DISCLAIMER: Any reference to "Michelin" in this story is not meant to represent or misrepresent the famous tire company, its products, or its employees in any way whatsoever . . . except where it can score a few cheap laughs.
SCENE 1 – EXTERIOR, OPEN FIELD, FRANCE
We hear the sounds of multiple hoofbeats. As a dramatic fanfare begins, three horsemen ride into the foreground. It's the THREE MUSCATELS: ASSHOLE, PORTHOLE, and AIRHOLE. They rein in their horses in a tight group, and then in unison they draw their swords, raise them to the air, and cross them.
ASSHOLE, PORTHOLE, AIRHOLE
(in unison)
All for one, and one for all!
Once again in unison, they sheath their swords and ride off together toward the background to the right. They gradually get farther away as the dramatic fanfare becomes repetitive and slowly fades in volume. The scene is still panning to the right as the Muscatels are about to disappear over the background hills, and by now the fanfare has reduced in volume almost to silence.
At this point, the camera suddenly stops panning as a NUDE MAN comes into foreground shot, sitting at an old-fashioned pipe organ. The organ is oriented such that the Nude Man on the organ's bench is turned three-quarter back to the camera, so we can clearly see his large shock of unruly hair and his bare bum. He turns his upper body however so as to look at the camera, grinning maniacally. The Nude Man plays his own fanfare on the organ.
SCENE 2 – EXTERIOR, ANOTHER OPEN FIELD
The MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET, clothed in a formal black tuxedo, sits at a desk on which is placed a telephone, a few stacks of paper, and a 1960's-style radio microphone. He talks with a SECRETARY standing over him at his left side:
MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET
... Yes, that's certainly a good point. Personally though, I adhere to Henri Bergson's idea of laughter as a social sanction against inflexible behavior.
The Man in the Dinner Jacket glances toward the camera, then quickly turns to the Secretary:
MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET
Oh, excuse me, I'm on.
The Secretary walks out of shot and the Man turns back toward the camera.
MAN IN THE DINNER JACKET
And now for something completely different.
SCENE 3 – EXTERIOR, YET ANOTHER OPEN FIELD
A CLOSEUP SHOT of the IT'S MAN, wearing a tattered Musketeer uniform.
IT'S MAN
It's –
TITLE SEQUENCE
VOICEOVER
RC Gumby Productions presents:
"The Three Muscatels."
Based upon the comedy of Monty Python.
And upon the novel The Three Musketeers, by Alexander Dumas.
But not very closely.
Title sequence ends.
TITLE CARDS, in sequence:
"EPISODE 1"
"GRATUITOUS SEX AND VIOLENCE"
(empty black for a pregnant pause)
"Now that we have your full attention, our story begins..."
SCENE 4 – EXTERIOR, YET ANOTHER OPEN FIELD, SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE
We hear the sound of hoofbeats again. Over the hill appears – not a man on a horse, but a young man – D'ARK-ONION - rapidly clapping two coconut halves together while himself galloping like he's imitating a horse. D'Ark-Onion "reins himself in" at the foot of the hill and looks offscreen, out into the distance of the direction he's traveling. He hopes to see his final destination, Paris, but instead it's the wall of a castle.
D'ARK-ONION
(calls out)
Hello!
No answer is immediately coming.
D'ARK-ONION
(calls out even louder)
HELLO!
This time the head of a SENTRY appears over the battlements.
SENTRY
(calls back)
Hello! Who's there?
D'ARK-ONION
My name is Michel D'Ark-Onion, son of Jean D'Ark-Onion from the province of Normandie! I've ridden for several days to reach the city of Paris, to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a Muscatel, like my father before me! Could you tell me if I'm getting close to Paris?
SENTRY
What, ridden on a horse?
D'ARK-ONION
Yes!
SENTRY
You're using coconuts!
D'ARK-ONION
What?
SENTRY
You've got two empty halves of coconuts, and you're banging 'em together!
D'ARK-ONION
So? I've ridden for days and days, and I'm worried I might have strayed from the road to Paris! Could you please tell me if I'm going the right way?
SENTRY
Where'd you get the coconuts?
D'ARK-ONION
I found them!
SENTRY
In Normandie? The coconut's tropical!
D'ARK-ONION
What do you mean?
SENTRY
This is a temperate zone!
