-XX-
My Only Wish
Chapter Eight
It's been too long. If Payson hasn't already lost her mind then it's happening now.
She's in Boulder. Instead of going to practice at Denver Elite like she's been doing for the last few days, Payson drives home. While the rest of the Keelers are still waking up and getting ready for the day, Kelly sneaks out of the house. She walks two blocks to where Payson is parked. Before she gets in, Kelly literally hugs the front of her car so long that Payson has to roll down the window and shout for her to just get in already.
Sitting there with the heater cranked up to maximum, the two talk about Austin knowing about the wish and Kelly doesn't really seem to care who knows as long as it isn't Nicky. For some reason Kelly seems super uncomfortable when Payson asks about her friend or the Rock in general. Payson can only hope for the best and expect the worst when it comes to Kelly Parker.
After talking for a little while longer, Kelly eventually goes back into the house, dragging her feet the entire time. Right as Payson is about to take off and drive back to Denver, she notices that Kelly forgot her cell phone on the cushioned seat. Payson kills the engine and sits there, trying to figure out what she should do. She knows that she can't exactly go up to the front door and ring the bell. Payson sits and watches the Keelers leave for the day and she puts the car in drive, following after them.
Payson doesn't know what she thinks she's accomplishing by sitting in the Rock parking lot, frozen behind the wheel of Kelly's car. It isn't like she can just take the cell phone, waltz right in and give it to Kelly. Instead, she just sits and sees all her friends' cars in a row, each with their designated parking stalls. She's yet to see any of them, but that's probably due to the cold weather and the fact that it's the last day of training before the Christmas break.
Payson should probably be in Denver, keeping up appearances as Kelly Parker and training, but she can't. She has no motivation anymore. Marty doesn't give her the one-on-one attention like Sasha does. He juggles at least a dozen other gymnasts and he's equal and fair, but he also expects more than she has to give right now. Payson has learned that there's no point in being a power gymnast if she isn't herself. She would choose her life above all else, artistic gymnastics track and all.
Her heart swells when she sees her mom walking out from the front doors of the Rock. Pulling her coat tight around her, Kim walks towards her car and clicks the alarm off. It makes Payson smile. Despite how organized and put-together she is Kim Keeler is notoriously forgetful. Sometimes she lets the little things slip away from her. It's something Payson thinks she gets from her mom.
Suddenly, without thinking, Payson gets out of the car. She just needs to hear her mother's voice. Sitting alone in Kelly's empty house has gotten to her in the worst way.
Kim gets whatever it is she needs from her car and starts rushing back to the entrance to the Rock. Payson picks up speed, nearly sprinting across the slushy parking lot and almost slipping once or twice. Kim walks in through the front doors and right when Payson reaches to grab the door, someone shoves it open from inside.
Lauren. And Kaylie right behind her.
Payson gets the biggest, probably most idiotic smile on her face and she almost moves forward to hug her friends, but the weary expressions on their faces stop her in her tracks. With the day-to-day shuffle and how they're always so concentrated on gymnastics and personal issues that arise, sometimes their friendship gets muted and lost, but Payson always thinks she can count on the girls.
"I thought I saw you creeping out in the parking lot. Turns out I was right as always," Lauren says immediately. "What? Did Marty send you to play spy?"
"And this close to Christmas," Kaylie adds. "Can you get any lower?"
At first Payson doesn't know where all this animosity is coming from, but then she remembers that she's wearing Kelly Parker's face.
"I'm not spying," Payson says.
"Oh please," Lauren scowls. "What other reason would you have for being here?"
Payson thinks about her mom and how desperate she had been to see her, to grasp onto a piece of who she actually is, no matter how minuscule. With the way Lauren and Kaylie are staring, Payson is ready to blurt out everything she's feeling and try to make them understand what she's going through. Ultimately, Payson just bites her tongue.
"I'm here to see Payson," she says.
