A/n: At least once in your life, you feel like the gods are punishing you. And we always love to see pure silliness. It's human nature to want to poke things with a stick. Especially if we don't know if they're dead or not.
And no, I don't hate Tunnel Rat. He just naturally gets into sticky situations. But we all love him.
Disclaimer: I don't own G.I Joe, minesweeper, and I don't wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner. Not too sure who owns the song in 15, but whoever does must have been very annoying as a child.
11. I will not tempt the gods.
Everything had gone wrong. From the moment he had woken up in the morning, spilling his very hot coffee on his best shirt, putting spoiled milk on his cereal, to the afternoon, fixing the ROCC only to have it throw oil all over it, slamming the door on his own thumb. Nothing had gone right.
As Hi-Tech sat before his computer system, he wanted nothing more than to scream. Really loud. At the top of Mt Everest. But being in the Atlantic Ocean, nowhere near the world's tallest mountain, he sadly could not do that. Woe.
So, as you can probably see, the dear little techie was on the verge of a mental break down. Any moment now...
"GAHAYAYA!"
That, is what a stressed out, angered, techie sounds like.
He slammed his fist down hard on the keyboard, eyes ablaze with anger.
"I am a genius! There is no way that I can lose five times in a row at mine sweeper! I swear that when I die, I will kick the God of Minesweeper's-"
Once. Twice. Three times the lights flickered, silencing the nerd.
Chuckling nervously, Hi-Tech decided to try and to please the Gods. "I love you?" The lights went out completely.
12. I will not get drunk and ride purple ponies with Tunnel Rat up and down the hall, screaming "The Indians are coming! The Indians are coming!"
Tunnel Rat had somehow, in a miraculous way, had managed to convince Spirit to come out with him to a local pub. They sat down, drank some beer, scotch, and tequila, and along the way, someone must have slipped something in their drinks, cause when Long Range arrived, he found them giggling madly, and trying to stuff a twinkie into a vending machine.
"Dios," muttered Long Range under his breath, unable to believe his eyes. It took him half an hour to wrangle the two into the vehicle and by then, all three were covered in twinkie and glitter. Long Range still had no idea where the glitter had come from.
Long Range was pretty glad when he handed over the two drunk men to Duke.
3 am. 3-freaking!-am! Long Range swore to kill those two.
He rolled out of bed, and groggily threw open his bedroom door.
"The Indians are coming! The Indians are coming!"
Long Range slammed the door. They had been riding purple ponies... Through the hallways... He was going back to be.
13. I don't wish I was a Oscar Mayer Weiner.
"Oh! I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner! Cause then everybody would love me!" Snake Eyes pounced. Duke let out a cry as he was tackled by the ninja commando. Snake Eyes clamped a hand over Dukes mouth.
For two hours the blonde had done nothing but sing that song! And it was a well known fact; Snake Eyes hated hot dogs!
14. I will not genetically engineer the perfect rodent soldiers.
It was chaos. The world was terrorized by a new threat, and there was no Joe who could stop it.
A blonde newscaster stepped into view.
"This just in! The giant rat soldiers' creator has been found! It appears that they were invented by a young American soldier, in the hopes of creating the perfect soldier." On the screen, a young, certain blonde Joe appeared. "This soldier, Hi-Tech appears in court on Monday. Protesters have been ordering for the death of Hi-Tech, but only the future will tell. This is Jim, on your dialy news."
The screen went blank.
15. I will not sing the song.
"Ooh! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Ooh! I know a song that gets on everbody's nerves! And this is how it goes!"
His job was never over. Snake Eyes leapt from the shadows, and tackled Spirit, knocking the larger man down, and quickly duct taping his mouth shut. In about seven seconds.
Snake Eyes sighed silently. He was getting slow and old. But at least the singing had stopped. Finally.
16. I will not poke a dead thing with a stick, especially if the dead thing is not actually dead.
Kamakura tentatively looked at the skunk lying on the side of the road. He saw no sign of life left in it's small black-and-white body. He had an irresistible urge to poke it with a stick.
He did just that.
Kamakura moaned as once again, a can of tomato juice was poured over him. Snake Eyes shook his head as he emptied the juice onto his apprentice's head. He knew what it felt like to be mislead by a skunk. Especially the ones that gave no warning, and just sprayed when you woke them up.