D'ARK-ONION
The swallow flies south during winter, and other birds fly north to seek cooler climates in summer, but these aren't strangers to France!
SENTRY
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
D'ARK-ONION
Not at all! They could be carried!
SENTRY
What, a swallow carrying a coconut?
D'ARK-ONION
It could grip it by the husk!
SENTRY
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratio! A 200-gram bird cannot carry a half-kilogram coconut!
D'ARK-ONION
Look, it doesn't matter! Could you please tell if I'm getting close to Paris?
SENTRY
Listen, in order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow has to beat its wings forty-two times a second, am I right?
D'ARK-ONION
Please!
SENTRY
Am I right?
D'ARK-ONION
I don't care!
A second SENTRY appears on top of the battlements, several paces away from the first SENTRY.
SENTRY #2
(to Sentry #1)
An African swallow could carry a coconut!
SENTRY #1
(to Sentry #2)
Oh yeah, an *African* swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
D'ARK-ONION
Will you *please* tell me if I'm going the right way to get to Paris?
SENTRY #1
(still to Sentry #2)
But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
SENTRY #2
Yeah, that's a good point.
D'Ark-Onion sighs loudly in frustration and "gallops" away. As he leaves he overhears:
SENTRY #2
Wait a minute! Supposing *two* swallows carried it together!
SENTRY #1
Nah, then they'd have to have it on a line!
SENTRY #2
Why not? They could use a strand of creeper!
SENTRY #1
What, attached under the dorsal guidance feathers?
SENTRY #2
Well why not!
SCENE 5 – EXTERIOR, SOME OTHER OPEN FIELD, STILL FRANCE
D'Ark-Onion continues his journey, galloping and banging his coconuts, when he stops and gazes offscreen. He breaks into a smile as he finally sees his destination: Paris.
CUT to a still showing the city of Paris, circa the present day rather than the 17th century.
CUT back to D'Ark-Onion.
D'ARK-ONION
I need to have a talk with the film editor.
D'Ark-Onion resumes banging his coconuts and heads off in the city's direction.
SCENE 6 – EXTERIOR, OUTSIDE A TAVERN
Among the half-dozen small tables arranged outside the tavern sits a man in full Muscatel uniform, enjoying a glass of wine. D'Ark-Onion reins himself in next to the table.
D'ARK-ONION
Morning, Sir Muscatel! What's your name?
AIRHOLE
Airhole. What's yours, young man?
D'ARK-ONION
D'Ark-Onion, from Normandie. May I join you?
AIRHOLE
Certainly.
Airhole gestures to the empty chair next to him and D'Ark-Onion sits down. D'Ark-Onion notices the wedding ring on Airhole's finger.
D'ARK-ONION
You're married?
AIRHOLE
Yes, I am.
D'ARK-ONION
That's nice. I'm a bachelor myself.
D'Ark-Onion looks around, as if making sure no one is around to overhear them, hesitates a bit at his next words, but then works up his courage and, with a cheeky grin:
D'ARK-ONION
Say uh, ... is your wife a goer, eh? Know whattamean? Know whattamean? Nudge, nudge!
He elbows Airhole to emphasize his point.
AIRHOLE
Beg your pardon?
D'ARK-ONION
Does she go, eh? Does she go? Nudge, nudge, say no more!
AIRHOLE
Well, she sometimes goes, yes.
D'ARK-ONION
I bet she does! I bet she does! Say no more, say no more! Know whattamean? Nudge nudge!
D'Ark-Onion elbows Airhole again.
AIRHOLE
I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.
D'ARK-ONION
Follow me! Follow me! That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
AIRHOLE
Are you selling something?
D'ARK-ONION
Selling! Very good! Very good! Eh? Eh? Eh?
D'Ark-Onion elbows him at each "Eh".
D'ARK-ONION
You're wicked eh? Wicked, eh? Say no more!
(beat)
Is your wife a sport?
AIRHOLE
She likes sports, yes.
D'ARK-ONION
I bet she does! I bet she does!
AIRHOLE
As a matter of fact, she's very fond of cricket.
D'Ark-Onion elbows Airhole suggestively, his grin widening.
D'ARK-ONION
Who isn't? She likes games, eh? Likes games, eh? I knew she would, eh? Knew she would, eh? She's been around!
AIRHOLE
She has traveled, yes. She's from Nice.
D'Ark-Onion stares at Airhole even more suggestively.
