Kowalski's Corner
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Kowalski's Corner
Kowalski's Corner is the official blog of Lt. Kevin Kowalski.
June 24
Hey, readers! How're you all doing?
I am a great mood today.
Meg O'Malley had gotten knocked out. Knocked out good. I'm talking out like a light. For the ten count. The twenty count. Hell, count to one hundred, and she'd still be out.
Lt. Kwan had discovered that Lt. O'Malley had posted those pictures of her in the shower on the Internet. And the worst part? She did it as ME. Evidently, O'Malley was trying to get me back for the orange soda thing. Boy, did that backfire.
Brenda. Was. Furious.
You know, I think that Irish idiot does these things out of a combination of stupidity and lack of survival instinct. I think the redhead forgot that Lt. Kwan's parents are practitioners of martial arts.
It was a great day. Me and John were eating at the galley (They make very delicious subs). John was regaling me of his days visiting his grandparents in Versailles (John's family is French). Suddenly, the doors open, and a furious Brenda stomps in. Those gorgeous eyes of hers were smouldering, and I hid under the table, praying to God that she realized that I had nothing to do with those pictures...until I remembered I used the blog to illuminate her (This blog saves lives, ladies and gentlemen). She realized if I didn't take the pictures, I wouldn't have posted them on the Internet. I was also hoping that O'Malley didn't see me, because I didn't want her to think that I sent Brenda to knock her out. I have no control over what she does, and if anyone thinks I do, they're completely crazy. She spotted O'Malley at a table chortling at some stupid video she was watching on her communicator (Knowing O'Malley, it probably involved some obscenity against some poor animal). John's face formed this wide grin. He sensed a catfight was about to start. He loves his catfights.
Seeing an opportunity myself, I whipped out my communicator and started filming.
Brenda stomped up to O'Malley, grabbed her by the shoulder, twirled her around, and...
WHAM!
The most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The grace, the style, the beauty...Brenda twirled that perfectly -formed body of hers, stretched out one of her long gorgeous legs, and nailed O'Malley right across her big garbage-spewing mouth with her foot. The most gorgeous roundhouse kick I had ever seen in my life. The cry her lovely mouth and sirenesque voice made, the way that jet black hair of hers flew around her head...poetry in motion. And the way O'Malley fell like a ton of bricks...great stuff. I had the perfect angle of the knockout blow, and I'm going to put up the video today.
I don't know what possessed me to do what I did next. I leapt out of my hiding spot, and looked O'Malley over. Out like a light. I started counting like a boxing referee. At ten, I declared her out (Not forgetting to take some pictures and put them on the Net). I raised Brenda's hand and declared her the winner and still champion of the galaxy. She wasn't angry, believe it or not. She just chuckled, shook her head, and called me a goofball as she left. She also apologized for clobbering me earlier. Which I really appreciated.
I also had a fun assignment today. Some of the replicators on Deck 12 were malfunctioning. For some reason, they kept putting out nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Scotty offered to help me out, but when he saw that the replicators, he decided it wasn't worth his time, as he didn't see anything wrong with them. I'm not surprised. After a couple of hours of examining the replicators, I discovered something interesting.
Does anybody on this ship own a rat? I found a little black rat hiding out in the wiring of the ship. It had chewed up the deck's master replicator controls, causing the malfunctions. If you own the rat, please come to my quarters. I'm watching over it until his owner is found. I don't want to kill the little guy, and I doubt anyone else on the ship will watch over him, so he's staying with me until his real owner is found...aw crud, he got out again! Gotta go!
COMMENTS:
(Subj: Thank God)
At least they didn't fight in the Sickbay.
- Dr. McCoy
--
(Subj: RE: Thank God)
Indeed. Although Lt. O'Malley's assault towards me was...disconcerting.
- Spock
--
(Subj: Best Part)
The best part was when she woke up a couple hours later. She thought she was Batgirl! It was hilarious! She sang that ancient theme tune and everything!
- John Cronin
--
(Subj: RE: Best Part)
Funny for you, pal! I had to chase her all over the ship! One minute, she was on the bridge, throwing makeshift boomerangs at Spock and calling him the Joker, whoever the hell he is, and the next she's in the shuttlebays, trying to use one of the shuttlecraft as something called a Batmobile!
- Dr. McCoy
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Best Part)
I filmed the chase and put it up on the Net! Anyone wants to see, you know the address.
- Brenda Kwan
--
(Subj: Wow.)
Scotty refusing to help fix something? Now I've heard it all.
- Lt. Sulu
--
(Subj: RE: Wow.)
Yeah. It shocked me, too. But then again, when it comes to this ship, you really shouldn't be surprised by anything.
- Kevin Kowalski.
--
(Subj: Heh)
Kowalski, you are a real flatterer. Take it easy, boy.
- Brenda
--
(Subj: RE: Heh)
I can't help but appreciate beauty, Lt. Kwan.
- Kevin Kowalski.
--
(Subj: What the hell?)
Can somebody explain to me why THE HELL there's a video of me running around in a gaudy costume calling myself Batgirl? KOWALSKI, DID YOU DO THIS?!
- Lt. O'Malley
--
(Subj: RE: What the hell?)
No, but I wish I did. LOL. Mind you, Meg, you did pull off the Batgirl look very well. It's the red hair.
- Kevin Kowalski
--
(Subj: Not mine)
Rats creep me out. Sorry, Lieutenant. He's not mine.
- Uhura
--
(Subj: RE: Not mine)
Hey, maybe Cupcake owns it! Ask him!
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Re: Not mine)
Cupcake, sir?
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Nickname)
It's the nickname that Captain Mouth-Breather gave a cadet he picked a fight with before he joined the Academy.
- Uhura
--
(Subj: RE: Nickname)
I kicked his ass.
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Nickname)
Yeah, right. He knocked you flat on your mouth-breathing butt.
- Uhura
--
(Subj: Inquiries)
I shall make inquiries about the rat's ownership if you need me to do so.
- Spock
--
(Subj: RE: Inquiries)
Thanks, sir. I really appreciate it.
- Kevin Kowalski.