The Slave

Chapter 7- Forgiveness

That same night my father came to visit me along with my brothers Iggy, Wendy and Ludwig. Esperanza had informed them of what had happened and expected the doctor in his guard so he would explain them the details. Wendy came closer to my bed while my father and Iggy talked in low voice near the door without me being able to hear what they were saying.

"Little brother, little brother…" Wendy told me in low voice crying and holding my hand

"Hi, sis, I'm glad to see you again. I'm fine, don't worry." I imagined to answer her

Wendy had always been good with me. She always was a spoiled brat that made tantrums for every little thing, but I always knew that I could count on her when I needed her and gave us a strong feeling of union beyond words.

The doctor knocked twice before opening the door and asked to be with my father alone. Once Wendy, Iggy and Ludwig went out of the room, the doctor got two chairs close to a side of my bed to talk with my father.

"How's my son, doctor? What happened?" my father asked anxious

"Not very well, your Highness. His state has worsened lately. His heart stopped today and though his vital signs are stable, there are many possibilities that it happens again."

"You mean that he will die soon?"

"We can't exactly know it. Eight months have passed and it's the first time it happens. It is possible that his heart stops in any moment and we can't revive him. That's why I wanted to talk to you in private… I need you to sign some papers." He continued while he got some papers from a folder and gave it to him.

My father began to read. Suddenly he stood up, desperately wrinkled the sheets of paper and threw them at the doctor yelling:

"Are you crazy? You want me to sign a permission to let my own son die? …"

The doctor frightened stood up throwing his chair backwards while he held himself with a hand on the wall so he wouldn't fall; he covered his face with the other arm to prevent the papers from hitting his face.

"Calm down, Your Highness… it's not about that," the doctor asked tried to recover his composure

Ludwig, upon listening my father's yells and knowing his temperament, hurriedly entered the room to see what was happening.

"What's wrong, dad?" he asked standing between the doctor and my father to calm the situation down.

"I'm not going to give up so easily."

"Alright, alright, but, what happened?" Ludwig asked looking at my father and then turning towards the doctor, trying to understand the situation.

"We need him to firm an authorization so that we do not interfere the next time his heart stops beating, that's all!" the doctor answered as he picked up the wrinkled papers from the floor. "Think about it, he said leaving visibly upset.

"Dad… that's the doctor who saved my brother's life this evening…"

"Yes? Well, he doesn't want to do it anymore," my father replied angry

After carefully reading the papers the doctor gave to him, Ludwig sighed deeply and commented:

"dad, understand that it have been eight months… eight months of tension for all of us, the others have not even found out what happened today… besides, how much have you spent in the hospital?"

"There's no problem with that," my father lifted his voice angry and lifted his fist challenging

In a second he understood that he had gone back to his previous behavior and recapaciting he apologized.

"Forgive me, son, I'm desperate."

"I understand, dad, is hard for everyone."

"What's going to happen when the others find out?"

"Iggy already has become stronger with this experience. Dad, a lot of time has passed, don't you think he has already gotten used to the idea?"

"You can never get used to the idea of losing your family," my father answered

"I mean that he knows that is only matter of time, besides, look." M brother told him wile he pointed at me with his finger, "in this state do you think that if he comes back to himself, he will be alright again? He has been like that for so much time… we don't even know if his brain is still working."

"Better than you think," I answered him in my mind

"But we can't chose that," my father said as he took Ludwig's hand to prevent him from pointing at me any longer, "that's playing a Star Spirits"

"Playing the Star Spirits is keeping him alive! Maybe it was the Star Spirits themselves who stopped his heart and here he is against his will. Maybe he is suffering and what we are doing is to prolong his pain."

When my father heard this, he fell into his chair and taking his hands to his face he muttered brokenhearted:

"damn it… I don't know what to do."

"sign the authorization and end his suffering, dad," Ludwig said giving him the wrinkled papers

My father stared at the papers for a few moments and in an almost unconscious way took a nearby pen and after drying a tear that rolled down his cheek, signed the papers… he signed my own death sentence…

"don't be so dramatic!" my Guide always wanted to give his opinion, "we will all die soon or late, the important it's not to live a lot of time but take advantage of the time we are alive"

"I think it's curious that I'm not angry neither with my father or my brother. I really understand the hardship of the situation," I commented him

"To forgive is not an action in itself, forgive is simply to understand. When you manage to understand that we all seek what we believe is the best for us, that our actions are usually, well-mentioned, that everything we do has as objective to get close to what we believe is happiness. Then you realize that there's nothing to forgive."

"But, when someone hurts you intentionally?"

"Most people has no intention of causing harm. We all take our decisions from the knowledge that we have and the circumstances that surround us at the moment. If your mate chooses you cut up with you and leave with another, she does because the relationship she has with you doesn't make her happy anymore and because she thinks that she will be better with another person; she doesn't do it for bothering or hurting you, she does it because she thinks it's the best she can do in that moment. Many people say: she abandoned me, in reality they don't abandon you, they simply leave. People doesn't get disappointed they simply do what they can do and if doesn't coincide with what you believe they should do, then you get disappointed."

"What about the people that steal, kill or deceive others deliberately?"

"What happens with them is that they have a limited vision, they hadn't learned that there are other forms of obtaining what they want, they don't know that causing a bad deed to others is causing it to themselves. Do you believe that money that can be obtained deceiving, stealing or affecting others?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Do you imagine what is to live with a constant fear of being discovered, with the charge of conscience of bad deeds, with the rejection of people?"

"In their proper actions they take the punishment. Should we then accept what people does despite it affects us?"

"No, one thing is to understand and accept and other, very different, is to resign yourself and endure. Understand is to put yourself in other's shoes, being conscious that no one can disappoint, offend or abandon you, only yourself. Accept is to recognize that everyone has the right to look for happiness in the form they believe convenient. On the other side, to endure the behaviors of other that affect you, or resign yourself to live I a relation that doesn't make you happy, is playing the victim, make yourself the martyr and that goes against your own will."

After a while, Wendy came into the room and after explaining to her what had happened, they decided to comment it to the others so they would get ready. She, Iggy and my father went to my house and Ludwig agreed in taking the papers to the doctor's office.