The Beijing-2 branch of NERV was tired of being ignored. The Tokyo-3 branch got all of the attention, the glory of being humanity's defenders. They got to breach the topic of breaking the Vatican Treaty, something that the Old Men would never allow Beijing-2 to do. Vegas-3 was making amazing progress on the S2 Engine, mass production models were ready to be rolled out within the month. They didn't even get an Evangelion unit to play with; despite the advancements they had made in weaponry. All their work, all their effort went into giving the more important branches spare parts; a cheap sweatshop for the Super Robot set. Even post-Third Impact they were given the most menial clean-up jobs. The combined LCL of the whole of humanity leaves terrible stains on everything. Their lot in life was the lowest, but for no longer.
They had an ace in the hole.
Bootstrapped machines spring to life, humming A Capella chorus. A room packed with technological junk washes itself in a computer blue glow. Figures and symbols dance across screens, five minutes until showtime. All eyes turn to the middle of the room, to a cylindrical tube. Orange liquid glows with the warmth of evolution, a pale nude girl curled up peacefully in the center. Long hair spreads behind her like the wings of angels. Tokyo-3 is not the only one with an artificial girl. In fact, this is Tokyo-3's artificial girl, but more. DNA taken from their pet Angel after full apotheosis, core taken from one of SEELE's mass produced harpies. Grafts from the Tower of Babel, made from the Armisael fight. Blood made from blue-phase and orange-phase lifeforms; enough power to level cities. She is the ultimate fusion of man and Angel, far above the Old Man's pet prettyboy, above that bastard Ikari's doll. This is it, this is the fruit of Beijing's labor. Man creating Nuwa instead of Nuwa creating man; creating a god in their own name. They will be respected.
"...Am I...Alive?"
They will not be ignored.
"...I am...I am..."
They have finally outdone Tokyo-3.
"I'm late for school!"
The nude girl turns to the scientists, opens her eyes for the first time. Red irises hold flowering pupils and a stray hair sticks out atop her head. Her placid face breaks into a broad smile, showing too many teeth. A sickeningly sweet voice reverberates through the room, striking the fear of playing God into all involved.
"Heee~ey."
They have failed, completely and utterly.
All the scientists can do is watch in numb horror as their masterpiece begins to bash its head against the containment chamber. Once, twice, three times, shattering the quadruple reinforced glass like half-melted ice. The subject's strange blood reacts with her blue hair; turning her bangs a shocking pink. She punches through the tank, whipping her head hither and yon. Everything is so bright and colorful and happy; seen through the eyes of a newborn child on LSD. Beijing-2's new god clambers out on all fours, sniffing like a dog surrounded by juicy steak. Defense systems whir to life, Bakelite spraying everywhere. It rolls off of a full-formed AT-Field like soap suds off of a new car. With a cheerful goodbye, the hopes and dreams of Beijing-2 crashes straight through 77 layers of the aboveground compound. The Liao Dynasty Plan had worked too well. Their Rei Ayanami has brought far more power to bear with far less constraint. A great big middle finger to Tokyo-3, and it has been let loose on the world seconds after birth. God's left her Heaven, all's wrong with the world.
Running across the Pacific Ocean on AT-Field enhanced feet, the Chinese knockoff Ayanami knows only two things: her name is Liao Rei for some reason, and she is just dying to get to Tokyo-3.
"Ayanami onee-chan, I'm coming!"
Track 4: Trip Dancer
Rei Ayanami had come to enjoy onsen. It reminded her of her time in the vats, the closest thing to a womb she knew before becoming humanity's collective one. The crisp air and warm water played their wonderful juxtaposition on her pores, making her happy in a way she never would have known before. Not that anybody looking at her would realize this, seeing as her face was as flat and unaffected as a porcelain figurine. Captain Katsuragi had decided to take her and Asuka on a "Girls Day Out" while Shinji reacquainted himself with his classmates. The antagonism between the red and blue haired otaku idols had not subsided in the new cycle; if anything it seemed Asuka had gotten more violently unhinged. The wounds of her personal demons must not have healed properly, just being must scrape at them painfully. To be fair, Rei probably shouldn't have called her a bitch the first time they sortied again.