"And why would you want to do that?" Kaylie asks with such a protective ferocity to her voice. She gets this look on her face like she figured everything out when it's fairly obvious she knows nothing at all. "Did you say something to her? No wonder she's been acting so weird lately. Kelly, what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything," she says.
"Like we're going to believe that," Lauren says. "Payson has been catatonic as of late. Of course you and your mind games are behind it. Get a clue, Kelly Parker. No one needs your shit and no one likes you."
"You should leave," Kaylie says. "Now."
"No. Don't. Stay," Lauren says, "It'd be the ultimate Christmas gift to see your fat ass hauled off Rock property by the cops."
Having heard enough and lacking Kelly's ability to feed off of negative energy and make a situation worse, Payson turns on her heels and walks back to the car. She can feel the water in her eyes, not so much because Lauren said she has a fat ass, but because of everything. It's overwhelming. She waits until she gets in the car and finally lets the tears leak from her eyes.
This isn't what she wants. It's never been what she wanted. Sure the feeling of training and being independence was amazing and fulfilling in the beginning, but it didn't last like Payson thought it could. She starts feeling empty and that feeling only started to spread the longer she's away from her family, her friends and the Rock. Payson can't take it anymore.
When the passenger side door clicks open, Payson sniffles and quickly swipes the back of her hands over her eyes. Through her teary eyes, Payson sees Austin and she's automatically confused. He looks at her with concern and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. Payson doesn't know why he's here or how he knew she needed him without even being told, but she isn't about to push him away either.
"I overheard Lauren and Kaylie. You know that was just them being girls." Austin tries, he really does. "They didn't know you were you and the claws came out instinctively. They didn't mean it. Payson, you need to breathe."
"Austin, I—I can't anymore! I miss my family more than you could ever imagine. My friends, girls I've known since I first moved here, don't even recognize me and, oh yeah, I'm stuck in Kelly Parker's body!" Payson shouts. "It is not okay. This is probably the worst Christmas ever!"
"Shh…"
Austin rubs his hand in comforting circles down her arm and across her back.
"Everything is so messed up," Payson says, quieter this time. "God, I'm even crying."
Laughing softly, Austin touches the tears on her cheeks and Payson shyly turns away. He continues to chase away the tear tracks and says, "something tells me you aren't the crying type."
"Never in front of anyone at least," Payson coyly murmurs.
"Well, I'm honored," he says, wearing that damn charming smile.
Before she even realizes, the tears cease to fall.
"This isn't permanent. It can't be. No quick fix comes to mind right now, but I promise you'll be the first to know when the ol' Tucker light bulb goes off," Austin assures her, tapping his index finger against his temple. "In the meantime, is there anything else I could do to help?"
"Find Kelly and get her for me," Payson says, sniffling.
"On it."
Austin gently pats the top of Payson's head and gives her a smile before he gets out of the car. Payson stares after him, finding him kind of odd. When Austin Tucker first came to the Rock, everyone had been so taken by him and his bad boy ways. He's still that same person in the sense that he'll check out anything with breasts and he's still a serial dater, constantly seen with different models and actresses, but he isn't that stereotypical "bad boy" anymore. He's playful and funny and charming. He's Austin.
Payson leans back into the headrest and stares forward. She tilts her head to the side when she notices that her mom's car is no longer parked in the Keeler space. Something tells her that Austin isn't going to find Kelly in the gym.
Suddenly Kelly's phone rings and it draws her attention. Payson reaches for the BlackBerry and turns it over in her hand. It's Nicky.
Sighing, Payson holds the phone up to her ear. "Hey Nick, this isn't a good time…"
"Kelly, where are you?" he asks urgently.
"Nowhere," she replies. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
"Well, you need to get down to DE right now," he says from the other end of the phone line. "Are you far from here? I don't know how much longer I can cover for you. Marty's been asking about you all morning."
"You covered for me?" Payson asks, sitting up in her seat.
