Warnings/Spoilers: Modern AU.
Disclaimer: No, don't own Lancer.

~#~#~#~

Juan?"

Johnny halted in his idle tapping of the Everlast bag at the unlikely sound of his stepfather's call. Gabriel here and now? Their timing couldn't be that bad, could it?

"Juanito?"

"Papa?" Johnny walked through the door and sure enough, there was Gabriel striding towards him.

Did you lie to me?

The force of that thought shook him to the point he grabbed on to the doorjamb to maintain his balance.

Not only was the timing very bad, but that anger Johnny had ignored was rising up with volcanic force and there was no stuffing it down this time.

Gabriel slowed until he stood some three feet away and the absence of their usual hug made Johnny feel the betrayal all the worse.

"I'm sorry, hijo." Gabriel held his arms out from his sides. "If nothing else, at least know that."

Dios, all this time, all those things he believed.

And just like that the anger was gone leaving the rawness of too much too soon. He sank down on the edge of bench. Gabriel joined him there bringing with him the familiar scent of his cologne and memories.

"Your mama, she loved you. More than anyone or anything." Gabriel sighed. "I loved her, and you became my son no matter the lack of a blood tie."

"Then just tell me the truth."

"I will when I know it all myself, but there are questions that I need to ask Murdoch Lancer first. Can you wait?"

Could he?

"Only if you tell me all of it. No more of this…" Johnny shook his head. "Just no more."

"It is a promise."

"Come on inside, I'll introduce you." Johnny was grateful Murdoch and Teresa were waiting. Teresa was pleasant and smiled. Murdoch reserved, but offered Gabriel a room. He caught the eye roll Teresa gave Murdoch as she led Gabriel to where he would be staying and the genuine humor that lit Murdoch's eyes for that brief moment.

"I didn't know he was coming now."

"No, I can see that."

"Mama lied."

Murdoch looked as harrowed out as he felt and Johnny had to wonder at it.

"I'm sorry, Johnny."

"What? I don't think you've got anything to be sorry about."

"We all have some thing we're sorry about." Murdoch exhaled. "It will be good to have some answers, but I didn't want them to come at your expense."

The front door opened before Johnny could even think of what to say to that. Scott ushered Harlan in. Both men had a certain grimness that closed off any greetings. Harlan nodded in their direction and headed upstairs. Scott eyes followed him up.

"Scott, is everything all right?"

At Murdoch's question, Scott joined then in the great room. "It could have gone better."

It could have gone better. The Lancer mantra.

Scott gave them a quizzical look. "I could ask the same of you both."

The sound of footfalls and Gabriel coming back through the doorway halted any answer and Johnny figured Scott wouldn't need one in a moment anyway.

"Scott, this is Gabriel Madrid, my - " Johnny stumbled over his usual use of 'Papa' and glanced at Murdoch who's face remained impassive.

"I'm Johnny's stepfather." Gabriel held out his hand. "Scott, it is a pleasure to meet you."

Scott didn't bat an eye, taking the offered hand. "Welcome to Lancer, Mr. Madrid."

"Gabriel, please, and thank you."

Scott inclined his head in agreement. An awkward silence fell, but didn't stay when Teresa breezed through the room. "Gabriel has had only plane food this morning. I'll take him to the kitchen and show him around." With a tug on his arm, Teresa led him out of the room.

For a moment, the three of them just looked at each other.

Scott broke the silence. "So that's a surprise."

As understatements went, Johnny thought it was one of the better ones. "Yep." He wanted to ask what had happened with Harlan, but that would wait until he and Scott were alone.

"Boys, I need to get a couple of work things done that can't wait. I'll see you later."

They watched him head to his desk, closed off in a way they hadn't seen since that first meeting.

Scott sighed. "What he must be thinking."

And that was part of the problem – neither of them had any idea what Murdoch was thinking.

~#~#~#~

Julie piled up her hair in an artsy array of tangled, wild curls. Then paid close attention to her eyes, outlining them in a sultry olive tone. There was one quick knock at the door before it opened.

Harlan Garrett strode in, a commanding presence in the small room. "He's waiting for you."

"You want me to perform the charade well, don't you? In order to do that, I need to look my best. That's what's going to make it all work, isn't it?"

Harlan huffed out an indignant breath. "If I didn't know how spineless you were I'd say that sounded like defiance."

Julie turned to face him. "What makes you so sure I can bring him back?"

He grabbed her elbow, digging into her arm with his polished nails. "Because I know what you have at stake, my dear."

