A Tempo
Chapter Sixteen: Finding a Voice
"Wanted to belong here," Annabel Lewis sang timidly while Rachel listened intently.
"But something felt so wrong here,
So I pray,
I could breakaway."
Her voice trembled on the last note and she stopped all together, casting Rachel a sad glance. "I'm sorry, Ms. Berry," she whimpered, "but I just can't do it."
Rachel stood and gave her a reassuring smile. "Of course you can, Anna," she insisted, putting a hand on her pupil's thin shoulder. She'd been coaching Anna for a few weeks. While Mr. Schuester said a polite thanks but no thanks to her acting as an unofficial director of the New Directions, he did listen to all of her suggestions and let her work with the members on an individual level. So far she was coaching seven students on various days after school, but she had taken a particular interest in Anna.
From what she had learned from the gleeks she coached (Rebecca Robinson was the club gossip and one of her other students), Anna was actually the twin sister of the head Cheerio. While her sister didn't sound like she was a Santana Lopez or a Quinn Fabray, she apparently was the more outgoing of the two and by default, received more attention at home and at school. And that wasn't even the good part! Supposedly Anna was in love with her sister's boyfriend, Preston Adams, who just so happened to be the hunky male lead of the New Directions. He was also an ace baseball player and, from what Rachel knew of him, he seemed to be a healthy mix of Finn and Puck.
While Rachel wasn't bent on interfering in the love lives of high school students, she didn't see the harm in giving Anna a little push in the right direction. She was actually very talented; it was just her extreme timidity that held her back. She just needed a confidence boost. After much thought, Rachel decided that Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" would be just the song to coax Anna out of her shell.
"You just need to find your voice," Rachel said. "You've picked the perfect song for your assignment; you just have to believe it."
"Believe it?"
"Of course! You're not going to be stuck in Lima for the rest of your life." Rachel bit her lip and turned her attention from her student to pluck idly at the piano keys. "You're going to be one of the lucky ones, Anna. You're going to get out of here."
Anna looked thoughtful for a moment. "But, Ms. Berry, look at how talented you are and you're here."
Rachel smiled sadly. "I chose to come back. There's a difference. Besides, we're talking about you, not me. You're very talented, Anna." She leaned over to nudge her with her shoulder. "I would know. I'm very talented too."
Anna giggled and ducked her head, causing her hair to hide her face.
"Come on; let's try it again from the top."
Rachel began playing and this time Anna made it through the entire song, her voice ringing out clearly through choir room.
"See?" Rachel laughed when she was through. "I told you that you could do it!"
Anna blushed straight to her roots but grinned proudly. "Ms. Berry?" she asked, causing Rachel to look up. She had started going by her maiden name, not as a sign of disrespect for David, but because everyone in Lima knew her as Rachel Berry and referred to her as such. It was much easier than correcting everyone she met.
"What's up, Anna?"
"I was wondering if maybe you might come to rehearsal on Thursday and listen to me sing. If you're not busy, I mean… please?"
Rachel couldn't help but smile. "Of course, Annabel, I would be honored to."
"Oh, thank you so much Ms. Berry!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around Rachel's neck. She laughed as Anna heaved her backpack onto her shoulders and made her way out of the choir room.
She was rearranging her sheet music and putting it in color coordinated folders when she heard someone at the door. She looked over to see Mr. Schuester loitering just outside his office with a smile on his face.
"You're really helping Annabel out, Rachel," he commented. "She's an entirely new girl at rehearsals and in class. I'm very proud of you both."
"Both of us?" Rachel asked.
"Well, yes. I thought it would be much more difficult for you to be back in Lima, but you're really taking it in stride, making it a better place. And all with a smile on your face. Except…" he trailed off and inspected her carefully. "Have you been feeling alright lately, Rachel? You've been looking a little peaked."
"Yes," she said quickly, "I've been fine."
She grabbed her bag and held in front of her stomach self-consciously. She knew no one could tell she was pregnant yet, but it was already a matter of time. Already she had a small, but distinct, baby bump that was easily hidden by her clothes. She knew she would start showing more quickly with this baby, but her rapidly expanding belly was becoming a definite source of stress for her.
The only people who knew about her pregnancy, aside from her and the boys, were Mrs. Schuester, who had obviously maintained her silence, and her parents. But that didn't stop Mr. Schuester from looking at her knowingly.
"Look, Rachel, I'm just grasping at straws here, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. And so is Emma. I'm sure Finn would love to hear from you too."
"Finn?" she squeaked. "Why would I need to talk with him?"
