Staring up at the ceiling is not a fun way to spend several weeks, but it's pretty much all the three Children can do. It beats the alternative of being dead and/or comatose, but it still sucks. Given the fact they tanked a blast that could be easily classified as an extinction event, staring at the ceiling is a pretty sweet gig all things considered. At least they don't have to do any Sync Ratio tests.
"Urg, these bandages are so fucking itchy," Asuka groans. "How can you wear these things Wonergirl?"
"You get used to them Pilot Sohryu," Rei responds. Well that, and she enjoys the little scratchiness. It tickles her skin in a pleasant sort of way. It reminds her of Commander Ikari's stubble, not that she'd tell anybody that.
"God, I hope not," she scoffs. "I don't want to have to be wrapped up like a mummy."
"You look cute with them on though," says Shinji, cracking a weak smile. It hurts to move, but he's got to see Asuka's reaction for that one.
"Ew, don't say things like that Shinjecchi!" Even though she's on enough sedatives to knock out a horse, Asuka manages to recoil in sheer terror. "There's nothing cute about serious injury!" Rei coughs a slight dissent.
"Which one of us is the mascot of this series, and the ur-example of two entire moe archetypes again, Pilot Sohryu?"
The queen bitch of tsundere snorts, unimpressed. "Yeah, but that's only with creepers like Shinji and that Hyuuga guy."
"Hey, I like genki girls and tsunderes thank you very much," Shinji protests, with a wry smile. "Why do you think I put up with you?"
"Very funny arseloch." Asuka flops on her side, nodding her head to get the bangs out of her eyes. "And we all know you put up with me because you heard German girls are into BDSM." She gives a slight, but no less smarmy smirk towards Shinji. "You want to be my bitch is all."
Shinji looks at her as if she had just triumphantly described the sky as blue. "Well, yeah. Your point being?" You can almost see the smoke pouring out of Asuka's ears. Father always said a bold strike is a decisive one, he thinks.
"Pervert! Letch! I can't believe you!" Well that was unexpected. She's yet to get used to this whole "Shinji with balls" thing. Or at least, a Shinji with balls that doesn't revel in wanton destruction or talk to figurines. Or turn agents into fucked-up fleshy fucktoys. "You're not supposed to tell people these things, idiot!"
"Are you upset, Pilot Sohryu?" Rei hasn't moved an inch from her original position. A slight upturning of the mouth doesn't count. "Perhaps you were projecting your own predilections on Pilot Ikari?" Bandages are good for support, but they are not good for absorbing impact, Rei thinks. Something Sohryu has just learned firsthand, if that pratfall off the bed is any indication.
"Ow."
Unable to move his arms enough to facepalm, Shinji makes due with stuffing his face into the pillow. "God dammit, Asuka. Nurse!"
Track 8: Plainsong
Maya Ibuki had not been having a good few weeks. Ritsuko-sempai had gone into one of her moods after the Tabris attack, ranting and raving about the sheer illogic of the situation. She started breaking down into Angrish around the point where the Adamite Angels were supposed to be aiming for Complementation instead of pulling some "shounen manga bullshit", as she put it. The only thing that managed to calm her down was that thing she made her do. It was confusing and degrading, but it kept Ritsuko-sempai from killing Ree for sport. She may have made peace with Commander Ikari's daughter doll, but that didn't stop her from thinking of ways to abuse the meat puppets.
Maya still didn't understand why spinning around in circles exactly three times, then saying "Cocks" amused Ritsuko-sempai so much. Or why she had to wear a school swimsuit while doing so. She just assumed that it was a sign of her superior's increasing dementia.
Figuring out how Tabris had created that much energy out of nothing, and how the Children managed to stop it took up most of her time. The numbers just didn't add up on either side. Not only was the energy signature unlike anything they had ever seen before, the sheer magnitude of the blast should have blown Japan off the map. It was akin to the fist of an angry bishounen God, and their pilots managed to get away with some half-slagged Evangelion units and a few bumps and bruises. The further Ritsuko analyzed the data, the angrier she got and the angrier she got, the less sense she made. It got to the point where she was coming up with designs for atomic Supermen with octangle arms and cannons for faces. A gentle reminder of the massive, NERV-enforced failure of the Jet Alone project talked her off that ledge. By the end of the first week, her normally well kept office was awash in Post-it notes, crumpled up balls of paper, and cigarette butts. It was obvious she hadn't slept or kept up her appearance for the duration, as her natural brunette hair had started showing through the dye. It was uncomfortable just how Naoko-esque she was becoming. Maya made a mental note to keep any of the Ree away from her for the duration.
