Disclaimer: Sorry everyone, don't own Rurouni Kenshin. It's a good thing I don't... can't draw that good...
Scars of the Past
Chapter Eight
From last time:
"Sounds good," I said with a large smile, my eyes dancing with false excitement. "See you all later then." And with a burst of speed I was gone, the ninjas fading back into the undergrowth with Anohorea, once again leaving the clearing deserted.
I paused a few seconds later, wanting to think about the situation before I went back to Himura-San.
In my outlook of things, I had just agreed to help the Tozuma ninjas and Anohorea. I know that it is for a good cause; maybe I can gather information to leak to the occupants at Kamiya dojo. Or it might just be a waste of time...
The truth is, I want to help Yahiko, that's my job as a rurouni, but in a way I don't want to. I want to help Yahiko I mean; I don't want to be a rurouni. Wandering around is lonesome... I don't understand how Himura-San managed to do it for ten years.
I want to belong to a family again. My first one sucked but my second one, no matter how odd they seemed, cared about me, at least a little. Shishio-San taught me how to defend myself and was like a father figure. Yumi-san was easily my mother figure, a woman who had a harsh and sharp tongue but compassion.
Chou-San was like my older brother and Anji-San was an uncle. Kamatari-San... that's one's a bit harder, but I cared for him and he for me the whole time. Houji-San had never been one of my favorite people, always so strict, but he held order in my life. Henya-San was never close with me and Fuji and the rat-faced man didn't even talk to me. They were my family, one I was proud to be a part of.
But now Houji-San, Yumi-San, and Shishio-San are dead. All of the others are serving prison time or doing various works for the government. Here at the dojo I feel so...I don't know how to describe it. Lonesome?
Himura-San obviously cares very deeply for Kaoru-San and Yahiko is like their son in a way. Megumi-San, although I doubt she'd ever tell, seems to care for Sagara-San and him her. I can only tell by reading their ki when they're near each other... I'm sure Himura-San has already discovered that though...
Even though Misao doesn't live here, she is like the sister to everyone with her always happy and cheerful personality. And me? I'm just an outsider, one who wandered in and became a part of the current situation.
My short walk ended and the small wicker bamboo gate of my current residence came into view. "I'm back," I called to the empty yard, which seemed strangely quiet. Too quiet... Was it possible that some of the ninjas had attacked?
Rushing into the building I frantically began searching the rooms, looking for a member of the dojo, a sign of battle...anything... After all the bedrooms and the training hall had been searched I was beginning to panic. Where could they be?
Dashing into the kitchen, my eyes hurriedly scanned it. Pots and pans, eggplant, piece of paper, knife....piece of paper? I scooped it up and realized it was addressed to me.
Dear Soujiro,
Sessha does hope you didn't worry when you arrived back; we are all safe that we are. Kaoru-Dono thought it would be a good idea to go to the river and have a picnic. Please do join us, we already have lunch. And don't worry, Sessha cooked!
Kenshin Himura
I smiled and put the note back on the counter. I know Himura-San would like it if I came, but I don't think Sagara-San would. He doesn't seem to like me and I think it would be more enjoyable if I didn't go. For them, it would be just like old times.
Making my way outside, I stretched out beneath a large cherry blossom tree, my smile growing as I could truly relax. The wind shifted the branches gently, and a bumblebee droned in a quiet hum.
My eyes began to close as sleep overcame my senses, but suddenly a ki invaded the peacefulness of the setting. It was familiar ki, belonging to a certain ninja girl. From what I could read of it, it felt like she was attempting to sneak up on me... maybe catch me off guard. Like I would let that happen...
A different air pattern entered my ears, and easily I reached into the air, eyes still closed, and my hand grasped around the kunai she'd thrown. "Darn it! How'd you know?" she whined, plopping down onto the ground next to me.
"You aren't able to disguise your ki Misao," I said, enjoying the feel of the sun dancing on my face. "But it was a good try."
"How come you didn't come down to the river?" Cracking one eye open, I got a look at her. She was dressed in her ninja uniform but missing the huge bow and her braid was wrapped around her head several times. Water dripped off her body, her aquamarine eyes sparkling. "Come on Sou! Please come?"
"I don't know," I said. "The truth is..." I trailed off, wanting to keep my secret... well, secret.
"What is it Sou?" she asked, putting her face right up next to mine. "You can tell me."
"I'm not very fond of the water," I said quietly, staring at my clasped hands. "Shishio-Sama almost drowned me once during a training lesson and I never really got over it."
"So you're telling me," she laughed, "That the oh so feared Tenken is afraid of a little water?" I nodded and she burst into hysterics, rolling around on the ground clutching her stomach. "That's a good one Sou..." But seeing the slightly pained expression on my face her laughter dissolved. "You're not joking, are you?"
