Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart
"Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes.
And even when I'm scared, I have to try to fly. Sometimes i fall, but I've seen it done before."
- These Walls by Teddy Geiger
This was stupid, she was being stupid. So they kissed. So what? It didn't mean anything. There was anger, there was hurt, there was nostalgia; but that didn't constitute as love. That didn't even constitute as lust. The only thing that kiss conveyed was that there was longing. Longing for the past, the normalcy that they both felt when they were together. Longing for how simple things used to be before there ever was a Sloan, or a baby Sloan, or anything other than a Mark and a Lexie. They longed for who they used to be, that's all. But it didn't matter now anyways, she wasn't who she used to be and nor was he. At least he wasn't the person she used to think he was.
So with this rational explanation, it was simple to see that she was just being stupid. The kiss didn't change anything, and it certainly didn't mean she should be hiding in a supply closet on the surgical floor.
"Get it together, Little Grey." Lexie shook her head and rubbed her face. "He's just a guy. You've moved on. He didn't want you enough to keep you. He didn't beg you to stay. He didn't propose any mutual sacrifices. He didn't try to make us work." She laughed out loud, "He didn't, he didn't even bother to ask you to reconsider."
Lexie's rant was interrupted by the opening of the closet door, "Dr. Grey?" A perky voice questioned, the speaker taking a cautious step into the supply closet.
Lexie stood up, grabbing an abundance of items that were the closest to her, "Um, yes? Do you need something, Dr. Robbins?"
The blonde shook her head, looking briefly at the floor and pursing her lips.
Lexie's brow furrowed at the pediatric surgeon's current mannerisms, "Um, are you… are you okay, Dr. Robbins?" Lexie tilted her head, trying to meet Arizona's eyes, of which were glued to Lexie's mismatched shoes. "You seem, well, you don't seem like yourself."
Arizona smiled, finally lifting her head to meet Lexie's eyes. She smiled and she shrugged her shoulders, "I'm trying not to meddle."
Lexie raised an eyebrow, still a bit confused, "Oh."
The blonde nodded, "Yes, I'm trying not to meddle, because that's what I do; I meddle. I meddle and I try to fix." She paused briefly before bringing her fist below her chin and thrusting it outwards, "I'm a fixer."
Lexie looked at the random medical supplies in her hands, still not grasping the older surgeon's meaning, "I don't think I understand."
Arizona put her hands in her pockets and stared the darker blonde down with a knowing gleam in her eye, "You just, you seem sad. And as a meddler and a fixer, I want to meddle and fix. And I'm trying to restrain, but you're making it awfully difficult, because you're here and you're sad and you seem in desperate need of fixing."
Lexie smiled shyly, "Really, Dr. Robbins, I'm fine. I'm not sad and I don't need to be fixed. I was just in here grabbing some supplies for a patient."
"No," the attending shook her head, "no, you are sad and you do, you do need to be fixed. You dyed your hair, that's the first sign of a cry for help. You dyed your hair and you've locked yourself away in supply closet. These are all indications of your desperate need for repair. Also, you grabbed a bedpan, a nasal olive and two IV bags," Arizona removed one of her hands from her coat to point at the items in Lexie's arms, "and I know for a fact that rounds don't start for another twenty minutes so there is no way that you'd be needing supplies at this time. Nor would there be any need for you to be in the supply closet. Nor would there be any need for you to be talking to yourself in the supply closet." The blonde took a deep breath, before continuing, "I do, however, know that at this very moment Dr. Sloan, Sloan, and baby Sloan are all in the hospital and I can only imagine that the combination of all that Sloan DNA in one confined space can't be healthy for your condition nor your heart. So you're sad, and you need to be fixed, and I can help." A wide smile spread across Dr. Robbins' face as she offered her assistance.
Lexie put the supplies down, knowing full well she'd be caught. She wasn't going to deny it, everybody knew her history with the Sloan clan. Everybody knew she was hurting. Everybody knew it was only a matter of time before she had a complete mental break down. Everybody knew she wasn't completely over Mark Sloan, she wasn't going deny it. But she certainly wasn't going to admit it either. "Thank you, Dr. Robbins." Lexie sighed, with a small smile.
Arizona kept her smile while she politely corrected the brunette address, "Arizona."
Lexie bit her lip, "Thank you, Arizona. But I don't think it's possible for you to help me, even if I did need it."
The blonde's smile never faltered, she it wasn't like she didn't expect Dr. Grey to be apprehensive to the offer. She waited patiently as she prompted the younger doctor to continue.
"You're the source of my 'sadness''," Lexie made air quotes with her fingers as she spoke the word, "best friend's girlfriend, so by association, I can't speak to you with problems concerning your girlfriend's best friend without reasonably fearing that I've put you in a compromising position."
Arizona sighed, "That does seem to put us in a pickle." Arizona slanted her mouth to the right in thought, "But you would, you understand, have my word that my romantic life would not interfere with my professional friend life."
Lexie smiled at the surgeon's attempt at an olive branch, "As much as that means, I don't think it's a good idea. But it does, mean a lot; more than you know. Thank you, Dr. Robbins."
