A Tempo
Chapter Fourteen: A New Project
"Mom," Michael whined, "that guy is still following us."
"Don't turn around," Rachel ordered, pushing the cart as fast as she could without leaving her sons behind. "Just keep walking."
Rachel had never been one of those people who blatantly hated the town, she just had bigger dreams than what Lima had to offer, and already she was beginning the feel monotony of small town life. Life consisted of working, sleeping, eating, and watching TV. She needed to find something to do with her time… besides running from the creeper in the white truck that had been following her around town the past couple of weeks.
When she reached her car (the same one she had driven in high school), she shuffled the boys inside and hurried to load her groceries into the trunk. She was just opening her door when a hand shot out and forced it back closed, causing her to scream in terror.
"Calm down, Berry, it's just me."
"Noah Puckerman!" she screeched. "Don't you ever do that to me again, do you understand me?"
Puck just grinned devilishly and shifted his weight to one foot. "Is that any way to greet an old friend?"
"Old friend? Wasn't it you that once told me we had never been friends?"
"Ah, c'mon Berry, that was high school." He leaned over so that their noses were nearly touching. "You can't hold me accountable for what I said and did that long ago."
She leaned back and crossed her arms in an attempt to shield herself from the man in front of her. "What do you want, Noah?" she asked. "Why have you been stalking me since I moved back?"
"Stalking you? Baby, I don't need to stalk anybody. I'm just doing a favor for a pal."
Rachel groaned. "I'm afraid to even ask who."
"Ah, give him a break. Hudson's been butt sore since you've left New York. He's been calling me every damn day since you left asking if I've checked up on you. I swear to God, you two are worse than a couple of horny teenagers."
She sighed in exasperation. "Noah, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't speak like that in front of my children."
"Like what? They're in the car anyway."
"We can still hear you!" Michael shouted through the window, glaring at Puck.
"Hey, mind your own business!" Puck snapped, slapping the glass and causing both Michael and Andrew to jump in the car.
"Puckerman!" she hissed. "While I fully understand that you have every intention to torture me, I do ask that you refrain from arguing with my seven year old."
"He started it," Puck argued, setting his jaw stubbornly.
Rachel rolled her eyes and opened her car door. "Well, it was lovely catching up with you, Noah. You can report that I'm doing well to –" she stopped and cast a furtive glance at her sons in the rearview mirror, "well, you know who."
Suddenly, Puck slid over the hood of her car á la Luke Duke and jumped into her passenger seat. "What's for lunch?" he asked. "I was kinda thinking about IHOP, but I'm game for anything. You fly, I buy."
"Noah," Rachel cried in frustration, "we are not going to IHOP with you. Or anywhere else for that matter; we already have plans."
"We do?" Andrew chimed in from the backseat.
"No, stupid," Michael snapped. "She was just trying to get rid of him."
"Michael, don't use that kind of language," she scolded. She was starting to regret enrolling him in a public school, but unfortunately, Lima's list of private schools was fairly short.
"He's adorable," Puck muttered sarcastically. "I can't wait to have a dozen just like him."
"Noah, I truly appreciate the offer, but I honestly can't go to lunch with you right now. Don't you have a girlfriend or someone else to go bother?"
"Santana?" he asked. Then he shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "Nah. I mean, yeah, we're living together, but it's not like we're exclusive or anything."
Rachel shook her head in disbelief. "You'll never change, will you?"
"Nope. I'm kinda like that fish on Finding Nemo, you know? 'Just keep swimming.'" He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.
She rolled her eyes and turned away from him. "Goodbye, Noah."
"Alright, I'll let you blow me off this time. But I promised my boy I'd look out for you, so don't be surprised if you see me around from time to time."
"Thank you for your concern," she grumbled. She heaved a sigh of relief and watched as he made his way back to his truck, cursing herself for not seeing the Puckerman Remodeling logo stenciled neatly on the side before. Of course, she had been a little preoccupied lately with getting settled in, starting a new job, Michael's birthday, and her other little… issue, which coincidentally was the reason why she was in such a hurry to get home.
