I had originally intended to wait until after the next episode airs to update this story, but I figured the topic would be OK where it was now: this is Lanie's response to hearing about Josh, but not from Beckett. Please review...I'm still new enough at this where the reviews really matter. Thank you!
And of course, I do not own Castle or any of the characters.
Kate walked into the morgue, responding to Lanie's request that she come down as soon as she could. She saw her friend reviewing some papers in a file folder as she approached. "Hey, I'm here. What's up?"
Lanie looked up from her papers and fixed her unsmiling gaze on Kate. Slowly, she set the folder down, her eyes never wavering from Kate's.
"What's up?" She leaned back and crossed her arms, looking highly irritated. "Girl, you tell me. Two days ago I hear about Mr. Hunk-o-rama picking you up after work. And who do I hear about it from? Certainly not YOU! Girl, you've been holding out on me. I tried to give you time to tell me on your own, but the clock has run out. What did you do, glue your lips shut? I want answers, and I want them now."
Kate inwardly groaned and closed her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy.
Lanie knew just about everything about her issues with Castle, how she broke up with Demming to go with him to the Hamptons, only to have him sashay off with his ex right in front of her nose. She knew how much it took for Kate to make the decision to put all her feelings out there with him, and then to be thwarted at the last minute, in the worst possible way. She knew how Kate retreated into herself, and her work, after that. So, looking at the grim set of Lanie's lips and hearing the clipped tone she used, tinged with just a little bit of hurt, the fact that Lanie did NOT know anything about Josh was not a fact she was proud of.
How could she explain? Maybe it was best to just start straight from the heart. "Lanie, I'm sorry. I should have said something about him. I met him later this summer...a couple of months ago. I met him through work, but then we started doing some things together. Light...fun. I'm sorry, I should have said something about him..."
"Damn straight you should have said something!" Lanie interruped.
"I know...I should have, and looking back now, it just seems stupid. But at the time, it was almost like self-preservation, you know? Everyone-all of you-watched that little episode between me and Castle last May before he left. As if it wasn't bad enough to have him leave with his ex-wife, right when I was going to go out on a limb and give him a chance, it just had to happen with everyone watching. All of you KNEW what I was going to tell him! It took me a long while to get back to feeling anything like normal around here, like people weren't watching me and remembering the "Castle Exodus". It was a hard time for me, you know? If I went home, I just saw his books and thought about him, and how I really screwed up in not recognizing things sooner, and admitting to myself how I felt. But if I came here, then I was constantly reminded of him...his chair, the murder board, and especially the last time I saw him, when he left with that bimbo. So when I met Josh, even though it wasn't-or isn't-anything serious, I just couldn't stand to even bring him up. I didn't want the looks, or the pity, or the wondering if I was on the rebound. I didn't want whispers behind my back, and I didn't want the speculation. I just wanted to keep him secret, private. But I should have said something to you, I know that now." She sighed and finished softly "I'm sorry."
At Kate's words, Lanie exhaled a long breath, and as she did that, some of the annoyance and sternness left her face. She reached out to rub Kate's arm, and then let her hand drop. "Aw, honey, I know that whole thing was hard on you. But you knew I was always here...if you were still going through all that, why didn't you tell me? The whole thing sucked, I get that. I really get that." She thought carefully before she formulated her next words. "But as much as I get why you were cautious, what I don't get it why you still didn't say anything, anytime within the last two months? I gotta say, girl, that I still think there's more left to this whole Castle thing than you're letting on, hunky boyfriend or no hunky boyfriend."
Lanie certainly cut to the chase. Which, if she was honest with herself, was probably one reason why Kate had, in fact, not told her about Josh. If she was actually wondering about how she felt about Castle, then it was a pretty sure bet that everyone else was wondering about him too. She had all but welcomed him back at the precinct with open arms, despite the fact that he was still getting shifty looks from everyone else. Heck, even she had started getting shifty looks, especially from Esposito when he asked her if she'd let Castle win the bet. But during that whole thing with Castle, him coming back, getting arrested, starting to work with them again...Josh had been there, in the background, in secret. WHY hadn't she said anything about him to anyone?
