Disclaimer:: Glee is not mine.
~.~.~
I know.
Kurt knew it from the beginning. He's known it for a while, since Finn rejected the offer to go to Prom with him (an offer that Kurt hadn't even considered posing, because he's not that much of a masochist).
I know.
Kurt doesn't understand. He should feel angry, or hurt, or betrayed, or something when his man of wax screams that he hates Kurt with no rational explanation being stated. Except he doesn't; Kurt doesn't feel anything at all, except for maybe a little bit of – relief?
I know.
Kurt's accepted that Finn hates him. He accepted it a long time ago, and he accepted it again when he woke up and found Finn lying next to him. He has honestly no idea how he knew, but the fact of the matter remains that he did. And that hearing it now really doesn't sting as much as he might have expected.
I know.
Kurt thinks back to what Blaine told him, he thinks back to the beautiful boy's suggestions of You love him because you want to love someone, anyone. You're not actually in love with him. And Kurt thinks that Blaine's kind of brilliant, because he put what Kurt's been feeling into words.
I know.
Kurt never expected for Finn to love him. He never expected for Finn to like him. He never expected for Finn to even speak to him. A few months ago in this situation, Kurt would be hurting, broken-hearted, suicidal. Because Finn was his rock, his unreciprocating rock, the only constant feature in Kurt's life. But now, he's not. He's just Finn. And Kurt's not going to hurl himself off a bridge or down any pills any time soon. Because he really wants to spend time with someone new; with someone he can talk to, someone that understands him, and someone that makes him feel warm inside whenever he's in his presence. (And Finn's never made Kurt feel that way; not even when he was actually inside of Kurt, very literally filling him.)
I know.
Acceptance feels good. It doesn't hurt like Kurt thought it would; it feels great, just like Blaine told him that it would. Moving on feels better. It doesn't feel sad like Kurt thought it would; it feels fantastic, just like Blaine promised that it would.Kurt finally feels like he might actually be happy in the near future.
-.-
I know.
Finn hates those words, those two words spoken so quietly, and so understandingly, and so goddamn condescendingly.
I know.
No, Kurt has absolutely no idea. He's a liar, Finn reasons. He's a liar, trying to lessen the blows to his ego and his heart. He has no idea.
I know.
Finn never pegged Kurt to be a bitter one. He never thought Kurt would be the kind to say cruel lies just to get back at someone for their own words. But here he is, Kurt Hummel, icy bitch supreme, telling Finn that he knows Finn hates him, and that he's known for a long time. And that's a lie.
I know.
No, he doesn't know. He can't know, he can't fathom the hatred that Finn feels deep inside, he can't understand the way that Finn hates Kurt every time he sees him, every time he hears him, every time he thinks about him. Because even Finn doesn't entirely understand it sometimes.
I know.
Finn blames Blaine. Kurt never started being such a bitch until he met Blaine. And now he's like that all the time. He's not acting like he's better than everyone else – no, he's gotten rid of that mask. And he's not acting like he's vulnerable like everyone would have expected him to when he finally broke. (It was inevitable, of course; all of their friends have been preparing for the day when Kurt Hummel would break down and sob for a while now.) No, Kurt's acting like he's content with himself, and it's not a side of Kurt that anyone's really seen.
I know.
And that really pisses Finn off. Because Kurt's supposed to be crying, sobbing when Finn tells him that he doesn't want anything to do with him. He's not supposed to be calm about it. Because he's supposed to love Finn; Finn is supposed to be feeling really wanted right now, like he's the one with the power in this not-relationship. He's not supposed to be feeling like he wants to kill Blaine for changing Kurt, for making him so goddamn strong.