"In and out, in and out. Come on Tommy! DEEPER!"

"A-Adam, I'm trying, it's so hard…"

"Fuck, Tommy. It's turned on; just watch me suck in and out. You can do it!"

"Shit, Adam. You're acting like I'm not good at this! I'm going as deep as I can!"

"Well, not deep enough!"

My lips were formed into a pout and I opened them taking in a deep breath and leaning my head back into Adam's chest that was helping me sit up. "Adddaammm…" I whined, shutting my eyes and squirming uncomfortably in his grasp. He was so serious when it came to this kind of shit, but I honestly didn't care. If watching "How To" videos on the art of breathing will actually improve child birth, why the fuck do women complain all the time? If I just have to breathe, why should I be scared? But no, it's gonna hurt like fucking hell, so I don't think I should be wasting my time on breathing. How 'bout planning my funeral?

"Don't give me that shit. We've got one more month until this kid is born and I refuse for you to go into labor, freaking out because you didn't know how to breathe properly! You've got to do this for Leo. Now breathe in and out, just like the lady on the television screen, okay?" Adam said sternly, poking my nose and giving me one of his many looks. This one said, 'Listen to me, I know best.' Oh, like you actually know best. You're not gonna be the one popping out a kid, fucker.

There was a knock at the door and Neil groaned in annoyance. "You guys sound like you're having sex in there. I'm not homophobic, but two men banging each other and me hearing them isn't my idea of the ideal Saturday. And because I don't want to listen to dicks slapping up against one another, I'm going over to Treve's house. Bye!" Neil yelled, storming off down the hall. He normally spent most of his time at that friend's of his. Not that I minded. Just meant more alone time with my hubby.

I moaned a little, sitting up and turning off the TV. That woman was getting annoying. She only said one thing the entire time. Breathe in and out. It's not like I'm going to attempt to breathe right and left. No duh.

We couldn't go to real Lamaze classes, so Adam bought like, fifty DVD's on how to act when in labor. I swear to god that man had issues. He's probably the most paranoid person I know. If I even groan in pain, he jumps up and starts flipping out, thinking I'm going to puke up blood. But it's just these fucking contractions or something. Which shouldn't even be happening because you get those when you're about to give birth. But I've got another month on me, so I should not feel pain. However, that doesn't stop nosy Adam from calming down…

"Aw, don't be mad. Come on. Let's cuddle!" the brunette squealed, falling back on his bed, his leopard boots crossed and a smug smirk on his face. I sighed, laying next to him and curling up into a ball as best I could. Leo got fucking big in the past four months. I mean, of course that was expected, but hell. You can obviously tell that something is up. I'm freaking fat and the only people that actually know about our dirty little secret are Adam, Monte and I. Thank the fucking lord we're not alone on this.

Adam chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple and humming my favorite song into my ear. He calls it Music Again, and I've never actually heard the studio version of it because I love the unplugged type so much better. His voice on its own is so magical (I'm gay, get fucking use to it), that hearing it with an electric set might ruin the velvetiness of his voice. And I wouldn't want him to ruin my favorite lullaby. Leo goes fucking crazy when he sings.

I sighed contently, letting my tired eyelids droop as I lay in his chest. His voice soothed me and it felt nice. And our little girl liked it, so it was even better.

My mother kicked me out when she found out I was gay. Yep, she found out and flipped. I was heart broken and cried for about a month over it. She kicked me out of my own house because I was gay. I was almost positive she'd accept me, but apparently not. Which I don't understand. It's kind of like she's kicking me out for having brown eyes. Having your natural eye color is about as involuntary as being gay. So she's a homophobic bitch I realized. I haven't spoken to her in three months. I grabbed all my stuff that I needed and left. So now I live with Adam (which was both exciting and terrifying to me). Of course, I feel like a complete burden on him and his brother, and he won't let me live it down, but what else am I suppose to do in this situation? They pay for everything which I feel like complete shit for, considering the fact they're barely getting by as it is. But whatever, I'll figure out a way to get money later.