"No," I said softly. "Kind of embarrassing, I know. Promise you won't tell anyone Misao?"
"On one condition... You have to come down to the river and allow me to teach you how to enjoy swimming. Otherwise I tell Sano and everyone else." After a few seconds, I gave a hesitant nod and she beamed, pulling me up. "We might have a few troubles with your arm, but I'm sure swimming would be good therapy anyway."
Dragging me out of the dojo yard at a rapid pace we reached the river in five minutes flat. "Got him!!" she sang out, entering the little picnic ground that had been set up. Sitting beneath a tree was Kaoru-San and next to her was Megumi-San, both women chatting animatedly.
In the water was Yahiko, clothed only his green pants. I could now see the scars that I'd heard about... Tsubame-Chan was wearing a pair of pants and a dark blue shirt. Sagara-San was also in the water, his white jacket hanging over a tree branch. Yutaro was also in the water, and Himura- San was cooking fish over a little fire.
"Come on Sou," she laughed, towing me away from the main group. "If you don't want them to know it'd be best to not practice near them." We reached a sandy bank and she promptly leaped of the ledge and into the flowing water. "Come on Sou! Water's great!"
Tentatively, I pulled off my socks and sandals and set them under the tree. Slipping off the light blue gi, I'd lost the white western shirt I used to wear under it, I slipped off the ledge into the water, feeling pretty self conscious about all of the marks from my fight.
"Isn't this bad for all the bandages?" I asked, watching as the water pulled them off my body and down the current. Clutching onto a rock, I held on for dear life, already up to my chin, while Misao swam happily in circles.
"Okay, ready for your lesson? First of all, you have to let go of the rock Sou." Firmly, I shook my head and if anything held onto it tighter. Paddling over, she put her arms around my shoulders and tugged me off of the protruding boulder. "Now listen Sou, I'm not going to let you drown. You can trust me, can't you?"
"I trust you Misao," I said quietly. She didn't know how hard it was to earn that sort of respect from me... Only she, Himura-San, Shishio-San, and Yumi-San had ever gotten my trust.
"Good." One of her arms snaked around my waist and she smiled up at me, a blush rising in my cheeks. "Now, I want you to lie on your stomach, my arm will be here supporting you, kay? Then kick your feet..."
I did as she said, feeling slightly apprehensive about the entire thing. But surprising even myself, it wasn't really that hard. When I paddled my feet, I actually moved forward and I was surprised to hear myself laughing, Misao's sweet chiming giggles melting with my own.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?" she asked, removing her hands from underneath me and letting me move on my own. "You're doing it all by yourself Sou, you should be really proud of yourself!"
I continued to paddle around before floating on my back, keeping my arms outstretched for balance. "Thanks Misao," I said happily. "It's nice being able to do something I was never able to do before."
"And it was fun teaching you," she said. "Do you want to go get a bite to eat? I can smell Himura's fish all the way from here!" She licked her lips greedily, her mouth already watering slightly. "Besides, we need to go get some towels...We're both soaked!"
"All right," I said, climbing out of the water. I felt her eyes trained on me for a minute before she followed my lead.
"You know what? You stay here Sou, I'll go get us some towels and stuff. We don't need to be bugged my all the little kids..." With a skip and leap, she was off for the picnic site, leaving me alone by the river.
With a sigh, I leaned back against a tree, shivering as the wind brushed over my wet skin. "Here you are Sou!" the ninja laughed, a towel dropping onto my head and making everything go dark.
Wrapping it about my shoulders, I looked over to Misao to see she had done the same thing. "Fish?" she asked, holding out a piece of the wonderful smelling food Himura-San had made. I took it from her with a smile and in silence, not uncomfortable, just thoughtful, to finish our meal.
"OY! You two! We're leaving!" yelled Yahiko, coming around the bend in the river. His normally spiky hair was plastered to his head, giving him a rather round headed appearance. He was already fully clothed and carrying a piece of fish, still eating from the meal.
"Coming Yahiko," I said cheerfully, rising to my feet and offering my left arm to help Misao up. Taking it, she pulled herself to my level and proceeded to put my sling back on my injured right arm.
I grabbed my shirt from its place on the ground and hurriedly pulled on my sandals, having to lengthen my stride to keep up with Misao's rapid pace. "What's the rush Misao?" I asked, pulling the towel tighter about my shoulders as the wind picked up.
"It's going to rain," she said, glancing up at the cloudless blue sky. "Aoshi-Sama taught me how to tell the weather and I can tell that there's going to be a storm tonight...A really big one.."
"But it is a clear sky..." I said, ignoring the shiver that ran down my spine at the mention of a storm. "There's no way it's going to rain."
"You just watch Seta Soujiro," she said playfully, giving me a small push. "It'll be storming tonight, just wait and see."
