A Tempo
Chapter Eighteen: Do or Die
After putting her car in park, Rachel groaned and massaged her temples. She was exhausted. Running a food drive was more work than she thought, and it took all of her effort to organize all the volunteers and stations, and to avoid a still-smitten Jacob Ben Israel, who followed her around and called her "his little tulip".
The drive was a success though. She took a sense of pride from the work she did, more so than she ever did with the charities she volunteered with in New York. Those had mostly consisted of her sitting quietly in a room while Maura and her friends gossiped, proclaiming to be raising money for this organization or that.
She stopped by the grocery store on the way home and picked up all the ingredients for Fettuccine Alfredo since she knew how much Finn loved Italian food. She'd already called her dads and they agreed to take the boys for the night so that they could discuss their future in peace.
She walked slowly to the front porch, contemplating a quick nap, when she noticed someone seated on the steps. After living in New York for so many years, her first instinct was to politely tell the bum to squat somewhere else, but stopped dead in her tracks when she remembered that this was Ohio. And that was Finn sitting on her front stoop.
He looked awful. His hair was sticking damply to his head, the shoulders of his jacket were wet from the rain, his lip was busted, and… was he wearing bowling shoes? She immediately panicked and dropped the groceries to the ground, ignored the crack of a jar within one of the bags, and hurried over to him.
"Finn," she gasped frantically, "is everything alright? Where are the boys?"
"They're fine," he answered, his voice low and gruff. "They're with my mom."
She stared at him incredulously, feeling her face flush. "And why is your mother watching my children?"
"Because that's where I left them, Rachel," he said sharply. She was slightly taken aback. What on earth had she done to deserve this greeting?
Suddenly he was in front of her and without a question he placed his open hand over her belly, moving her coat to the side in order to feel her slightly rounded abdomen. His eyes darkened as he stared down at her.
"Maybe we should go inside," she said, fumbling with her keys. He didn't say a word and stepped to the side so she could unlock the door.
She set her purse down on the table just inside the foyer and snapped on the lamp before turning to him. Figuring offense was the best defense; she crossed her arms and glared at him. "Finn, you can't just show up at my house looking like you've been beaten half to death when you're supposed to be watching my children! What right do you have to leave –"
"You do not get to talk, Rachel!" Finn shouted, slamming his hand on the wall beside him and startling her into submission. "What right do I have? What right do you have leaving New York knowing you're having my baby?"
"I didn't know when I left," she said, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. He had been mad before she left New York, but now he was furious. Deadly so. She knew that he would never hurt her, but she still took a step back and clasped her arms protectively in front of her stomach.
"Then why didn't you tell me as soon as you found out?" he hissed, leaning down into her face menacingly. "Did you think I wouldn't want to know I was going to be a father? Did you think I wouldn't want to be in my child's life?"
"I-I was going to tell you. I just wanted to wait until the right time."
"And when was that going to be, huh? When the kid turns 18?"
"Finn, I am so sorry," she whispered, feeling herself grow a little panicky.
Finn set his face stubbornly and crossed his arms. "How?"
"What do you mean –"
"Don't play dumb with me! You said you were on the Pill. I'm not dumb enough to believe that this just magically happened."
She looked down in embarrassment. "I-I couldn't afford my refill one week –" She jumped when he threw his arms up in disbelief before continuing on carefully, "– and then I just forgot. I didn't worry about it right away because the calendar on my phone –"
"The calendar on your phone?" he asked in astonishment. "Seriously? You're going to make life changing decisions based off the calendar on your phone?"
"It was the only suitable option at the time," she mumbled.
"You had plenty of options, Rachel! You could have told me for one, given me a little warning. God! You are so selfish sometimes!" He turned away from her and ran a hand down his face, wincing when he made contact with his hurt lip. "Just own up to what you did for once!"
"I just didn't know how to tell you," she cried. "I didn't want to saddle you down with a family; I didn't want to force you to give up what you had been working for. I had to figure out some things on my own."
"No, Rachel!" he snapped. "You don't get to rearrange everyone's lives whenever you see fit. You don't get a choice this time!"
Her heart dropped. So this was it; this was how it felt to lose Finn Hudson forever. She walked into the living room and sat resolutely down on the couch. Then she stared up at him mutely, silent tears running down her face, as she waited for him to speak.
He paced back and forth, running a hand anxiously through his hair. "First things first, you're going to quit your job and pack up your crap. Then we're going to hitch the first truck back to New York and –"
"What?" she gasped. What was he saying? She was expecting him to say he never wanted to see her again or that they would have to work out a custody agreement. This almost sounded like he was...