Oh, yea…And about that threesome…Well, that's pretty self-explanatory. What more do I have to say? I had sex with Brad and Adam that night and it was fucking (literally) fantastic. Not one complaint. Even watching them screw each other was enough to make me go completely and utterly wild. Like literally, I went into orgasm like five times that night. It was amazing. But I still want nothing to do with Brad; he's a douche bag still. But just because someone is a complete bitch doesn't mean they can't give you a good blow job. Like really, he's great. I'd describe it to you in more detail, but what fun would it be to spoil it for you?

Adam licked my temple, kissing at my hairline and sucking on it. I groaned a little, shuddering at the feel of his spit. He moaned and began to rub his hips up and down my crotch and I gasped inwardly, craving the feeling of his dick against mine. "Wanna get Brad over here?"

My once clenched eyes snapped opened and I gasped, looking at him. He looked at me too, tilting his head to the side. This was sudden… Oh, fuck me. It's all coming together now. I get it, and I'm a fucking idiot for not realizing it before. He only wants sex. That's all he wants. He's a sex craved monster. How did I not notice this in the four months I've been living with him? Once a week he whines about not banging me, and in the time that we're not fucking, he's trying to get me horny. Like kissing every inch of my body and licking any exposed skin. He's just acting like he gives a shit about the kid and me so I'll stick around to be his real life sex doll. Oh, god…

I got up from the bed, walking over to the closet, grabbing my trench coat and wrapping it around my body in an attempt to just look kind of fat and not full grown pregnant. Adam got up too and followed me. I couldn't look at him, but I needed to confront him about what I just found out. It was real too…Fuck me, no.

"Glitters, what's wrong?" he asked, grabbing me by the waist. I hissed, grasping his wrists and pulling them off of me. He took a step back and looked at me sadly with confusion creasing a seam in his blue orbs. "Tommy Joe, what's gotten into you?"

"WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME?" I was hurt, I wanted to cry. Oh, god. How did I not realize this before? He doesn't give shit about me or Leo. It's just about his dick inside asses and his own self pleasure. It's so obvious. Leo was a mistake because he couldn't keep it in his pants. That fucking threesome was a mistake, and he just wants to have sex. That's it! Oh, god… "A-Adam, all you want is sex! After eight months of all this drama, I can't believe I stuck by you! Haven't you realized that sex is your main priority? That's all you wanted before Leo, and that's all you'll want after! I can't believe it…Y-You…Probably don't even love me…its sex this, sex that and I feel like a complete idiot for not thinking, 'Wait, maybe this is just too weird. Why after all the torturous shit Adam Lambert has done to me, all of a sudden does he like me?' Well now I know. I'm your sex toy and that's it. To think that I gave up my life for you and this fucking mistake inside my stomach! Screw you, you bitch. I'm not gonna be abused like this anymore. Fuck you!" I yelled, storming past him and out of the room, trudging downstairs and out the door. Tears were stinging my eyes, but I refused to let them pass. I couldn't. A frown was tugging heavily on my lips and I moaned a little walking to no where in particular.

Oh, no. What did I just do? I'm making everything so bad. Maybe my special place will help me calm down…

Adam fell to his knees, tears pouring down his face as he sobbed. How could Tommy think he was like that? His boyfriend didn't even know the half of it…He didn't know any of it! And it broke his shattering heart that Tommy just suddenly went to the worst scenario possible! The reason Adam was so obsessed with feeling Tommy and wanting to be with him all the time, the excessive wanting to shove his dick up his ass was because he wanted to make love to the blond. Not screw, fuck, or bang…make love. Because he doesn't have his entire life ahead of him to do that.