"Arizona," she corrected, "you may not deem it suitable for me to be your friend, but I am still hoping you can be mine." The blonde still held an air of optimism, "We don't have to talk about you're sadness or your mismatched shoes, we can talk about nothing at all. And we can drink, we can definitely drink. Friends drink together. And then one day, after the nothing and the drinking, maybe then you'll trust me enough to allow me to be your friend."
Arizona opened the closet door, before turning back to Lexie, "I'm an awesome friend, and as an awesome friend, I'd never let you talk to yourself in a supply closet. It's part of the friend code I live by."
"Thank you, Dr. Robbins." Lexie smiled, shaking her dark blonde head; for the first time, in a long time, she was comforted by the fact that somebody was willing to find mutual ground with her, even if it wasn't the person she had hoped it'd be.
"You're welcome, Lexie."
Rounds were brutal. And they certainly didn't help Lexie's encumbered mind.
Dr. Yang's methods, while sometimes unconventional to say the least, would usually succeed in distracting Lexie's mind from wandering to unproductive areas of thought. The constant strive to answer questions correct, as to not seem ill-prepared. The incessant need to harbor the correct manner in which to present ideas, recommendations, and brown-nosing, trying to avoid pissing off their resident. The consistency of badgering remarks and rebuttals Dr. Yang dished out, always kept the interns on their toes. However, today Lexie couldn't shake her mood.
The vivid memory of this morning was haunting her mind. She missed every opportunity to answer Dr. Yang's inquisitions. She had fumbled on every attempt to express her knowledge. She found herself zoning in and out of patient inquiries. Lexie Grey was off her game.
"Nowland, you're with Shepard. Spalding, you're with Bailey. Mostow, you're in charge of crash cart in trauma." Yang half-heartedly read off her clipboard, before looking up to give her interns a withering stare. "Do not embarrass me." At this statement, the aspiring surgeons dispersed to their assigned areas of duty.
"Um, Dr. Yang?" The remaining intern asked, confused as to where she was supposed to go.
"Little Grey." Christina acknowledged her with a nod.
Lexie let out a slight nervous laugh, which ended up sounding like an exasperated scoff, "You didn't, um- you didn't say where I was supposed to report to."
Christina sighed and Lexie was taken aback. Normally Christina's sighs consisted annoyance and an air of authority, but this sigh was different, sympathetic almost. "Little Grey."
Lexie looked around, they were standing by the surgical floor nurse's station. No doctors rushed to surgeries around them, no patients scrambled to and from the cafeteria, no nurses answered phones nor scrawled on documents in their vicinity. They were alone. Little Grey and Yang. Lexie gulped nervously.
"I'm supposed to assign you to PEDS." Christina divulged uncomfortably, "I'm supposed to tell you to report to Robbins. I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to..." Her sentence drifted into silence.
"Dr. Yang?" The intern stated nervously, this was a part of her superior she had never seen before.
"Listen." Yang stated forcibly, "You and I? We're not friends. You're an intern and I'm your resident. That's all." She seemed to struggle with her actions as she spoke, "On principle, I'm not supposed to associate with you in any manner other than to teach you and make your internship a living hell. But in the end, you're Little Grey. And for some twisted reason that means that I'm supposed to help you out on some level or whatever."
"I'm not following," Lexie stated, she was getting a disturbing amount of new friends today.
"You're Mer's... whatever. And lately, you've become some dark and twisty person just like her, so I have this annoying need to give you some sort of leeway. You're assigned to Robbins. You're assigned to PEDS. We both know why. We both know that there is some intervention going on there with little Sloan and all that crap. What I'm saying is I'm supposed to throw you to the dogs, but I'm leaving the choice up to you."
"Dr. Yang, I appreciate-" Lexie interjected before she was interrupted.
"Shut up, Little Grey. I don't bend the rules. This is a once and a lifetime occurrence, so let me get through with it so I can go back to not caring about you or your problems." Lexie nodded, allowing her resident to continue. "You can go to PEDS or you can be late to rounds."
"I'm sorry?"
"If you were late to rounds, I'd have a reason to send you to the pit. If you were late to rounds, you wouldn't be allowed to be put on a PEDS case." Christina pressed, widening her eyes in attempt to convey her point.
"But, I wasn't late to rounds." Lexie scratched her head.
Christina let out an annoyed grunt, that was more usual Christina, "For a smart girl, you're awfully dumb. If you just say you were late to rounds, you'd be late to rounds."
Lexie nodded, now understanding her resident's meaning. She smiled, though she didn't desire all the attention from the elder surgeons she was attracting today, she was grateful. "Dr. Yang, I don't know what to say; I'm-"
"Grey, go to the pit. You're pissing me off." Christina spat, her conviction lacking its usual venom.
Lexie nodded, "Right away, Dr. Yang."
You're reviews and alerts mean the world, thank you for the chance! Sorry for the lack of Mcslexie this chapter, it's building up to the next two chapters, which should be out in a matter of days. I might start another story just so I can write Mark and Lexie together, because Grey's is making me pull out my hair in anticipation! Anyways, let me know what you think! Thank you for reading! P.s.- The title of this story is from the song 'Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart' by Alicia Keys, in case you were interested!
Remember, reviews equal love and love equals chapters!
-caprijoy