Kowalski's Corner
Disclaimer: "I'll kick your ass, mm'kay?" - Mr. Mackey to Mr. Hat, South Park
Kowalski's Corner
Kowalski's Corner is the official blog of Lt. Kevin Kowalski.
July 15
Hello once again to all my readers!
Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I've been very busy. The last couple of weeks have been crazy. The big highlight? The Enterprise stopped at this Starbase, and let's just say the personnel there have their own supply of jokers.
The bridge got covered in shaving cream. It was bloody hilarious! I swear, the look on the good Captain's face. Oh, my God...
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The bridge crew of the Enterprise exited the turbolift to the bridge, and came upon a shocking sight. The floor of the bridge, the consoles, the screen, and somehow, even the ceiling of the bridge, were all covered in shaving cream.
"Ho-lee..." Kirk's jaw dropped as he slowly stepped in. The rest of the bridge crew slowly followed him in. "What the hell happened in here?!" Spock looked up at the ceiling, and reacted as only he did: raising his eyebrow.
"Fascinating." He stared up at the ceiling.
"Oh God, my console!" Uhura screamed as she moved towards her console.
"Be very careful, Lieutenant." Spock warned. "This substance is causing the floors to become slick."
"Wow, Keptin!" A wide-eyed Chekov gaped at the shaving-cream bridge. "This reminds me of the snow that would cover outside back home in Russia."
"Did it snow shaving cream in Russia?" Kirk groaned. His face paled as he ran over to the Captain's Chair, now covered in shaving cream. "My chair! Oh, Gawd!" He fell on his knees in front of it. "My chair! What'd they do to you?!" He wailed in horror. Uhura and Sulu blinked at the sight.
"I think the mouth-breather has finally flipped." The mini-skirted communications officer whispered to the navigator. Sulu snickered.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Oh yeah." Uhura grinned.
"Whoa-ho!" A jovial English-accented voice chuckled. The bridge crew turned around and saw Kevin Kowalski standing in the turbolift. The young lieutenant's shoulder-length blond hair was tied in a ponytail, and his sleek frame was clad in the red Starfleet uniform. "What's going on here then?" The half-English half-Polish officer chuckled as he walked in the bridge and looked around. "Whoa." The young lieutenant then chuckled. "I do have to give kudos to the guy or gal that managed to pull this off. As a fellow prankster, I can appreciate thorough work."
"Did you do this, Kowalski?!" Kirk scowled at the technician, pointing at his chair. "This seems like something you would do!"
"Yeah, it does seem like one of your classic pranks. You did do this to O'Malley once." Sulu remembered.
"Yeah, after she spread those rumors about that poor girl down at the galley." Kowalski countered. "She deserved it."
"Captain, this would not seem to be Kowalski's doing." Spock piped up. Kirk gave the Vulcan first officer a look. "Lieutenant Kowalski only performs his pranks on those who have hurt other people. Lieutenant O'Malley is a regular victim of those pranks. Like the infamous Orange Soda incident." Kirk blinked and realized Spock had a point. Kowalski held no grudges against anyone on the bridge crew, so he had no reason to prank them.
"You have a point." Kirk admitted. "Sorry, Lieutenant Kowalski."
"No worries, sir." Kowalski saluted jauntily.
"No kidding, considering all the crap she pulls." Sulu scowled. His face then twisted into a smile. "I had to admit, seeing that footage of that Kwan girl kicking her in the mouth was very satisfying."
"Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't try to kick her off the ship, sir." Kowalski remarked. Kirk sighed.
"I tried. Turns out that woman has blackmail material on quite a few higher-ups in Starfleet." The Iowan captain sighed. "Thanks to it, she can basically do what she wants on this ship, and I can't get rid of her."
"So, she's like a bloody cockroach." Kowalski scowled.
"Yeah." Kirk sighed. Nodding, the blond ponytailed technician/musician/inventor decided to change the subject.
