Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for the reviews, folks. I know this is not one of my normal kind of stories, but gosh, it was fun to write! I hope you have as much fun reading about my snarky "fairy Godparents" as I did writing them...

"So, how are we going to do it, Rossi?" Emily peered at him with intense brown eyes, desperate in nature. Dave knew exactly how she felt. The entire team groaned inwardly whenever Morgan and Garcia were near each other. Even Reid noticed the mushfest; that was no small task. Since Alaska, they'd looked at each other with the mooniest expressions ever known to man.

It was like Romeo and Juliet, except these two were old enough to know better!

That gave Dave an immediate idea. "I think we have to take their maturity into consideration."

"How's that?"

Dave leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hand outstretched. "I think we should try the direct approach. They're both adults. We can discuss their love lives- or lack thereof in Morgan's case-"

Emily had a wry expression. "How long's it been for Morgan?"

"As far as I know, he stopped having casual sex a long time ago." Rossi leaned back and crossed his ankle on his knee. "He tried something with that clingy Barnes woman he had for awhile, but that blew up mighty quick."

"Mmm hmm," Emily said, popping a Spanish peanut in her mouth after she removed the skin. "You can blame our girl for that. She made him feel guilty as hell." She snickered. "She was really worried about the integrity of the case...my ass."

Rossi gave her a chastising look. "Now, now, Em...you don't know that for sure."

She gave him a look right back. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"Well," Rossi answered, standing up and stretching. "You work on Garcia, find out how really happy she truly is with Lynch. And me...I'm going to have a chat with our boy."

Emily stood, and looped her arms around Dave's neck, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "Thanks for being their hero, too, Rossi."

He looked down into Emily's eyes and smirked. "It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it."

The next day at work, Morgan was unlucky enough to be stationed with David Rossi on a stakeout. He didn't know what it was about the man that made him dig into his private life. He'd prefer to just go and have a beer with him and shoot the shit. Instead, Rossi delved into his personal affairs, from his work status, to his sex life. It seemed to be the delight of the older man's life, to make Derek feel uncomfortable and squeamish.

"Damn you, Rossi," Derek growled, still looking out the window. "I'm fine. I've been fine for a long time. Leave it alone."

"Hey..." Dave approached gently, like he usually did. Full of grace. Dignity. Tact. "It's been a long time since you mentioned screwing someone. What gives? Can't get a date?"

Gentle...like a bull in a china shop.

Derek turned to shoot an incredulous look at him. "Do I look like someone who would have a hard time getting a date?"

"Since there's been no woman in..." Rossi looked up and tapped his chin for added drama, then continued, "about six months. I'd say...yeah."

He'd started nodding and continued nodding, just to get a rise out of Morgan.

Morgan snickered and looked away from him. "Fuck you, Rossi."

"No, thank you. I'm not your type." He thought for a second, and since he was on a roll, almost added-

Morgan shot him a deathly glare. "Don't even think it, you old bastard." He looked back out the window, and slammed the steering wheel, then looked back at Dave. "I am going to ask Hotch to never assign me with you again. I will take Havernberg on bean burrito night on a winter's day, before I will go out with you again."

Dave almost shuddered. Havernberg was a new agent, and he was terribly lactose intolerant and had hideous gas. Morgan must've been extremely angry to suggest such a thing. He needed to change his approach, if he was going to get any cooperation out of the man.

"Morgan..."

"Shut up."

Risking his life, he said softly, "You remind me a lot of my younger years. Driven, but too cocky to reach and grab what I really wanted. Like at work. It took me years to get where I needed to be, because I didn't trust anyone. I had to do it all myself to do it right. I still have a hard time with that."

Derek sighed. "Yeah, I know. I get it."

"No, you don't," Rossi replied. "I waited so long, too long in a lot of cases. I am just trying to tell you: make wise decisions, or you are going to regret it for the rest of your life."

"Thank you, Yoda," Derek said, smirking. "Can we please get back to the case at hand?"

"Alright," Dave grumbled, "but only if you promise to think-"

"You're pushing your luck, man."

Dave sighed. He knew when he was defeated. "So...how about those Red Sox, huh?"

"What do you think of this one?" Penelope said, holding up a teddy bear. It was one that talked, really cute. She was going to get it for Henry. His birthday was coming up soon, and Emily offered to go shopping with her.

"It's cute. Hey, Garcie."

Pen looked up with a curious smile.

"How's your sex life with Lynch?"

Penelope began to color, and looked around her. They were in a children's toy store, from before birth to six years old, and there were numerous pregnant women standing around them, along with a passel of children. A bunch had looked up at Prentiss when she'd said that, but she hadn't noticed.

"Can we discuss this somewhere else?" Pen asked quickly.

"Sure!" Emily said, sounding thrilled. "We can go for coffee after and talk about it."

Pen quickly paid for the bear, and they left the shop. On the way to Esther, Pen asked, "So...why the sudden interest in my sex life?"

"Just wondering if you're satisfied with the road your life has gone." She shrugged. "You know, just asking like a pal would."

"You've never asked about this before, Em." Garcia gave her a concerned look. "Is there something wrong with your sex life?"

"Hell, no," Emily blurted quickly. She and Dave had regular rounds of sex. It was awesome. He didn't do it as frequently as her last lover did, but what he lacked in quantity, he made up for in quality.

"Well...if you were, you and your mystery man, it would be normal," Pen said, softly smiling with understanding. "Most relationships go through lulls."

Suddenly, Emily looked interested. "Kevin have lulls?"

Pen sighed to herself, then answered, "Yes. He does. He's been stressed, and we haven't...well. He's been stressed a lot lately. And we've been together a long time. And he's getting older."

Emily frowned immediately. "He's not that old. He's about Morgan's age, right?"

Pen snorted. "Not every man can be like Morgan."

"What have you heard about him?" Prentiss prodded. That last statement sounded like PG had some dirty secrets that could possibly help the agenda.

"Oh...lots of things. I know he can go all night." She looked a little dreamy, wistful, even. "He dated a tech once, a really pretty one, who bragged that he wore her out...and made her sore."

Emily had to hide the sour look on her face. Ugh. She did not want to think about Morgan in that fashion...ever. Penelope, on the other hand, had a rather dreamy look on her face.

Aha!

Prentiss went back into attack. "Bet you want to find out..."

She blushed, then shook her head. "That's a moot point. Derek and I are just friends."

"But there could be-"

"No," she said, standing up. "I thought that years ago, and learned Morgan would never settle down...or settle for someone like me."

Emily's mouth dropped. She'd never heard her talk that negatively about herself. "Garcia..."

"I have eyes, Emily! I see what he dates! And I am perfectly happy with Kevin." She shot Emily the saddest look, before she looked back out the windshield. "Just...stop."

Pen pulled in front of Prentiss's apartment, and Em got out...feeling defeated.