"Of course," he replies.
"Why would you do that?" she asks. "We aren't even talking."
"It was stupid and I'm over it," Nicky says. "You may be a pain in the ass, Parks, but I've got your back."
Payson manages a small smile. The tension with Nicky had been one of the many things that pushed Payson over the edge and now here he is, calling her to say he's over it? It can't be that simple. Can it?
Just then the door opens again and in comes Austin. "Hey. I can't find her anywhere…"
Payson quickly signals for him to be quiet, but it's too late.
"Are you with Austin Tucker?" Nicky asks. There's confusion and even anger in his voice.
Payson inwardly curses. "Listen Nick, I need to get going. I'll explain later. I promise."
"No. You can't just brush this off, Kelly," Nicky says. Payson can feel that dreadful feeling rising within her yet again. "I saw you with him outside of DE yesterday hugging like you're…I don't even know. What the hell? First Kaylie and now you of all people jumped on the Austin Tucker train? You need to explain to me what's so good about that guy because I just don't see it."
"This isn't about Austin," she says. Her voice comes out whiny and annoying, something Kelly's voice seems to do frequently, especially when she's stressed or frustrated.
"Kelly, don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying!" she shouts. "You're being ridiculous and making a big thing out of nothing!"
"Why can't you just be honest with me? I've been trying, really trying, these last couple of days, but to tell you the truth, Parks, there's only so much I can put up with…"
"Nick, you need to calm down and listen to me," Payson says firmly. "Nick…Nick!"
She looks at the screen and sees that he hung up on her.
"So I take it you aren't having the best day," Austin says slowly.
Payson groans and presses her forehead to the steering wheel. "Not. At. All."
-XX-
Kelly needed out of there and fast. Another second in the Rock and she probably would have had a mental breakdown, ranting about her current situation to the entire gym and making Payson look like more of a lunatic than she already appears to be. It isn't like Kelly is trying to protect what's less of Payson's reputation or anything. It isn't like she's trying to destroy her life either. She just needed to get out of there.
Sasha had pulled her aside and gotten in her face. It was evident how much he cared in the tone of his voice and those crystal clear blue eyes just begging to be let in. Kelly couldn't do it. No matter how pathetic and desperate he looked, Kelly still couldn't bring herself to trust him. It was obvious how hard he was fighting to get through to her, but it wasn't for her to hear or her to tell. It was for Payson and Payson alone.
Kelly ended up sneaking into the office and stealing Kim's keys to the car. Kim isn't going to be very pleased and just as they were starting to find some common ground. At the very least, Kelly did manage to scribble on a post-it about how she truly doesn't deserve a mom who gives a damn and that she's sorry for all the trouble she's caused – stealing her car included.
Taking control of the mom mobile, Kelly drives straight to Denver Elite. It's her home. She's spent more time in the gym than she does that mansion atop the hill. Denver Elite has always been one of the few places she felt she belonged. Parking towards the back of the lot, Kelly gets out and just leans against the car, staring up at the building in front of her.
She barely feels the cold and she's desperate to feel something.
"Payson Keeler!"
Shit. Getting spotted and recognized wasn't apart of this little fieldtrip.
Kelly looks over and she sees Marty walking towards her. She quickly fixes her posture and stands straight in front of her coach like she's about to be evaluated. He wears a small, welcoming smile as he joins her. Kelly has never felt compelled to hug Marty before this moment. He could even bitch her out and nothing would make her smile more.
"Payson Keeler, what are you doing here?" he asks.
"No clue," she replies honestly. Marty looks at her curiously and the weight of his gaze easily makes her uncomfortable. Kelly curls her fingers around the car keys in her pocket and starts to back away from him. "I should probably leave. This isn't exactly my place…"
"No. It's fine. Stand out in the cold as long as you like," Marty says, leaning back against the car. "Actually, you better get inside. The last thing you want, as a gymnast, and as a teenager days before Christmas, is getting stuck in bed with a cold."