Recently, Adam had gone to the doctor because he had been having immense chest pain and his vision had been failing. So he went to Monte and they did a CAT scan on him, only to tell the brunette that he had the fatal Cerebrovascular disease which is when you have an immense fall in blood pressure when you sleep. When you wake up, you never know if you're going to have a stroke or pass out in a coma and remain a vegetable for the rest of your life. He's known about it for three months, and he's scared that when he wakes up in Tommy's arms and gets out of bed, he'll have a stroke and die. Or in another case never wake up at all.

The suspense is killing him because he doesn't know when he's going to die. It's going to happen, but it could be tomorrow or in fifteen years. That's the shitty thing about this fucking disease. You're going to die, but the big question is 'when?' So, Adam has been spending every waking minute with Tommy, kissing him, and making love to him because he doesn't want to just have Tommy and not touch him. He wants to mutter encouraging things into his ear and tell him he's going to be there to protect him and Leo from harm's way. But he would be lying if he said that because Adam can't even take care of himself at this point.

But now he's royally screwed that shit up because the blond thinks he's some sex craved monster. Why hadn't he told the bassist sooner? Because he was too scared that he wouldn't be there when their daughter was born and Tommy would have to take care of their Leo alone? Oh, shit. He didn't want that. In fact that was the last thing the singer wanted to burden upon his growing family. To be honest, he hadn't even started thinking about Neil and that situation. But he knows for a fact that his little brother is independent and capable of taking care of himself; Tommy however, was in such a fragile state, he wouldn't be able to survive on his own. And shit only knows how that could affect that baby.

Adam began to hyperventilate as he grabbed his head, stumbling out of his room and down to the kitchen. He opened the cabinet and pulled out the first bottle of wine he saw (Monte gave it to him; he's not the most responsible friend in the world) and uncorked it, placing his lips on it and gulping half the bottle in a minute. He took it off, his eyes shut and tears stroking down his face. "T-Tommy…" he moaned, sliding down the counter and bawling into his arm. "You fucking bastard…" he mumbled, taking another long swig of the wine, getting drunker and more incoherent with each drop of the liquid.

I got up from the place where Adam and I always spent our good times together. It was in the woods where no one could reach us because it was hidden by tree branches and bushed. On our sixth month anniversary, Adam took me there so we could kick back and relax. I loved it so much that we come back here once a month and just lay in each others' arms. If my boyfriend truly didn't care about me, why would he take me back to this special spot? I'm a fucking idiot.

I just overreacted, that's all. Adam would never actually do something like that to me. No, he said he loved me and that's the end of the story. Love is love, and you can't fake it. Haha, yea right, Sher - fucking - lock. It could totally be fake. But you know it's not. He said he loves you, and he's not lying, so why are you making such a big deal out of this? You're blowing things way out of proportion as normal.

I sighed, walking back to his house and staring at the ground and shivering slightly at the cool breeze. I could barely see my blue converse because my stomach had exerted so much. Not saying I was complaining or anything, I wanted to get big if I wanted Leo to be healthy, I will however, say it's not the most convenient.

I got to the door and opened it up, taking off my coat and smiling a little. I would make up with Adam. It'll all be good. I kicked off my shoes, licking my lips and taking in a deep breath. You owe him one hell of an apology, Mr. Ratliff. So get that entire ego out of you and tell him you're sorry and you love him so much.

"Babyboy?" I called, blinking and walking into the kitchen. I saw his back turned to me with red liquid covering the floor. His head was hanging down and he was breathing hard. "Adam?" I asked, taking a step forward. The red liquid was thick and had an intoxicating aroma to it.

"Tommy…" he whispered, turning around and grasping a thick knife in his left hand. His right wrist was completely mutilated, cuts going left and right, bleeding in pools. I gasped, watching as it dripped to the ground. "Y-You, don't love me…" he murmured, stumbling over to me and stabbing his arm again. Straight through his fucking forearm. The silver blade was covered in his blood and it gushed out, covering the floor and splattering.

