Disclaimer:: Glee is not mine.
~.~.~
He won't say anything.
Kurt expected as much. He knew that Finn wouldn't want to talk about it. There was nothing to say – he had been stressed, and his emotions took control. It was simple, it was primal, and it was nothing that could be brought up without incredible discomfort.
He won't say anything.
Finn hadn't said much last night to explain his sudden desire to fuck Kurt senseless. He'd offered short answers of "Rachel" and "bitch" when Kurt asked what had happened, and that cleared things up a little bit. It sufficed, anyway, because Kurt had known that Finn wouldn't want to add anything in the morning.
He won't say anything.
It'll be just like it never happened. Finn will pretend he went home and holed himself up in his own room with angry emo music. Kurt will pretend he spent the night home alone in his room with his show tunes. Perfectly reasonable explanations for their whereabouts the night prior.
He won't say anything.
But Kurt doesn't want to lie. Kurt wants to talk about it. Kurt needs to talk about it. Because you can't just lose your virginity to someone and then never talk about it. (The first deflowering is a big thing to Kurt, particularly now since it was at the body of someone that he loves.)
He won't say anything.
But Kurt knows that he can't talk about it. If he brings it up, Finn will change the subject. He'll deny that it happened, or maybe he'll get angry again, or maybe even get depressed and start crying. Basically, his reaction will be bad. And Kurt really wants to avoid that.
He won't say anything.
Kurt still loves Finn. Finn could have beaten him to a bloody pulp and called him all the most hateful names in the book after what happened, and Kurt would still love him. Because he's given the masochistic Kurt Hummel at least one good first.
-.-
He won't say anything.
Finn knew they weren't going to talk about it. It was an unspoken executive decision Finn had made for the both of them when he woke up that next morning, and quickly removed himself from Kurt's warm bed with the utmost in shame.
He won't say anything.
Finn can tell from the look on Kurt's face that he wants to talk about it. It's a wistful look, and he keeps staring at Finn out of the corner of his eye – now he learns how to be remotely subtle – like he's mentally urging Finn to give the "Okay, let's talk" signal.
He won't say anything.
Finn needs for them to not discuss it. He needs to just forget it ever happened, because it was just a mistake, a stupid, hormonal mistake.
He won't say anything.
Finn doesn't look at Kurt – he can't look at Kurt. Because Kurt's always been the strong one, he's always been the one that doesn't show weakness for anything, and now he just looks so fucking vulnerable and it kills Finn.
He won't say anything.
Because Finn was Kurt's first, and Kurt loves him. But Finn won't return those feelings, ever.