A/N: Ah, the last chapter was fun to write, believe it or not. I suppose I just enjoy making Soren loose his words and become all bashful. Glad you all liked it! This chapter may or may not be the last one, I'm hesitant to make this too long for many reasons. I suppose if you ask enough I might add a sixth chapter. I know I said it might go up to eight chapters, but that would make this a short-story. Its already longer then I wanted it to be (I planned on three chapters people!) and I want to move on and write something else.
A/N2: I'm so happy! Got the new PJO book signed! Anyway, I'm using that as an excuse for me being lazy and not updating this sooner. Yep, I've got an excuse for everything! Also, I got it before this chapter was put up, so I've easily finished it by the time you all are reading this (just FYI XD).
youdon'tknow: Ah-ha, sort of nice to know I'm not the first person who has told you to get a profile. That's a good thing, right? Anyway, don't worry about me forgetting anything about the plot (wink) I've got a pretty good idea about what's going to happen. Also, about you hearing that line from somewhere else... I didn't take it from anywhere, so its just coincidence... Although I can see why people would use that line XD
"Are you sure he's alright? I haven't seen him around since- well, you know." Rhys sighed despite himself. Mia was caring, certainly, but she was wearing him down. Rhys turned towards the trueblade and met her in the eyes.
"He's fine Mia, he just doesn't want to have anyone talk to him. I mean, I went in to see him the other day and he lost it. I've never seen him so mad... I think he threw something at me, but, honestly, I ran before I could see what was wrong." Mia didn't answer the priest as they left the weapon storage, Rhys holding a new mend staff in hand.
"I suppose you must have hit some kind of nerve- did he seem upset after you told him?" Mia remembered the pained look in Soren's eyes, like someone had just killed someone he loved right in front of him. The cup, shattering, just like the brief thought in Mia's mind that she might just be considered a friend by Soren. Mia took an unsteady gulp as Rhys locked the storage room.
"Y-Yeah... He was very upset... Hey, I've got to go... Do... Something..." Mia trailed off and glanced at Rhys, barely able to meet his gaze. Rhys gave her a soft look and nodded- Mia turned around and ran down the hall, anywhere, away from the white-robed priest.
Rhys was only able to watch as Mia sped down the hall, jumped down the stairs three steps at a time, and ran outside away from the fort. He sighed, his own guilt rushing up over him. What in the goddess' name did he do?
Soren had locked the room door, kept the window shut tightly (he refused to look outside, even if some part of him ached to know what M- someone was doing), and let nobody inside. After Rhys had come in Soren had, officially, lost it. Although, perhaps throwing a tome at the priest's head was a little much. No, Soren thought venomously, it wasn't a little much. The foolish man deserved it, he deserved it all!
For destroying what Soren had built around him, for telling Mia (and maybe the other mercenaries, though Soren had to shut his mind down when he thought of what they would do to him). For telling the only person who cared for Soren when he tried to push her away. No, Ike... Ike was always there, nobody could compare to him! Soren clutched the quill in his hand tightly, his fingers white with tension.
"AHHH!" Soren screamed, banging his free hand down onto the table in a fist. He found his face pressing onto the desk, as if he could melt into the wood and make it all go away. "Why did you curse me like this? What have I done to you!" Soren screamed, despite his mind telling him to shut up before someone came to see what was going on. He thought about the goddess, Ashera, and how coldly she had ignored the news about the Branded. Well of course she would- she was supposed to be so freaking perfect!
And there was no way someone perfect would care about something like Soren. Soren was a stain onto the world, a black splotch on the middle of an otherwise perfect painting. Ike's face swam into Soren's mind, reminding him that, maybe, some people weren't all evil. Then Ike's face started to morph into Mia's, but the look was... Different. Mia looked mad, crazed even. Like she wanted to destroy Soren for what he was.
"AHHH!" Soren slammed his fist on the table again, the ink bottle spinning dangerously. The frugal part of his mind made his right hand, the one with the quill, shoot out and grab it. He closed the lid and fastened it shut. He put the quill down and gave his death glare to the inventory list. Luckily no ink had gotten on it, nor was it blurred, but nothing was filled out.
