-XX-
My Only Wish
Chapter Six
Kelly has a dream about Nicky that night and she figures it's karma. She teases him via text and in turn the universe teases her via dreamland.
Sitting in bed at three in the morning, Kelly plays with the idea of letting Nicky in on this little mix up. She spends some time thinking about this, actually. Every time she comes to the same conclusion. There's no way in hell that she (and even Payson in her body) is telling Nicky.
For one, like everyone else, he'll think she's crazy. Though he makes wishes on stars and eyelashes, Nicky doesn't actually believe in any of it. He's a straight-up science man. He likes what he can control and explain. Even when it comes to gymnastics, Nicky has to put in plain words every move with precise calculations and equate the technical terms with concepts of physics. He may get into the Christmas season, but he won't exactly buy "a Christmas wish did it".
Getting little sleep, Kelly curls up in Payson's bed and at the very root of things she knows it goes deeper than him not believing them. She knows that to Nicky, while Kelly is his Best Friend and Kaylie Cruz is The One Who Didn't Want Him, Payson Keeler is and always will be the One Who Got Away. She has this deeply imbedded fear that if he finds out that it's Payson in there, while spending time together in Denver and trying to figure things out, he – they might realize what they've been missing and seize that lost opportunity.
Kelly is scared to death of losing him and that fact alone, seeing how fucking attached she is, that might scare her most of all.
After yet another restless night of sleep, Kelly whines and argues with Kim, but still ends up at the Rock. She finds a nice corner to sit in and that's what she does for the entire day. Sasha tries over and over to talk her into training. He uses a variety of methods, even reverse psychology, but Kelly won't budge. Keeler would have given in day one, but Kelly is no Keeler no matter how many days she spends in her skin.
"I hope you know you're being ridiculous."
Kelly tilts her head and sees Lauren Tanner standing there. Her hands are on her hips and her blonde hair is up in braids. She's wearing a sparkly orange leotard that really doesn't do anything for her especially against her tan skin. She starts walking closer and Kelly really wishes she wouldn't.
"I thought you of all people would be happy," Kelly says dully.
"Payson," Lauren says exasperatedly. "Why the fuck would I be happy about this?"
"The less competition the better. Isn't that your motto?" Kelly says. "There's no use lying. You and I both know you wouldn't think twice about playing dirty when it comes to something you want. The least you could do is own up to it for once."
Lauren's left eye twitches and that's the window Kelly needs. Usually she can look at a person, start with a vague, basic taunt and see the way it affects them. She picks up on cues, usually a twitch, averting eyes or something along those lines. Then she exploits it till she gets what she needs. With Lauren Tanner, Kelly sees it almost instantly. Guilt.
The only question is: what did she do to Keeler?
Regardless of the what, Kelly knows to proceed with caution.
"It doesn't matter what I did or do," Lauren says. "Just know that I think you're making a mistake. You're counting yourself out before the race even starts. It's a waste of talent. That's just sad, Payson, especially for you."
Lauren walks away without even a glance from over her shoulder.
Kelly wants to think that Lauren's words are somewhat sincere, brought about by the Christmas spirit, but she can't. If anything, this partial confession only surfaced because of the provoked guilt. Lauren did something to Payson and by the looks of things it's something major. As intrigued as Kelly is, she hesitates before willingly delving deeper into it. Rock drama is for the Rock girls and Kelly knows when not to pick fights, especially when it isn't hers to fight.
She has to admit that it is a little sad Lauren tried to pull a Kaylie Cruz and do her part to try to get Kelly (who she thinks is Payson) to put that leotard back on. Lauren is supposed to be one of her best friends, but reading her reaction to Kelly calling her out, Lauren threw her friend under the bus.
It just doesn't make sense to Kelly. Why would Lauren sell out Payson of all people? What could Payson possibly have that would be of use to Lauren?
Kelly may decide that she isn't fighting this battle for Payson, but knowing can't hurt.
Standing from her corner, Kelly looks around and sees that everyone is preoccupied. They wouldn't notice her doing a little snooping around the Rock. This is the sort of thing Kelly Parker lives for. She has a vault of secrets burrowed deep in her head, just waiting for the right moment to withdraw deposits and turn them into blackmail. That's why Kelly can read Lauren so easily. They play similar games.
With her heart hammering faster than the first time she ever competed, Kelly casually slips into the locker room. After checking around every corner to make sure she's alone, Kelly goes up to the one she knows to be Lauren's. Kelly clicks her tongue, looking down to see that Lauren had forgotten to set the lock or didn't care to. Either Lauren is stupid or Kelly is just paranoid. After all, the Rock is a stagnant pond while Denver Elite is a tank of sharks.
