Buried in the Words
7th March
"Hey Abs, Happy Birthday!"
"Tim! I knew you'd call, I told Gibbs last night, he said you could be busy and I wasn't to be disappointed if you didn't call, but I knew you'd call…and my gift…Oh Tim, it's the most amazing…it's so cool…I love it!"
Tim waited at the other end of the line, he hadn't heard full-throttle Abby for a while, and he'd forgotten how hard it was to get a word in…
"I'm wearing it right now…it's so perfect, where did you find it?"
He'd been at a street market in Venice Beach, Eric was on the look out for more of his favourite Hawaiian shirts and he'd tagged along, looking for nothing in particular, when he saw it. Lying in a row of art work was a silver Native American belt buckle hand-engraved with the man in a maze design. The maze looking for all the world like a crop circle, and he knew he had to get it for Abby. The stall holder mounted the buckle on a thick black leather belt, and Tim left the market that afternoon delighted with his purchase. Hearing Abby's unfeigned delight now, he knew he had made the right choice.
"At a street market in Venice Beach, I'm glad you like it…so Abs, how many bunches of black roses did you get this year?"
She glanced toward the refrigerator, smiling as she saw the four vases filled with black roses; her smile faltered a little as she focussed on Tim's picture, 66, that was the number on the Post It today.
"One from Ducky, Ziva, Tony…I even got one from Jimmy this time! Nothing from Gibbs yet, but you know he likes to surprise me…"
"He's pretty good at it too if I remember."
Gibbs was good at surprises, and Abby had hoped that her surprise this year would be Gibbs telling her that Tim was coming home…but he didn't sound like he was ready to come back, not right now…
18th March
It had been a particularly trying day, and Ducky was glad to be home, he was sure there was a headache in the offing, so many reports to be done, and never enough time in which to do them. He was weary, but as he opened the door he was greeted by a sight that cheered him immediately. The cleaner always put the mail in a neat pile on the hall table, and on top he could see his address written in a hand that he recognised at once.
Determined to sit and savour his letter, Ducky quickly made himself a sandwich, poured a small glass of whisky and sat in his favourite armchair.
He thought back to the conversation he and Timothy had had some months ago about the relative merits of electronic and 'snail' mail. Ducky had maintained that, marvellous as email was for instant communication, there was nothing quite like receiving a letter through the mail, and sitting comfortably, glass in hand, enjoying a leisurely read. So Tim had promised to write to him from LA, and as Ducky slit open the envelope with his silver letter-opener he could see that Timothy had ensured that he would be reading from the finest paper, he pulled from the tissue lined envelope two sheets of cream vellum, deckle edged paper, he held it up to the light…as he had suspected, it was watermarked.
Ducky found that his hands were trembling a little; things had been very different these last months, different, but certainly not better. He took a sip of whisky, and unfolded the letter.
Dear Ducky
I never thought I'd enjoy writing letters so much! You were right, aren't you always! It makes you think a little more, emails are so instant, you dash off a few quick thoughts, and they're gone into the ether. But a letter, you can add things each day, and you have to think a little more, take time, and sit quietly, not at a computer screen. And it's a really sensory thing, holding the pen; did you notice I got a fountain pen? The sound of the nib scraping across the paper, the warmth of the paper under your hand, hey, if I didn't know better, I'd say I was 'waxing lyrical', must be your influence!
Things are so great out here, and I don't just mean the weather! I'm learning so many new things, not that I didn't learn a lot with Gibbs and the others. It's new, and different out here, I still have so much to learn about the city, and the undercover ops, and looking after myself in a fight. I thought Gibbs was tough, but Sam Hannah, he's like a man mountain, and I put him on his back the other day…probably a fluke, but it felt so…amazing!
It's a great team Ducky, and I'm so lucky to be a part of it, to think I almost walked away from all this.
I miss you Ducky, miss our talks, having a glass of wine together, just sorry I never did get the taste for single malt. Hey, something I have developed a taste for, and you'll never believe this; tea! Hetty showed me how to make a 'proper' cup of tea, warming the pot, china cups, the whole package, it's almost as intricate as the Japanese tea ceremony! And you know what, it tastes so different, I can't see me ever going back to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. If I come back to DC I'll have to show you my new tea-making skills…Sam says I'm really part of the team now, seems Hetty showing you how to make tea is like an initiation.
Ducky put down the letter for a moment; all of a sudden he was finding it difficult to focus…if he came to DC, not when…was Timothy really thinking of staying out in California? Well, why not? His new team mates seemed to have taken him in and treated him as an equal, as a respected colleague, and as Ducky knew all too well, he did not feel the same way about how he was treated here in DC.
How's the house sale going? You can't have moved, or you'd have sent me a forwarding address, at least I hope you would! That house must be tough to live in without your mom, so many memories; I think you're doing the right thing, and the Georgetown place sounds perfect, less of a commute too.
I noticed there's a big Medical Examiner's conference in LA next month, if you're coming out for that I'd love to get together. I'd offer you a place to stay, but I'm in a one bed rental, not the best place to entertain guests. We could meet up for dinner though, and you could tell me some more of your stories. I miss them, although Hetty has a pretty amazing hoard of stories too. Oh wow! If she could come to dinner too, man that would be a conversation I would love to witness!
Think about it Ducky, I know with the house move and everything you may not want to attend yet another conference, but remember if you do, dinner's on me!
Be careful out there!