"Hey Rei, I've got some quality hot sake for the three of us!" Misato tromps forth with Gainax's focus at the forefront. Her bath towel is sloppily applied and inches away from turning a hard R into an NC-17. A large pitcher of sake sloshes on a silver platter, three cups clattering around it. Misato snatches the pitcher and swigs in one smooth motion, placing the platter down with a crash. "What," she says, with a guilty look on her face, "I bought it, so I get first dibs." Ayanami sinks lower in the water, hiding her laughter. Appearances are important, after all.
"Hey, look at me!" In the interim, Asuka had somehow climbed atop the divider between the male and female halves of the onsen; her bare ass boasting braggadocio. "Look at me look at me look at me!" She clears her throat, another attention catching stratagem. Confident that enough people are looking at her, she projects like a barker of old. "Hurry, hurry, hurry, step right up and watch the death defying dive of the great Asuka Sohryu Langley!" She gestures out to the crowd gathered around her. "Gasp with fear for my life! Tremble with excitement as I dance on the razor's very edge! Worship as I spit in the eye of your petty mortal trepidations!" Misato being Misato, cheers her on with a "You go girl" and a fist in the air. Ayanami, however, is more interested in whether or not this is merely Asuka being an attention whore or an incredibly brassy suicide attempt. Either way, it is a great screaming cry for help. Too bad nobody's listening.
Something strikes her breathless, shifting red eyes to black. A single hair becomes erect atop her head and she exhales. With mild...worry, perhaps, she turns to Misato.
"Captain Katsuragi, we have a problem."
And that's when the dividing wall exploded.
"Awwwww~ You didn't even get to see my adventures in Tokyo-3 yet!"
"The barrier between reader and text is not to be trifled with, She Who Is Not Me. Besides, we were getting to that."
"Sorry. But let's roll that clip of me being totally superawesometastic now okay? Yay narrative!"
It was good to be out and about, Shinji thought as he traipsed through Tokyo-3 with his classmates. Kensuke was going on about some anime he had watched, something about tits and zombies and the creator of Hellsing being his personal Jesus. The kid could make the most pointless, blathering minutiae of nerdy topics sound like great gospel. He also was good with a camera and loose with his morals, which paid off in spades for Shinji's...alone time. To his right, Suzuhara was getting his masculinity stomped on by Class Rep Horaki; a one sided verbal sparring session that made Shinji feel better about his relationship with Asuka. I mean, she was much more violent, but predictable. She calls you an idiot, maybe makes a dick joke or questions his sexual tastes, hit the right button and she goes into kill mode. He had learned to dance around the bleeding mental issues, the memory of several cycles with his hands around her throat didn't hurt either. Horaki though, she was a genius at making Touji look like even more of a meathead than he already was. She'd string him along, make him feel smart, then hit him right in the breadbasket with a devastating blow. It was oddly beautiful, seeing her sweetly vivisect his ego like that.
"Hello, Earth to Shinji, come in Shinji!"
"Bwuh, what is it Kensuke?"
The nerdly Jean expy shifts his glasses up his nose, always with the middle finger for some reason. "Do you see that cloud of dust rapidly gaining on us?"
Shinji squints, hand shielding the sun from his eyes. "Yeah, and?"
"You notice the rainbow pattern at the head of it?"
"Yeah...oh," he gulps, eyes wide. "Oh hell-"
And that's when he gets hit with an Intercontinental Breast Missile: codenamed Liao Rei.
"-ello Tokyo-3! Are you adequately prepared to rock?" The strange girl skids to a halt, digging deep grooves in the street. "And stuff?"
It's all Shinji can do to pull himself out from inside the girl's chest cavity. With a tug and a wet pop, he works himself free, face soaked with LCL. "Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Rei! Well, not your Ayanami Rei, or the Rei that could be called Ree, or even that one Rei that was voiced by Megumi Hayashibara. I'm a Rei, Liao Rei to be exact. Pleased as punch to meet you!" She shakes Shinji's hand so hard his shoulder dislocates. "Oh noz! Sorrysorrysorry I forgot other people sort of pop and stuff on the inside." With a thunderous clap on the shoulder the joint finds its socket and Shinji finds himself in a nearby fruit stand. The Rei that isn't squeaks, putting her hands in front of her face. "I'll be good now."
The three school kids look at Liao, then to Shinji, then to each other. Then they start laughing.
"Wow Ikari, you sure can pick 'em," Toji cackles, eager to rub salt in someone else's wounds for once. "A robot, a bitch, and now Supergirl. You're like the worst harem protagonist ever man."
