriminating photos of Michael Crawford on absinthe. Lord, but we did have a good time in those days."

They laughed together until their sides hurt, Maura still hanging onto Rachel's hand. Once their mirth had subsided, Maura shook her head thoughtfully. "You were always much more talented than I was though. It's a shame that you never went back."

Rachel grew a little flustered and pushed her hair out of her face. "Well, you know, it was difficult with the boys and David –"

"I know." They grew quiet for a moment, each woman going over her own thoughts. "Perhaps," Maura finally said, "you and the boys could come visit for the holidays. They always fall after Hanukkah, of course, but it would still be nice."

"That would be lovely," Rachel murmured and they shared a small smile.

Rachel sighed and took a long last look at the living room in front of her. Save for a few particles of dust floating in the late morning light spilling through the windows, the room was completely empty. Michael and Andrew stood on either side of her, each clasping a hand tightly, sniffling quietly.

"That's the last of it," her dad said, walking out of her bedroom.

"You ready to go, sweetie?" her daddy asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, we'll be down in a minute." She listened as the sound of her fathers' footsteps echoed down the stairwell before looking down at her sons. "Well, this is it."

"I still don't see why we couldn't say bye to Finn," Michael grumbled.

"I told you, baby, he's very busy with work and couldn't make it."

He sniffled but didn't say anything else. It had been a long night, especially after she told Michael and Andrew where they were moving. Andrew was mildly excited while Michael had thrown a little bit of a fit and had shut himself up his bedroom and stayed in there until his grandfathers arrived. Together, they packed up the rest of their things and began loading that morning.

It was another sleepless night for Rachel and she got up that morning feeling sick and dizzy. She attributed it to her nerves and eventually forced herself up and going.

"You'll both see that this is for the best one day," she insisted, squeezing their hands.

"Yeah right," Michael muttered, pulling away from her. "Come on, Andy," he ordered, taking his brother's hand and heading downstairs to where her fathers and David's parents were waiting.

She shuffled across the room and sat down on the sofa and looked around the empty apartment. She wasn't going to miss the cramped space, but it was the last place she had been semi-happy, a feeling which seemed so foreign now. She took a look at her watch and then scoffed at herself. What on earth was she waiting for? She just needed to get up and leave. No use postponing the inevitable.

She took one last look around, swallowed down the lump in her throat, and walked into the hallway. She left the door unlocked, per her landlord's instructions and walked across the hallway to Mrs. Nedry's apartment. She knocked twice and waited patiently for the elderly woman to answer the door. The boys had already said their goodbyes to her earlier that morning, but she wanted to see the woman who had been such a help to her one last time.

"Hello, dear," she said upon answering.

"Hi, Mrs. Nedry. I just wanted to let you know that we are taking off."

Mrs. Nedry frowned. "It's such a shame that you are moving so far away. I will miss you and the boys."

"We'll miss you too," Rachel said with a smile. "I can never thank you enough for all the help you've given me."

"It was my pleasure."

She gave her a quick hug and pulled away before her emotions got the best of her. "Well… goodbye, Mrs. Nedry."

"Goodbye, sweetheart. You take care of those little ones."

Rachel nodded and hurried down the stairs. She stopped and dropped her keys in the mailbox for the landlord and walked outside.

Maura and Benjamin were bidding their goodbyes to Michael and Andrew. "You be good and you listen to your mother, do you understand me?" Maura said firmly, although her eyes were a little misty.

"Yes, Bubbe," Michael and Andrew intoned in unison.

"And mind your grandfathers!" she called as they crawled into her fathers' hybrid SUV. She watched as Rachel's dad helped them settle in before turning back to her daughter-in-law. "Well, I suppose this is it," she sniffed, back to her usual cool demeanor. "We will let you know how the inspection goes and what the realtor says."

"Thank you, Maura. I really appreciate it. And you too, Benjamin."

"No problem," Benjamin said, waving her off. "It's something that needs to be done."

He gave her an awkward hug and shuffled back to the Town Car, leaving Maura and Rachel on the sidewalk.

"You will call me as soon as you reach, Lima?" Maura asked.

"Of course."

"And send me pictures of the new house."

"Maura," Rachel groaned. Maura may have been trying to turn over a new leaf, but some habits were hard to break, she supposed.

"Just for posterity's sake," Maura insisted. "I'd just like to see where my grandchildren will be living. There's nothing wrong with that."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Maybe once we're settled in and I get a chance to snap a few pictures."

"That's all I'm asking."

"I'll keep you updated on how they're doing in school and how we're settling in," she promised.

"Very well then," Maura paused and bit her lip. Then she gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. "Take care, darling."

"You too, Maura." They separated, each woman heading to her respective vehicle. Rachel scooted in next to Andrew and put on her seatbelt, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Why she was feeling a little panicky, she didn't know. Andrew and Michael were already engrossed in the portable DVD player that her dad's had brought them, and even though she knew it was an extravagant gift, she was thankful for the distraction it would provide on the long trip.

"All set?" her daddy asked.

She shrugged and looked out the window. "As ready as we'll ever be."

Her dad waited as the Town Car pulled away from the curb ahead of them before following suit. They were just pulling out when a man waiting to cross the street caught her attention. Finn's tall form was unmistakable, even from the distance, and she could tell he looked tired and more than a little nervous. He didn't see her watching him, his focus on the cars coming from the other direction, and she almost cried out for her father to stop the car.

She knew he was there to apologize and set things right, and her heart went out to him, but he was just too late. She had convinced herself that there was no way they could have a normal, drama-free relationship, and this move would be just as beneficial to him as it was to her. He needed to find another sweet girl like Audra and start the family he deserved with her.

She squeezed her eyes shut as they drove down the street and didn't look back again.

Author's Note: Unlike the other chapters, whose names come from something random within the chapter, this and the next get their names from song lyrics. This chapter is named for the Leona Lewis song, "Stone Hearts & Hand Grenades". The lyrics apply more to the story as a whole rather than this chapter, but I thought that phrase could be applied to this situation (if that makes sense).

Whew, I'm glad none of y'all got on my case for the last chapter. I totally agree with all the reviews saying that they felt worse for Finn than for Rachel – I just didn't know how everyone would react to his calling her hubby a "dead bastard." I am probably going to get some hell for the Maura thing, but I kind of think of her as what Rachel would have become had David not died. Just think about that for a little while before you yell at me. :-)

I've actually been working on this chapter simultaneously with the next (they kind of go hand-in-hand), so hopefully I can get that out for you guys tomorrow since I'll be going out of town for the long weekend. No promises though as it's going to be a little longer than this one!

Disclaimer: Glee is the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. I'm just manipulating it for my own nefarious (and strictly nonprofit) purposes.