We reached the dojo with no rain whatsoever. Megumi-San headed back towards the clinic and Sagara-San left as well. Everyone who was currently staying at the dojo went inside to change into dry clothes save me.
Standing on the porch I raised my head to look at the sky, the breeze blowing through my brown hair and making the towel fly about me. A sudden scream pierced my senses and I jumped and immideately glanced around me, eyes wide in slight panic.
"Sou? You okay?" asked the sweet voice I'd become so accustomed to hearing. A hand was gently placed on my bare shoulder as the towel flew across the yard. "What's wrong?" she asked, a tinge of fear in her voice.
"Nothing Misao," I said, shaking my head slightly to clear it. "You just surprised me, that's all...." Her worries seemed to grow in answer to my response. Me, startled? Never....
"Come inside Sou," she said, glancing nervously into the yard. "It's going to start raining any minute..." And true to her word, large gray storm clouds were filling the sky and the wind was beginning to pick up.
I allowed her to lead me inside, still glancing over my shoulder at the ominous clouds that gathered in the once blue sky. Entering my room, I changed into the white hakama pants but refused to dress in the fuchsia gi again. So grabbing a light blue blanket that Kaoru-San kept in a chest, I wrapped it about my shoulders and made my way onto the front porch.
Rain was already drumming steadily off the roof and falling to the ground turning the dirt into sticky mud. Lightning crackled across the dark sky, the vibrant yellow streaks lighting up the surrounding area. A large roll of thunder added to the increasing din and I sat down on the wooden boards, knees pulled up to my chest.
I hated storms....Ever since that one night, long ago...When I had been younger, storms were my favorite event nature could give. Rushing out of wherever I was, I'd dance in the rain, laughing with the thunder. Not now....
Another scream stabbed through the night and I drew the blanket tighter about me, no longer able to ignore the anguished cries that rang through the air. But in reality, no one was yelling; it was all in my head.
My smile had slipped off my face, the mask disappearing as the storm brought to eye every moment of that night I'd tried to forget. I never used to have problems like this...not until Himura-San defeated me in Kyoto.
But in a way, these horrible nights act as penance for all of the lives I had taken...all of the blood I'd spilt, the crimes I'd committed....Nothing will ever replace a life, but hopefully this was some sort of payment for the deeds I'd done.
Inside the dojo, it was safe and warm with sleeping occupants. Out here it was cold and lonely, the way I should be feeling. I didn't deserve Himura-San and Misao's kindness...I deserved to die, but the fact that I still needed to repent forced me to continue living.
"What are you doing out here Soujiro?" asked Misao, sitting herself down next to me. She turned to look at me, and a small gasp escaped her mouth at my forlorn expression. Mouth turned down in a small frown, eyes dropping and the protective pose I'd taken had definitely given her reason to exclaim.
Wincing slightly as another scream tore through the night, her eyes grew more concerned and she tentatively put her hand on my knee, wanting to comfort me but not knowing how. "What's wrong Sou?" she asked softly, worry lacing her voice.
In answer, I lowered my gaze to her hand on my knee, ashamed and somewhat frightened to look at her. If she ever found out what I'd done, her rejection would be enough to drive me over the edge.
"Look at me," she pleaded, lifting my chin up so I was forced to look into her cyan colored eyes. "Tell me what's wrong," she begged, tears streaming down her pale cheeks. "I want to help Sou...I want to help..."
Now I felt guilty; making her cry because of me. "Nothing's wrong Misao," I said, surprised to hear my voice had lost its cheerful tone. "I'm fine..."
"No, you're hurting inside Soujiro, I can feel it," she said, brushing away the tears on her face. "And I just want to help you...If you'll let me that is. I don't want you to be in pain Sou...I want you to be happy, truly happy."
"I...can't...I don't want to talk about it," I whispered, averting my eyes once again. "I just...can't...You'll hate me...."
My last comment seemed to take the ninja girl by surprise as her mouth formed into an 'o' and her eyes went wide. "Why would you say something like that Soujiro?" she asked, a flash of lightning illuminating her face. "There's nothing you could ever have done that would make me hate you..."
"Yes there is," I said, my voice cracking at the edges. Something warm trickled down my cheek and I reached up a hand to sweep it away only to have her hand close about my wrist and stop me.
"Tell me," she said, a command hidden behind her gentle voice. "You tell me right now Seta Soujiro...No longer are you going to carry on this pain by yourself...You tell me everything."
"But you'll hate me," I sobbed, the tears pouring freely down my face now, before burying my head in my arms. "You'll hate me."
"I'm not going to hate you Soujiro. I'll never turn my back to you...We're friends now and friends stick together. Just start from the beginning," she said after a pause. Her hand squeezed my left one tightly for reassurance.
