Kowalski's Corner
Disclaimer: "I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs! If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be laaaaaaaame! I'm talking Night Court in the fifth season laaame!" - Eric Cartman, South Park. And I obviously don't own Star Trek.
Kowalski's Corner
Kowalski's Corner is the official blog of Lt. Kevin Kowalski.
July 17
Hello again to all my loyal readers.
I want to give special thanks to all the various crew members of the Enterprise who helped me find my stuff and move it back into my quarters. You all know who you are. And I wanna give very special thanks to Scotty, because he got me this hilarious picture of Meg O' Malley thrown through a window by a couple of very pissed-off Andorians. It was from her Academy days. Hard to believe she actually got into the Academy. I wonder who she screwed to get in. Must've been someone really desperate, and with no taste in women.
I am working on a plan to get her back. Anybody wants in, let me know.
Today, the Enterprise went to settle a diplomatic problem. Evidently, these two races were both applying for Federation membership, but to get in, they had to negotiate. I heard the Captain was pretty nervous about it, as he never played negotiator before...unless you want to count that infamous fight that Captain Kirk got into with that ambassador from that one species, what were their names? I could never remember that. It was a really hard to pronounce name. How those guys got into the Federation is beyond me, but I'm sure it'll be hilarious.
You know, this one time, when I was an Ensign on board the USS Constellation, I met the Caitian ambassador. (1) He and his entourage were on board for this function, and it was really neat. They have some delicious fish dishes. As a bit of cultural exchange, I gave the ambassador some Yorkshire pudding and genuine Polish kielbasa. He really liked the stuff, although it took him a while to be able to pronounce kielbasa.
While there, I met a niece of his, a nice bird named M'Ress. Yeah, I know, I called a Caitian a bird. It's English slang, folks. She was a nice gal, with an interest in Engineering. She was a Lieutenant at the time. Ask John about that incident with her in the closet. She had a massive crush on him, and chased him all over the ship. Which is hilarious, considering John's love of flirting with any pretty face. I have footage if anyone wants to see it. I think she's on the Farragut now. I dunno. I'll have to look her up. I'm sure John would love it.
And Sulu gave me permission to tell the ship what movie he has chosen for the next Movie Night: The Adventures of Robin Hood, starring Errol Flynn. He said the movie inspired him to take up fencing. I've seen a little bit of that film. It's actually pretty good.
Speaking of films and TV: I finally got me a new download: The entire Family Guy series. That show is bloody hilarious! I love the banter between Brian and Stewie. I also always feel bad for poor Meg. She never got any respect. I have that lost episode where Meg went nuts and started to go completely ape on everyone in Quahog. It was the funniest episode ever. Basically, she was turned into a giant and then snapped and started playing Godzilla with Quahog. HAH! My favorite scene was Quagmire's reaction to her chest. Heh heh heh. That's comedy. (2)
And as for getting Meg O'Malley back...I'm working on it, with some friends.
COMMENTS:
(Subj: Charges)
Kowalski, I'm seein' charges here. Thrratening of assault. That could get you booted out of Starfleet.
- Meg O'Malley.
--
(Subj: Re: Charges)
You got nothin' on me, O'Malley. Give it up. Why don't you go do what you do best: Get drunk and pass out in a back alley somewhere.
-Kevin
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Charges)
Ooooooh, BURRRRRRRN! Burn, baby! He got you, O'Malley! He got you good!
- Sulu
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Re: Charges)
Yeah, O'Malley can't out-do me in verbal sparring. And I would show that I can out-fight her, but my parents taught me that I should never hit a woman...no matter how much she resembles a hairy lumberjack.
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Family Guy)
Oh yeah, I've seen a couple episodes of that show. It's pretty funny.
And as for that brawl, I had to fight him. It was how they negotiated. I kicked his ass. Fun fight.
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
--
(Subj: Re: Family Guy)
It sure is funny, sir.
And I had to admit, that fight had its moments, sir. Especially the part where you started throwing the drums at him. Although that drummer wasn't too fond of it.
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Don't you dare)
Kevin, I am warning you as a friend, mon ami. Don't you even DARE of thinking of saying hello to that mad cat-woman. And if you even think of bringing her on board this ship, I will give all your comics to O'Malley!
- John Cronin
--
(Subj: Re: Don't you dare)
Aw, come on, buddy. You know that M'Ress talks about you a lot in those e-mails she sends.
And I know you wouldn't send my comics to O'Malley. For one, you hate O'Malley. For two, you know giving O'Malley anyone's things is like asking a hungry fox to watch over your chickens. For three, if you did, I'd be forced to knock you out with the right hook that I inherited from my father, who wasn't called "The Polish Pulverizer" for his looks.
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Got the stuff)
Oh, Robin Hood. Fine Russian movie.
And I got the paint. In the color you want, too! You know, the Russian princesses would paint their rooms with this color.
- Chekov
--
(Subj: Re: Got the stuff)
Thanks, Pavel.
Really? So the Romanovs used that color? :P
- Kevin
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Got the stuff)
Robin Hood. Russian. Right.
And next, you'll say that Tetris was Korean or something.
Oh, and guess what, Kev? I got those stuffed animals you wanted me to pick up. You owe me some credits.
- Brenda Kwan
--
(Subj: Thanks)
Thank you, Brenda. I really appreciate it. And I'll pay you back right away.
Oh, I made a really cool simulation in the Holodeck. It's based on that scene from Kill Bill. You know, the one with the Crazy 88s. You wanna check it out?
- Kevin
--
(Subj: Re: Thanks)
Sure, sounds like fun. I love that movie.
- Brenda Kwan
--
(Subj: Finally)
ABOUT DAMN TIME! Hey Hobgoblin, you owe me a hundred credits!
- Doctor McCoy
--
(Subj: Re: Finally)
Indeed.
- Spock
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Finally)
O_o
- Kevin Kowalski
--
(Subj: Concerned for Chekov)
Lieutenant, what are you up to? And why are you dragging Chekov into it? I figured you are up to something because I saw Chekov run by with some cans of paint. In that color.
- Uhura
--
(Subj: Re: Concerned for Chekov)
Just helping him become a man, ma'am.
- Kevin Kowalski
--
(Subj: RE: Re: Concerned for Chekov)
What are you having him do, paint a strip club?
- Uhura
--
(Subj: RE: RE: Re: Concerned for Chekov)
ROTFLMAO
Aye, that would be a great errand for the boy.
- Scotty
--
(Subj: Nope)
Nope, but it will be funny, ma'am.
- Kevin Kowalski
(1) – Caitians first appeared in Star Trek: The Animated Series. The animated series character M'Ress, who would go on to appear in the New Frontier novels by Peter David, was a Caitian.
(2) – A nod to the fic "Attack of the 100 Foot Meg Griffin" by Grey-X. One of my favorite fics.