Kate closed her eyes and put her hands over her face. "Lanie, I just don't know. I'm so sick of saying that, but it's true. There's just something about Castle, but damned if I know what it is. He came back here, totally by accident, but then I went out on a limb and let him work with us again, and it was just like old times. For some really odd reason that I can't explain, I'm even more comfortable with him, despite everything that happened...and didn't happen. Despite Josh. But Josh is there, and now I just don't know. He's a great guy. But I don't know what it is about Castle. You KNOW what happened at the beginning of the summer. I mean, that was the PITS. But now he's back, and sometimes, it's almost like it didn't happen. The old...whatever...is still there. We still can work together, we can solve the cases, and we can have a bit of fun doing it. But the rest of it...I don't know. What do I do?"
Lanie let out a slow exhale. "I don't know. Only you can answer that. Not what you wanted to hear, I'm sure. But remember, I'm still reeling from this new-hunky-man-Josh thing, so my advice may be a little off. But I have to say, if you can go out with hunky-man, be a wild woman with him, give him your all, and NOT think about Castle, then you should go for hunky-man. But if you're still thinking about Castle, at all, trying to be around him, any of that...well, then you need to do some serious thinking about the writer-boy vs. hunky-man."
Kate chuckled and said sarcastically, "Oh, gee, thanks so much for helping, Lanie. I knew I could count on you to make it easier."
Lanie laid another stern look on Kate and raised her hand to point at her. "Girl, don't you even try to think of putting this on anyone else. This is ALL on you. Sure, Castle might be a little dense. Hey, sometimes you gotta spell it out for them, you know that. But you're keeping him around for something...listen to that. Hunky-man may be nice to look at, but while he's hunky, he's no Richard Castle, best-selling author, star assistant to the star homicide detectives. Listen to that too."
Kate was silent for a minute or two, reflecting on what Lanie had said. "I know you're right, on some level, but I don't know where to begin. Castle...ugh. Really, how can I trust him after the bimbo thing?"
Lanie gave her an uncertain look. "I don't know. I really don't. But just realize that you can't do anything until you figure out where writer-boy fits into your life, and how you feel about him. If you have a good time with hunky-man, then have a good time with him. But don't lead him on, and don't do anything you'll regret later. And I have to say, if you ever figure out without a doubt that you want writer-boy, really and truly, then I'm behind you, 100%. But you actually have to do something about it, and TELL him. Even if there's a blonde bimbo next to him. Girl, you are a kick ass and take no prisoners homicide detective, and if you want to tell him you got the hots for him and want to go have monkey sex with him at his estate, then I damn well expect you to do it! You had your try at chickening out. The next time is for real. Don't waste it, and make me proud!"
Kate cringed a bit at how forthright Lanie was, but at the same time, she was grateful. She could always count on Lanie for a virtual kick in the pants to set her straight and make her think.
"Lanie, I still don't know. But there's no hurry, right?" She looked at Lanie expectantly, who shook her head in agreement. "I can still have a casual good time with Josh while I can figure out how much I can trust Castle. There's just something about him..." she trailed off as she looked off in the distance, as if remembering something. Coming back to the present, she continued seriously "I just don't want to hurt anyone."
Lanie smiled compassionately. "I know, honey. But there's no time limit on this. Just see where it goes. Let's see what Castle is like now, and let's see if hunky-man has any flaws you just can't get past. Who knows? Maybe hunky-man has warts all over his ass or...other parts."
Kate rolled her eyes before laughing. "Thanks, Lanie. And I am really sorry I didn't tell you about Josh earlier."
"Honey, I don't like it, but I can understand. But don't let it happen again. Now please figure out your love life before I turn 50, will you? This whole thing is starting to sound like a freaking soap opera, with you as the star."
Kate nodded at her as the image of a dark-haired, muscled guy on a Harley filled her mind, but gave a couple of blinks at the image in her mind was quickly replaced with the image of a certain writer, leaning back in the chair next to her desk, giving her one of his cocky grins that said that he was having as much fun as she was.
Yep, there was just something about Castle...