Kensuke looks at his sporty second, nodding assent. "Toji's right man: your Kuudere's a tundra, your Tsundere has no dere and a double order of burning contempt, and now your Genki Girl damn near killed you." He stifles a giggle, "Sometimes I feel bad about not having a harem, but then I think of you and feel so much better about myself."
Shinji stumbles out of the rubble, various fruity bits stuck to him. He brushes off what he can, which isn't nearly enough. "Gee, thanks. You guys are such great friends," he says darkly.
Hikari helps him dust off and readjust, determined as if this was an Olympic sport. "There there Shinji, they only tease you because they care." She tries to hide a catlike grin and fails. "Although, you do have terrible luck with girls. Maybe you should try batting for the other team?"
"I said it to my father, I said it to Tabris, and I'll say it to you; I'm. Not. Gay."
"Don't knock it 'til you try it Shinj," Toji and Kensuke jibe in unison. "You did look good in Sohryu's plugsuit, you could be one of those Vietnamese ladyboys."
"Or like Pico."
"How the hell do you know about Boku no Pico Class Rep?"
"My older sister is a...strange sort of woman," Hikari says, slumping in familial embarrassment.
Meanwhile, Liao Rei was getting bored. She had something she was supposed to do, but she didn't remember what it was. So she started messing with the shiny window she could make. It was so cool, how it refracted the light and bent like taffy. She pushed at it and it came back. She pushed at it again and it came back again. She pushed harder and took out a department store. The sound of car alarms and grinding metal brings the rap session to a close and all eyes on Liao. At least they were paying attention to her now.
"Dear sweet Kamina, what the hell did she just do!" Kensuke must be terrified, the other three thought; he never uses the Lord's name in vain.
"From the looks of it, she just projected an AT-Field, then pushed it out. Which probably means-"
"Explosion in Section 12! AT-Field activity detected!" Makoto Hyuuga pitched forward, eyeglasses almost sliding off his face. "Blood pattern: Blue! No, Orange! It's fluctuating wildly!"
A dogend falls from the agape mouth of Ritsuko Akagi. "Oh Christ, it's Armisael again isn't it? Where are the Children?"
"First and Second Child are in Sendai with Captain Katsuragi," Shigeru Aoba recites in a bored drawl. An Angel was coming, whoopty-doo. The next line of data catches his eye and a derisive snerk.
"And the Third?"
"Um, senpai, you're not going to believe this, but he's with the target." Maya Ibuki shuffles out of the way, so her beloved Ritsuko could have a wide berth. "And it doesn't look like Armisael."
As she looks at the screen, noted scientific mind, overseer of the MAGI system, and generally logical human being Ritsuko feels a little bit of her sanity die screaming. She fumbles for a cigarette, which Maya courteously lights for her. "Oh no. No, no, no-"
"Nono-esque, don't you think?" Kensuke's astute observation falls on deaf ears as they duck into a coffee shop. "I mean, she's got that little ahoge," he gives Liao's hair a flick, which draws a contented giggle from the knockoff. "She's retardedly powerful, not the sharpest tool in the shed, and is pretty fit naked." That last line draws several stares of shocked recognition: all the excitement and nobody seemed to notice the new girl wasn't wearing anything. Seeing as how she's currently sitting on Shinji's lap, this hits him the hardest. Not as hard as he hits the floor from falling out of his chair, but pretty hard.
"Toji, give the poor girl your coat," Horaki barks, shifting into Class Rep mode. Without missing a beat, she hikes up her skirt and tosses the indecent girl her unmentionables. "Put these on, it's the best we can do at the moment." Liao squeals in delight; she's never worn panties before. And schoolgirl panties no less. If the video feeds that replaced her formative years had anything to say about panties, it was that Japanese Schoolgirl Panties were akin to the Holy Grail. Liao Rei snaps into a salute, sports jacket hanging down to her hips.
"This is truly a great honor and junk!" She bows as deep as she can, giving Kensuke a faceful of something he's never seen outside of a computer screen. He spends the rest of the conversation in a pool of his own blood, the sheer ecchi levels knocking him clean out. "I will cherish these for all times!"
That made nothing resembling sense. But to Hikari Horaki, very little her friends do makes sense. When in doubt, be courteous. She gives a little bow to Liao, "That's nice." A sideways glance to Toji and Shinji tell them all they need to know about who's in charge here. "Suzuhara, grab your perverted friend. Shinji, call NERV and tell them not to shoot at the AT-Field this time. We're heading to Katsuragi's."