She normally was a very careful driver, especially while her children were in the car, but she practically peeled out of the parking lot and sped the entire way home. With Andrew and Michael's help, she unloaded their groceries in record time.
"Michael," she said, picking up the bag with her toiletries, "I need you to look after your brother for a few minutes."
"Can we go outside?" he asked.
She thought it over for a moment. True, it was a small house with a small yard, but their little apartment could have fit in the lot three times over, and the boys absolutely loved having a yard to run around. "Okay," she allowed, "but stay in the backyard."
At that, they both whooped loudly and ran for the sliding glass doors. "And no climbing the trees!" she called after them just as the door slammed shut. Once she was alone in the house, she ran into her bathroom and shut and locked the door behind her. With a shaking hand, she dug around the plastic bag and produced the pregnancy test she had just bought.
The next seven minutes were absolutely nerve-wracking.
She'd always been careful before, always taking her birth control pills at the same time every day, but there had been a few days when she hadn't taken any because she wasn't able to afford her refill. Apparently she was patient enough to wait to pick up her prescription, but not patient enough when it came to Finn. She had completely forgotten about it and they had had sex a few times with no protection. Of course, she knew her body like the back of her hand (usually), and the calendar on her phone had indicated that she shouldn't have been ovulating, so she didn't give it too much thought at the time.
But she should have known from previous experience that she was probably the single most fertile woman on the planet. Michael had been a welcome accident after a stint of antibiotics when she had her tonsils removed, and Andrew had been conceived only a few weeks after she and David had decided to try for another baby. All the signs were pointing to one conclusion: she was late (and she was never late), she had morning sickness and dizziness, and of course all around irritability. So here she was, pacing back and forth in her small bathroom, chewing worriedly on her thumbnail, while she waited for the results of the test.
What was she going to do if she really was pregnant? Sure, they were okay now that she had started her new job, but a single mom with three kids? It would surely kill her! And, of course, there was the fact that she would be raising Finn Hudson's bastard child. How on earth was she going to break that news to him after she had pretty much left him hanging in New York without a word?
Ugh, that man was infuriating. She hadn't heard from him in nearly three weeks, and while he didn't care enough to actually call her directly, he had the gall to ask the most irritating person alive to check up on her! He really knew how to irritate her in all the right ways.
But she did miss him. Very much so. She had fought the urge to call him back when she saw his one missed call and was disappointed that he hadn't tried to call her since. In fact, she was sure she'd feel more excited about having another baby if he had shown any inclination of maintaining their relationship. She was willing to overlook all the hateful things he had said that day and was more than ready to admit her part in the fallout if only he would call. But day after day and night after night, she was left disappointed and heartbroken.
The timer on her phone went off, causing her to jump. She closed her eyes and drew in a steadying breath before slowly picking up the pregnancy test. Rachel stared unseeingly at the result, then calmly set the stick back down and plopped down on the floor.
She was pregnant. There was no question about it. She was going to have Finn's baby.
Suddenly she felt sick and hurried over to the toilet to retch dryly inside. She stayed that way, her head hanging over the bowl for a minute, while she calmed herself down. She flushed the toilet and sat back, letting her head rest against the wall. She needed a plan of action. First things first, she would have to find an OB/GYN and set up an appointment. Then she would have to start making preparations for the new arrival. Sure, she probably had at least another seven and a half months to go, but she'd need to get started collecting baby furniture and clothes right away.
She heard Michael and Andrew's voices drifting through the quiet house. Shakily she stood up and walked into the kitchen where they were grabbing themselves some water.
"Are you okay, Mama?" Michael asked, looking up at her. "You look funny."
"I don't know, baby," she said, pouring herself a glass of water and drinking greedily. "Will you two sit down for a second?"
Michael and Andrew looked at her in confusion but took their seats at the table with no questions.
"I know the past few weeks have been very difficult for the three of us," she began. "A lot has changed and I know we were hoping that things would settle down and life could be normal for a little while. But I'm afraid it looks like things are going to get a little crazier." She paused and looked at her sons, hoping this news wouldn't upset them too much. "Boys, I'm going to have a baby."
"What?" Michael asked. "How? You're not married."