Tim
Ducky got up and poured himself another drink, it was true, he had a lot on his plate, and he'd been to enough conferences to last anyone a lifetime, but the chance to meet up with Timothy…there was no denying it, he missed the lad, and it would be a treat to see him again. He put down the letter and switched on his lap top, after all, there was no harm in checking out the dates for the conference.
20th March
"Looks as if Brice is on his way to LA, can't see any reason for us to head out there when we have a crackerjack team just waiting to help out."
"Hey! You think we don't have enough work out here? Don't worry Jethro, we'll get Brice, and send him back home to DC, anything else OPSEC can do for you?"
"I'm sure I could think of something…G…McGee...is he settling in...I, I made mistakes, with McGee, bad mistakes…"
"We've all made mistakes Gibbs, sometimes fatal, but we have to move on."
"He almost died; not because of some terrorist strike, or in a shoot-out with some crazy gunman, but because of my neglect…that kind of mistake, it's tough to move on from that…"
"Don't remember anyone ever saying life was going to be easy."
"How's he doing G? Honestly."
There was a momentary silence as Callen tried to find the right way to phrase his reply; truth was Tim was doing great, but maybe that wasn't what Gibbs needed to hear. But he'd been asked for an honest answer.
"Best way I can put it; it's like he's always been here; took him a little time to find his feet. When he first came he was still…he still had nightmares, looked like a ghost; but with Hetty and Nate on the case, well, let's just say his recovery was never in doubt."
"No more nightmares?"
"I wouldn't say none, he's not likely to forget that night in a hurry; but there's nothing that affects his work."
"That's good…he talk much about…about DC?"
"Hardly ever. You know Jethro; I think he's trying to make a clean break, after everything that happened…Nate tells me Tim needed the emotional distance even more than the physical distance. Tim does talk about some of the cases the team worked."
"But not about the team…"
Callen had never heard Gibbs so hesitant, and he knew he should be offering words of comfort to an old friend, but he'd seen Tim when he arrived, almost a broken man, almost, and he'd seen Tim grow stronger, happier, become one of them, he had to let it out.
"Damn it Jethro! How did you let it get so bad? Tim is…well, he's brilliant, and not just with computers, he's terrific in the field, has a great eye for detail, picks up on things we would have missed, if he sees someone struggling, he helps them. Tim's a good man Jethro, a team man…you helped to make him a first class agent, but if you couldn't see what you had, if you and your team couldn't see the real Tim McGee…well, maybe DC isn't the right place for him."
There was no response from Gibbs, and Callen thought he had gone too far; but Gibbs was always a man who liked to take his medicine unsweetened.
"Maybe you're right; I can't even pretend I saw what was happening and figured it would make a man of him. I didn't see it; just saw Tony being the way he always is, and Ziva…why am I telling you this? You don't even know them."
Callen kept the thought to himself, but if these were the people who had driven Tim to resign from NCIS, he wasn't sure he wanted to know them.
"Jethro, I don't know what you need to hear, it was your team, you ran it the way you though was right, just like I do…and sometimes…we fail. I lost one of my team, you almost lost one of yours…all we can do, is get out, or carry on…and we're both ornery enough to keep going."
That did elicit a laugh from Gibbs, they both knew it was true, Callen may not know his own first name, but he was pretty sure stubborn was his middle name, and he was much like Jethro in that regard.
"You watch out for him G, and please, do a better job than I managed."
"You got it Jethro, talk to you soon."
Callen switched off his phone; now he knew just how badly Jethro had been shaken by the events that led Tim to LA, Gibbs never said please…
31st March
To: .mil
From: .mil
I was going to call you, but I wasn't sure you'd want to talk to me – so I've taken the easy way out. I have to tell you, I'm sorry, really sorry this time, not just taking your food sorry, or super glue sorry. I pushed you away from the team, almost got you killed…no excuses, it's on me.
What I want to say is, don't blame Ziva for any of this, I dragged her in and I think after Michael, and Somalia…she thinks she owes me something, so she went along with my stupid, sick…I can't even type the word…how could I ever think it was funny? I've head slapped myself so many times since you left…see I still can't stop fooling around. Some things never change.
It's changed round here Tim, the new guy, he's fine, but he's not you, it's not the team any longer…I'm learning to deal with that, but I can't deal with you hating me, I know I deserve it…you should have heard what Sarah called me when you were in the hospital…she was right too. I know I can never put it right, and things can never be the same between us, but maybe, one day we could talk…
Tony
To: .mil
From: .mil
Tony
Who says I hate you? Get that idea out of your head, I save my hatred for people like Ari, and Saleem...not for someone I've worked side by side with for years.
I had a lot of time to think after I left the hospital, since I came out here…and in a weird way you did me a big favour. I was stuck in a rut in DC, everyone there still saw me as that green kid who nearly hurled at his first big crime scene. That's not me any more Tony, and maybe I needed to move to make people see that, even make myself see it.
And the greatest thing happened today; Callen told me that as soon as an undercover assignment comes along where I fit the brief, I'm in! Can you believe it? Me going undercover…never would have happened in DC, see what I mean about things working out…and Tony, call me, anytime!
Tim
Tim shut down the computer and went to collect his jacket and back pack ready to head home. He knew he was grinning, but he couldn't help it, going undercover had been a dream for years, and it was closer to becoming a reality; now Tony had been in contact…
"Hey Tim, you up for a softball game Saturday?"
Tim had been lost in his own thoughts and hadn't even noticed that Callen and Sam were still around.
"Me? Softball…yeah, sure…"
"You okay Tim?"
"Better that okay Sam, much better!"