He trusted no one, now at least, to take inventory for him. But in order to do it himself he would run the risk of seeing someone, seeing Mia or Rhys, of loosing control, of his secret getting out. Damn them, damn the goddess! Why couldn't he have a normal life? One where he wouldn't be constantly lying through his teeth, one where he wasn't shunned or treated like some bug in someone's soup. One where he could have a friend? No, he had a friend. Soren didn't need anyone but Ike- right?
Knock, knock. The sound made Soren freeze, his entire mind just shutting down. Two more knocks, then a voice.
"Soren? I heard you from next door. Are you alright?" Ike. Thank the goddess (no, not her) that it was Ike. Someone Soren could talk to without fearing about what they would do if they knew. Would Mist (sweet, innocent Mist) be like her brother and not care? Or would her husband, Boyd (a worthy fighter, but hopeless in anything else), have had poisoned her with lies (were they really lies?) and caused her to hate him too? And Titania, usually even-handed and fair, would she be so kind to someone people considered a sin?
"Soren? You have five seconds before I break your door down, answer me!" Ike's voice was panicked, so Soren was quick to reply.
"Y-Yes Ike?" Soren raised his head, starring at the closed window in front of him. His candle was flickering and the several others he had scattered around the room didn't help with the darkness- but he didn't need light.
"I heard you scream, can I come in?" Ike was probably leaning against the door frame, his face etched in worry, like it usually was when Soren locked himself in his room. Soren looked at his fingers which were covered in ink, though in the dimness it looked like blood. His black robes were filthy, and his own appearance could hardly be better. He hadn't left his room in a while, after all. He didn't need others, that's what he told himself. He didn't need to know what everyone else thought about him, nor did he care. It wasn't like his opinion meant anything.
Soren didn't reply, standing up silently and unlocking his door. He opened it wide enough so Ike could see his face, enough so Ike would calm down. While some would think Ike was only joking about breaking Soren's door down, you could never be too sure- it had happened before.
"What did you want?" Soren knew his voice was cold, pure venom compared to most days. He felt like he deserved it, his life was about to be destroyed once Mia knew what he was. And then he'd have to run again, unable to find another place like the Greil Mercenaries. Unable to find another person like Ike. Said man's face was etched in worry, and he was leaning on the door frame. He looked better then before, like he wasn't sick anymore. Well, some good news.
"Is something wrong? Rhys said he went to check on you but you threw a book at him." Ike was worried, his voice had that soft edge to it that Soren could pick out so easily now, after hearing it so often. Soren tried to glare at Ike, but he met his gaze easily and Soren just couldn't. He couldn't push this one person away, maybe the only person who could stand Soren's glares constantly.
"I'd like to know what's bothering my tactician." Soren felt a sharp jab of pain, though his eyes didn't betray him (right? He controlled his emotions, they never showed!) and they never showed pain (a totally, complete, and utter lie). Why was Ike calling him a tactician? Not 'friend', like usual. Soren looked at the floor and muttered,
"Nothing you should worry about. Commander." Silence for several seconds (Soren was confident that, no, it was not a lifetime. No matter how long it felt), then Ike shifted position so he had a free arm. His hand grabbed Soren by the chin and gently lifted Soren's head so they were looking at each other in the eyes.
"I'd like to know what's bothering you Soren. You've been my friend since forever- you know that will never change." Ike's voice was softer then Soren had ever heard it before. He never knew Ike could whisper, he usually only had a deep mutter that you could hear from a room away. Soren blinked as Ike continued. "I can't stand by and pretend nothing is wrong to someone so close to me. You know that." Soren gulped and nodded; Ike's hand disappeared from under Soren's chin and Soren found himself looking back at the ground.
"They know Ike... They know!" He heard the panic in his voice, the sound close to pure terror. "I can't stand being chased away again, not now, not after everything! I-Ike... I'm scared." And suddenly, Soren was back to being a young child, starving and all alone, in the middle of a forest in Gallia. Then, out of nowhere, a blue-haired youth comes and sees him.
Ike suddenly grabbed Soren and pulled him close into a hug, holding his (much smaller and now slightly squished) friend close to him. The thought of running, pulling himself away from Ike, flashed in Soren's mind. Then the warmth of having someone so close to him was strangely comforting. It made him (almost) wish for a real family of his own, someone who he was really related too.