This led her to taking up the job as nurse to the Children. If she was their caretaker, it would ease Sempai's workload, and keep her from using the damaged goods as experiment stock. Seeing the kids like this was not particularly pleasant for Maya, but it allowed her to have a greater role in the defense of humanity outside of human stress ball. It was also funny in a weird way, seeing the pilots get closer to each other. Even when it meant possibly prolonging their injuries. Like now.
"Asuka, do we have to strap you to the bed again?"
"Could you do that please," Shinji says, face in pillow to stifle his chuckles, "It would be ever so nice." If he could see Asuka blanch, he wouldn't be able to keep his face or his bladder in check.
"No, don't strap me to the bed with him around!" Asuka thrashes about limply, a surprising amount of fight still left in her. "I don't want him getting any ideas again!"
"Hey, ix-nay on the erversion-pay suka-Ay," Shinji spits. "That bondage thing was just a joke. A joke!"
"The hell it is! I don't care if you can't use either of your hands, you'll still find a way to jerk it to me!" She turns to Maya, a pleading look on her face. "Don't let him do it, please! I'll be good, just don't strap me to the bed!"
Even though she's one of the youngest members of NERV internal staff, Maya Ibuki is still too old for this shit. With practiced repetition she pulls a needle out of her coat pocket and into the side of Asuka's neck. Her eyes widen, then go glassy as the sedative takes effect. With a burbling giggle, she goes limp. At this rate, she's going to end up addicted to the stuff. Motherly hands put Asuka back into the bed and tuck her in neatly. She babbles something about Mama and topless corsets, then fades out into a snoring slumber.
"You really need to stop riling her up Shinji, it's not good for her injuries," Maya chides. "Besides, you know how Commander Ikari gets when someone messes with his scenarios, and you three being out of commission hasn't made him a happy man." The progeny of the Ikari line gulp in unison; Rei recalls the unpleasant sensation of phantom gunshot wounds. The scion of the Ikari family merely understands the lengths his father will go when he's mad.
"U-understood Miss Ibuki."
"You too Rei, no funny stuff."
Rei shivers imperceptibly. "Roger that."
Maya breathes a sigh of relief, a great deal more chipper now. "Wonderful. Anything I can get for you two?"
"A last will and testament."
"And prepare another one of my sisters. Just in case."
Things could have been going better for the Supreme Commander of NERV. Those fools at Beijing-2 had no idea what they had unleashed on the world. Knowing would have given them a grim satisfaction to see how much it had rattled the unflappable Gendo Ikari, the bastards. After first contact with...their pet Ayanami, he had never had as great an urge to get shit-housed drunk. Having to do so shortly after putting six rounds rapid into his surrogate daughter only made the destructive urges more powerful.
What disturbed him the most, he though after his sixth or sixtieth shot, was how his Rei and their Ayanami were similar. They both were socially inept, completely unfettered by normal human logic, and held power far beyond mortal ken. While Rei, with few Lilith-based exceptions, repressed and suppressed her emotions into an unnerving placidity, the Chinese knockoff exploded with energy and mad exuberance.
He wasn't sure which was more terrifying.
When Gendo is faced with something he cannot understand, he defaults to one of two options. He either attempts to subvert it, or he attacks it head-on. There was nothing to subvert with the knockoff, there was no point in doing so. She held an almost slavish devotion to Rei, or "Ayanami onee-san," as she called her. That was enough, and that was all that could be puzzled out of her while keeping his sanity intact. He knew facing a Nephillem, especially a chimera head-on was tantamount to suicide. He also knew that whatever he saw inside of her when she hugged him through her bosom was enough to drive normal men insane. Luckily, he was not a normal man. As a contingency, he executed a plan that would satisfy both his desires.
Face down in a gutter, with a small hill of men broken by his hands as his bed and an empty bottle of bourbon in his hand, Gendo Ikari slept.
