Logan knocked on Veronica's front door before turning around to get the hell out of here. 'What are you doing?' he muttered to himself under his breath. But then he had to stop talking to himself because Veronica had yanked the heavy door open and was staring at him like she'd seen a ghost. Really, it hadn't been that long since they'd hung out…
"Logan? I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore."
"I'm sorry, Ronnie," he said immediately. After all, nobody could apologize for not doing anything wrong like Logan could. It was a personality trait he had unwittingly perfected over time. Logan didn't even know how to follow up his apology since he didn't really know what he was apologizing for. Veronica motioned for him to come inside, but her eyes still held a wary expression.
Veronica's place was nowhere near what the Kane's house was but it was still ten times bigger than anywhere Logan had ever lived and it was cozy without being cluttered. It just felt like a person's home should feel. She ushered Logan inside as he seemed unable to move on his own.
"Logan, what's up?" Her tone was warmish and friendly. Clearly, she was aiming for no hard feelings and that's all he could hope for.
Logan couldn't even put how he felt about Veronica into language-he was afraid it wouldn't make sense to anyone else. So he just stammered: "You can come over, I mean, if you still want to. We don't live at Beverly anymore though…"
"I know."
"Oh, ah, how do you know that? Did Duncan tell you?"
"I'm stalking you." She was so deadpan that he couldn't tell if it was the truth or not. Logan wouldn't really mind if Veronica Mars of all people were stalking him and he wouldn't put it past her either.
"Well, how can you be stalking me if I'm stalking you?" He laughed a little before regaining composure, something Veronica usually had in spades. "So you know we're at the Grand then, I guess?"
"Yeah, how's that going?"
"Good, uh, fine, we don't really have much stuff there though. Well, I don't really have anything and my dad only has a few things… Everything's in storage."
"Where's that?"
"Ronnie, I know you're trying to be casual but I'll take you to the storage facility too if you want."
"Thanks. You know I'm not out to hurt your dad."
"Uh huh."
"But… At the same time, I don't see why you feel the need to protect him sometimes."
Logan started to get angry in spite of himself. It was his misguided loyalty tick acting up again. What gave Veronica the right to say things like that? He took a deep breath. "You know whatever you're doing has the potential to put my dad in jail, whether that's the goal or not? He could get caught in the crossfire. And I'm helping you anyway-without asking questions. And where exactly does that leave me?" I trust you, I love you, just don't hurt me.
"But I thought…"
"What that he's an asshole, that I hate him? Yes and yes, but I don't have anything else… He's still my father."
"What he's done to you…"
"I don't remember ever telling you anything about me and my dad so you really have no idea what you're talking about. Whatever Duncan may have told you, I'm sure he exaggerated. Don't go being dramatic, Veronica. Just because not everyone's Keith Mars doesn't mean they're the Son of Sam."
"Logan, I'm sorry, ok? Let's back up. When can we hang out?"
"Sometime late at night when Aaron's sure not to be there? I'll call you." With that, Logan stomped off-inadvertently allowing one single look of regret to flash across his face. Luckily his back was to her. Veronica could never understand his life and he didn't expect her to. It's not like he understood hers... Aaron had started to make more money than they'd ever had before-so much that he was actually being generous with it to his son-and Logan really didn't want to know how he was making it. Aaron was exactly the type of bastard who would probably happily kill for free, but was even happier to get paid for it. There were a few things Veronica had always been able to understand though… In a way. His mother, her mother… The struggles were so similar, the disappointments and the love cut so deep. Logan just didn't have a decent father to balance that shit out. But Goddamnit if Aaron didn't sometimes feel like all he had left. He would tell himself he had Veronica; he had Duncan. But they could be gone in the blink of an eye. Sick as it was, Aaron was the only person in Logan's life who had never completely physically abandoned him, for better or for worse.
Two days later, Veronica arrived at the Neptune Grand after Aaron went out around 9:30 p.m. The place was opulent but Veronica worried about the fact that Logan and his seemingly violent father were confined to one hotel suite. To Logan's great surprise, Veronica didn't immediately investigate… Whatever exactly she needed to investigate. Instead they started talking. About school-her grades were good, his weren't. About Duncan and Lilly… About other easy stuff, when all of a sudden: "Did your mom ever try to quit?"
Veronica was caught off guard by Logan's question but hardly lost her stride. "No not seriously, I don't think. Dad wanted her to go into rehab but I think she decided she'd rather die." Veronica cleared her throat, realizing those words carried more weight than she meant for them to. "Did yours?"
"Yes once, and she took me away to Chicago to stay with my grandma. I was about ten. She said we had to leave L.A. and get a fresh start but we went back a few months later and then a year or so after that we were in Neptune."
