Kowalski's Corner
Disclaimer: "One damn minute, Captain." - Spock, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Kowalski's Corner
Kowalski's Corner is the official blog of Lt. Kevin Kowalski
October 22
Hello again to all my readers!
You're never gonna guess what I heard. Spread the word, O'Malley is at it again. She is doing something with Ten-Forward. Remodeling it or something.
She wants to make it look like an old-time Irish pub. Yeah, it's a shock to me, too. Blimey. And to make things even more hilarious, she wants to tend bar. Yeah, O'Malley. Isn't one of the requirements of being a bartender is to actually be somewhat friendly towards customers? Ted Knight's character in Caddyshack would be a better bartender than her:
"I wanna beer! I wanna bourbon! I wanna whiskey-!"
"YOU'LL GET SERVED NOTHING AND LIKE IT!"
...Yup. Say what you will.
Anyway, our good Captain has come up with another idea for improving ship morale. In his own words: "A big ol' costume party!" Heh. Appropriate since Halloween is coming up. Maybe I'll come as a zombie. Naw, too cliché. Maybe I'll come as a robot. I dunno, I'll have to think it over. I did think I mentioned this earlier in my blog.
I have had an interesting day today. The Enterprise got themselves this mission to escort an ambassador to this star system to do some negotiations. Let's just say...he enjoyed the alcohol. And the partying. And had no concept of keeping his hands to himself. We got the first hint that this mission was going to become one of the Enterprise's trademark "beautiful disasters" shortly after he arrived. He slapped Lt. Uhura's arse, and she punched him out. Luckily, he was understanding.
The trip with him was eventful. He was a bit of a pain on the bridge. The captain grumbled because the ambassador kept bothering all the bridge crew with his love of asking what buttons do and trying to touch things...
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James T. Kirk had never killed anyone in cold blood before. Sure, there was that Romulan guy on the Narada, but that could be forgiven as he was trying to choke the Iowan to death. But the young captain was thinking about murder right now, glaring at the ambassador, a dark-haired slightly pudgy man in a brown-and-orange suit with a polo tie, a cowboy hat (He wasn't going to wear those to the conference, thank God) and goofy glasses that looked like he traveled back in time to the 1970s and stole them from Elton John, bothering Sulu.
Normally, the helmsman was a quiet guy, but the ambassador was really getting on his nerves. He frowned deeply at the man.
"And what does this do?" The ambassador reached towards a silver level.
"Please!" Sulu put his hand on the lever quickly, trying to keep his composure. "Please don't touch that. That's the parking brake. You mess with that, and we'll come to a dead stop in the middle of warp. It makes the chief engineer go crazy."
"You mean that crazy Scotsman?" The ambassador blinked.
"Yes." Kirk grunted shortly. "The same guy that chased you out with a claymore after that attempt at a tour of Engineering."
"Can't blame him." Uhura muttered to herself.
"Could be worse, ma'am." Kowalski chuckled from the Engineering station. "He could be trying to make another grab for your arse." The communications officer raised an eyebrow.
"He tries it again, I'll break his wrist."
"And I think Spock would do a whole lot worse." Kowalski snickered. Uhura smirked.
"Yeah, he would." She turned back to her console. "Wait a minute..." Uhura turned to Kevin. "You're a technician! Why are you here at the Engineering console?"
"Mr. Scott kinda..." Kevin admitted nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "He kinda grabbed me and put me up here because he said he can't keep an eye on his girl up here. Kinda the right place at the right time, huh?"
"Why does that not surprise me?" Uhura shook her head.
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Yeah, it was quite a mission. Luckily, the conference went off without a hitch.
Oh, I gotta go! Me shift's about to start! Ta-ta!
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COMMENTS:
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(Subj: No regrets)
He slapped Lt. Uhura's arse, and she punched him out.
I don't care what anyone says! I don't care how much heat I'd get with command! Somebody touches me like that, I make then regret it! And I'd gladly do it again! Perverted Ambassador.
- Lt. Uhura
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(Subj: RE: No regrets)
Yup, and I had nothing but fun, fun, and more fun discussing this mission with Starfleet Command. Pike was laughing at me the whole way there!
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
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(Subj: RE: Re: No regrets)
I have to give you credit, Jim. The Enterprise never ceases to give Command a lot of...interesting stories. And personally, I look forward to your reports. They're always good for a laugh.
- Admiral Pike
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(Subj: RE: Re: Re: No regrets)
O_O How did he-?
- Kevin Kowalski
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(Subj: RE: Re: Re: Re: No regrets)
Yeah, that's my bad, pal. Sorry.
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome.
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(Subj: Lucky)
He should consider himself damn lucky Spock didn't get his hands on him. I saw the ass-kicking he handed Jim once, and it still makes me wince.
- McCoy
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(Subj: RE: Lucky)
Please don't remind me of that. My body starts giving me psychosomatic aches when I think about it.
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
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(Subj: Glad he wasn't)
I'm bloody glad that ambassador didn't come anywhere near Engineering! I shudder to think what he would do to my poor girl.
- Scotty
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(Subj: RE: Glad he wasn't)
Scotty, we really need to talk about this thing you have for the ship. It's starting to scare us. Even Spock is reluctant to talk to you in Engineering. Spock!
- Captain Kirk, Master of the Awesome
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(Subj: RE: Re: Glad he wasn't)
Indeed.
- Spock
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