I walked around my room, setting things back out on my dresser and nightstand. I was so happy that I didn't have to move.
The house really did mean a lot me, it was where I grew up after all. All of the memories I'd had in this house with Darcy and my parents and my friends growing up…I was so glad that I wouldn't have to let go of any of that.
It's hard to let go of things, but I guess we all to let go of the unimportant things.
No matter how difficult it may be…
I was so proud of Eli. I can't imagine what it must be like for him, feeling like he's going to hurt someone simply by throwing away an old magazine.
He was so strong.
My phone beeped on my bed and I picked it up, seeing that I had a new text message from my friend Luke, from Bible Study.
Hey Clare, are you coming to the meeting today? We're all going to have coffee at the Dot and continue our discussion on the Gospel.
I smiled and opened my phone to reply.
No, I'm sorry. I'd…like to have some alone time with God today.
I really did need to talk to God about everything that was going on in my life, but it wasn't something I could do with my Bible group.
I sighed and collapsed onto my bed, tired of rearranging things.
I closed my eyes and began to pray silently to myself.
Dear God,
Most of my prayers lately have been prayers of thanks about being able to keep the house and about Eli getting better. But today I want to talk to you about something a little more…serious. I want to talk to you about Eli. I know he doesn't believe in you, and I hope that maybe one day that may change. But I still think you love him. After all you must, he's your child, and you created him. And you put him in my life. Lord, I'd like to thank you for that. Eli has changed my life, he's made me feel…special. Like he sees so much more to me than an innocent boring girl sitting on the sidelines. I know you've always thought I was special, but now that a person-a boy- does…it just feels great. I know he values me and cares for me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I think he might even love me…and…I love him God. I am in love with Elijah Goldsworthy. And…I don't know about any time soon…but I think I'm going to give myself to him. I know in the Bible it says that sex before marriage is a sin…but that was back when marriage meant true love. My parents are divorced; there marriage didn't mean true love. I think what Eli and I have is more special than what they had. So why shouldn't we make love? I know your rules Lord, and…I try to obey you but…I feel like we might be the exception to this rule, as crazy as it seems. It's just…if we love each other, I don't understand how making love can be wrong. I've thought about this a lot Lord, and I really hope I'm right. But no matter what happens, I know you'll always love me. So thank you for listening Lord, and thank you for Eli.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I ended the prayer with a smile on my mouth.
"Thank you God." I whispered.
So I'd finally admitted it, and God is my witness. I love Elijah Goldsworhty. I wonder if he loves me…