Disclaimer:: Glee is not mine.
~.~.~
I hate you.
Kurt wants to think that honestly to himself about Finn, but he can't. Because he doesn't hate him; he won't, ever. Finn's his first love, and Kurt's a pathetically sentimental type of romantic.
I hate you.
Kurt should hate Finn. Because Finn used him and doesn't love him, and Finn knew that he never would and would never even bother to try when he was biting at Kurt's collarbone and pulling at his belt.
I hate you.
Kurt needs to hate Finn. Because Finn won't even look at him now, and he probably won't ever again, because Kurt's just that shameful, just that disgusting to the Frankenteen who couldn't control himself.
I hate you.
Kurt can't hate Finn. Because Finn is the one person that Kurt can use as his crutch when things get to the point of "terrible"; he always has been. Kurt relied on his crush to get through the hard times; he hid himself away in his fantasies filled with knights in shining armor and damsels in distress, and it all seemed better with those beautiful rose-colored glasses muting the ugly truth.
I hate you.
Kurt doesn't hate Finn. Because he loves Finn, because he needs to love him; he needs his dependence on the larger boy. Because everything's a little bit brighter when he can say I'm in love with the Golden Boy of the school.
I hate you.
Kurt tells as much about Finn to Blaine. Because Blaine's a really good listener in the way that he's incredibly perceptive, and Kurt needs someone to hear his lies and pick them out; he needs someone to make sense of his masochistic tendencies.
-.-
I hate you.
Finn honestly hates Kurt. Because Kurt's always there; he's always enabling Finn to break down and rely on him, and he's always enabling Finn to confront his feelings about people, and he's always enabling Finn to do things like what he ended up doing to Kurt that night.
I hate you.
Finn shouldn't hate Kurt. Because Kurt's always there; he's been supportive, and a good friend – albeit one with orientation-converting ulterior motives.
I hate you.
Finn needs to stop hating Kurt. Because he needs Kurt to be there – he needs Kurt's attention, and his sympathy, and his comfort, and he just needs him to stick around, because you never know when you're going to feel like shit and want someone to make you feel worthwhile.
I hate you.
Finn can't stop hating Kurt. Because Kurt's an eternal reminder of what Finn did. Finn knows he won't be able to look at Kurt the same way again; he knows he won't be able to look at Kurt without feeling like the biggest slutty douche to walk the face of the planet.
I hate you.
Finn doesn't want to hate Kurt. Because he really does need Kurt; he really does need someone who's always there to tell him that It's okay when he's upset and can't turn to anyone else.
I hate you.
But Finn tells Kurt the truth. Because he's just so fucking tired of having to lie and act like he doesn't hate Kurt; he's so fucking tired of acting like everything's normal between them, and it's not. It never has been.