Suddenly his face softened and the tension left his body. Calmly, he walked over to kneel down in front of her, placing one hand on her hip and the other on her belly. "I have lots of reasons to be pissed at you, Rachel. For leaving me without giving me a chance to fight. For putting me in this position. And I'm still mad as hell at you for not telling me sooner about the baby. But none of that changes the fact that I still love you."
She ducked her head and began crying brokenly, not quite believing what she was hearing. How could this one man put up with so much and still kneel before her and tell her that he loved her?
He hooked a finger beneath her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. She was surprised to see his own were glassy and when he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. "This isn't how I wanted to do this, but it's the truth. I was sunk the first time I saw you."
"No you weren't," she managed to choke out.
"Okay, maybe not." He gave her a lopsided smile and shrugged helplessly. "But it didn't take me long to realize you were the only person who would ever know me. I don't want to lose you again."
Rachel didn't wait to hear more, she just propelled herself into his arms and sobbed into the crook of his neck while he rocked her back and forth, whispering words of comfort and showering endearments into her hair.
"S-so you're happy?" she was finally able to ask. "Abou-about the baby?"
Finn just smiled and took her face into his hands. "It's the best thing in the world." Then he leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips and she felt like she was going to melt.
She was so incredibly happy in that one moment; Finn was still in love with her, he was happy about the baby, and he wanted her to go back to New York with him. But… "We don't have a place to live, though!" she said, wrenching her mouth away from his.
"Not exactly," he said, lifting himself off the floor to sit next to her on the sofa. "I bought us a house."
"You… bought us… a what?"
"I just closed on Monday." He was facing straight ahead, but she could see him watching her out of the corner of his eye, gauging her reaction. "I mean, it needs a lot of work. A lot. But it's in a good neighborhood and, well, it's freaking huge. And it has an elevator!"
"You've been planning this?" she asked in disbelief.
He gulped. "Um, yeah. I wanted to be with you even before I found out about the baby, Rach. I want us to be a family. Me, you, and the boys. So, if I had to buy us a six-bedroom house in the Upper West Side to prove it to you, then that's what I was going to do."
Rachel's mouth dropped open. "Isn't that a little… much?"
"Well, you haven't seen it yet."
She could only giggle in delight and wrapped her arms around him so that she could cuddle into his chest. "I know I'll love it. But how are we going to afford it?"
"You don't have to worry about that. I got a good promotion at work, I was going to tell you the day we…" he trailed off and Rachel hiccupped. So that's why he had wanted to have a celebratory dinner. He had been so excited and wanted to tell her the good news, but she had only been thinking of herself. She didn't even give him the chance to tell her. She began crying again, big body wrenching sobs that caused her little body to jolt every time she took a gasp of air.
"I'm such a horrible person!" she wailed as Finn tightened his hold on her.
"Hey, knock it off," he whispered. "What's done is done. We've got a whole lot of other things to look forward to now." He ran a hand through her hair and waited until she calmed down before continuing. "We've got to get you and the boys packed up and moved back, then we've got to get them enrolled in school – we probably can't send them to the same school they were going to, but there are a few really good private schools on our side of town. Oh, and I really need to get started on remodeling the house, I don't know if that'll be bad for you and the baby…"
Rachel tuned him out. She knew there was still so much more they needed to discuss, but she just wanted to feel his arms around her at that moment. She listened to the steady beat of his heart under her ear and let the gradual feeling of relaxation spread throughout body. She hadn't felt like this in weeks and, if it was up to her, she'd never go without this feeling again. She took a deep breath and let Finn's scent flood her system.
"Are you alright?" he asked. "Are you tired? Do you need to go lay down?"
"I was tired," she said, resting her chin on his chest to look up into his face, "now I'm just content." Then she furrowed her brow worriedly and sat up. "Your lip looks awful."
She took him by the hand and led him to her bathroom, sitting him down on the toilet seat. She dug around under her sink and procured a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a washcloth. "This may sting," she warned, gently dabbing at his lip with the damp towel. He winced the minute she made contact the wound, but held still as she cleaned it. "How did this happen?"
"I kind of punched Puck at the bowling alley," he said sheepishly and Rachel looked down at him thoughtfully.
"Why on earth were you fighting with Noah?"
"Well, I kind of thought that maybe the baby was… his. Possibly."
Rachel dropped the rag in her sink and let her mouth fall open. "Do you honestly think I would sleep with him?"
"I wasn't exactly thinking straight."
"Serves you right if I had."