Back at NERV, Supreme Commander Gendo Ikari was smiling. Not because this fell exactly into his scenario; he was good, not omniscient. He merely found the concept of an Angel not only taking the form of an attractive girl, but doing so to neutralize his son patently absurd. If it weren't for the cameras he had personally seen to have installed throughout the base, he would have been convinced his son was asexual. At best. If the Angels had truly learned from their mistakes, they would have sent an effeminate boy after Shinji.
"Supreme Commander, you have a phone call."
"It better be Katsuragi begging for her life, Fuyutsuki."
"Sorry to disappoint you then," the old man says with a wistful manner, "it's your son."
"Talk to me Third Child."
Shinji grimaces a little, "Nice speaking to you too father. Listen, we have a situation here."
"I know, you have the 16th Angel in your midst. Return to NERV base so we can terminate it."
"No father, this isn't Armisael; that one was the ring of light. The only one that took human form was Kaworu, remember?"
"You do not recall the cycle where every Angel took the form of a human girl then?" The gagging sound on the other end made the elder Ikari smile. Still so easy to embarrass. Have to work that out of him later on in the scenario. Perhaps skinny dipping with the Ree...
"That was pretty fucked up father, even for you." He still has confusingly erotic nightmares of that one. "No, she introduced herself as like Ayanami, they share the same first name. Liao Rei, I think her full name was."
"Is that so? You will escort her to Captain Katsuragi's apartment then, until we can get a hold of her and the First." Though he could not see it, Shinji could imagine his father's glasses reflecting light in that really creepy way they did. He was bang on. "We shall proceed from there. Dismissed, Third Child."
The call cuts off, Shinji shoving his military spec cell phone in his pocket. "Love you too, dad." He turns to Hikari and nods. She grins a sporty little grin and proceeds to hotwire a nearby car. The streets are clear after Liao's little incident, so nobody stops them. All of the kids pile in, Hikari at the wheel and Shinji riding shotgun. Liao's under the seat, for safety's sake. With a throaty roar, the econobox putters onwards to destiny.
"Hey Hikari, how'd you know we should go to Misato's?"
Because the safest place to deal with a non-hostile freaky Angel thing is at the person who has clearance enough to know what to do, but who just manages to still be expendable. "Oh, woman's intuition I guess." The drive is uneventful, Liao apparently having tuckered herself out somehow. They get close to Misato's apartment, but then Liao's antenna like hair vibrates with a twang. She bursts out of the back door with a mighty shout of Ayanami onee-chan, gone in an instant.
It was an uneventful drive.
"Hey Wondergirl, how the hell did we become the C Plot?"
"Because original characters take more time to develop."
"Bah, if we wanted original characters, we wouldn't be in fanfiction now would we?"
"You have a point, Pilot Shikinami."
"You're just calling me that to piss me off now."
The dividing wall exploded, and Asuka Langley-[REDACTED] came tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down. She wasn't sure if she wanted to die here, but it did cross her mind. Maybe if she beat Wondergirl to it, she wouldn't have to go through the cycle again. Or at least, she wouldn't have to get choked out by Shinji...again. The blessed impact comes and then, release.
I said release, she thought. Release. Release!
"RELEASE GOD DAMMIT! I WANT TO DIE PROPERLY!" She pounds her fists on the too-soft ground, sending ripples of color from underneath her. Her brain catches up to what she just said, and it makes her turn redder than Unit 02. "I swear to God Wondergirl; if you did that just to make me scream I will find Dr. Akagi, make her tell me what the kill switch is, and force you to watch me destroy each and every one of your stupid doll bodies." Rei just looks at her with that damned expressionless face. Wait, did she just smirk? That little-
"Ayanami onee-chan~!" AT-Fields clash rainbow soap bubbles as Rei Classic fends off her newer model. The new one starts slipping through, arms splayed out in prime hug position. Ayanami forces as much of her power as she can bother to bear, but the girl is already clear. The force of Liao Rei's huggle/glomp/misdemeanor sexual assault is enough to shake mountains. "I'm so happy to meet you, I mean me, I mean us, I mean flurgen." As the two cuddle, Misato Katsuragi stares down her cell phone; stuffed to the gills with new messages. She downs the now cold pitcher of sake, then crashes it over her head.
"I am so fucked."