D'ARK-ONION
Say no more! Nice, Squire? Famous place, famous place! Say no more! Is, uh, is your wife interested in photography, eh? Photographs, eh, he asks him knowingly?
AIRHOLE
Photography?
D'Ark-Onion mimes snapping photographs.
D'ARK-ONION
Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!
AIRHOLE
Oh, holiday snaps!
D'ARK-ONION
Could be! Could be taken on a holiday, eh? "Candid", eh? "Candid" photography!
AIRHOLE
(becoming impatient)
Well how could we, the camera hasn't been invented yet!
D'ARK-ONION
Oh. . . . Still, whooooa! Eh? Whoooooa, eh!
Airhole finally gets fed up with D'Ark-Onion's behavior, slams his wine glass down on the table, and turns fully toward D'Ark-Onion.
AIRHOLE
(angry)
Look, are you insinuating something?
D'ARK-ONION
No, no! No! No! Yes.
AIRHOLE
Well?
D'ARK-ONION
I mean, uh, you're a man of the world, Squire. I mean, you've been around, eh?
(beat)
You've done it?
AIRHOLE
What do you mean?
D'ARK-ONION
Well like . . see I mean you've, uh . . . you've slept . . with a lady?
AIRHOLE
Yes?
D'ARK-ONION
What's it like?
Airhole bolts out of his chair.
AIRHOLE
Right, that does it! You've insulted my honor!
Airhole reaches behind his cape, pulls out a small fish, and slaps D'Ark-Onion in the face with it.
AIRHOLE
I demand satisfaction!
D'ARK-ONION
(outraged, and still stinging from the fish slap)
With pleasure, Sir! But can it wait until after lunch? I have to enlist in the Muscatels.
AIRHOLE
All right, how about 1:00 this afternoon? In Paris, right outside the ministry building on the Uxbridge Road across from the travel agent's office.
D'ARK-ONION
I'll be there! And you better bring plenty of bandages!
With all the indignant dignity he can muster, D'Ark-Onion pulls out his coconut halves and gallops away, banging them together, as Airhole watches him leave.
Once D'Ark-Onion is offscreen and out of earshot:
AIRHOLE
(mutters to himself)
Where'd he get the coconuts?
SCENE 7 – EXTERIOR, OUTSIDE ANOTHER TAVERN
At one of the tables outside this tavern sits another man in full Muscatel uniform. Like Airhole, he's enjoying a glass of wine. Unlike Airhole, this time he has a large decanter of wine handy to keep refilling his glass. D'Ark-Onion pulls up to the table and introduces himself.
D'ARK-ONION
Morning! I'm new in town! What's your name?
ASSHOLE
I'm Asshole.
D'ARK-ONION
(taken aback)
. . . Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but what's your name?
ASSHOLE
That *is* my name!
D'ARK-ONION
Oh, I see! May I join you?
ASSHOLE
Go right ahead.
D'Ark-Onion sits down in the empty chair next to Asshole. For a few moments he doesn't say anything, but he's working up the courage to ask a question now burning in his mind. Finally:
D'ARK-ONION
What's your father's name?
ASSHOLE
Butthead.
D'ARK-ONION
"Butthead" . . .
A smirk forms out of D'Ark-Onion's mouth, and he's clearly trying hard not to laugh. But Asshole notices.
ASSHOLE
Say, are you making fun of my family's names?
D'ARK-ONION
(quickly)
No-no, far from it!
But now there's another question burning in his mind, and finally he can't resist asking.
D'ARK-ONION
What's your mother's name?
ASSHOLE
Fanny.
D'ARK-ONION
"Fanny!"
D'Ark-Onion can barely contain his mirth, and a few bursts of giggling do escape his lips this time. Asshole bolts from his chair.
ASSHOLE
You *are* making fun of my family's names!
He reaches behind his cape and pulls out a fish at least twice as long as Airhole's was. He slaps D'Ark-Onion in the face with it. The force of this fish slap sends D'Ark-Onion reeling backwards a few paces, and it hurts quite a bit.
ASSHOLE
I demand satisfaction!
D'ARK-ONION
Alright, you're on!
ASSHOLE
I'll see you in Paris, at the ministry building on the Uxbridge Road at 1:00 this afternoon!
D'ARK-ONION
I'll be there! And you're goin' down, Asshole!