"Nothing will happen to you, I promise Soren... I will never let anyone hurt you, and if they think they can chase you off, well, then they'll need to find a new commander." And then Soren heard Ike speak and he realized that, so maybe he wasn't blood related to Ike, that he had something better then a family already.
Admittedly, Mia wasn't quite sure what she was trying to get across with a box of candy (nothing fancy, just some simple chocolate- surely he would like something in the box) and going to see Soren, but it couldn't be a good thing that Ike himself had said she needed to go see Soren to talk to him.
Still, that was what the trueblade (though she hadn't worn that outfit since The Incident) was doing. Though she was wondering if the candy was a little much. Well, it wasn't like she was bringing him flowers and a card. Knock, knock. Two knocks on the door then she waited. Nothing, not a single sound from the door.
"S-Soren... I wanted to come in to talk to you... I know you're really mad at me but I don't know why. Or, well, I guess it has to do with what I said before I left. But I don't know why you're so mad... Can we just talk?" Mia didn't really expect an answer, so she was pleasantly surprised when Soren's voice came from inside the room.
"If you've come to say sorry then there's no need. I know you hate me for what I am, so if you've come to try to 'talk to me' about what I am, then you can leave now." Ok, maybe his reply was a little more scathing then she'd hoped for. But it was something, right?
"I don't hate you, honest! If anything, you should hate me. I nearly killed you Soren, no real friend should ever do that to another friend. Why would I hate you Soren? You've done nothing wrong!" From inside the room Mia could hear Soren's loud snort, then she heard him get up from his chair and come near the door. She backed away, expecting it to open. But it didn't.
"I-I've done nothing wrong?" Soren's voice had a tone of disbelief. "So then... You don't know what I really am? You weren't asking me just to..." The voice trailed off into silence. Mia was, now at least, fully and completely puzzled. She felt that nagging feel more then ever. I should know this! She thought. I should know what he is... Think, strange marks, a fear that someone will know... What could be so bad that someone would lock themselves in a room in fear of it being discovered?
There's only one thing worse then those filthy sub-humans, and that's someone who's half sub-human, half beorc. Her father had once said that, and then it all clicked. Mia felt her knees buckle, felt herself sliding to the floor.
"Mia? Did you leave or drop something? I heard a thunk on the floor..." Soren had opened the door and now saw her, sitting there numbly, the box loosely in her hand.
They bring bad luck everywhere! And, if that's not bad enough, they're against the goddess themselves! They shouldn't even exist! Soren... He was a Branded?
Soren knelt down next to Mia, putting the box aside after he raised an eyebrow out of puzzlement. Of course, Mia thought, it all fit...
"Soren... You're... You're a Branded?"
Ike had, to that day, never seen Soren so upset. Obviously getting Mia to speak to him hadn't worked- if anything it had backfired. Mia had been pulled aside with Ike and told that she couldn't tell anyone what she knew, but that was only part A of damage control.
"We have to go now Ike! Before... Before everyone knows! Its only a matter of time until she spills, and if we can get to another town by then...! We have to go!" Soren was running around Ike's room throwing various clothing articles into a bag, his eyes red with traces of tears (though it was hard to tell, Ike, who had seen Soren's eyes many times, could see the small differences). Soren seemed to be doing two things now- packing random items (not just clothing, but books and things to keep weapons together) into a bag (how he was fitting so much into one bag was beyond Ike) and sobbing into the nearest soft surface.
Which usually ended up being Ike as the hero was trying to minimize damage by calming Soren down. Needless to say, it was not working.
"Soren! Calm down- Mia's trustworthy and looked just as stunned as you. I doubt she's in any condition to do anything at this point. Besides, even if she does hate you- which, by the way, isn't likely- she'll listen to me. I ordered her to not say a word to anyone, she won't. Nothing bad is going to happen, ok? I promise!" Soren suddenly spun around and nearly hit Ike in the chest with his bag. He dropped it just in time and (more or less) tackled Ike as he sobbed into his shirt.
"Y-You don't understand!" Most of his words were muffled by Ike's shirt, but the blue-haired man was able to pat Soren on the back and tell him everything was going to be alright. "Its not just what everyone is going to think, its what she thinks about me! Its why this is worrying me so much! I can't understand anything anymore!" Soren titled his head up and looked at Ike. His face was streaked with more tears then before, and a few fresh ones made their way down his face.