"You know, sir, I wouldn't be surprised if one of the base's practical jokers did this." Kowalski shrugged. "Besides..." He grinned as he pointed up at the ceiling. "When I gave O'Malley's room the shaving cream makeover, I mixed in a little coloring to make it pink just to get her blood boiling."
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Yeah, that day was a crazy one. We reviewed some security footage and found out that it was indeed one of the starbase's resident practical jokers. Ha! Kirk wants me to prepare some pranks for them if we ever dock at that starbase again.
Oh, and I do have to give special thanks to Mr. Spock. He was a big help to me in trying to find out the owner of the little black rat that I found in Deck 12. Unfortunately...the little guy had no owner. Must've snuck on board the ship somehow. Maybe from the starbase. Rats have a knack for getting into places. I decided to keep the little guy. I named him Ritchie after my favorite guitar player, Ritchie Blackmore, of Rainbow and Deep Purple. Deep Purple is my favorite band, and I first learned to play guitar through Blackmore's work, so there ya go. Ritchie the Rat is my new roommate. I have him in a little cage in my quarters. I'm currently looking up information on rat care.
In other news, Captain Kirk has started a new tradition on the ship: Movie Night. Basically, the crew gathers around and watches a movie. He thought it'd be a good idea to improve morale on the ship. On the debut, Captain Kirk chose a favorite of his: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford. A good time was had by all. And the funny thing is, one of the horses in that film looked like it could be an ancestor of Meg O'Malley. Would explain a lot. I got a lucky seat, next to Brenda Kwan. She was mesmerized by Paul Newman. She told me that she finds blue eyes sexy. There's hope for me after all.
COMMENTS:
(Subj: Ewww)
You are keeping the thing. You are keeping the little creature? Ugh! Please tell me this is another one of your pranks!
- Uhura
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(Subj: RE: Ewww)
No, ma'am. And Ritchie is actually kind of cute. You should come and see him.
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Don't judge)
Do not be so quick to judge, Mademoiselle Uhura. Rats are actually quite intelligent creatures. They are extremely adaptive, and even though they tend to be portrayed as aggressive and shady, they are actually shy creatures.
- Lt. John Cronin
--
(Subj: Don't let it out)
I don't care what he does with the rat, just as long as it doesn't eat any more circuitry.
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
--
(Subj: Neat)
Oh yeah, I saw the little guy in your cage when you were taking him to Sickbay. He's kinda cute. I hope you don't plan to experiment on him or anything.
- Brenda
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(Subj: Re: Neat)
Thanks, Brenda.
Naw, I wouldn't do that to Ritchie. I love the little guy too much.
- Lt. Kevin Kowalski
--
(Subj: Dull)
You know, ever since I became the CMO of this ship, I've seen some damn weird stuff. Kowalski asking me if I knew anyone who could do a check-up on a rat? That took the cake.
Kid, you can't be that dense. I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian!
- Dr. McCoy
--
(Subj: Re: Dull)
Hey, you said that to me when I walked right into Sickbay!
- Lt. Kevin Kowalski
--
(Subj: Charges)
**
And the funny thing is, one of the horses in that film looked like it could be an ancestor of Meg O'Malley.
**
I could have you brought up on charges for that.
**
She told me that she finds blue eyes sexy.
**
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You are PATHETIC, Kowalski! You actually think she likes you! What a joke!
- Meg O'Malley
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(Subj: RE: Charges)
You bring your charges, O'Malley! I'll have your drunk hide laughed out of court! You don't scare me!
- Lt. Kevin Kowalski.
--
(Subj: DO IT ALREADY!)
Will you PLEASE ASK HER OUT ALREADY?! It's driving us all nuts! And I got credits on this!
- Sulu
--
(Subj: RE: DO IT ALREADY!)
I don't make bets on your lovelife, mate. Don't make bets on mine.
- Lt. Kevin Kowalski