~#~#~#~

Horseback riding with Julie was an excellent reason to leave the hacienda. Scott hadn't thought the tension could get any worse, but Gabriel Madrid arrived and took it to unforeseen heights.

He stopped in front of the mirror in the great room to smooth his hair into place and straighten his collar. Johnny strolled into the room and past, then backed up to lean against the wall, watching Scott, who in turn raised a questioning brow.

"Where's Gabriel?"

"Settling in."

Scott stopped what he was doing and gave Johnny his undivided attention. "You okay?"

Johnny gave a minute shake and shrugged. "I'll get back to you on that."

Scott let it drop. "How do I look?"

Johnny smiled. "Elegant."

"I must agree."

"Breathtaking. You. Are. Pretty."

Scott stopped fussing and smiled. "You think so, huh?"

"Yeah." Johnny fluttered his eyelashes.

Scott pointed at him. "Any more cute remarks from my little brother, I'll have to teach you some manners."

Johnny backed up, holding up his hands. "You don't want to get all wrinkled, do you?"

"No." Scott's attention drifted away from Johnny as his grandfather walked in with Julie, who was all welcoming smiles.

Johnny's eyes landed on her, too. "Morning, Julie."

"Here she is. Splendid day for riding."

"Indeed it is, Sir." Scott reached out to take Julie's hand.

Johnny stood right behind Harlan. "Indeed."

Winking at Johnny, Scott turned to Julie. "Indeed. I've a lot of things to show you."

Behind him he heard his grandfather talking with Johnny. "You weren't going too were you?"

Johnny's retort was loud enough to reach them by the door.

"No way, I'm not dressed for the part!"

Scott grinned and turned the knob.

~#~#~#~

Scott kept Julie's hand in his as they made their way to the small cove beside the lake. "This is one my favorite spots at Lancer. At sunset, the rays glance off the water, making it look like diamonds are out there sparkling."

"Diamonds?"

He tilted his head towards the water. "It helps if you squint a little."

She jerked when Scott put his hand on her shoulder. "You're nervous?"

"Who me?" She affected a poor imitation of Scarlett O'Hara. "Why, Mr. Lancer, I do declare, you just bring it out in me."

"I like it."

She gave his chest a push. "You would. I always knew there was a superior male chauvinistic attitude lingering just below the sur…"

He lowered his head and nipped at the corner of her lips, tasting peppermint. He wanted to move slowly, and savor.

Lips parting under his, her head fell back and he explored the fine pulse points of her neck and collarbone. "You're still trembling."

"Are you sure it's not you?"

"Maybe…"

He brought his mouth back to hers and deepened the kiss. She sighed and murmured. He brought his hand up and placed it against her chest, feeling the quick thuds of a racing heart.

He drew her against him and nuzzled under her earlobe. "I don't want this to be quick, Julie." He slid his hands down, a fleeting brush against her breasts, to span her midsection, then up again to undo the buttons at her throat.

She moaned out his name when he deliberately lingered at the task. "Scott…"

Fighting to keep his hands from shaking, he spread the material, entranced by the skimpy black lace underneath. He slid his fingers under the bra straps and pulled downwards, finding tanned, warm skin underneath.

She tugged at the hem of his shirt and hoisted it upwards over his head in surprising urgency. Cool air skimmed over his shoulders, while her warm hands danced across his ribs, diving lower to pull at his belt.

Scott groaned; he hadn't known a need like this in so very long. He lifted her arm around his neck and lowered them both to the wild grasses.

~#~#~#~

She lay sprawled on top of him and as he pressed his lips to the side of her shoulder, she stirred. Lifting the hair out her eyes she smiled at him.

"You look entirely too pleased, Mr. Lancer."

"Hmm. Content, too." He slid his hand under her jeans, cupping her backside, and squeezed. "The ambiance here is definitely better than your father's cabana."

"You remember?"

"How could I forget? Fumbling around in the dark, with that swimsuit you were half-wearing."

"I'll have you know that bikini was a Luli Fama."

"Whatever. All I remember were those little bitty straps driving me crazy. And your father barging in on us, at the most inopportune moment. He never invited me back, as I recall."

"Can you blame him? You deflowered his little girl."

"I thought it was more like you deflowered me."

Julie sat up, putting her clothes to rights, then wrapped her arms around her knees. She looked towards the lake. "All this wilderness, it makes it easy to forget—what we once had."

Scott pulled on his shirt. "Hey, what's this all about?"