D'Ark-Onion angrily pulls out his coconuts and gallops away. After a few moments, he stops abruptly.
D'ARK-ONION
Wait, 1:00?
(turns back toward the tavern)
Asshole! Wait, I've plans for –
To his dismay, Asshole is nowhere in sight.
D'ARK-ONION
Oh great, now I have to stand someone up!
SCENE 8 – EXTERIOR, OUTSIDE YET ANOTHER TAVERN
PORTHOLE, the man in full Muscatel uniform outside this tavern, isn't sitting at one of the tables. He's working a homemade still, making his own wine and gathering it in a small barrel. He takes a sample in a wine glass, tastes it, and smiles in satisfaction.
D'Ark-Onion "rides" up to the man at the still.
D'ARK-ONION
Hello! Lovely morning, isn't it?
Porthole suddenly throws down his wine glass in anger.
PORTHOLE
Oh, that does it! You've insulted my honor!
D'ARK-ONION
(taken aback)
What! I only just got here!
PORTHOLE
You said "lovely!" I hate the word "lovely!"
Porthole reaches behind his cape, and pulls out a fish that must be at least four feet long. He slaps D'Ark-Onion in the face with it – the "slap" is more like a full-on clubbing, which knocks D'Ark-Onion's head around in a daze, and he keels over sideways.
PORTHOLE
I demand satisfaction!
D'ARK-ONION
(groggy)
I demand an icepack.
PORTHOLE
You and I will have a duel! You pick the time!
D'ARK-ONION
(slowly coming around)
Duel? Time? Uh . . . let's see, 1:00 is -
PORTHOLE
1:00? That'll be perfect! I'll meet you then at the ministry on the Uxbridge Road in Paris. Until then!
Before D'Ark-Onion can fully regain his senses and stop him, Porthole leaps onto a nearby horse and rides away.
D'ARK-ONION
(to himself)
I haven't even become a Muscatel yet, and already I've got three separate duels scheduled at the same time and place. Why didn't I become a gynecologist instead?
SCENE 9 - EXTERIOR, LONG SHOT of the CITY of PARIS
As the shot slowly pans forward toward the royal palace in the heart of the city:
VOICEOVER
Little did D'Ark-Onion know that his troubles were just beginning. For at the Royal Palace of Paris, barely a swallow's flight away, dangerous intrigue was unfolding in the court of King Wouie the Fourteenth.
Shot continues panning forward for a few seconds, then:
VOICEOVER (cont.)
Oh, that's an un-laden swallow's flight, obviously.
(pregnant pause)
I mean, it would be two *laden* swallows' flights away. Four, if they had it on a line between them. See, if they were walking, and dragging the coconut –
SCENE 10 – EXTERIOR, EDGE of a FOREST
In LONG SHOT, a row of Royal Canadian Mounties stands in full uniform.
MOUNTIES
(in unison)
GET ON WITH IT!
SCENE 11 - BACK to panning slowly forward toward the CITY of PARIS
VOICEOVER
Oh! Uh, anyway we now rejoin the story in the city of Paris, where King Wouie and his trusted adviser, Cardinal Michelin, are having an argument which may determine the future of not only the Muscatels but the entire kingdom of France! In a scene in which there are no swallows at all, but I think you can hear a starling -
A loud CRASH is heard in the voiceover, and the voiceover speaker yelps in pain.
SCENE 12 - INTERIOR, ROYAL PALACE, PARIS
KING WOUIE THE XIV is in the middle of his latest argument with CARDINAL MICHELIN in one of the palace's many spacious and opulently furnished rooms. Wouie speaks with a speech impediment:
WOUIE
Now, Cawdinal Michewin, we've been thwough this ovew and ovew again. I wiww not wemove the Muscatews fwom my wetinue simpwy because they'we ovew budget fow the thiwtieth stwaight yeaw in a wow. They've done too many gweat sewvices fow this countwy.
MICHELIN
And even more for the wine and liquor trade! Your Muscatels are nothing more than a motley band of drunkards, totally unfit to be the royal protectors!
WOUIE
That's not how you wesponded when they wocated youw wost wubbew ducky wast month.
Startled, Michelin quickly looks around furtively, to make sure no one heard that.
MICHELIN
(tries to salvage his dignity)
So they got lucky once! Doesn't prove a thing!
WOUIE
The Muscatews wemain, Michewin! That's my finaw wowd!