Looking from side to side and making sure the coast is clear, Kelly pulls on the medal door and starts rifling through everything in there. Once the locker is open, an invisible cloud of perfume flows free from its metal confines and the overwhelming scent makes Kelly cough. Obviously this is Lauren Tanner's locker.
Inside are a few changes of clothes and an armful of shoes. Kelly carefully pushes things around, but is sure to put them back exactly where they'd been before she infiltrated. There's a leather bag sitting at the bottom of the locker and Kelly's face brightens when she unzips the bag and finds a laptop within. Jackpot.
Kelly is peeved when she sees that the laptop is password protected. She sits down on the bench in the middle of the aisle with the laptop resting on her thighs. She tries a number of combinations of the stupidest things she can think of including Lauren's birthday (that Kelly found on Lauren's driver's license that she found in her wallet), but is denied every time.
Right about to give up on her attempt at playing Nancy Drew, Kelly looks up and sees a picture tacked to the locker door. The picture is of Lauren and Carter Anderson, Lauren's not-so-secret boy toy. Kelly almost snorts with laughter when she sees that there had been someone else in the picture, but Lauren had cut them out so it is just of her and the wavy-haired boy. How creepily pathetic of her.
Fingers poised on the keys, Kelly laughs while typing in 'Mrs. Tanner-Anderson' and her lips form a perfect 'o' of shock when she's granted access. Now that is pathetic personified.
Once the laptop boots up, Kelly connects to the Rock Wi-Fi and opens up the browser. About a million tabs pop up. One is Twitter. Even Kelly would agree that one is essential. A number are of websites for clothing stores and boutiques. Among the clutter, Kelly almost misses that one of the tabs is Lauren's e-mail. Girl is making it almost too easy for Kelly.
Looking through the most recent received and sent messages, Kelly's interest peaks when she sees that there's been some dialogue between Lauren and Ellen Beals. Lauren didn't even bother to delete the evidence? Rookie mistake.
It seems Ellen Beals, who Kelly has up until now considered a helpful ally, is apparently working with the Boulder Devil. Now Kelly knows to keep up her guard around Ellen Beals too. No one can play both sides of the field without some sort of hidden agenda.
In the e-mail Lauren sent to Beals there's a jpg attachment. Kelly downloads the photo and opens it. Yet again her little mouth makes that 'o' of astonishment.
Lauren Tanner is the one who leaked the photos of the kiss between Sasha and Payson.
Kelly sits back for a moment, having to take some time to think this through. What a fucking rat. When Kelly had overheard Lauren and Emily Kmetko mention Kaylie's mom's affair with Marty, she had spread it around just to break up the supposed besties. It was mental war tactics. Sasha punching Marty had simply been domino effect. Kelly couldn't have anticipated that one. That's why, a sort of silent apology, she refrained from bitching out Marty until the black eye faded.
On the other hand, Lauren Tanner sold out her friend and her coach. Does anything get more despicable than that? Lauren knew the possible repercussions – Sasha potentially losing his job and being discredited as a coach and Payson becoming a spectacle and a cautionary tale of pedophilia – and Lauren went through with it anyways. The idea makes Kelly's skin crawl.
Now Steve Tanner holds control of the club, Beals oversees every move made and Sasha is still coaching. They must have struck up some sort of deal. Not being a member of the Rock, Kelly doesn't know the specifics and she isn't so sure that she'd ever want to know. This web got a lot more tangled and complicated than Kelly had originally anticipated. Shit just got real.
Just as possible ammunition or maybe if she ever decided to tell Payson, Kelly forwards a copy of the e-mail Lauren sent to Beals to her own e-mail account. She then deletes the evidence after she gets the message that it had been successfully sent. Before Kelly can start poking around on the hard drive, she hears the locker room door creak open and her heart starts pumping even faster.
Kelly quickly looks over the screen, making sure everything looks exactly how she had found it. Closing the lid, Kelly slides the laptop back into the bag, zips it back halfway and shuts the locker door as quietly as she can.
"Payson?"
Kelly turns quickly and sees Emily Kmetko.
"Hi and bye," she says nervously. Kelly holds her head high and walks right past Emily and out of the locker room. Her hands are shaking in the pockets of her jacket. Finally able to breathe a sigh of relief, Kelly leans back against the nearby wall.
"Payson!"
Why the fuck do people keep calling her? Who knew Payson Keeler was so popular?
Kelly turns and sees Becca with a wide smile on her face.
"What?" Kelly says breathlessly.
"We're leaving early," Becca says. "I'm going to go change and get my things and mom and me have a surprise for you."