She shrugged.

"I thought we were finished when you refused my proposal. What was I supposed to think?"

"Scott, what do we have now?" Julie laid a hand on his arm, the warmth of it going straight to his core.

He looked away, one hand skimming through his hair. "I don't know."

"Do you ever think about coming back to Boston?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it."

"Then why don't you?"

He smiled, dipping his head. "I just got to Lancer. Finding Murdoch after all these years…and Johnny. I have a home here."

"What about your grandfather?"

He laughed. "My grandfather is quite capable of taking care of himself, you know that."

"Is that the only obligation you think there is in Boston?"

"If we'd have gotten married…"

"It would have been different, I know that…but Scott, I'm asking now. I want you to come back to Boston with me, make your grandfather happy."

"And who makes me happy?"

She beamed a smile—a direct hit. "I will, I promise. You've got to believe me."

"Julie, we can stay here. Marry me and we can live at Lancer."

"I can't."

His voice went soft as a hard ball formed in his belly. "Why?"

"My father is an old man. Scott, he's sick, and he needs me."

"Those obligations coming into play again?"

Julie looked away.

He ran a finger the length of her arm. "We could bring him out here."

"There is no use talking about it, Scott. You just don't understand." She raised her head to stare at him. "Or maybe you don't care."

"I do understand—because I have the same feeling about my father, and that's why I can't leave Lancer. We're just getting to know one another."

She stood and buttoned her shirt, tucking it in. "It seems to me he could have gotten to know you when you were growing up."

He grabbed her arm and swung her around. "Julie, what's that supposed to mean?"

"I remember when we used to talk about it back in Boston. You hated your father then, you said he didn't care anything about you. It does make you wonder doesn't it? All those years he never came to see you."

Scott bit back a retort realizing she was right—he'd wondered about those lost years ever since coming to Lancer.

~#~#~#~

Murdoch swallowed down a couple of painkillers and sank down into his desk chair. He was glad for the sake of his sons that Harlan, Julie, and Gabriel were staying at the house, but he was thinking a hotel was looking better by the minute. For him. Maybe he should at least have Teresa stay with friends.

Johnny walked in through the french door with Gabriel following. "Scott back yet, Murdoch?"

"No, not yet."

"Can't say I blame him out there spending the whole day with a woman like Julie." He sat his hip down on the desk. "In fact, I don't know how you ever got him to leave Boston."

The short answer: a ten thousand dollar bribe and a healthy dose of curiosity.

Johnny slid off the desk. "I'll make us that snack. I'm starved." And he was out of the room and headed for the kitchen. Murdoch watched him go.

"There's something I need to ask you." Gabriel settled into one of chairs by the desk like he planned to stay.

Murdoch held back a sigh that wouldn't help anything and nodded.

"I know it was hard for you to locate Johnny."

"The name change made it difficult. Took time."

"Yes, it did. What I don't understand and what held me back from contacting you was that you didn't have your older boy. You knew where he was, yes?"

"I did."

"When I first met Maria and Johnny, she was wearing bruises. The little one was all quiet and big eyed. She was scared and running. From a man, who I thought was you."

Murdoch felt sick. "No, that wasn't from me. I never laid a hand on Maria and certainly not Johnny."

"But see, at the time, I didn't know this. All I saw was a man who didn't have his first born with him. Why was that? Why did you wait so long?"

"I tried."

"Tried?"

"Gave it everything I had." Murdoch didn't know why he was telling Gabriel this – something he never wanted to tell Scott. "Catherine, my first wife was pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy. She almost miscarried early on. Things were stressful around here at the time." No need to go into the mess that was Haney. "I wanted her someplace quiet where she could rest. I even asked Harlan to stay with her." Murdoch swiped a hand over his face. "She went into labor while Harlan was attempting to get them back to Boston, which he shouldn't have even tried. He got her to a hospital, she had Scott, and I don't know how he did it, but Harlan had her sign papers naming Harlan legal guardian of our son. She was in a bad way then and died an hour after Scott was born.

"I didn't know where they were until the police showed up at my door letting me know that my wife had died. By then, Harlan had Scott in Boston. Harlan had a lot of money and plenty of lawyers. I was broke, grieving, and lost my chance."

"Merde."

"I tried again when Scott was five and had better lawyers and the means."

"And?"

"Confronted Harlan during Scott's fifth birthday party. Harlan trotted out a beautiful, happy boy and introduced me as a friend. Scott went back to the party while Harlan threatened that he would drag out a custody battle for years and make sure Scott was part of every minute of it."