"Well, sweetie, you don't really have to be married in order to have a baby. Sometimes these things just happen that way."
"But there's got to be a dad, right?" he persisted. "How can we have a baby brother or sister if our dad isn't even alive?"
Rachel bit her lip and tried to think of a good way to answer his question. "You're right," she finally said. "Finn's the daddy, sweetie."
Michael stared at her silently and blinked up at her.
She sighed and stared down into her glass of water. "I know it's hard for you to understand, but believe me when I say that this baby is just as much your sibling as Andy is. Just because you have different dads doesn't mean that you should treat her any differently than you would your whole sister."
"It's a girl?" Andrew asked, wrinkling his nose.
"Oh!" Rachel gasped, her hand dropping down to her middle. She didn't know what had caused her to say that. Maybe it was because she had always imagined Finn with a little girl. He would do so well with one. She shook the thought of his tall frame sitting at a too-small table and playing tea party out of her head and smiled weakly at Andrew. "I don't really know yet. We won't find out what the baby is for another few months. I'm really going to need your help when the baby comes. We're going to have to be closer now more than ever."
Michael frowned. "Are we going to move back to New York?"
"No, why would we do that?"
"So you and Finn can get married. We've got to live in the same city as him if you're gonna have a baby together, right?"
"No, sweetie. It doesn't work that way," she answered, swallowing past the lump in her throat.
"Well, are you going to tell him?"
"Mhm," she squeaked. "Just as soon as I see the doctor. I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more of him after that."
"That's good," Michael replied. "I like Finn."
"Me too," Andrew echoed.
She nodded. "Me too. Now do you have any more questions for me?"
Both boys shook their heads. "Okay then, why don't you go on back outside while I rest on the sofa for a little bit, hm?"
"Let's go, Andy," Michael said, taking his brother's hand.
She watched as they hurried back outside and sat down in the middle of the yard. She was sure they were discussing this new development, and she would leave them to their own thoughts.
She shuffled over to the couch and lay down to stare on the ceiling. Michael had brought up a good point. How in the world was she going to tell Finn he was going to be a father?
Four days later and Rachel was still no closer to an answer than she had been when she first learned she was pregnant. She had already been to the doctor and he confirmed that she was indeed expecting a healthy baby and she was roughly five weeks along. She knew time was of the essence; it was only a matter of time before she started showing and she knew she would eventually run into either Carole or Burt Hummel. There was no keeping this a secret from Finn forever.
Not that she wanted to keep it from him. She was sure that Finn would want to play an active part in his child's life even if he didn't want anything to do with her. It wasn't something she wanted to tell him over the phone and, short of flying to New York and showing up on his front step like a fallen woman, she didn't know what else to do.
Oh well, she would have to think about it later, she thought as she stared up at the front of her alma mater. She had been driving by WMHS when she thought she would stop in and see how some of her old teachers were doing, particularly Mr. Schuester, who had taught her some very valuable life lessons, despite trying to ruin her life at every possible opportunity. Humility being one.
She walked up the stairs and into the building. The hallways were empty since the high school let out earlier than the junior high, so she took a moment to stop and admire their National's trophy in the trophy case. Also enclosed in the case was a picture of the 2012 New Directions. She looked down at her own smiling face, surrounded by her friends, Finn standing next to her and smiling broadly as he held her to his side. Oh, how things had changed…
She followed the hallway to the front office, having observed the "All visitors must sign in" sign upon entering the school. She ducked her head and let her hair cover her face as Coach Sylvester exited the office, a look of distaste on her face. Either she didn't see Rachel, or she didn't recognize her, but either way, Rachel was glad to have avoided that confrontation.
"Hello," she told the receptionist. "I'm here to speak with Mr. William Schuester and I need to sign in."
The receptionist wordlessly pushed a clipboard over to Rachel. Rachel signed her name and smiled politely at the woman. She straightened up and was about to walk out of the office when she noticed a familiar redhead sitting in what was formally Principal Figgins' office. A cursory glance at the name plaque by the door confirmed her suspicions. She walked over to the door and knocked lightly, causing Principal Schuester, née Pillsbury, to look up from her paperwork.