Wouie weaves the - *leaves* the room. In a huff, Michelin leaves the room in another direction, walking through a door toward his own private chambers.
SCENE 13 – INTERIOR, MICHELIN'S CHAMBERS, ROYAL PALACE
Michelin's room is equally well furnished, and waiting for him inside is an elegantly dressed woman, MALADY DE WHINER. Michelin walks up to her, and she prepares herself for his latest rant.
MICHELIN
I hate King Wouie! I hate his Muscatels, I hate the horses they always ride, and I hate the presents their horses leave on my lawn every day! Once I get rid of the King, I can put an end to his Muscatels, and then my guardsmen will control the countryside!
MALADY
You're going to kill the King?
MICHELIN
Exactly! Then I will rule all of France, and you will rule at my side.
He leads Malady to the large picture window and waves at the scene outside.
MICHELIN
And on that day, Malady, all this will be ours.
MALADY
What, the curtains?
MICHELIN
No, not the curtains, Malady! All that you can see! Stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! That'll be our kingdom, my dear.
MALADY
But Oriole -
MICHELIN
Cardinal, I'm Cardinal!
MALADY
But Cardinal, I don't want any of that!
MICHELIN
Listen. King Wouie XIV's ancestor, King Wouie I, built this kingdom up from nothing! All it was was swamp! All the other kings said it was daft to build a castle in the swamp, but he built it all the same, just to show 'em! It sank into the swamp. So he built a second one; that sank into the swamp. So he built a third one; that burned down, fell over, *then* sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up! And that's what we're gonna usurp, my dear. The strongest castle on this continent!
MALADY
But I don't want any of that. I'd rather -
MICHELIN
Rather what?
Background music starts to build up.
MALADY
Rather . . . just . . . sing!
As the music begins playing, and Malady takes a deep breath to begin a romantic song, Michelin gets in her way and waves his arms frantically.
MICHELIN
Stop that. Stop that!
The music slows and dies.
MICHELIN
(to Malady)
You're not going into a song while I'm here. Listen, once I'm the ruler of France, we'll get married, you and I. It's a perfect match! I am the head of all church authority in France, and your father owns the biggest tracts of open land in the country! Together we'll be the strongest force in Europe!
MALADY
But I don't want power.
MICHELIN
Listen, Illness -
MALADY
Malady.
MICHELIN
- Malady. This kingdom is a bloody swamp! We need all the power we can get!
MALADY
But Cardinal, I can't just get married to you like that!
MICHELIN
Not get married? Why not? You're beautiful, you're rich, you've got huge . . .
Michelin waggles his hands in mid-air, close to significant portions of his upper chest, but then throws them back down.
MICHELIN
(continues)
. . . tracts of land!
MALADY
I know, but to me, a marriage has to have a certain, special, something . .
More background music begins building up, and Malady once again takes a deep breath in preparation to sing, but Michelin gets in the way again.
MICHELIN
Cut that out!
The music dies again. Malady becomes indignant.
MALADY
Oh sure, it's all right for *you* to sing, but not anyone else!
Michelin suddenly looks defensive.
MICHELIN
Who says I sing?
CUT to SCENE 14 – INTERIOR, KARAOKE BAR
Michelin is on the stage, miming into a microphone so that it sounds like he's singing "Since U Been Gone" with Kelly Clarkson's voice.
CUT to SCENE 15 – BACK IN MICHELIN'S CHAMBERS
MICHELIN
STOP IT!
Michelin suddenly grabs Malady's collar and pulls her right up to his face.
MICHELIN
Now look! We're killing the King and getting married, so you better get used to the idea!
Malady suddenly loses consciousness and falls out of his grasp and to the floor. Confused, Michelin just stares at her for a few seconds. Then hesitantly he lifts an open hand to his face and exhales sharply into it. The smell of his breath makes him flinch.
MICHELIN
Maybe I *should* cut down on the garlic.
From just offscreen, a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR steps up to Michelin and hits him over the head with a rubber chicken. Michelin turns to the knight as he walks away again.
MICHELIN
Who asked you?