"You hate this man."

"Catherine wouldn't have wanted that, but it wasn't about Garrett, it was about Scott."

"What about me?" Scott walked in through the open door.

Gabriel stood up, gesturing to the kitchen. "I will join Johnny for that snack."

Murdoch didn't pay him any attention. Scott wore a troubled, preoccupied look. "Have a pleasant ride?"

"Mostly." Scott pulled off his gloves and cap, setting them on the desk as he sat back on it. "Murdoch, I think you and I are overdue for a little talk."

"About?" Getting out of the chair, Murdoch walked around to stand in front of Scott.

"There's something…I've been wanting to ask you." Scott looked down at his feet, one foot making invisible patterns in the floor.

Murdoch couldn't ignore his sons discomfort even if he suspected where this was going. "Go on and ask it."

Scott sighed and folded his arms. "Well…it's the past, I guess. It doesn't die that easy."

"It will if you let it. No reason to dredge it up."

Scott's face closed down.

"What we've got is here and now. That has to be all that counts. You can understand that, don't you, son?"

Scott nodded. "Yes, I understand that – it means don't ask questions. Especially why you never wanted me."

"No! I wanted you with me. There just wasn't any way."

"But you're my father." The plaintive tone cut right through Murdoch.

"Nobody knows that better than I do, and I'm grateful." So very grateful.

"Grateful for what?" Scott stood, frustrated. "You let somebody else raise your son!"

Murdoch gripped Scott by the shoulders, so much he wanted to say – and couldn't. "Listen, Scott, all I ask is one thing—if you have decisions to make, don't make them out of anger."

Scott pulled away, picked up his gear, and walked away without looking back. Murdoch felt as if he had lost him already.

~#~#~#~

Dinner sucked.

Not the food, but the company left a lot to be desired.

That Murdoch and Scott had had some sort of disagreement was obvious. That Harlan knew and took advantage of it was just as obvious. Teresa wanted to flip a spoonful of potato right into his smug face.

That Gabriel Madrid might know something of what was happening wasn't so obvious, but the speculative looks he gave those around the table made her wonder just what he did know.

Julie was off in another plane of existence. Any time she was addressed it had to be repeated. When Scott voiced his concern, she said she was tired.

Yeah, right.

Johnny was shooting looks Murdoch's way, but at least he knew his father well enough not to go down that road at dinner. Seeing him push around his food, she would bet she would meet him in the kitchen later.

Murdoch just looked unhappy. Teresa hated it. And for a brief, very brief moment she longed for those days when it was just the two of them at the table.

~#~#~#~

Julie wadded up her clothes and shoved them into her bag. The feelings that Scott had stirred in her were dangerous. Ones she couldn't afford to have at this point.

She looked up as Harlan Garrett entered her room. Of course, he didn't knock.

"May I come in?"

In answer, she snagged a favorite shirt, rolled it into a tight ball and rammed it into the luggage case.

His voice was solicitous. "Regrets my dear? When I advised you of what your function would be you assured me that under the circumstances there would be no regrets."

She stood and faced him, looking up. God he was tall for an old man. "That was before I realized how ugly it would be."

"Ugly? It hasn't begun to get ugly. But yes, I suppose I should have thought of that reaction. Did your father ever tell you what I did for a living? That I am a master accountant? Accounting for every dollar—every reaction every emotion—then one day I came to realize that those sixty scrupulous years had brought me nothing but money, power and position. Sounds envious, eh? So I can imagine if I tell you those once cherished goals have come to mean nothing, you wouldn't understand. It turns out I'm just a lonely, hollow old man who could hunger for something more."

"We all want something, Harlan. But Scott? He has everything here—and he knows it. You'll never get him back. Never."

"That remains to be seen, my dear. It wouldn't be wise to underestimate me."

Julie snapped the buckles on her luggage closed and hoisted a bag in each hand, bumping into Harlan on her way out the door.

~#~#~#~

Not eating at dinner took its toll. Johnny was slicing cheese when Gabriel entered the kitchen, expression pensive. His stomach dipped in that way it does before going down the first big hill of a rollercoaster. He dropped the sandwich preparations and waited.

Gabriel took a deep breath and motioned to the table. Appetite gone once more, Johnny abandoned the food and took a chair across from Gabriel.