It took her a moment to recognize Rachel, but when she did, she smiled and motioned for Rachel to come in. "Rachel," she said, standing up, "it's so very good to see you." She leaned over to give Rachel a hug without actually touching her save for a light pat on the back.
"Miss Pills – Mrs. Schuester!" Rachel exclaimed. She took a seat in one of the chairs across from her desk. "I had no idea that you were the principal now."
"Oh yes," she said, sitting back down and pumping a handful of sanitizer into her hand. "Principal Figgins retired a couple of years ago and it was either me or Coach Sylvester. I guess the school board decided that I would be less of a pain to deal with."
Rachel giggled. "I wholeheartedly agree. I see she's still coaching the Cheerios."
"Well, I'd be lying if I said she isn't good at what she does, even if her methods are a little unusual."
"And you're married," Rachel added, indicating to her nameplate.
Emma smiled and nodded. "Oh yes. We actually got married around the same time you did." At Rachel's confused look, she hurried to explain, "Our wedding announcements ran in the same issue of the paper."
"Oh, yes," Rachel murmured and self-consciously looked down at her empty ring finger.
As observant as ever, Emma looked at Rachel knowingly and clasped her hands in front of her on her desk. "Will and I were both very sorry to hear about your husband, Rachel," she commented.
Rachel laughed hollowly. "Did my fathers have that printed in the newspaper as well?"
"Well, no," Emma said, albeit a little reluctantly. "Will keeps in touch with several of his old students. Finn Hudson e-mailed him about it a few months back."
"Of course he did!" Rachel grumbled.
"He also said you have a couple of children…"
She smiled and nodded. "Two boys, Michael and Andrew. Michael just turned seven and Andrew will be four in November."
Emma turned a frame around on her desk and presented Rachel with a picture of two auburn-haired children laughing on a beach. "Adam and Alyssa," she said proudly. "They just turned five."
"Twins?" Rachel laughed, looking down at the picture for a closer look. "You must have your hands full!"
"Not anymore than running a high school." Rachel nodded in agreement and set the photo back on the desk. "So, what brings you back to Lima, Rachel?"
Rachel shrugged. "Oh, you know, things in New York are tough for a single mom so I decided to bring the boys home for a good, wholesome upbringing." She quirked her lips in a semblance of a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.
Emma raised an eyebrow and leaned over slightly to whisper, "You know, I wouldn't want to pry, but if you ever feel like talking, I'm a willing listener." At Rachel's skeptical look, she laughed. "I know I'm the principal now, but I'm still very much Ms. Pillsbury, the guidance counselor, at heart."
And that's when it happened. Rachel started talking and talking. She didn't speak just of the recent move; she started from the very beginning. From the day she left Lima the first time, how she broke up with Finn and then met David. She spoke about how she allowed herself to lose her dreams. She talked about David's death and the mess he left her in. She told her former guidance counselor about the boys and how she reconnected with Finn, how she realized she was still in love with him. She even told her about that baby. She didn't know how long she rambled, she lost complete track of time, but Emma just sat and listened, not speaking, just shaking her head in encouragement.
When Rachel was finally done, she slumped back in her chair in exhaustion. "I just don't understand what happened to me. I think back to the girl in the picture in the hallway, and as much as I love my sons, I can't help but think that she would be so disappointed if she saw me now. What caused that her to stop fighting?"
"Mind if I take a stab at it?" Emma asked when Rachel was through.
"Please, by all means."
"Well, I think growing up you always had this one singular goal. Oftentimes that fierce drive you had left you alienated. I'm not saying you became too dependent upon Finn, but I can tell you from seeing it with my own two eyes that he helped you open up. You became more vulnerable, more apt to let people in one you started seeing him. I think somewhere in that journey, your identity changed, whether you realized it or not.
"You left for New York to start on the life you had always dreamed of, but you weren't completely the Rachel Berry you thought you were. You needed people in your life that you could trust, someone you could lean on. You became frustrated because things weren't as easy as you thought they would be, so you cut ties with Finn and found someone else to lean on. The problem with that is you went from Rachel-and-Finn to Rachel-and-David without stopping to evaluate what just Rachel wanted.