Veronica waited to make sure Logan was done speaking before she spoke up. He hardly ever shared stuff like this with her, but she figured he thought it was common ground. "You guys left your dad?"
"Yep. She said she couldn't get sober around him. Guess I get it 'cause I can't either…" Supposed to be a joke, but didn't play like one. Logan had a habit of doing that. Veronica just looked at him with concern and realized that the coke Logan was drinking probably had an extra kick. She cursed herself for being naive. "Anyway, she started drinking and taking her pills again right after we went back to L.A. We lived in this really bad neighborhood, you know? I was getting beat up-by the other kids-all the time, she had no friends, my dad was pissed off. She just couldn't get happy."
"Yeah, I think that was my mom's problem too. She just couldn't get happy. She tried a lot of different things but alcohol was her favorite drug. It's why I don't really drink, you know? Don't get me wrong, I've had a few drinks… I've had a really bad experience with a few drinks. I mean, my dad's not a drunk but I feel like it's half in my blood and I never want to be like that."
"I know what you mean except I drink all the time. But I swear, if I ever have kids, I won't be like that around them." Veronica nodded in solemn agreement. "I mean, God save me if I ever have kids but if I do I won't treat them like shit. It won't be their fault I brought them into this world. Anyway, my dad's not really a drunk either so I guess you and I are both 50/50." Keith did barely drink and even Aaron was pretty sober save for the occasional rage-filled bender. Life was Aaron's drug-but in a scary rather than cheesy way.
"What does your mom do, I mean for a living? I can't believe I never knew this but I don't think I did."
"She was a waitress mostly, but I'm not sure what she's up to these days… She used to miss a lot of shifts, got fired from a bunch of jobs. I'd have to pretend to be my dad and call her in sick… Your mom was a nurse, right?"
"Yes, up until about a month before she died. She used to be sort of functional, you know? She'd work crazy shifts, but only three nights a week, and then the rest of the time she'd be halfway down a bottle. You know the drill. I should have seen something coming when she quit her job. Logan, she loved what she did. It was almost everything to her. When she was depressed, it would pick her up. To just quit, just like that… It's like how people give away their possessions when they're planning on killing themselves. It's like nothing matters anymore and they can't see the point of living." Veronica blinked back the tears welling up in her eyes. What is so great about living?
"Ronnie, hey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I know how much she meant to you."
"Means to me," Veronica corrected. "I still can't let her go." With that, she started full blown sobbing and Logan knew he had to hug her before it was too late. She cried into his chest and he rubbed the back of her neck and they just sat like that on the Neptune Grand carpet for what seemed like days.
Veronica finally pulled slowly away and rubbed her eyes, slightly smudging her mascara. "It's okay, though, Logan. I'm glad you brought it up. I like remembering her even though it hurts and no one ever asks anymore. My dad can't talk about it… Other people are scared about how I'll react. It's not their fault but I just can't keep it all inside."
"I understand."
"You do? Then talk to me more. Tell me how you feel. I don't judge; I just want you to know that I'm your friend. I promise, no matter what."
"I don't- it's harder for me to talk about things than it is for you, I think. I don't know why, it just is. But hey, I'll tell you what, get me drunk tonight and I'll tell you all my darkest secrets: where the bodies are buried, what happened to those settlers in Roanoke, I'll explain the Da Vinci Code…"
Veronica rolled her eyes. "I need you to know I'm serious. I want to know everything about you. And if you try to get drunk, I won't try to stop you. Like I said, I don't judge."
"My mom always told me how hard it was to quit."
"Mine too. She told me to never start."
"And she was right… What's that group for children of alcoholics?"
"Al-Anon. And there's a teen one too. My dad had me go a few times."
"Really? Well you don't need it 'cause we can always have little informal sessions, just the two of us. It can even get sexy. But it has to remain anonymous."
"Did you know our moms used to be friends, when you first moved here?"
"No." Logan's eyebrows shot up with interest. "I didn't think my mom had too many friends."
"Well mine either and I don't know how they met but your mother was at our house a few times, just hanging out with my mom, not my dad. I kind of spied on them a little. What? They seemed so beautiful, so grown up and I was jealous."
"And what did you see?"
"You know, what you'd expect. They just sat around drinking wine or vodka, smoking on the patio sometimes, laughing. I think they bonded over the fact that their husbands didn't want to drink with them."
"Yeah, that'll do it."
"Lynn and Lianne," Veronica sighed. "A friendship built around booze."
"There have been worse."
"Oh for sure. For example, ours was built around Duncan at first."
"Hey, Duncan might have been my first friend here but I liked you from the moment I laid eyes on you."
"Bullshit."