"I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine," Kelly says. Her hand relaxes and her eyes move back over to the glowing Denver Elite sign. "You know, I actually came here thinking it'd give me answers."
"And?"
"And I've come up empty," she says.
"Payson, is there something going on at home?" Marty asks. He actually sounds concerned.
"No," Kelly says. She feels a stab of guilt, thinking of the way she just jacked the Keeler car and after they've been so good to her. It was actually nice to get a taste of how the other side lived. "Home is great. It's beyond great. It's perfect."
"What about the Rock?"
"Not so perfect," Kelly replies.
"Is it Sasha? Did he touch you? I swear if he laid a Goddamn hand on you again—"
"No, it's not that," Kelly says. She's impressed and a little startled by how much he really does care.
"You know, I never wanted to leave you girls," Marty says. "It nearly killed me, but in the long run, I thought it was for the best. I thought I was doing everyone a favor by leaving and when they brought in Belov, I thought that I could actually get some sleep at night knowing you were still being mentored by the best of the best. If I knew he was going to do that…"
"I don't want to talk about that," Kelly says quickly. She really doesn't. By the look on his face, Marty doesn't want to either. "I just need to know…are you happy at Denver Elite?"
Marty pauses long enough to make Kelly nervous.
"Yes," he answers. "Yes, I am."
Kelly shakes her head. "You don't need to lie to me."
"I know that and I'm not," he assures her. "When I see you, Kaylie, Lauren and even Emily, when I see you girls at competitions and how much you've grown as gymnasts, I know you never really needed me. You'd all be spectacular gymnasts regardless of if I was there to bark at you all day or not. Here at Denver Elite on the other hand, some of these gymnasts need that extra push and I'm here to give that to 'em."
"Like Kelly Parker?" she asks.
Marty laughs. "If they gave out gold medals for ambition, I think Kelly would still be reigning champion. Firecracker Parker, we call her. She has the skill, no doubt, but that attitude. She took a little fall from grace after Nationals, but I think it was for the best. It can be a humbling experience and if I could only get her to see that. I don't think any other coach has the patience or guts to put her in her place so, yes, Payson, gymnasts like Kelly Parker."
Kelly almost smiles, but resists. She sees his point.
"You want to come inside and warm up before you drive back?" Marty suggests.
"I'd rather not," Kelly says.
"Suit yourself," he says.
"Payson? Is that you?"
Kelly's heart starts hammering in her chest because she would know voice anywhere. She looks out towards Denver Elite and she sees Nicky standing there beneath the marquee. He's looking over at her with a tired smile as he tries to force a friendly front. Nicky starts walking towards her and Kelly feels she should get into the car and drive away now before she does something stupid like maul him in front of Marty.
"Hey," Nicky says. He sounds so shy and the way he approaches is so unsure and bumbling.
"Hi," Kelly says awkwardly, resisting the urge to start tearing his clothes off.
"I guess that's my cue to leave," Marty says. He straightens his jacket and gives her a smile, failing to notice the way Kelly is nonverbally begging him not to leave her alone here with Nicky. "It was nice seeing you, Payson. You take care and tell your parents I said happy holidays."
"I will," she says.
Marty walks away after giving Nicky a pat on the back, a subtle warning if she's ever seen one.
"So Payson, what are you doing in Denver?"
"Just, um, visiting Marty," Kelly says. It sounds just as lame aloud as it did in her head.
"That's cool."
There's a long stretch of silence and Kelly hates it. This isn't how things are supposed to be between them. There isn't supposed to be any awkwardness. They aren't supposed to be standing so far away from each other, like mere acquaintances, like virtual strangers. He looks like he doesn't know how he's supposed to act around her and Kelly is desperate for him to just be himself.