Kelly thinks that she has had enough surprises for one day. Maybe a lifetime.
Still, it doesn't seem like Kelly's opinion on the matter counts for much seeing as she's sitting in the car and they're on their way to the said surprise. The radio is turned up and Kim and Becca join the singer in an upbeat rendition of Jingle Bell Rock. Kelly just sits with her arms crossed over her chest, wishing this day would end already. If she's learned anything from this experience it's that being in a family setting means no independence whatsoever.
Kelly almost dies when she sees where they bring her. An ice rink.
FML.
-XX-
"You know, I think I know why you've been so distant lately…"
Payson gulps loudly. "Y—you do?"
Her hands curl tight around the ceramic mug that's filled with tea. Payson is sitting cross-legged while Nicky is lying on his side. They're sitting in front of the fireplace where a strong, glowing fire illuminates the room and crackles as it continues to burn bright. They've successfully set up and decorated the Christmas tree and the entire house. Apparently, it's another Parks and Nick tradition to hang Christmas decorations all around the entire mansion. It honestly looks like Christmas threw up all over the place. According to Nicky, Kelly wouldn't want it any other way.
"What makes you say that?" Payson asks.
"I found this with all the mail you neglected to get from the mailbox like always," Nicky says. He hands her a postcard from the Alps. All it says on the back, in a pretty, girly script, is 'wish you were here. Love, mom'. Well there's a clue into Kelly's family situation. Apparently, her mom is vacationing in Switzerland.
"Oh."
"I get that things can get a little harder around the holidays with your dad off with Wife #3 and your mom doing whatever she's doing in the Alps, but that's why you've got me," Nicky says. He rests his heavy hand on her knee and Payson tries not to react. "You know, I think my dad puts in extra hours around the holidays just to give him a reason to not spend time with me."
Payson frowns. His hand is the least of her worries. That's just sad.
"Nick—"
"Don't, Kelly, it's cool," Nicky says. Payson sees his conflicted expression for just a second before he looks at her and smiles softly. "Having you is enough. It's always been more than enough. And I know you hate talking about this shit as much as I hate it, but I just want you to know that. Doing all this Christmas stuff and acting like we're kids again, forgetting all our family crap, it's honestly the best party of my year."
"You really mean that?" Payson asks.
Nicky nods vigorously. "Without a doubt."
As they're sitting here, Payson returns his smile before looking back over at the fire. The atmosphere is so romantic, but for some reason Nicky acts like it's as ordinary as having the lamp on. It could be the fact that Nicky is an oblivious boy and just doesn't get things like that or that Kelly and Nicky do this sort of thing so often that it's become routine. Payson really does wonder if Kelly knows how lucky she is to have this boy.
"So what's your favorite Christmas memory?" Nicky asks suddenly.
"I don't know," Payson says. Literally, she doesn't.
"Come on," Nicky presses. "Even you have to have a most memorable Christmas moment. Lord knows we've had more than enough to choose from. I don't think we've been apart for a Christmas since we were kids."
"I can't think," Payson says. Instead, she asks, "What's yours?"
Nicky playfully narrows his eyes. "I asked you first."
Payson just gives him a pointed look and she's sure if she just holds his stare, she'll get her way. Kelly Parker is a master at this and Payson is an amateur at best, but Nicky really sucks because he's the one who looks away and threads his fingers through his dark, messy hair.
"That winter we were ten, I think. Your dad was between marriages and he convinced my dad that we should take a vacation so they took us to Tahoe. Remember? We tried ice skating for the first time," Nicky explains. He laughs nostalgically and Payson smiles like she's imagining it all in her head. It isn't so hard. Ice-skating is one of her favorite pastimes.
"You could not stay standing on that ice to save your life." Nicky laughs again and Payson rolls her eyes just for dramatic effect. She only hopes Kelly is trying just as hard to pretend to be her. "It's beyond me how you're this badass polished gymnast, but you just couldn't get a hang of ice skating and fell maybe a million times."
"Just so you know, it's a completely different concept having your feet firmly planted on the mat and wearing blades on your feet and trying to walk on ice," she says defensively. It makes Nicky smile so she must be doing something right.
"Wait, you didn't let me finish," Nicky says. He moves his hand to cover hers and it makes Payson squirm. "Afterwards, you were bitching up a storm and for some reason we were eating ice cream in thirty-degree weather, walking around the shopping area. We walked under some mistletoe and I kissed you."
Payson nearly melts into a puddle on the ground. Can this boy be any more perfect?
Trying not to show how affected she is, Payson shifts uncomfortable and forces an awkward-sounding laugh. "Just to shut me up, right?"