"I'm just throwing his name out there, Rachel. I know you two were close in New York, and he might be interested in what's going on in your life right now."
"Well, um, thank you for the pep talk, Mr. Shuester, but I have to go pick up Michael and Andrew now. I'll see you on Thursday." At that, she hurried out of the room before he could say anything else.
She made it to her car before bursting into tears. What was she going to do? Here she was, nearly three months pregnant, and she still had no idea how she was going to tell Finn that she was having his baby.
Couldn't anything just be easy for once?
Jer groaned in frustration from his spot on the couch and Finn over at him questioningly. They had arrived in Lima the night before after a long day of driving since Kurt insisted on taking Pablo everywhere with him and refused to "traumatize" him by putting him on an airplane. That worked for Finn since that meant he didn't have to board Tank either, who was now chewing on a bone while an elderly Peanut looked on thoughtfully. Pablo was suspiciously nowhere in sight.
Of course, he had wanted to go see Rachel as soon as he got into town, but Kurt talked him out of it, stating that it was too late and that he wouldn't want to raise Carole's ire since they were there to see her after all. So he played the dutiful son and sat through dinner quietly while Kurt and Jer went on and on about life in the Big Apple and Carole and Burt listened on enthusiastically.
Carole had taken a few days off to spend time with them while they were in town, so she and Kurt had gone off shopping, not even bothering to ask if Jer and Finn wanted to go too. Burt was still at the garage, so the two had been left to their own devices all day.
"How can you stand this?" Jer groaned again. "I don't know how you didn't die of boredom living in this place."
Finn grinned. "I had plenty to keep me occupied. Besides, what are you complaining about? You're an Ohio boy too."
"Yeah, from Columbus," Jer corrected. "It's a little different than freaking Lima."
"Well, what do you want to do? There's putt putt if the rain lets up, bowling, the movies –" He threw a quick glance at the clock. He didn't know what time Rachel would be off of work or when the boys would get out of school, so he'd put that off for the time being, but there had to be something else they could do. "Hey! I know where we can go!"
"Where?"
"Well, it's still a little early, but maybe we can drive over to McKinley and see if the glee club is practicing!"
"Oh my God, are you seriously going to be one of those losers who goes back to their old high school to say hi to their teachers?"
"It's not like I want to walk the halls in my letterman or anything," Finn said, disappointed. "I just want to drop in on Mr. Schue. We're still cool. And I was one of the glee captains, it's not loser-ish for me to go see the… the legacy I helped create."
"What book did you read that out of?" Jer grumbled.
"You know what?" Finn asked, standing up. "Be that way. If you want to sit around here all day and watch your dog hump my stepdad's recliner, be my guest!"
Jer sat up and cocked an eyebrow as he looked down at Pablo. "So that's what that squeaking noise was."
Finn couldn't help but chuckle good-naturedly at Jer – he was a funny guy – and shook his head. "Are you in or are you out?" he persisted.
"I'm in, I'm in!" Jer sat up and headed downstairs to get his shoes.
Finn grinned triumphantly to himself as he straightened up. There was still the off chance that he could bump into Rachel at the rehearsal, but he wasn't going to hold out hope. He'd already contacted Puck and knew where she lived, so he was planning on surprising her the following evening. It was Friday, so he knew Rachel wouldn't have work the next day and that way they could stay up and make up in all the best ways possible. Also, they had a life to start planning together, and while he knew it was going to take more than one night to get it all sorted out, he decided that that was a good start.
"How do I look?" he asked Jer when he tramped back up the stairs. He had pulled on a gray sweater over his blue button-up and thought he looked pretty good himself.
"You look like a dad," Jer grumbled.
He looked at himself critically in the mirror and frowned. "Well, I guess that's not a bad thing," he finally said. "I mean, I am going to be a stepdad soon. And maybe even someone's dad dad one day."
"You sure are taking this dad thing to heart, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you keep dropping it in conversation, like what you're going to do with the boys and the whole 'this room would make a great nursery, don't you think?' thing. Which is cool and all; you are inheriting some other dude's sons. But what if Rachel doesn't want any more kids? What if she decides she wants to try the Broadway thing again?"
Finn clenched his jaw painfully as he let what Jer said sink in. "If Rachel wants to be on Broadway, then I won't stop her. But, I mean, she's not only one who's going to be making sacrifices to make this relationship work. I've done what I can to prove to her that I'm serious about this. The least she can do is discuss it with me, right?"