"ADAM!" I screamed, rushing over to him and pulling the knife out, about to throw it to the side when he grabbed it from me, tackling me to the floor and straddling my waist, pushing it up to my throat. I cringed, tears rising in my eyes as I stared into his black, tear stained eyes. I could feel the blade pierce my neck and blood trickling down. Oh, fuck me. What the hell had I gotten myself into? What had I done to my Babyboy? What could I have possibly done to him to cause him to inflict this shit upon him? I'm such a fucking selfish bastard! FUCK ME! "A-Adam…Sweetie…Stop it…" I tried to concentrate, but I was scared. I didn't know how stable he was…

"W-Why don't you l-love me?" he asked, sniffling and hanging his head down. "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" he screamed, raising the knife and stabbing right through my shoulder. I gasped, and yelped, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. My heart was about to beat out of my chest and I was breathing heard. It felt like an electrical shock radiated through my body. I just hope to fucking GOD, Leo would be okay during this fucking chaotic ordeal. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if… "I do everything for you, and you don't love me?" he moaned, slipping the knife out of my flesh and crying. I was crying too from both pain and shock. "I-I…love you so much. Why can't you just love me?" the brunette asked, hanging his head again. He looked so sad and broken. I had caused this problem, so I better fucking fix it!

"B-Babyboy…" I wheezed, trying to reason with him. "I…I love you. I was j-just being an idiot…But you need to get a hold of yourself…" The pain was excruciating. Almost to the point where I wanted to scream and kill him, but this wasn't his fault. He's taking so much fucking medication, plus alcohol; it just doesn't mix so he goes fucking insane. I should have known! Twenty-eight different kinds of meds (he's had a pretty fucked up life, and he can't handle it alone) plus alcohol plus his boyfriend (and bearer of his child) telling him he's a sex craved beast, equals total destruction.

"I…I'm going to die…" He whispered, holding the knife up and placing it where his heart was. "Tommy, I'm going to die." He sniffled, blinking away some tears and licking his lips. What was he talking about? Fuck, no.

No, this is a dream. I've been having so many death dreams, this is just another one of them. I can't honestly believe that Adam is going to die. Next thing you know, Leo's going to explode. This can't be real, I just can't handle-

"You just think I'm a whore! WHY TOMMY? I've said I loved you more times then I thought possible, but you still think that I'm-"

I raised my good arm up to his cheek and slowly grazed it. "Shh. I love you. I'm really sorry that I said all that shit. Adam, we're going to have a baby. How could I not…" My eyes widened when instead of him crying clear liquid and transparent tears, blood started trickling down his tear ducts. "A-Adam, you're crying blood!" I said, trying to wipe them away, but they kept coming. My fingers were becoming stained with his blood that shouldn't even be coming out of his eyes! What was happening?

This isn't a dream. It isn't. If it was, I wouldn't be feeling this pain, things wouldn't be trying together like perfect intricate knots. And in all my dreams, Adam dies, but I don't get involved. This is real. The expression, 'Pinch me, I must be dreaming', doesn't apply because I got stabbed in the shoulder, but I'm not going anywhere! This is real, so fucking real. Adam's crying blood and its reality!

"I-I told you…I was going to die. That's why I wanted to tell you that I love you and Leo more then anything else in this entire world. I wasn't screwing you Tommy, I want to be with you. I'm sorry if you think badly of me, but I always will love you. And I've been meaning to tell you that I…" He groaned, shutting his eyes, letting the blood tears streak down his face. "I…I wanted to tell you that I…" He dropped his head, coughing up blood and heaving. He choked, dropping the knife to the floor and holding his chest. His eyes widened and I gasped, grabbing his face and making him look at me. "Tommy…" he whispered, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as blood drip out of his mouth and eyes. He collapsed falling limp onto of me. His breathing seized, and his heart stopped.

No. This is a bad dream. Please be a bad dream.

It's a nightmare. And it's not real. I'm going to wake up…

And Adam won't be alive.