SCENE 16 – EXTERIOR, UXBRIDGE ROAD, PARIS
The background is a high wall cordoning off an impressive building, obviously the ministry building where D'Ark-Onion's duels are to be held. A man in a perfectly tailored and pressed business suit appears, walking up the street along the wall – although "walking" may not be exactly the correct term. His gait is extremely unusual, with his legs thrusting into the air much higher than they have to. Intermixed with this is random skipping and hopping, twisting of the legs in odd directions, and at one point the man pauses briefly to make his legs do what looks like a combination of the Charleston and the hokey-pokey. He then resumes his very peculiar gait along the wall until he comes to an imposing double-gate built into it. The gate is open, allowing the man to make his way inside. As he does, the camera zooms in on a large sign on the right-hand gate. The sign says "MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS".
The camera zooms out and pans to one side of the double-gate to reveal D'Ark-Onion nervously pacing back and forth in front of the wall.
D'ARK-ONION
(to himself)
What am I worried about? Who's to say these guys will all show up at exactly 1:00? They'll probably be a few minutes apart at least. Plenty of time to carve one into sandwich meat before the next one shows up.
(beat)
In fact how do I know they'll even show up at all? Probably all bravado and no guts!
AIRHOLE (O.S.)
(shouts)
Stand fast, varlet!
D'ARK-ONION
(to himself, more nervous)
Hope I can keep *my* guts inside me.
Airhole leaps dramatically into view, drawing a long rapier aimed at D'Ark-Onion.
AIRHOLE
Prepare to defend yourself!
Asshole suddenly leaps dramatically into view, drawing his own rapier toward D'Ark-Onion.
ASSHOLE
Prepare to defend your - self?
(to Airhole)
What're you doing here, Airhole?
AIRHOLE
What're *you* doing here, Asshole?
Porthole suddenly runs into view, not having drawn his rapier yet.
PORTHOLE
(to D'Ark-Onion)
Sorry I'm late, Kid. Couldn't find a parking space for my horse.
He notices his compatriots Asshole and Airhole nearby.
PORTHOLE
Airhole, Asshole! What're you doing here?
AIRHOLE
I'm scheduled to have a duel with this kid right now.
ASSHOLE
You're daft! *I'm* having a duel with him now!
PORTHOLE
You're both daft! *I'm* having a duel with him!
D'ARK-ONION
Damn these scheduling snafus! What can you do?
Asshole, Porthole, and Airhole ponder for a few seconds.
ASSHOLE
Well, there's no reason we couldn't all duel him at the same time.
AIRHOLE
That could work! How about you, Porthole?
PORTHOLE
I've got no problem with that.
D'ARK-ONION
*I* do!
ASSHOLE
Oh, don't be such a baby! All together, Muscatels?
All of them raise their swords toward D'Ark-Onion.
ASSHOLE, PORTHOLE, AIRHOLE
(to D'Ark-Onion, in unison)
Have at you!
D'Ark-Onion realizes he's trapped, but he's determined not to go down without a fight. He draws his own sword.
D'ARK-ONION
Right! You three want pieces of me? You'll have to earn them the hard way!
Suddenly a squad of the Cardinal's guard marches into view, led by CAPTAIN ROQUEFORT.
ROQUEFORT
(very loud)
NOT SO FAST!
Offscreen trumpet fanfare begins, heralding Roquefort's arrival, until he looks offscreen and interrupts it with:
ROQUEFORT
Shut up!
The fanfare slows and dies. Roquefort turns back toward D'Ark-Onion and the Muscatels.
ROQUEFORT
Allow me to introduce myself! I am Captain Roquefort of the Cardinal's Elite Guards, Special Anti-Dueling Squad, Crumbled Division!
D'ARK-ONION and MUSCATELS
(in unison)
Crumbled Roquefort!
ROQUEFORT
Shut up! Now then, my fine fellows, you are nicked! You have been caught red-handed dueling in a No Dueling Zone! And it is my duty to arrest you all immediately and forth-with!
TO BE CONTINUED
This episode performed by:
D'ARK-ONION
ASSHOLE
PORTHOLE
AIRHOLE
KING WOUIE XIV
CARDINAL MICHELIN
MALADY DE WHINER
CAPTAIN ROQUEFORT
TWO CASTLE SENTRIES
Also appearing:
THREE AFRICAN SWALLOWS
TWO EUROPEAN SWALLOWS
ONE ALBATROSS
This has been a presentation of RC Gumby Productions. Oh yeah, Monty Python helped.
Yeah okay, this episode was heavy on material from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But the rest of the story should be more evenly balanced. Rate and review, and stay tuned for more!