Ike brushed them aside without a second thought, going to one knee so it would be easier to talk to Soren.
"Ike... I don't know what's wrong with me!" Soren moaned, fresh tears coming. Ike would have brushed them off too, but Soren continued to talk. "One moment all I can think about is her; what's she's doing, if I should challenge her to a duel, if I should just talk to her. Then this whole thing starts up and all I can do is worry if she's going to loath me, if she's going to pretend like I don't exist! I don't even know which is worse- being ignored when, for once, I want to see her, or being hated... Ike, I'm confused! Puzzled! Perplexed!" Ike couldn't help but give Soren a small, slightly sad, smile.
"Soren, not everything in life is going to be easy for you to solve." Ike stood up again and put his hands on Soren's shoulders. "Maybe you consider her a friend, maybe the reason you're so scared is because... Well, maybe you want to be more then friends." At this point Ike was shooting in the dark, but you could never be sure with Soren. It did sound like, despite everything Soren was feeling, he did have some feelings for Mia.
Soren was, obviously, still in doubt about any feelings whatsoever. He gave Ike a look like Ike had just grown horns (though Ike doubted Soren would care) and stammered,
"I-I don't know what you're talking about! I-I don't feel anything for Mia because she probably loathes me! She's probably going to finish what she started!" Considering that before he hadn't cared and had put some of the blame on himself for his wound, Ike had a feeling that Soren really was in denial about something. What? Ike didn't know, but he did know that Soren was not going to be leaving anytime soon.
"Soren." Ike's voice adopted a sterner sense of tone, like he was more serious then he had been before.
"You aren't going to keep running from all your problems, it won't solve anything. Please, two more days for me to show you that you'll gain nothing from leaving and loose everything if you do." Soren had a disbelieving look on his face, his eyes empty of emotion but with a gleam of- was it hope?
"... Two more days, for you Ike. But I still don't trust anyone but you Ike. And I still don't think Mia will stay quite. I trust you Ike, and you're my only friend, so I'll stay... That's all I can promise." Soren turned to leave, but Ike said,
"Soren?" And the archsage stopped and turned back around. "I think these are for you." Ike threw a small box at Soren, who was able to catch it. Soren narrowed his eyes- it was the same box Mia had when she came to see him, why would he want it? "I won't eat them, and the note inside... You deserve to read it."
"What's wrong? You've been quite all day!" Mist commented during dinner. Mia could feel Soren's icy ignorance from across the room, and it hurt her like a dagger to the chest. She had considered him a friend, but now he ignored her because of what she had found out? Was she upset? Yes, why didn't he just tell her? Was she nervous? A little, sure. But was she going to hate Soren for who his parents were? No! Why would she? It was beyond his control, and to Mia it didn't really matter. Soren was still Soren, and that meant he was still her friend.
No, what hurt now was being so painfully ignored and being unable to do anything about it.
"Mia? Is everything alright?" Titania asked, her face full of worry. Mist looked at her like she could, if she stared hard enough, find out what was going on. "You're never this quite, has something happened?" Mia put on a fake smile and shook her head.
"No, everything's alright! I just can't wait to start sparring with the boss again, I've been thinking about how I can defeat him!" Mist and Titania smiled back, Mist even laughed. Ike was much better, the two days of doing nearly nothing had healed him enough so that a hesitant Rhys agreed to let him train carefully and keeping check of how tired he got. Still, any training was better then no training- right?
"My brother's pretty good Mia, I dunno, its going to be close!" Mist said, grinning as she ate her breakfast. Titania nodded in agreement.
"You're both very good fighters, I wish you the best of luck!" Titania stood up and took one last bite of her toast. "I've gotta run, we need a few more supplies and Soren says we just 'have to get them now' before we find ourselves in 'a tight spot'." Titania grinned and nodded towards the two other girls. "Mia, Mist, have a good day!" And then the paladin was gone, dropping her plate off in the kitchen and leaving for the stables.
Mia sighed and continued to eat, though she wasn't feeling very hungry. Mist's voice was like white noise, filling in the background with the sounds of the mercenaries eating. She was talking about Boyd, clothes, what she was going to do, anything to fill in the empty void that was Mia's lack of voice. But Mia didn't feel like talking, she didn't feel like eating. She was even having doubts about her upcoming spar!