"When I met your mama, she was running from a man who abused her. I believed it was Murdoch." Gabriel ran his palms over the smooth table. "I never asked, nor did she tell me differently. I should have since I know now Murdoch is not such a man, but by then I fell for Maria and you, and the questions didn't matter any more."

"Did they ever?"

"Yes, but not right away. When Maria was diagnosed with cancer she started telling me some of it and then I began to question what I believed."

"Six years ago? How long have you known that Murdoch wanted me?" At Gabriel's look, Johnny's heart started pounding hard and closed his eyes. "Papa…"

Gabriel's cold hand gripped his. "Your mama was scared and so was I. It was after the surgery and they said they hadn't been able to get it all."

Johnny remembered. Remembered the uncomfortable waiting room that was too hot and the wait too long. Remembered Gabriel's stricken face when he came out to share the news.

"She didn't tell me everything right away, but as her health became worse she confessed – that is what she called it – more and more. She wanted to tell you, but was too frightened and selfish she said to risk losing you at that point. She wanted her last days with you to be a son who loved and trusted his mama."

"And after she died?"

"Ah, Juan, what cowards we can all be. I didn't want to tell you when our grief was so fresh and then it just became so much harder the longer I didn't say anything."

"She lied to me."

"I know."

"You've lied to me."

Gabriel inhaled. "Yes."

Johnny pulled his hand away and stood up. "How could –" He choked on the rest of it. "Dios, how can I believe anything at this point?"

"Johnny."

He swung around at Murdoch's voice. "Have you been hearing this?"

"Some of it." He entered the kitchen, and there was this look on his face that pulled Johnny out of his own messed up head. "Johnny, just listen and take time to think. Don't say things you'll regret later."

"How do I do that?" He looked from his biological father to his papa. "Every where I step in this there is a landmine. My name - Madrid or Lancer. We know it wasn't legally changed. Or how about my social security numbers? Where did that extra one come in?"

Gabriel grimaced. "Maria and I never married, nor was your name legally changed, but it became Madrid when you entered school. I never knew where she got the social security cards and in those early days I thought she was running from an abusive relationship so I never asked."

Johnny froze at a memory of large hands, a louder voice, Maria screaming. That was something he hadn't thought of in years. "Milo."

"Milo?" Murdoch looked startled. "Milo…Gertz?"

"This is the man Maria was running from?" Gideon rose from his chair.

"Johnny, what do you remember?"

He shook his head. "Just someone big, loud. He made Mama cry. And then it was just the two of us for a while. Can't remember much else."

"Milo Gertz was the man Maria was rumored to have last been seen with. There was no proof and you had disappeared. A few years later the private investigator that I hired tracked him to a Dallas, Texas hospital emergency room where he died of blood alcohol poisoning. There were warrants out for his arrest for assault and battery."

"Maria's fear was real. She wanted to remain hidden. I wanted to protect you both."

Johnny absorbed that, taking it in like a boxer that had been hit one too many times. He should be asking details, but in the scheme of things did they really matter?

"She told me you didn't want us. Told me my name was Johnny Madrid, because Gabriel was my father now." Johnny watched Murdoch's face tighten. "I'm sorry."

"No." Murdoch laid a hand on his shoulder. "The apologies are not yours to give and not needed. What you need to understand is that I am grateful."

"Grateful?" Now that shook loose some of the numbness. "How?"

"At least I know now you were taken care of. That Maria was taken care of. My biggest fear is that you were in a bad situation and knowing Milo's history there was every reason to believe you were. He had a reputation. But Maria got out and you were both safe. It's enough."

"Is it?"

"Has to be." Murdoch's eyes fixed on his. "This is what we have now and what we work from."

Johnny looked over at Gabriel, who nodded. "Your mama, she would've wanted this. She knew she had done wrong, but it was too late for her to fix it and I was too scared to. You'll always be my boy, Juanito. Too late to change that now and I don't want to, but you are Johnny Lancer."

Murdoch gave a half smile. "But you are also Johnny Madrid, photojournalist and much more. There are no choices that have to be made here if you want it all."

Did he?

"I think…I need some time."

After a glance to both men Johnny bolted from the kitchen.

~#~#~#~

"You are a very generous man, Lancer." Gabriel dropped back into the chair, his legs far past the point of supporting him.

Murdoch laughed without any humor. "Madrid, to be anything else would put Johnny in the middle."

"You have my sincerest apologies." Gabriel ran his hands over his face and through his hair. "I let my fear of losing Johnny, deny him a relationship with you."

"And that is the one thing I can understand."

TBC