Jer shrugged. "I guess so. I'm just saying I don't want to be around if that conversation goes badly."
He grabbed his jacket and pulled it on as they made their way to the car they had rented for their trip. He drove to McKinley carefully through the light rain that was falling, several years of driving in New York City making him nervous as he made his way through the streets of Lima. He was used to dodging in and out of the crazy traffic in his Mustang, but the empty streets of Lima caused him to have serious mailman-related flashbacks. At one point he actually jumped when they passed a fire hydrant, thinking it could be the erstwhile postal worker.
They finally arrived at the school and walked up to the main entrance, Jer grumbling the entire way. They went into the main office to sign in and he was told by the secretary that the glee club was rehearsing in the auditorium. He took a moment to wave at Principal Schuester who looked out at him from her office, her eyes wide with surprise.
He was nearly skipping down the hall in his excitement, only stopping to show Jer their trophy in the case. They finally reached the auditorium and crept in quietly as a little girl in glasses sang onstage. He could see Mr. Schue at his usual spot and several students seated in the first few rows, cheering on their peer.
He ducked into the last row, pulling Jer with him, as not distract the singer and sat back to enjoy the show.
"Ms. Berry!" Annabel giggled when she saw Rachel enter the auditorium. "You came!"
"Of course I did!" Rachel said, nodding to Mr. Schuester and greeting the other members she worked with.
"Okay guys!" Mr. Schue called after a few minutes. "Take a seat! Annabel's got her assignment for the week ready and she's going to perform it here on the big stage." He turned and smiled over at his pupil. "Whenever you're ready, Anna."
Anna nodded weakly, looking a little pale, and made her way up to the stage. Rachel gave her an encouraging smile as she indicated for the band to start. Then she drew in a shaky breath before beginning her number.
"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down…"
She suddenly stopped and looked down in horror at Rachel. It looked like she was going to run off for a moment when Preston yelled from amidst the group, "Go Anna! You can do it!"
"Would you like to try it again, Annabel?" Mr. Schuester asked, looking on sympathetically.
"Y-yes. From the top please, Brad."
Again the music started and this time, after a quick glance at Rachel, she began again, her voice stronger and full of emotion.
"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
"Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
"Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
"Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
"Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway"
Rachel nearly jumped out of her seat when Anna finished the first chorus. She must have been practicing because she had never heard her sound like that! She contained her excitement by clasping her hands firmly in her lap and moved to the edge of her seat.
"Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
"Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
"Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
"Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me, but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
"Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway."
As soon as she finished, Rachel jumped up to her feet and began clapping wildly along with the rest of the New Directions. Anna's performance had actually brought her to tears, something that hadn't happened since she had seen the Evita for the first time on Broadway. And she had done it; she had helped that little girl find something within herself that made her one of the most powerful vocalists that Rachel had ever heard. Maybe even better than herself, although she would never admit it out loud.
The group was just calming down, Anna now rejoining their ranks, beet red but looking pleased, when Rachel heard a commotion towards the middle of the auditorium where Mr. Schuester was sitting. She turned to see what was going on and nearly fell flat on her face when she saw Finn and Jer greeting him.
Even though it was still much too soon for her to feel actual movement, she could have sworn that the little baby in her belly began dancing a little jig upon sensing her daddy's presence just a few feet away. She thought about bailing through the emergency exit, but she was pretty sure that would make an alarm go off and completely ruin her chances of escaping unnoticed. So she just stood there, frozen in place, as Mr. Schuester walked down to the stage with them in tow.
"That was amazing, Anna!" he gushed. "Keep up the good work."
"Thanks, Mr. Schue." She giggled as several of her teammates patted her on the back and Preston reached over and ruffled her hair.
"Now, juniors and seniors," he said, smiling out at the group before him, "you guys will probably remember this gentleman behind me."
"Yeah, that's the Sam in the City guy!" one of the older boys shouted.
"Mr. Hudson," Mr. Schue corrected, although he and Finn laughed appreciatively.
Rachel held her breath, praying to whatever god may be listening that Finn and Jer would look right over her and leave. Of course, she had no such luck. Jer stopped right in front of her and noticed her almost immediately.
"Oh snap!" he said on reflex, his eyes going wide. "Hey, Rachel."
He turned to where Finn was standing, staring at her with his mouth hanging open. "Look Finn, it's Rachel." He waited for one of them to speak, the students and Mr. Schuester looking on curiously, before rolling his eyes. "Okay, been waiting for this for weeks… you two aren't going to say anything, are you? …you're just going to stand there and stare at each other… fantastic."