Why would she not want to fight Ike? Fighting him would help give her an edge in the upcoming mission she was assigned too, and even a little push in the right direction could help! She hadn't fought bandits in ages, it would be a nice feel to help out a village.
"I've got to go Mia, there's a few chores I have to do before I can relax and I have to have them done before Soren finds out I've been pushing them back. Bye!" Mia hardly remembered to tell Mist goodbye as the trueblade fell into thought. Soren, yes, that was why Mia was feeling so down. The archsage had ignored her, and when he did look at her, looked angry and close to attacking her. Mia sighed, moving her eggs from one side of the plate to the other. Suddenly a voice said,
"Are they not good? I thought you of all people would like them." Mia's eyes darted up and she sighed, shrugging.
"They're great, really... I guess I'm just not hungry." At that moment Mia's stomach rumbled and Mia felt a blush creep onto her face, her eyes still on the green-haired cook, Oscar. The man smiled and replied,
"Are you sure? You sound pretty hungry. If you want I can make you something else. I'm afraid we don't have many supplies though, I think Titania is going out to get some today." Mia shook her head and shrugged again, looking down at her food and taking a bite of the eggs. She swallowed before continuing.
"I don't want to eat I guess. I should, probably." She took another bite of the eggs and watched as Oscar sat down, his smile still on his face. Mia sometimes wondered if it was all a show (the man always was happy, or so it seemed) like Mia's happiness. A mask, to hide what she was really feeling. But with Oscar it all looked so real... If it was a mask it was the best Mia had ever seen.
"You probably should..." The silence stretched between them until Oscar continued. "Can I ask what's on your mind?" Mia shook her head.
"Go ahead, I guess." She took another forced bite. It was amazing cooking, as usual, but her heart must not have been in it because Oscar shook his head.
"Don't force yourself to eat because I'm here... Besides, you look like Boyd the day he asked Mist to marry him! Ha, I'd never seen him so nervous! He looked worse then the time... Well, he probably wouldn't want me telling you. My point is, why are you so nervous? Any weddings I should know about?" Oscar was joking, obviously, and it made Mia feel a little better. The paladin was always able to make people feel better.
"Nah, I'm not going to get married... I'm just really confused." Mia wished she could ask him for advice about what to do if you had a friend who was Branded, but Ike had told her not to tell anyone about Soren, and Soren... Well, Mia didn't want to hurt him anymore then she assumed she had.
She put her fork down and Oscar nodded slowly. The man started to stand, but suddenly Mia asked,
"What do you do if you want to be friends with someone who doesn't like you?" Oscar paused, in-between standing and sitting. He sat down and thought for several seconds, before answering the question.
"I won't ask who it is because I can tell you don't want me to know... But the only way to do that is to show that person you care for them. That you want to be friends with them, and that they should like you. There's no real way to force someone to be your friend though... And Mia?"
"Yeah Oscar?" The green-haired man paused before continuing, wondering if it was really his place to add his own thoughts.
"Whoever this person is should realize who you are, that you're a nice person who always takes care of her friends. And, however this ends between you and this other person, I hope you understand the rest of us think you're a friend. A great one." Oscar left Mia then, standing up and taking her plate to clean it.
Oscar left Mia thinking about his words, thinking so deeply that, in fact, the blue-haired woman did not notice red-eyes glancing at her, right before their owner left the room. Of course this means that Mia did not hear the small sigh that said owner of those deep red-eyes let out.
Soren gently pushed several old inventory sheets aside, as well as and old teabag and an empty inkwell whose latch had broken. He reached down and pulled out a slightly dented and wet (thanks to the teabag) box.
Pulling it out, Soren saw the water hadn't gotten in deep enough to ruin the chocolate or the small piece of paper that lay atop said chocolate. Soren lay the top aside and hesitated, but finally took the note out and read it.
"Dear Soren. If you are reading this I guess you didn't just throw this box into the trashcan, so thanks. I wasn't sure what to get you, but I decided chocolate was a good idea. You do like chocolate, right?" Soren smirked slightly to himself. Candy was a waste of money and therefor something he didn't eat, but he did enjoy the sweet taste as they melted in his mouth. Soren grabbed one (all that went into his trash was paper and teabags, so he assumed it would be safe to eat) and threw it into his mouth as he continued to read.