"I...I guess it started when I was born," I said softly, staring back at the tops of my knees. "My mother was...was a prostitute and I didn't know who my father was... I was probably about two when she located where he lived... By that time she was really ill, or so I was told, and she abandoned me at his place.
He was a wealthy rice merchant and already had a wife and three children, two sons and a daughter. They were all a lot older than me too..." I glanced up to look at her and she nodded, urging me to continue.
"As they put it...I was the runt of the family...All of them being lazy, I was forced to do all the work on the plantation as soon as I was three. When I was younger it was just sorting and labeling, but as I got older I had to carry the barrels of rice. And when I didn't do what they wanted, they'd beat me."
"Is that what that scar is? On your left shoulder? I'm sorry," she said in response to the hurt expression on my face. "Megumi gave you some sleeping medication and I had to get you into something dry...you were soaked and I couldn't let you catch cold..."
"It was from a whip," I said softly. "They never gave me medical treatment and I had to care for myself. I guess I should be glad I escaped with only one scare, ne?" A ghost of a smile touched my lips before fading as a clap of thunder shook the earth.
"Are you scared of the rain Sou?" asked the ninja, watching as I shuddered. "It can't hurt you..."
"I'm not scared of rain Misao...just storms... They bring back memories I'd rather forget..."
"What kind of memory?" she asked. "It's obviously bugging you so we're going to talk about it...Talking always helps a person Sou...and you could definitely use it..."
"I was eight when it happened...I met ShishiO-san for the first time... I heard screaming and ran to go find out what it was...I saw him murdering two policemen...He heard me and was going to kill me as well but I smiled. Whenever my family beat me," I said in response to the slightly confused expression on Misao's face, "I would smile and they would stop sooner then if I cried."
"So that's why you smile? To hide how you really feel?" I nodded and continued on with the story of my past.
"I gave ShishiO-San food and bandages and in return he gave me a wakizashi. Somehow, my family found out I was housing a murderer in one of our rice barns...They were getting ready to kill me, saying I was worthless and they might get rewarded for bringing the police information on ShishiO- San."
"Oh Soujiro..." Her arms wrapped around me in a hug and I immideately stiffened, not use to this kind of touch. But gradually I relaxed as I realized she was only trying to comfort me.
"I didn't know what to do...So I did what anyone who didn't know how to fight would do...I ran. Hiding under the porch I found the wakizashi I had been given... My father's oldest son found me and tried to take the sword from me...I...I...." Misao started to rub small circles on my back in hopes of calming me. "I killed him," I managed to get out before beginning to cry again, burying me head against Misao's warm body.
"It's okay Sou....It's okay," she murmured, arms tightening around me. "I'm right here..."
"That's not all of it," I said softly into her shirt. "I killed them all....My two brothers, my sister, adopted mother, and father...After that it started storming and ShishiO-san offered for me to go with him...and I did..."
Tears cascaded down both of our faces now, glistening like diamonds and we found comfort in each other, her arms still just wrapped around me.
"Come on, let's go inside," she said softly, rising to her feet and pulling me up along with her. "You don't have to spend the night alone...I'll be right beside you."
Leading me into the dojo, she brought me to her room and gestured for me to slid under the dark green covers of her futon. I slid in, the blanket falling to the floor and she joined me a second later.
"Good night Sou, pleasant dreams," she said, taking my hand in her own and holding on to it. "I'll be right here, always and forever," she said gently, touching my heart with our clasped hands. "Now sleep...you need it."
"G'night Misao," I mumbled, already feeling safe with her presence lingering nearby. I was so far into sleep, that the light kiss she planted on my forehead went unnoticed as I slept on through the raging storm, my nightmares no longer there.
Author's Notes:
Gomen for the update time! I've been extremely busy! Hope you all liked the chapter...I know I should be focusing on the plot but I felt that Sou's past needed to be explained and I'm kinda working on a small relationship here..hehe..
Please review!!!
Reviewer's Comments:
LishaChan yes, I forgot. I was typing this on the airplane and didn't have internet access. I intended to put in skuchi when I got back but it slipped my mind.. Oops! Last time I checked dear, you didn't own Yahiko...
coffeentoffee I hope you're feeling better Coffee. Yeah, Misao's like the playful and funny older sis. I never learned the electric slide...always looked so hard...
water makes up an ocean Yeah, it was supposed to be skuchi but even I can't remember how to spell it. Sun lotion rox! It's saved me a lot of the time!
ShadowBlue I feel bad for Yahiko too...Sou now as well.. I know I told you I'd work on this one next after BT and very sorry! But it was updated second, just after one of m HP fics...Hope it wasn't too long of a wait. (although it was...)
warhero35 It's oki...I get rather lazy too. That's why updates take so long...
Live on Wolf Did you have fun? Hope you did!