"So I've heard some things about you," Kelly says. At the sound of her voice, Nicky looks up at her and arches his eyebrows. "Apparently, Nicky Russo is a favorite gossip topic even after leaving the Rock."
"Apparently," he laughs. "What are they saying now?"
Kelly knows it's probably a disaster about to happen, but she just can't stop herself.
"Oh, just some things about you and Kelly Parker," she says. Kelly closely watches his face. He looks like he's going to be sick. At this point, Kelly would take what she sees and exploit it until he tells her everything, but Payson wouldn't do that. "You know, it's fine if you don't want to talk about it. I guess it isn't any of my business."
"You're right. It isn't." Nicky snaps. Kelly looks taken aback, surprised by the way he suddenly flipped out like that. She, Kelly Parker, is used to him being moody and whatnot, but not in front of Payson Keeler. Nicky catches himself and he instantly looks apologetic. "No. God, Payson, I shouldn't have said it like that."
"It's okay," she says. Over and over, Kelly reminds herself to be patient and understanding. It isn't her ideal tactic, but it should reap the same results. At least, she hopes it will. "I'm sorry if I was overstepping, but you seemed really upset."
Saying the dreaded s-word nearly kills her, but it is very Payson Keeler.
"I wouldn't say upset," he deflects.
Looking at Nicky now, the way he squares his shoulders and stares down at the ground, Kelly almost doesn't recognize him. He's so guarded, so afraid of getting hurt, especially after the way he opened himself up to the idea of Payson Keeler just to get shot down on Valentine's Day. She wants to tell him that it's her, Kelly – Parks – and he doesn't have to be like this. But she knows she can't. Even if she was in her own body, she doesn't know if she could ever beg him to let her in.
"Whatever's going on, you can tell me. We said we'd be friends after the whole post-California…thing, right?" Kelly says. She flashes back to when Nicky had explained the entire "post-California thing" to her. It almost made her gag. "How can we be friends if we don't talk to each other? You don't have to worry. I'll be sure to keep it out of the tabloids."
Nicky laughs at that and strokes his fingers through his dark hair. He hesitates, but Kelly knows he has and probably always will have a weak spot for the blonde gymnast he sees in front of him. It annoys Kelly to no end, but in this moment, she can use that last existing, albeit weak line of trust to her advantage.
"Promise you won't tell anyone?" he asks.
Score.
"I promise," she says. Again, breaking another Kelly Parker rule. The always irritating p-word.
"Not even Kaylie and Emily? And especially Lauren?" Nicky asks skeptically.
"Nick—ee, you know I wouldn't do that to you," Kelly says.
"I know," he says, nodding his head. "So…things with Kelly and me are…complicated."
"Complicated?"
"Yes," he replies.
"So something is going on between you two?"
"Yes."
Kelly feels something at his divulgence. She feels this all-encompassing warmth spread all throughout her to the point where she hardly notices the fact that it's below forty-degrees out. Her fingertips are just itching to reach out to him and she just can't seem to stand still any longer. Kelly doesn't know what it is exactly, but she likes it.
"So you're dating?"
"No," Nicky replies. Kelly gives him a look of confusion and he laughs. "See. Complicated."
"So why aren't you dating?" Kelly asks. She feels like she may be pushing it, but she's growing antsy for answers and this might be her only shot to see what he actually feels. "I mean, besides the obvious. She's horrible."
"That she is," Nicky says. He laughs again, but this time it sounds a lot more amused than frustrated. "But she's kind of awesome too. I know you and Kelly and all the other girls from the Rock have your whole rivalry thing going on, but I think Kelly would surprise you. It's just…she isn't known for having the biggest attention span and I'm so bad at this sort of thing like with what happened with you and then Kaylie. I don't know. I…I care about her too much to let it be another thing that falls apart. Does that sound stupid?"
Really, shoving him up against the car and making out with him starts to seem more and more like a legitimate option. He's bumbling and socially stunted, but no one has ever said something like that about her, something so pure, especially behind her back.