"Anyway, what I wanted to write this for is for an official, 'I'm sorry cut you open and I was wondering if we could still be friends' kind of thing. I understand you don't really think of any of us as friends (except Ike) and I know I've told you already that I consider you a friend. I just wanted to make sure you understood I wasn't just saying that." Soren's face was blank only out of habit, the mask hiding the slight shock her felt inside. Mia had gone to all the trouble of getting candy for him, just so he would understand they were friends?
Were they friends? Soren wasn't sure what the word meant now. Only Ike had ever gone the distance for him, so Soren had always assumed Ike was a whole different kind of person. Only now had anyone else even come close to meeting the standard Ike had set, and Mia was still miles lower then Ike in Soren's mind. But she was miles higher then anyone else... Was that friendship?
"I would never lie and tell someone I was their friend without really meaning that. I doubt this will mean much to you, and all I can hope is that you can understand and won't push me away. Because friends don't try to push other friends away. Yes Soren, I hope you can see me as a friend. I hope you understand, Mia." Soren placed the note silently on his table, the chocolate forgotten.
Was Mia a friend? What was a friend to him? Could he consider anyone besides Ike a friend? Try to calm himself down and stop his raging mind Soren sat down in his chair and took out his dictionary, flipping towards the right word. Fiend, field, Friday, fried, friend! Soren almost didn't want to read the definition.
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
Soren's eyes drifted down the list in an almost lazy speed. Ike would fit all three of the definitions, Mia only two. He knew Mia, and they had fought on the same side in two wars. But did Soren trust Mia? No, he hardly liked the trueblade! Part of him whispered that he did like Mia, but then he slammed the dictionary shut and that small voice fell silent.
Soren sighed and grabbed another chocolate, chewing it while he thought. Then, quite suddenly, he stood and threw open his window and then blew out the candles.
"Enough of this darkness!" Soren muttered to himself. "After all, it was a waste of candles." But, seeing Ike and Mia sparring in the training area, Soren wasn't sure that was the only reason. That, and the fact he decided to change into his archsage robes and go down to watch.
After all, his mind said, he needed some fresh air and he should make sure Ike didn't exert himself. At least, that's all he admitted his mind said. Some parts were excited to see Mia, even if it was just to watch.
"HYA!" A quick slash was barely blocked by a quick slide back and bringing Ragnell up. Ike was slightly surprised to see Mia in such good shape (if anything she was even better then before) after the few days he was gone. Did Soren training with her really help so much? Ike grit his teeth as he parried Mia's attack, both of them sliding back a few feet, both panting heavily.
"You're a lot better Mia! You must have been training like crazy while I was sick." Ike said as he regained his breath. Mia grinned at him, quickly brushing some sweat off her brow.
"Yeah! I trained a lot... Soren helped too." Ike noticed she seemed to flinch when she said Soren. "But enough talk! Get ready Ike!" Mia charged, easily covering the short distance. Their swords hit each other, the ringing in Ike's ears causing him to not notice Soren at first. But it was hard to not notice the archsage when he was in his white robes, as they contrasted so much with Soren's dark hair and piercing glares.
"Ha! You're really good, but we should finish this up!" Ike spun around, forcing Mia back. Using Ragnell's longer reach to slash at Mia's middle. She was cut open, but it wasn't deep, though she gasped in both surprise and pain. Ike held Ragnell in a ready position. "Is that it for now? Should Soren heal you?" Mia blinked and nodded, wiping more sweat off her face.
"Y-Yeah... I should get something to drink." They both shook hands, their way of ending a duel. After, Ike went to talk to Soren while Mia gulped down some water from her canteen.
"Hey Soren, nice to see you decided to leave your room. You could use some sun." Soren scowled, but he was so used to the 'you need to get out more and be more social' speech that he didn't complain. "Did you read the note? I was wondering what it said, but I promise I didn't read it." Soren gave Ike a half-smile and nodded.
"It reminded me of something... Speaking of which, may I go speak to Mia?" Ike raised an eyebrow and Soren sighed. "An interesting insight that changed my view... Ah, I'll be right back." Ike couldn't help but notice he didn't tell Ike just what his insight what.