Kozo Fuyutsuki was not pleased with what he saw. It was bad enough that he had been swamped with paperwork for the arrival of Evangelion Units 03 and 04. He could live with trying to instill some discipline with that scary Makinari girl, and hoped that she had been given her shots. He would need counseling for the things he saw the other Rei do to Supreme Commander Ikari, but who didn't need counseling at NERV? He could even look the other way about Ikari abandoning his post to cause trouble. What was unforgivable was that he wasn't informed.
"I see you had fun last night," he says with schoolmarm's tone. He is responded to with a resounding nothing.
"Wake up Rokobungi." He nudges the Supreme Commander with his foot, careful not to get any sort of fluids on him.
"Five more minutes Yui." Gendo mumbles, shooing Fuyutsuki away with a limp arm.
The Vice Commander of NERV twitches, now thoroughly annoyed. A stray eyebrow rockets up. "No sleeping in class Rokobungi," he says with a kick to the ribs, displacing Ikari off of his victor's throne. He hits the pavement with a dull thud and a groan.
"Professor Fuyutsuki, what a pleasant surprise," says Gendo into the pavement. He rolls to his back, flinching at the harsh sunlight. "Tell me, was I late for class again?"
"Very funny." He lifts Gendo onto shaky legs, and drapes an arm over his shoulder. "Come on you wino, we've got work to do."
"Will wacky hijinx ensue?"
Fuyutsuki massages his sinuses, vainly trying to tamp down the rising headache. "I hate you when you're still drunk Rokobungi."
"That's better than most Professor," Gendo says with a lilt to his voice. "Most people hate me drunk or sober."
Mari Makinari "Motherfucking" Illustrious was happier than a pig in shit. The Yanks finally shipped over another Eva unit for her to trash...take to the limits. She was getting bored sitting around doing nothing but stealing liquor from Katsuragi and questioning the manhood of every male member of NERV. There were a lot of fires too, but Kaji had prepared the staff for that already. A girl's gotta busy herself somehow.
Recently,the bottle-blond scientist one had been spending about equal time running her through simulations and doing patently offensive things to the Liao Dynasty Project. Sure, Blondie said they were "stress testing", but to Mari, stress testing usually doesn't involve flamethrowers and turnips. She could think of several things to test with either of those objects and a warm body, but the combination gave her pause.
And Blondie had the nerve to say her tactics in the combat simulations was "excessive".
That was inconsequential to the fact that today was going to be the day she'd finally get to ride the colossus again. The thought made her more excited than is polite to discuss about quasi-legal girls. Quivering with delight, she works her way through a shadowboxing routine; each punch and thrust making her blush harder and harder. Her imagined enemies go down in agony as she stylishly ends them one by one and two by three. At the climax of her circle pit of death, she leaps into the air with a vicious knee strike. There is a satisfying crunch of metal and, wait, metal?
Mana Kirishima was having a pretty nice day, all things considered. She had just picked up a hot little Kaworu x Shinji number, in commemoration of the sequence break and was all ready for some routine maintenance. And then she got kneed in the face. She may be 85% metal, but a knee to the face is not a pleasant thing for anybody. Caught off guard and off balance, she crashes to the floor in a heap, with Mari in a less than kosher position atop her.
"Uh, Mari? Yaoi fangirl, not yuri fangirl," Mana mumbles from underneath Mari's skirt.
"Oh, that's where the crunch came from." Mari rolls back and onto her feet, then smooths out her skirt. "You okay?"
Inner eye overlays show the damage is cosmetic at best. "Yeah, I'll live." Mana sits up, rubbing at the slightly wrinkled synth-skin on her cheek. "Nice panties by the way. Glenn Danzig's face on your ass is very classy."
"Pretty bitchin' huh? Made 'em myself," Mari says, beaming with pride.
"Fancy that," says Mana, unaware that silk print stores did panties as well. "I take it you're excited for our new arrivals?"
Mari punches the air for emphasis. "Shit yeah I am! Just thinking about it makes me...you know."
"Firsthand, yeah," Mana winces. "I'm surprised my superiors didn't try to prevent the old man from getting both Evangelions so quickly. You'd think they'd be more worried about Ikari having five units."