"It's not stupid. I think it's sweet," Kelly says.
"Well, thanks," Nicky says awkwardly. He steps away and moves his fingers through his hair even more. "Plus, she's been hanging out with Austin Tucker lately and I don't even know what to think about that."
This time Kelly laughs and Nicky looks over at her questioningly.
"You don't have to worry about Austin," Kelly says.
"And why's that?" Nicky asks.
"Because Austin's in love with me," she says, plastering on a smile.
In an act of quick thinking, Kelly totally just made Payson Keeler her sacrificial lamb. Kelly makes a mental note to figure out something nice for Keeler for Christmas.
"Wow," Nicky says. He looks extremely shocked. "I'm sorry. Was that a joke?"
"Nope," Kelly replies. "You should see him at the Rock. I tell him over and over again that there's the no dating rule and gymnastics comes first with me, but if anything he's persistent."
"But you'd never…with Tucker…right?" Nicky asks. Kelly thinks she just heard his voice actually crack when he asked that. "I mean, he dated Kaylie and you two are best friends…"
Kelly knows she shot herself in the foot with this one and she's seconds away from starting to chew on Payson's nails. Then there's that little voice nagging at her, irritated that he even brought up Kaylie Cruz in the conversation.
Kelly reads Nicky too easily. Payson and Kaylie's friendship is the reason Kaylie passed up on Kaylicky. For Payson to hook up with Tucker, betray the girl code and betray Kaylie, it would look like Austin Tucker is worth losing a friend over and Nicky Russo isn't. Already knowing Nicky's insecurities about Austin Tucker, Kelly inwardly curses. Bringing up the Olympic gold medalist was not the power play she'd been hoping it'd be.
"Of course I wouldn't…with Austin. I mean, it's entertaining, sure, but I'm all about gymnastics. One hundred-percent," Kelly says with a sure nod. Feeling the tension mounting, Kelly pulls the car keys out of her coat pocket, a clear sign that she wants out of this conversation that somehow slipped from her control. Nicky clearly takes the hint and coughs into a closed fist.
"Anyways, I probably told you more than you wanted to hear and wasted enough of your time," Nicky says. "I should get back inside."
"Yeah, I should probably go too," she says. Kelly stops before she yanks the door open and stares over at Nicky. Despite how weird the conversation got, she really doesn't want to be away from him. "Hey Nicky, good luck with Kelly and everything."
"Thanks Pay." Nicky gives her one of his adorable, crooked smiles. "You know, this was really…nice. I'm glad we can still be friends even after everything that happened."
"Me too."
They stare at each other for a little bit and it's obvious that he's debating on whether to go for the hug or not. Kelly just stands there, afraid that if he does hug her, she might not be able to let go. Eventually, Nicky does step up and bring her into his arms for a gentle hug. Kelly rests her hands on his back and shuts her eyes, just enjoying the closeness she's been craving for too long now. For a second, it almost feels real.
When they finally pull away, Nicky gives her a look like he knows something isn't completely right. Seeing this, her thoughts racing, Kelly stumbles back and pops the car door open. Kelly really did try to cover all her bases and she might have slipped up a little towards the end, but he couldn't have figured it out, right?
"Wait…Merry Christmas, Payson," Nicky says as he starts to walk away.
"Merry Christmas," Kelly says and beneath her breath, she whispers, "Nick."
Once she's safely in the car and Nicky is long gone, Kelly starts the engine and heads for her house. It's the frickin' day before Christmas Eve. She's going to figure out a way to get back to her life even if it takes all night.
A/N: Two more chapters and this fun little project will be complete. Just in time for Christmas. hehe Anyways, I'd like to thank Romance Novel for making a super fantastic awesome icon for the Creative Dummy author profile. For a festive chuckle, you should click on our profile and check it. It be ridiculously amazing and will guarantee to put you in the Christmas spirit. ;)
xoxo