"What's the supposed to mean?" he grumbled, leaning over to inspect his face in the mirror.
"You called Noah Puckerman to watch me, Finn. I mean, seriously?" She raised her eyebrows and he smiled bashfully.
"I guess you're right."
He straightened up and followed her into the bedroom. Before she knew it, she was in his arms and he was planting kisses on her face and lips. "I love you," she murmured.
"I love you so, so much," he responded, his voice low and gruff, just before hoisting her up and kissing her senseless. By the time he set her down, her head was swimming and she swooned against him.
"Is this okay?" he asked, his hands roaming down her arms and across her belly.
She smiled and took his hands in hers, laying them flat across her abdomen. He laughed softly and rested his forehead against hers. They stood like that for a moment, and Rachel breathed a silent sigh of relief, knowing that she could finally put all the hurdles and turmoil behind her; that she could just let herself be with him with no more worries.
She dropped her hands to the bottom of her sweater dress and together they lifted it up over her head, and for a moment she felt a surge of fear that he might take one look at her and call the whole thing off, but his hands made their way back around her waist and pulled her closer to him.
"Beautiful," he whispered. He kissed her again, his lip still tasting vaguely of rubbing alcohol, and she deepened the kiss as they carefully made their way to her bed. She dropped down onto it and scooted herself up to the pillows, unhooking her bra and dropping it down the side of the bed. She heard his breath hitch in his throat and he quickly rid himself of his own clothing, kicking the tacky bowling shoes across the room and nearly tumbling over in his haste to get his jeans off.
Rachel giggled as he crawled onto the bed and leaned over her. He wasted no time in dropping his hands to her breasts, brushing his fingers gently across her sensitive nipples.
"You're sure, right?" he asked again suddenly. "This is definitely okay?"
She had to keep herself from rolling her eyes so as not to belittle his worry. As far as he was concerned, it was justified. "Of course it is. She's still just a peanut in there after all."
"I know. It's just that you're so small and the baby's so small and I'm… not." He looked down at her in confusion. "She?"
"Or he," she amended, smiling up into his face. "We still have a few weeks before we can find out if it's a boy or a girl."
She expected him to look happy or excited at the news, but instead he looked down at her with an extremely worried look on his face. Then again, they were both nearly naked and this probably wasn't the kind of pillow talk that he was used to. "Finn, is everything alright?"
He focused on a spot near her head. "Well, I, uh… I know it's kind of luck of the draw and we don't really get a choice, but if at all possible, I'd really, really like a girl."
"A girl?" Rachel asked, putting her hands on his cheeks and forcing him to look at her. "Why?"
He grinned with embarrassment. "I mean, a boy would be great, but we've already got two and I-I don't know if I could handle the…" He paused and made a scissoring motion with his hand. "…the, you know, in the living room."
It took Rachel a moment to understand what he was talking about, and when she finally did, she threw her head back and began laughing her heart out. She laughed and laughed until Finn finally stopped her with a firm kiss and a knowing touch.
Finn squeezed her hand lightly as they made their way up to his mother's house a few hours later. He was nervous about filling Carole in on everything that had happened in New York, but Rachel insisted that he speak to her right away. Also, it was getting late and they really couldn't leave the boys with her any longer.
They hadn't really left the bed once they fell on it, but they did stay up talking after their initial lovemaking session. He didn't know if it was her hormones or the amount of time they had been apart, but hot damn, it had been explosive! He had barely been able to keep up with her (not that he was complaining, of course).
They had decided that, while it would be difficult, Rachel should finish up the rest of the semester in Lima before returning to New York with the boys. It wasn't his favorite idea, but it did make sense; a smooth transition was what they all needed. It was only for a few weeks and at least it gave him a chance to get started on the messy remodeling projects, like tearing up the bathrooms and painting. It also meant that he would have to take a couple of days off here and there in order to fly over and see them every other weekend or so, but that was a given. There was no way he was going to miss another one of Rachel's doctor's appointments. He was going to be at her side like he was super glued there.
He hadn't been lying when he told Rachel that he was still upset about her keeping the baby news from him; nothing irritated him more than knowing he hadn't been there since day one for his child. But there was nothing he could do about it now, so he just set his anger aside and vowed that no matter what, he was going to be devoted to Rachel and the baby from there on out.
That aside, there was just one more hurdle for him to cross. He still had to ask Rachel to marry him. Sure, she was okay about moving to New York, but he had no idea how she felt about marriage. He just didn't want Michael and Andrew to think it was okay for them to knock a girl up and then just move her in without taking any other responsibility; he was pretty sure that was the textbook definition of a mixed message. And, yeah, okay, maybe it was the 21st century, but he didn't want his kid to be a bastard. Not if he could help it, at least.