"Mostly." Nicky nods. "But also because it's tradition and…just because I wanted to."
Nicky reaches out to brush some of her hair away from her eyes and Payson gets the worst feeling. She knows he's going to try to kiss her now and a part of her really wants to let him. His eyes are so dark and intense like he's begging her to let him in and knowing how guarded Kelly is, Payson suspects it's a look he uses on a daily basis. The other, much louder and more annoying part of her is screaming that it isn't right.
Before his lips can meet hers, Payson turns away.
"I can't."
Payson already let him kiss her once in this body and she had felt so dirty afterwards. To let that happen again while knowing what she does now, would be, as Kelly put it, sick.
"Fine," Nicky says. The frustration is evident in his voice and also the confusion. Maybe even a hint of sadness in there to. Leaning back, Nicky grabs his car keys off the coffee table and stands up. "I guess I should go then…"
Nicky makes his way to the door and Payson sits there, confused. What just happened?
"Are you seriously leaving right now?" Payson asks, chasing after him.
Nicky turns right around to face her. "Are you going to give me a reason to stay?"
"I'm not having sex with you if that's all you're looking for," she says.
"Well then, I'll see you at the gym tomorrow."
Payson stands there, floored. Apparently Nicky Russo isn't as loving and perfect as she thought. She's starting to suspect he has some sort of mood disorder. One minute he's about to kiss her and the next he's halfway out the front door.
"Okay, what kind of relationship is this?" Payson shouts, marching after him.
"It isn't a relationship," he retorts as he pulls on his coat, standing at the door.
"Well then, it's even worse calling this a friendship," Payson argues. "Friends aren't supposed to walk away just because one of them won't put out. It doesn't work that way."
"If you haven't notice, Parks, this isn't exactly the standard friendship. It's us. It's just what we do…at least it was up until a few days ago," he says accusingly. "And just so you know, I'm sick of you playing me hot and cold. Every other girl in the universe does that and I was always happy you weren't like that. Sure, your games are often more twisted, but never when it came to you and me. Now I don't even know what to think."
"Yeah, well, that makes two of us," Payson says exasperatedly. "So you talking about how you don't mind your dad not being around because you have me, all of that was bull?"
"No. Of course not," Nicky assures her. He takes a step towards her, but then he catches himself and stumbles two steps backwards. "I meant it, Kelly. You know that."
"Well you aren't showing it," Payson says. She feels just as frustrated as he looks. That's why she doesn't do any of this messy relationship crap and sticks to gymnastics. This is getting to be too much. "You're playing hot and cold just as much as I am."
Nicky shakes his head. "Wow. I can't do this right now. I'm leaving before we make things even worse."
"Good," Payson says spitefully.
After Nicky walks out, Payson locks the front door behind him. What the hell just happened here? Payson's head is spinning so bad that she has no idea what to even think. She walks to the window that overlooks the driveway and she sees Nicky sitting in his car. The headlights are on and the engine is running, but his car doesn't move. A good five minutes pass and he still doesn't budge.
Payson's phone buzzes in her pocket and she fishes it out. A text from Kelly.
Why did Nick txt me 'I don't want u going to sleep pissed at me.' Wtf Keeler?
Before Payson can even think of a reply to text back, her phone buzzes again.
If it was a stupid argument dont lose sleep over it. Nick n I fight constantly. Nothing new. In other news, u got a new bruise the shape of Texass on ur knee. Not my fault. I dont friggin ice-skate. Srsly.
Payson feels so torn up and confused about this Nicky thing that she can't even think to be pissed at Kelly as she responds.
I think I ruined your friendship with Nicky.
Payson waits for the call, waits for Kelly to verbally bitch her out, but instead she gets another text message.
I think Lauren Tanner ruined you.
Payson doesn't know if she wants to question that any further and she doesn't. Kelly doesn't text her back to ask about Nicky either. Payson just waits until his car finally disappears from the driveway, which takes a good fifteen minutes. Once Payson is completely alone, she stares into the light of the fireplace and hums Merry Christmas Darling to herself.
A/N: Thanks you everyone who's still actually reading this! Romance Novel, Payson-Nicky-forever, you knowz you be my lovlies. If I wasn't so swamped with last minute Christmas stuff and a total flake in general, I would have probably proposed a Christmas fic-exchange, but alas I'm determined to get this fic done and I still need to buy my dad a present. Whoops. Just know you two are awesome and two of the best writer-pals I've got (just don't tell LCTD 'cuz she gets jelly like whoa :P). Big thanks to CSIdestiny and Gia too for the continuous feedback. I love knowing that people actually read the nonsense I write.
6 days till Christmas!
xoxo