Bonus Track: Never Mind The Bollocks
Rei: One!
Asuka: Two!
Shinji: Three!
Mana, Mari, Liao: Wai~!
All Together: Welcome to the Bonus Track!
Shinji: I'm Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, former God, and butt of many a cruel fandom joke, welcoming you, the viewer to this special extra chapter.
Asuka: What are you, stupid? It's not a chapter, it's a track. Get the terminology straight!
Rei: Pilot Sohryu, we are not in audio format; the designation of "track" is merely an aesthetic choice.
Asuka: No shit Sherlock, or should I say, arseloch?
Rei: Oh, it's that game we're playing? Kutabare, soshite, shini nasai, aitsura.
Shinji: Fuzakenayo! This is an English fanfiction, we speak English here!
Mari: [wearing a black suit, white shirt, black tie, and an afro] ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!
Mana: To be fair, we are all supposed to be speaking in Japanese. *sweatdrop* So I don't know why the Japanese text went all italicized.
Liao: It's Japan-American Relations.
All others: What?
Liao: You know, like Japanese teenagers wearing shirts that say stuff like "Cool frow happy", or bored American college students writing derivative works based on popular anime.
Others: Huh.
Liao: Soon, we'll all be the same thing, one great big race of Lilim, and then we can colonize the moon in the name of punishment! Or was that punishment in the name of the moon?
Shinji: ...Right. Okay, moving on. In case you didn't know, each chapter is named after a song that the author enjoys, as are the volumes themselves.
Asuka: Volumes just sound so pretentious. Oh, check out my volumes of fanfiction. Doesn't that just want to punch someone in the face?
Mari: Just breathing makes me want to punch someone in the face. But then again, Kaji always said my killboner never did go flaccid. He's probably dead now, but the point still stands.
Asuka: My Kaji is dead? More importantly, you were with my Kaji? Oh, it's fucking on now bitch.
Mari: Bring it on ho, I still need to pay you back for breaking my finger in your dreams. {1}
Shinji: *sigh* Rei, take care of them please.
Rei: Roger. *AT-Field*
Shinji: Wonderful. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted; the chapters and volumes are named after songs and albums respectively. Why this bonus chapter is named after the seminal Punk album: Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols.
Mana: Cool!
Shinji: The title of the first chapter, "Babylon Angel's Song" is the English version of "Babiron Tenshi no Uta," a song by the pillows. Lack of capitalization is theirs, not mine.
Mana: Yep, it's off of the album Thank You, My Twilight. For those of you who only know the pillows from FLCL, they're kind of a big deal in Japan, with an amazing 20 year career and more albums than we have Ree.
Rei: I highly doubt that, but for hyperbole's sake, let us continue. The second chapter, "...And I Want" is from genre-busting Japanese group Boris. The album is Rainbow. There is nothing bright or uplifting about their music however; it is punishing drone/hard rock. Perfect for quiet nights going slowly insane, or choking your female friends to.
Mari: The third chapter (which is the best because it has me fucking shit up in it), is a play on a song. SCHOOL GIRL EVANGELION ADDICT comes from "SCHOOL GIRL DISTORTIONAL ADDICT", by Number Girl. Number Girl is another big Japanese band, sort of the Sonic Youth of J-Rock. They're loud, they're fast, and they get me wet, so I like 'em.
Liao: But Mari, how can you be wet when there's no water?
Shinji, Asuka: o_O
Rei: =3=
Mari: Well, you see when a woman reaches a certain age, her pu-
Mana: THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT! Now Liao, why don't you tell us about your chapter?
Liao: But I really wanted to know how Mari got wet...
Mana: *angry* Never. Mind. That.
Liao: Eep! T-the fourth chapter is another pillows song, and one of the author's favorites: "Trip Dancer", from Please, Mr. Lostman. It's bright and happy and strange, like me and stuff.
Asuka: I wonder if there's a song called "Manic Pixie Dream Girl"?
Shinji: I wonder if there's a song called "Shut The Fuck Up Asuka"?
Mana: Settle down children. The fifth chapter comes from an American band this time, Bad Religion. It's another play on words, 21st Century Digital Girl becomes "21st Century Digital Boy". The joke's that I'm a robot you see.
Crickets: *chirp*
Mana: Hey, I didn't write this stuff.
Asuka: Thank God for that, it'd just be seven chapters of Shinji and Kaworu fucking.
Mana: That's not true! *embarrassed* There'd be some ShinKaji too...
Asuka: You want me to break your face too robo-girl?
Shinji: Rei...
Rei: *AT-Field harder*
Asuka: Jerks. The sixth chapter is yet another play on words, and yet another Punk band. I've Got A Mommy Problem becomes "Tobe's Got A Drinking Problem," by former Dropkick Murphys frontman Mike McColgan's Street Dogs.
Shinji: We were going to go with Misato's Got A Drinking Problem, but the author likes to make Asuka and I suffer.
Asuka: He also likes bringing up that masturbation thing. I think it amuses him.
Shinji: Yeah. What's up with that?
Rei: It is an iconic image for End of Evangelion. And it is kind of funny.
Mana: Because we all know jerking it to comatose girls is the height of hilarity.
Mari: Damn straight it is.
Others: *jiiiiiiiiiiiiii*
Mari: What? You know you love it.
Liao: The seventh and final chapter is called-
Kaworu: "Personal Jesus," by Depeche Mode. It's a classic.
Sparkles: *sparkle*
Liao: Ooh, sparkly! Can I eat him?
Mana: *nosebleed*
Mari: Uho! Girl's got some initiative. Ride that sumbitch 'til the cows come home, but save some for me. *evil grin* I like to break pretty boys.
Shinji: *nosebleed*
Asuka: *nosebleed* W-what the hell is wrong with you! What the hell is wrong with all of you?
Kaworu: You know you love it, Sohryu-chan.
Sparkles: *sparkle*
Asuka: *strains to hold on to sanity*
Sparkles: *sparkle harder*
Asuka: Fuck it, WHUMPA time.
Yelling Bird: AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKED!
{fin}
Shinji: No, not again! I don't want to be the bottom again! The EP is named after a pillows album and...Ayanami? OH GOD KEEP THAT AWAY FROM THERE!
{actually fin}
{1} Track 3 true believers!