"So, are you ready for this?" he asked, looking down at Rachel as he unlocked the door.
Rachel actually looked nervous. "Are you sure she doesn't hate me?" she asked smoothing out her dress. Finn had absolutely no idea what Rachel was talking about when she said she already looked like a blimp. She did have the smallest of baby bumps, but really, he couldn't tell when she had her clothes on unless he put his hand right over it. He grinned to himself; he was going to have a hard time keeping his hands to himself the next six months.
"C'mon, Rach," he grumbled. "Everybody loves you."
That just earned him a dubious look and he sighed. "Well, my mom's always loved you. She still talks about how you helped me graduate high school."
"I did not," she said as he pushed the door open. "I just helped you improve your study habits."
"Hey, Rachel! Douchebag," Jer greeted as soon as they stepped into the house. "You know how much bowling shoes cost?"
"Um… no."
"Eighty bucks. Which is exactly how much you now owe me since I paid for those point dexter shoes you walked off in."
He looked down at the bowling shoes he was still wearing. "Oh, sorry. Did you at least grab my shoes?"
Jer rolled his eyes. "Your mom did. She's in the kitchen by the way. And your lip looks like crap."
"How are the boys?" Rachel asked, looking embarrassed.
"They're fine. We're all eating pizza and watching football in the living room if you'd like to join us."
She looked up at Finn questioningly, but he just smiled and placed a kiss on her crown. "I'll be in there in a minute. It'll probably be better if I talk to my mom first."
She nodded and followed Jer to join her children while he made his way into the kitchen. "Hey Mom," he said from the doorway. She was seated at the kitchen table with Peanut in her lap, flipping through a magazine. Kurt was sitting across from her and threw Finn a scathing glare before standing up and walking out of the room.
"Sweetie," she smiled and set the dog to the side. "Come sit down."
He took a seat next to her and tried to gather his thoughts before speaking. "Mom, I –"
"Kurt already explained everything to me, Finn," she said, cutting him off. "Why you felt the need to keep your relationship with Rachel a secret from me, I'll never understand, but I'm not angry."
"Really?" he squeaked and Carole just nodded. "I just thought… well, I know you were pretty disappointed when we broke up. I didn't know how you would feel about me seeing her again. Especially now that she has kids."
"Don't be ridiculous," she chastised lightly. "If either Burt or I had that mentality, we never would have started dating. And you're right; I didn't think it was right how she left things with you. But that was a long time ago. You're both adults now and I trust you to make adult decisions."
That seemed like the blessing he was looking for, but he still had to ask. "So… you're not worried?"
"Oh, sweetie," she said, taking his hand. Her eyes were glassy and he immediately felt awful for making his mom cry. "Don't you see? I was worried about you. I'm not anymore."
He stood and pulled her into his arms, giving her a tight hug. "Thanks, Mom."
"Just one request, Finn."
"Anything."
"Next time I find out I'm going to be a grandmother, can you make sure you're married first?"
He chuckled softly and nodded. "I'm working on it."
"You mean you still haven't asked?" she hissed, looking towards the living room.
"Not in so many words."
Carole shook her head and turned on her heel to head to the other room. "You better get on it, kid. I don't want a fatherless grandchild running around New York City."
He followed her and stopped suddenly, meeting Kurt's shocked gaze as Rachel fairly inhaled a slice of pizza. "Rach," he gasped. "You do realize that's not vegan. That's real sausage and everything."
She looked over to where he and Carole stood, her facing turning bright red. "The baby wanted it," Michael explained before turning back to his plate.
"Honestly, I've never seen a person eat a piece of pizza like that," Jer commented. "And I have three older brothers."
Everyone had a good laugh at that, and fortunately Rachel didn't seem too insulted. He left her and his mom to get reacquainted while he ran to his bedroom and grabbed his bag. They didn't linger too much longer at his mom's house after that, and left with promises to return the next day for her big birthday lunch.
It had been decided that he sleep over at her house so that they could talk the boys finish laying out the tentative plans that lead to their life together. As much as he couldn't wait to get them back to New York and settled into their new home, he had to admit that he was pretty nervous as Rachel drove them back to her house. Not only were they going to break the news to the boys, but he had to do something on the proposal front.
He helped Rachel as they scrambled during in the usual bedtime mayhem before she called them into the living room and asked them to take a seat on the sofa. She sat between them, taking their hands in hers and looked up encouragingly at Finn as he took a seat across from them, the ring burning a hole in his pocket.