"Language! We're in a classy establishment now." Logan got up to mix himself another drink. He thought about offering Veronica one but then just as quickly thought against it and handed her a can of coke. "I had dreams about you in that soccer uniform for months…"
"We were twelve!"
"Exactly! Twelve, not dead."
"Are you saying you've wanted me since we were twelve?" Veronica didn't know where she was getting the courage to say this. She also wasn't even quite sure why she was flirting with Logan Echolls. I mean, he was good-looking but he had always been. Why was she feeling something for him now?
"Well, you might have been thirteen…" Logan paused to chuckle at Veronica's inexplicably pissed off expression. Ah, older women. "But I really liked you then and I really like you now. I'll always really like you, Ronnie."
Without warning, Veronica leaned over Logan's lap and started passionately kissing him, her hand shooting out to grab the back of his neck. After a millisecond of surprise, Logan found himself kissing back. He leaned backward on the floor, dragging her with him so she was flat on top of him. It was all moving so quickly and… Logan heard the unmistakable sound of the hotel key pinging in the door. Quickly, Logan grabbed Veronica and dashed into his room with her, attempting to shut her in the closet.
"Logan, why?" Veronica all but mouthed the words at him she was whispering so softly. She hadn't even heard the door open, so lost was she in her own desires.
"Do you really want to hang out with my dad right now?" Logan whispered back and Veronica instantly shook her head no and slinked back into the closet. At the mention of Aaron, she only just now realized that she had been so wrapped up in Logan she hadn't bothered to look around for any clues relating to the Fitzpatricks. She had planned on picking anything locked in Aaron's bedroom. Oh well, she'd have to come back.
Logan couldn't decide whether to shut his door and stay in his bedroom or approach Aaron and see what kind of mood he was in when he heard his name being called out from the "living room." Logan sighed and trudged back out to the main area of the hotel suite to see what was on Aaron's mind. He hoped it was nothing.
"Hey Dad." It was only a little after midnight and there was a more and more familiar glint to Aaron's eye-like he had just done something horrible and was just bursting to tell someone about it. There was a disgusting level of pride emanating out of his pores. If only Veronica had thought to bug their hotel room… Shit, he hoped she wouldn't really do that. And he hoped Aaron wouldn't really tell him what he'd been up to. "How was your night?"
"Do you really want to know, son?" Aaron stopped to scoop Logan's drink off the floor and smell the whiskey that occupied ninety percent of the glass. Whiskey and a splash of coke. Logan cringed. His dad didn't usually get mad about shit that bothered regular parents-normally, Aaron couldn't be bothered with whether Logan attended school or kept his room clean. As long as Logan stayed out of his way... But drinking was the one thing. Maybe because it made him think of Lynn. Aaron despised chronic drunkenness and looked at it as a major character flaw. You don't want to end up like your mother, do you boy?
When Aaron didn't say anything though, Logan said, just for the sake of keeping things civil: "Sure I want to know."
Aaron looked at his son as though he were seeing him for the first time. "Ok." Pause. "I just put a sick dog out of its misery."
Logan didn't know what to say but he tried not to betray any emotion. He wanted to throw up. So he didn't say anything.
"It's noble work, Logan, and not everybody's cut out for it." Logan forced himself to nod like he agreed or even understood at all. "You, for example, couldn't handle it. You are too damn much like your mother." With that, Aaron took the drink he was still holding and tossed the liquid and near-melted ice at Logan, drenching his face and torso. Aaron slammed the glass down on the table. "You need to be in control of yourself, Logan. Like me." Logan just nodded again, appreciating the irony of the situation and also wondering how much his hair would still smell of alcohol tomorrow.
"Alright," Aaron said after an eternity of silence. "I've gotta grab a few things and then I'm heading back out for a minute. If you're drunk, I don't want to see you when I get home or there'll be hell to pay. Find somewhere else to sleep, you got it?" When Logan didn't respond verbally, Aaron caught him upside the head. "I don't have time for this right now. I said, you got it?"
"Sure, great, I'll just show up at someone's house in the middle of the night." Logan couldn't help but try to antagonize his father sometimes when there was no other option left.
"Sleep in the fucking street for all I care." With that, Aaron picked up the black duffel he had entered the room with and headed down the hallway to the master bedroom-he was still full of raging pride. Logan took a breath for the first time in what felt like minutes. He wanted to pour himself another drink but he'd settle for dunking his face in the sink before he had to see Veronica again. Logan was finally starting to realize and accept that there were no limits to his father's capabilities and anyone who got in his way could probably be put down like a rabid animal. Aaron was a psychopath and it seemed like someone had just given him the keys to the kingdom. Jesus, when did life get so fucking hard?