"So, now you need to sit down and ask yourself, 'What does Rachel want?' You're the kind of person who needs a goal, something to work towards. I think that once you identify what it is you want to do with your life, and then maybe you'll begin to feel more like yourself again."
Rachel stared at Emma with her mouth wide open before throwing her hands up in the air. "Nearly 18 years of therapy and it takes a former guidance counselor to figure out that I have identity issues!"
"Well, I was a very good guidance counselor," she laughed lightly.
"So you're just saying I need to sit down and figure out what my new goal is?"
Emma shrugged. "If you haven't done so yet."
Rachel bit her lip. "I don't think I'll ever make it to Broadway."
"Who said your goal has to lead you back to Broadway? Just because you're not famous doesn't mean you're mediocre, Rachel." Emma looked down at the picture of her children. "I'm sure there are many other things your talented at."
"Oh, I am a very good mother. My children have been my priority since they were born."
"I don't doubt it." The phone rang just then and Emma sighed. "I'm sorry, Rachel, I've been expecting this call all day."
They shared a quick smile and Rachel stood. "Thank you, Mrs. Schuester. I'll give what you said a lot of thought."
"Just one moment," Emma said to the person on the line. She put it on hold for a second before calling to Rachel, "Oh, and Rachel?"
Rachel stopped and looked at her inquisitively. "Your secret is safe with me, but you really should tell you-know-who about the you-know-what as soon as possible."
"I will," she murmured, slipping out as Emma took the call. Easier said than done, and she would tell Finn about the baby… eventually. She just had to think of a good when and how.
Making her way to the choir room, she mulled over everything Mrs. Schuester had said. She was almost dizzy from thinking about the simple revelation. She used to wake up every morning and set herself a daily goal and she hadn't done that in years. Maybe that was the small platform she needed to jump off of in the grand voyage of finding out who this new person was.
True, she had once been Rachel Berry, future Broadway star, but that hope had followed through the cracks. What did she want to be? What did she want to do with her life? She knew the end result didn't have to be a career path, so what else was she good at? She knew she was persistent, but that had never exactly been a virtue. But maybe she could spin it to her advantage!
She was stuck in Lima, but maybe that's what she was meant to do. Make Lima, Ohio a better place!
She had just reached the choir room when a small girl with glasses ran out and ducked across the hall. She was holding her chest and breathing hysterically like she was having a panic attack. She was about to approach the poor thing to make sure she was alright when a boy in a letterman followed her out.
"Hey, Anna," he said, patting her on the back. "What's going on? That was great!"
"R-really?" she asked, looking up at him with big eyes.
"Of course it was. You've just got you, you know, belt it out! I know you've got it in you." He smiled down at her, oblivious to Rachel watching them. They walked back into the choir room and Rachel followed thoughtfully after them.
Maybe she'd found herself her first project.
Sure, she was stuck teaching at the middle school level, but that didn't mean she couldn't actively participate with the New Directions. As the middle school choir director, she was in the perfect spot to scout future talent and she was just full of ideas. She was sure Mr. Schuester would be more than thrilled to hear what she had to think. And she could offer her services as a vocal coach to any interested members!
"Hey, Annabel, you alright?" she heard him ask the obviously very shy girl as she took her seat. Annabel nodded and Rachel took the opportunity to clear her throat in order to get his attention.
"Rachel?" he gasped upon seeing her standing in the doorway. "Rachel Berry?"
She walked in, her head held up high. "Hello, Mr. Schuester. Hello, New Directions." She placed her hands on her hips and smiled widely out at the dumbfounded group watching her. "I'm here to help!"
Author's Note: The hunches had it! I hope no one's disappointed.
I wrote a lot of it last night and started getting very tired towards the end. Upon rereading, I found a lot of typos, so please let me know if you spot anymore. (I know none of the chapters are perfect and I often edit things after they are posted, but this one I feel was worse than the others in that regard.)
Disclaimer: Glee is the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. I'm just manipulating it for my own nefarious (and strictly nonprofit) purposes.