"Well, isn't this a treat?" Mr. Schuester finally said, breaking the awkward silence. "You guys, Mr. Hudson and Ms. Berry were the very first co-captains of the New Directions. Isn't that exciting?"
"Is that true, Ms. Berry?" Anna asked. "Maybe you two could sing us a song!"
"N-no," Rachel stuttered, finding her voice. "I really can't right now. I have to go. I have to… to pick up Mi-Mi-Mi…" Oh no! What were her children's names again?
"Michael and Andrew?" Jer supplied.
"My children," she finally finished. "Well done, Anna. Now… I have to go."
She snatched up her purse, careful to hold it in front of her and rushed out, hoping that Finn wouldn't follow her. She was in the parking lot, jogging carefully to her car in order to avoid slipping on the wet pavement, when she heard heavy footsteps running up behind her.
"Rachel!" Finn called. "Rachel, stop!"
She stopped at her car and turned to him, thankful that the rain had turned into a light drizzle. "Yes?"
Finn stopped in front of her and looked down at her with sad eyes. "How are you?"
"I'm doing well. And you?"
"I'm good," he muttered. "Been busy."
"Yes, I saw Sam in the City on at my doc–" she winced, realizing what she was saying, "–tor's office. Con-congratulations."
She hesitated. Here it was; here was her chance to tell Finn. But she just hugged herself around her middle tightly and looked up at him silently. Maybe a parking lot wasn't the best place for this conversation.
"How are the boys?"
"They're adjusting," she said, forcing a small smile. "What are you doing in town?"
"Oh, it's my mom's birthday on Sunday," he explained. He watched her hesitantly for a moment and reached out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "I've missed you," he finally said.
"Finn, I –"
"I know. You're probably still mad at me, Rachel, and I'm sorry for what happened before you left. I shouldn't have said those things about David."
"No," she said, shaking her head furiously. "You only said things I needed to hear." She smiled sadly. "You could have probably used a little more couth in your argument, but I forgave you a long time ago for that."
She watched as he swallowed nervously, his eyes darting anxiously around the lot. "Look, Rach, can we get together and talk? There's a lot I need to tell you. Can we do dinner or something? Maybe tomorrow night?"
Rachel worried her lip and looked down at her feet. "Well, we're going to temple tomorrow night."
"Saturday then?"
"I'm in charge of a food drive on Saturday."
"Please, Rachel, we can't leave things like this," he said pleadingly.
She closed her eyes and tried to steel herself against the pain in his voice. He was right though, they did have a lot to talk about. "The boys do miss you terribly," she finally said. "If you would like to pick them up on Saturday and spend the day with them, I'm sure they would love that."
"And then we can talk?" he asked hopefully.
She nodded. "There's a lot that I need to tell you too. We can stay up all night if you like."
He grinned and pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. She held her breath and hoped against hope that he wouldn't feel her belly through her clothes. She smiled awkwardly as he pulled away.
"Well, I should go. I really do need to go pick up the boys."
"Oh! Yeah! Tell them I said hi and for them to start thinking about what they want to do."
He helped her into her car and she watched as he walked back to the school, his hands in his pockets. When he was finally out of sight, she slumped over the steering wheel and groaned loudly.
Seeing him just stirred up all the old feelings again. There was no denying that she was still in love with him, even more so now that they were having a baby together, but how could she reconcile the life she was living now with the life she wanted to live with him? There was no way she could ask him to give up his job and come back to Lima, and there was no way she, the boys, and a baby would fit in his apartment. Sure, it was spacious, but it was hardly fit for a family of five.
And how would he react to learning about the baby?
Rachel sighed as she started her car. How she let her life become such a mess was beyond her.
"Breakaway" originally appeared on the 2004 soundtrack, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Song written by and copyrighted to Avril Lavigne, Bridget Benenate and Matthew Gerrard.
Author's Note: We're so close, everyone, and I'm getting so nervous! What's going to happen? Who's going to spill the beans first? How will Finn react? Will Pablo ever stop humping things? Stay tuned to find out!
Also, I finally got myself a Twitter that I'm going to use exclusively for fanfiction and general Glee-ness, so please feel free to follow me at clearobscurity. I know we're coming up on the end of A Tempo, but I still would love to have people to talk about Glee with; my RL friends, while fellow Gleeks themselves, are getting really irritated with my one-track mind and just don't understand the concept of fanfiction!
Disclaimer: Glee is the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. I'm just manipulating it for my own nefarious (and strictly nonprofit) purposes.