"Maybe they've gotten it through their thick skulls that you can't send men to do a girl's job?" Mari rocks back on her heels, hands behind her head. "Or maybe Ikari's had them all taken care of, gangland style." She bemusedly blows at a stray lock of hair.
"Ikari's not stupid enough to do that." Oh god he might be crazy enough to though. "Besides, we of the JSSDF make proud and professional redshirts, and you can't fight a battle without redshirts. NERV needs us." No they don't, we're completely ineffectual. That's why I'm here, I want to be a mauve shirt at least.
"Eh, s'not my problem," laughs Mari. "As long as they point me at the things that need to die, I'm cool."
"Your insatiable bloodlust is a real credit to morale," Mana quips, oozing sarcasm. She gets a downright feral grin in response.
"Now isn't it just?"
Ritsuko Akagi was getting very sick of the opening paragraph structure of this chapter. Wait, strike that. Ritsuko Akagi was watching a pink and blue haired blasphemy against logic pull a Rickenbaker base out of her forehead. The implications of a walking portal to the Dirac was bad enough when Ayanami had it, but an unknown and unknowable bootleg? It was enough to make a girl take up smoking, she thought, taking her umpteenth drag.
"Okay, Liao, since the MAGI is screaming at the impossibility of what you just did, mind explaining to me how you did that?"
"I just think really hard about something and reach inside," Liao says with a blank expression. "It's just , y'know, a thing I can do." A thing she can do that, for safety's sake, has her in the same containment chamber they tested Unit 00 in. One can't be too careful.
"That's nice, but I need more information than that sweetie," Ritsuko says, with a hint of false sweetness. Her voice slumps into a mutter. "Have to keep up the appearance of empirical study at least." She turns to the monolithic monitors that have been keeping her company for the past few weeks. In their glossy reflection, she sees new creases and brown streaks of hair. The weeks have been hitting her like decades, but that's to be expected when the concept of sleep dies in the same gutter as sanity. She looks like her mother, or her mother if she were an over the hill hooker. So she looks like her mother, she thinks with a snort.
Noticing that she's not currently the center of attention, Liao reaches into her chest and pulls out a chocolate heart. She holds it high, presenting it to the good doctor with a goofy smile.
"Look Ritzy, I'm giving you my heart!"
"That's nice," Ritsuko says, not taking her eyes off her reflection.
Liao pouts, stray hair twitching in annoyance. "Riiiitzy, you're not looking!" She snarfs her chocolate heart down in a gulp, cheeks puffed up. "Bet you can't eat your own heart out."
"Alright, this is like beating my head against a brick wall. Liao, you can come out now, we've got to get you ready for synchronization with Unit 03."
The squee that emanates from the bootleg Ayanami could be heard throughout NERV headquarters. If she hadn't been quick on the speaker button, Ritsuko would have been deaf for weeks. She cradles her head in her hands, her cigarette's cherry singing stray strands.
"Times like this, I wish I were still Tang."
"Has anyone seen Bardiel? Bardiel? Bueller?" Kaworu Nagisa was not feeling this shit. It was time to talk tactics with his children, which was a lot like trying to teach cats Calculus. Without a little bit of Absurdium and the foreknowledge of the MAGI system Iruel kept, he would have had to force the tactics into each Angel's mind. Luckily, being evolutions of humanity meant that big screens with shiny things kept their attention well. He sat in front of the supercomputer that was now the Angel of Terror, charts and maps strewn across its monolithic monitors. ADAM, this was going to be a challenge.
He heard snickers that growled like hungry beasts, causing a tic to mar his placid mask. It was bad enough that Zeruel wouldn't shut up about his perceived sexual orientation after the previous mission failed. He spent the better part of an eternity arguing the merits of his methods over the "Kill 'Em All" paradigm. It was a perfect plan, he thought; with nobody else to turn to, the Ikari boy would have buddied up to a cactus if he thought it would acknowledge him. The plan was going off without a hitch, up until the getting crushed thing. Why would he choose life, after it kept kicking him in the balls? He runs a hand through his luscious hair, drawing stray sparkles as he stares out at the Earth.
"Alright kids, gather around. Daddy ADAM's gonna teach you how to sequence break."
"Is that some new euphemism for homosexuality, Tabris," rings out a voice like peals of thunder.