"Well boys," Rachel began, "Finn and I have been talking –"
"Andrew told about the baby!" Michael blurted.
"Did not!" Andrew cried, jutting out his lip and sitting back huffily.
"It's okay, baby." Rachel smiled and pulled him close to her side. "It was wrong of me to ask you to keep it from him. You didn't do anything wrong." Andrew spared a look in Finn's direction, who nodded in agreement, before cuddling back up to Rachel's side.
"With the baby on the way and all, we've decided that it would probably be best for us to move back to New York after this semester is over. Finn even got us a big, fancy house to live in so there will be plenty of room for all of us. Isn't that exciting?"
"Ugh!" Michael groaned, throwing his hands up in the air and flinging himself backwards. "Will you two just make up your minds already?"
"Michael, don't be so dramatic," Rachel said and Finn had to keep from laughing out loud. Rachel telling Michael not to be dramatic was pretty much the funniest thing he had heard all day.
Instead, he set his face neutrally and stood up. "It's going to be great guys. You're going to have your own floor and everything."
"Mhmm," Rachel agreed. "And you'll be able to see Bubbe again too."
Finn winced as he thought of Rachel's stern mother-in-law, but he supposed if he was going to be raising her grandchildren, he would probably have to put up with the woman from time to time. "Another thing guys," he added. "I know I probably scared you today when I lost my temper –"
"Nope!" Andrew laughed. "That was funny!"
"Uh huh! You looked like a wrestler. You jumped on Puck like this," Michael exclaimed and dove off the sofa to show him. He ducked his head when Rachel raised an accusing eyebrow at him.
"Well, it was still wrong. I'm a grown up and I should know better. I don't want to see you two even playing like that, okay?" They both shook their heads, but he knew his warning was falling on deaf ears. He was a kid once, and he knew as soon as he and Rachel left the room, they would be beating the crap out of each other – Lord knew he and Puck were guilty of it when they were Michael's age. But the way he figured, if they bothered doing it behind his back, at least they knew it was wrong.
Rachel smiled and clapped her hands together. "We still have a lot of planning and packing to do, but since that's all settled…" she trailed off as Finn walked over to them and kneeled down in front of her and the boys. "Was there something else you wanted to add, Finn?"
He cleared his throat and nodded uncertainly. "I know that this is a big step, for all of us but…" He looked down at first Michael, then Andrew, who both stared up at him with their mother's big eyes. "I want us to be a family. I love you both just as much as I love the baby in your mom's tummy."
He resisted the urge to reach out and rest his hand on Rachel's abdomen and idly he wondered if he would ever get tired of touching her, of marveling at the little life he and Rachel had created together. He smiled. That was part of him in there, just like the three people in front of him were a part of him, even if wasn't necessarily a blood bond. And he needed all of them to function.
"And I love you," he said, looking up into Rachel's shocked face. "I always have, and nothing in the world is ever going to change that." He took a deep breath. Here it was, do or die.
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the jewelry box. "So, if it's okay with you guys, and if she says yes, I would really love to marry your mom. Rachel, wi–"
"Yes!" she cried, hurling herself at him and showering his face with kisses. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"
He barely had enough time to reciprocate when Andrew's little arms wrapped around his waist. "Does this mean you're gonna be our dad?"
"Our stepdad," Michael amended.
"Your dad, your stepdad. Either way, we're all going to be together always," Rachel giggled, crawling into his lap, completely ignoring the ring box that had fallen to the floor. Oh well, he thought, he'd make sure she saw it later.
"Is that alright with you, Michael?" he asked. "I know you've been the man of the house for a while."
Michael stood and shuffled over to where his mother and brother were hanging unceremoniously off of him. "Yeah," he murmured, throwing his arms around his neck.
Finn choked back the surge of emotion that hit him just then and reveled in the fact that he was holding his family in his arms. All four of them as it were. He met Rachel's earnest look as she turned her face up to him. It wasn't the most passionate kiss they'd ever shared, but it was full of promise and love, full of everything they had been missing and were fortunate enough to find all over again.
When she pulled away, they shared a smile over the heads of their children and he knew that, no matter what, this was exactly where he was supposed to be.
Author's Note: And that's all folks! But don't be sad, I have an epilogue and a few one-shots in the AT universe coming up, so keep an eye out for those. (The epilogue should be up in the next couple of days.)
Disclaimer: Glee is the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. I'm just manipulating it for my own nefarious (and strictly nonprofit) purposes.