"Me dammit Zee, we went over this. I told Lilith, I told the Ikari boy, and I'll tell you for the UMPEENTH TIME." Kaworu's form flickers with untold energy, his eyes burning red voids. "I. Am. NOT. GAY." His form grows giant, awesome and terrifying. "I AM ADAM, HE WHO CAME BEFORE. I AM BEYOND THE LILLIM'S CONCEPTS OF SEXUALITY!"
"And I'm a Robeast," Zeruel rumbles. "You're just a deviant, father."
Kaworu deflates, folding back into his waifish form. "I'm going to enjoy making you into a moeblob Nephillem," he mutters under his breath.
"Wait, what?"
Kaworu puts on a sickly-sweet face, "Oh, nothing." He coughs, returning to a serious demeanor. "Okay, we'll find Bardiel later. Now, the Lillim have begun to learn from their cycles, as the superior species, you must do so as well. Sachi, Saha, you two are going to be our shock troops. You shall work together as one, and retrieve the First, Second, and Third Child by any means necessary."
Sachiel and Sahaquiel warble in assent, saluting their father with glowstick appendages. They knew they would not fail; the Third Child just got lucky those two times. The First and Second were inconsequential; it was common Adamite knowledge that Japanese women were weak to tentacled beings. Zeruel chuckles crackling portents of doom in the background.
"You're too soft Tabris-"
"ADAM"
"'Tabris. If you really wanted to win, you would just send me down to wreck shit. In fact, I would end this in an instant, if I cared." Zeruel pops its neck, turning its faceplate in strange angles. "It's just amusing to watch you fail."
Kaworu lets that one roll off his serene countenance. He smiles warmly at the strongest Rejection type. "Are you sure that's the reason? I distinctly remember a certain one of my children torn limb from bloody limb by the Third Child." A subtle shift in expression turns his sweetness sinister. "Or perhaps it was that child thoroughly enjoying being a large, nude Ayanami in the embrace of the Third..." A wounded roar resounds into space, as Zeruel lashes out with twin limbs. They are harmlessly held in place with a finger. "Now now Zee, such a temper is unbecoming."
"Suck it Tabris!" Zeruel bellows, loosing a barrage of high-energy blasts directly at his father. The aftermath can be seen from space. As can Kaworu's smugness as the dust clears; a little bit of dirt on his shirt the only sign of an attack. He tilts his head, not even bothering to open his eyes.
"Are we quite done?" Defeated grumbles. "You're far too old to have temper tantrums Zeurel." Kaworu brushes dirt off his shoulder. "So, where was I? Oh yes, I wish to recover the Children with as little incident as possible, but if you must, I allow you two to create one." The temperature in the room drops a few degrees. "We are rebuilding, after all." Shivers run through the spine analogues of Sachiel and Sahaquiel; they didn't think the vacuum of space could get much colder. A silent moment passes, then a ding turns all eyes to the screen. A logo supersedes the previous data, a crucifix encased in a crossed out circle.
"Uh, boss? I think we found Bardiel," Iruel says through his own personal speaker system. "You're not gonna like this." A familiar image hits the screen and Kaworu's smile turns upside down. A sad sparkle falls from his scalp as a single eye opens up red void.
"Oh, fuck me-"
"-sideways and call me Yurika, this is going to be awesome!" Misato Katsuragi is already 40 ounces to euphoria, front and center to what serves to be a battle for the ages. Evangelions 03 and 04 were about to perform a mock battle; get the new pilots ready for combat outside of simulations. There weren't any odd weather conditions this time and Shinji was in the hospital, so she didn't have to worry about anything unseemly happening. Finally, she'd get to see what the Americans could do with proper conditions.
"Alright Fourth, Seventh; this is a combat drill, not the real thing. We've put safeties on your machines so you don't tear each other limb from limb." Ritsuko glares sideways at the image of Mari on her viewscreen. ""Don't". I know you're unfamiliar with the term Illustrious, so I'll say it again. "D-O-N-apostrophe-""
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," Mari says flippantly. "It's always "Illustrious, don't tear apart the city," or "Illustrious, how did you start that fire," or "Illustrious, stop making orifices in the Angels to violate". I've got the message already Blondie, shit."
Misato stifles a chuckle with a swig of her bottle. "Cute kid."
"About as cute as a rabid pit bull." Ritsuko turns to the other pilot on her screen, the sheer exuberance of the pilot almost making her gag. "Okay, Liao, this is the big time and I want you to be a big girl. Play nice with Illustrious, and if she starts being mean," Ritsuko bares her teeth in either a grin or a snarl, depending on your mood that day. "Show no mercy, like I taught you."
The knockoff Ayanami salutes, pupils blooming into a flower pattern. "Yes Mama Ritzy!"
"Mama Ritzy?" Misato snerks.
"Shut up, Katsuragi," Mama Ritzy croaks through gritted teeth. "Now Liao, what did I tell you about saying that in polite company?"
"Sorry Mama Ritzy. Oops, I mean sorry Ritsuko."
"Eh, close enough. Cordon off the sparring section! Begin the operation!"
"That's my line," Misato pouts, staring down at her bottle.
This was so exciting, Liao thought. She was finally going to be a hero, get to defend the Earth from its enemies. She already kicked reason to the curb a long time ago, and now it was time to go beyond the impossible. Now all she had to do was watch the pretty colors and fly on sparkly fairy wings into Ayanami onee-chan's face and-
"Sync Ratio on Unit 03 inverting!" Makoto Hyuuga, designated bearer of bad news shouts.
"Entry Plug far beyond contamination threshold, contact with the Seventh Child has been lost," Shigeru Aoba says, completely unsurprised. "Raise your hand if you didn't see this coming."
Cigarette and lighter fall from Dr. Akagi's hands as she stares dumbly at the massive fuck-up transpiring before her. She needs a patsy, or at least someone to hit. "Maya?"
"Y-yes, Ritsuko-sempai?" Maya squeaks.
"Who delivered Unit 03 to us?"
"The JSSDF, ma'am."
"And when they delivered it to us, did they happen to check for any Blue patterned material?"
"I-I don't think so." She flinches, Ritsuko-sempai's going to hit her again, she just knows it.
"And did you happen to check for Blue patterned material, seeing as how Unit 03 has been infected almost every time?"
"Ritsuko-sempai, did you?" Clever girl. She'd have to do something about that later. Hopefully the Liao girl didn't communicate any strange Angelic diseases onto her ropes.
"Now if I had done that, we wouldn't be having this discussion, now would we Maya? Katsuragi, if you're still conscious, do your job."
"Huh, whuzzah?" Misato grunts, blinking away some of the haze. "Oh, yeah, this. Dammit." With a few deep breaths, she sobers up enough to appear competent. "Alright Mari, we're taking the limiters off. What you are fighting is no longer Evangelion Unit 03. It is Bardiel, the Thirteenth Angel. I want you to kill this thing so hard we never have to see it again in any cycle, got it?"
"What about the bootleg?"
"Liao can handle it," Misato says, a fierce look in her eyes. "She's a big girl after all, yeah Ritzy?" The middle finger in her direction is proof of her verbal victory. She laughs and takes another swig. She was promised a fight and by God she's going to get one.
"Understood." Mari bites her lower lip in excitement, glasses glinting. She fiddles with the controls, making sure everything is in its proper place. Her toes curl, every moment filling her with emotion like a dam about to burst. Hot damn, she's always wanted to try girl on girl.
"Time to pop that cherry, bootleg."
"So, uh, yeah. I know the Bardiel fight is cool and all, but why didn't you stop the test?" Mana says, her voice echoing in the empty Central Dogma chamber. "I mean, I could have told you that the higher-ups were planning to do something like this, a little tit for tat for the JA Project. Being caught flat-footed isn't really your style." Ugh, the glasses thing. Shinji wasn't kidding when he said that was creepy.
"Miss Kirishima, whoever said I was being caught flat-footed?" Fuyutsuki looks over at his delinquent pupil, suddenly reminded why he never sold him up the river all these times. Drunken punk or no, Gendo Ikari was a very scary man when he wanted to be. His flat eyes set dead level on Mana, drawing a little whir from tensing machinery. Damn he loved the glasses trick, the look that turned him from a man into a monolith. Even with his hands tented under his nose it was all he could do to hide his widening grin. The Thirteenth Angel's warbling cry added more drama then he could have hoped for.
"Everything is going exactly according to the scenario."
{to be continued}