A/N: I just wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone that has been reading and reviewing and those that put this crazy little story on alert. I really do appreciate all the virtual lovings.

Big hugs to both lexiecullen17 and snozzberryfeary for beta'ing this and making sure it doesn't read all jacked up.

I'm on twitter if you'd like to follow, same name as my author name.

We all know that SM owns the twi side, I just borrow her toys.

My mind was awake well before my eyes decided that they were going to open. My head felt heavy and weighted down. I tried to lift an eyelid, only to feel like it was glued shut. Finally, I was able to blink open my swollen peepers.

The room was extraordinarily bright, like someone had turned on every light and somehow managed to also get the sun blazing directly at my face. I was about to say something to no one in general, when I noticed the thickness of my tongue. The tip was pushed against the back of my teeth, dry and sandy feeling, while my tongue and the back of my throat had a thick slimy coating.

Fuuuck, I have a hangover.

"What did I drink last night? It feels like I swallowed some jello shots." I said aloud to myself.

"The better question is, what didn't you swallow last night, Bella?"

The voice that answered back was unexpected and caused me to jump in my own skin and fall out of my bed. In a heap of covers on the floor, I looked toward the corner of my room. Edward sat smiling genuinely at me, a wicked glint flashing in his eye, just before he winked conspiratorially at me.

Oh god, I didn't...did I? Flashes of the night before came into my mind. I remembered telling him about a few of my past 'adventures' and then jumping into his lap. There was something about bunnies, massage oils and bondage in the back of my head, but it was like looking at an old distorted picture.

I could guess all I wanted. Suddenly, a different memory came to mind. Me trying to be coy and sexy and telling some guy I wanted to go down on him. I remembered that as clear as day...Nick. He tried to guide me and ended up shoving my head down on his dick. I choked and gagged, then vomited all over his testicles.

"Oh God," I whispered. What had Edward meant...what hadn't I swallowed? "Did I puke on you?" I asked in a horrified tone. He smiled and then began to laugh. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't guys like you run afterwards?" Anger and embarrassment rolled through my liquor abused body.

"Afterwards?" His face sobered up, and then he smirked. "Bella, I just gave you your gift and listened to you while you downed a second bottle of wine. I'm not that type of guy. Well, I am...but not with you."

I winced; it sounded like he was disgusted with the thought of fucking me. "Oh," was all I could manage out. Words from last night filtered into my mind. I'd told him about the worst and semi-good sexual experiences of my life...and I'd turned him off of me completely.

EPOV

I watched as vibrant red crept up and blossomed over Bella's cheeks. Somewhere inside of me, a tugging sensation told me I had said the wrong thing. Before I could even open open my mouth and try to make her understand what I had meant, she spoke up.

"Oh." With that one simple word, I knew either she misunderstood what I was saying or she remembered everything she'd said to me during last night's wine 'tasting'.

Again, I felt like I should say something, but instead, I ogled her as she got up from the tangle of blankets. Her hair still had some mud in it and was wild from sleep. Her face was flushed, and her outfit caressed her form in every place that I wanted to touch.

"Edward." She toyed with the edge of her shirt and found a place on the wall next to me to stare at. Fuck me, she's sexy in the morning. At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to wake up next to her and realize that my hands had tangled her locks and my kisses and touches had left her flushed. I was too busy imagining fucking her to hear her speak.

"EDWARD!" She raised her voice, and her eyes finally fell on me. Blazing, angry eyes...but still. She visibly blew out a breath, and the glare softened, then returned to the empty wall. "I have to get ready. I had a, um, nice time last night."

She was telling me to leave. My stomach clenched, and then my testicles spoke up. Now you've ruined our chance to fuck her senseless. Why are you acting upset? That was always the plan. Why was I somehow bothered by her asking me to leave? She was being polite about it, and maybe she'd call later.

"Can I call you later?" My balls stole my voice and spoke for me.

Her gaze flicked to me and away again. The brief glimpse I'd gotten of her face looked like she was surprised. But when Bella spoke her voice seemed shy and meek...alien.

"Sure, you can call me if you want." Bella had stepped towards the front door, lingering there, subtly telling me it was time to go. Maybe she has a long shift at the hospital today? It was the only comforting thought that I could grasp onto as I left the building.

My insides felt uneasy at the thought that she had just kicked me out permanently, and I couldn't understand why. This woman intrigued me and had me wanting to run my tongue over every inch of her body, but as my nuts reminded me...this was supposed to be about a hook up. I shook away the nagging feeling and went back to plotting on just how I could get between Dr. Swan's thighs.

BPOV

Helplessly, I watched Edward close the door quietly behind him. The moment I couldn't hear his footsteps in the hallway outside my door, I crumpled down onto myself. Embarrassment flooded my system as I mentally slapped myself on the forehead.

Quickly, I pulled myself up, the sudden straightening of my back reminding my stomach that it was queasy. I wound my arms around my middle and sluggishly made my way to my phone. It was still on the couch-where I left it when I had drunk dialed Edward for a 'session.'

I yanked it from the cushion before sinking down into the seat. Of course, Alice answered when I called the nurse's counter. As soon as I said, "Hello," she was all over me.

"What was in the box? I mean I'm sure coming from him it was good, but how good was it?" Alice happily prattled on. I had the feeling she was talking more to herself than me.

"Nurse Alice," I interrupted by calling her the equivalent of a first and middle name. When the her last word came out in an even hiss, I knew I had her attention. "I need someone to cover my rounds today."

The evil battery-operated woman began giggling through the line. "Ooohhh, so it was good good. Got it, and I got you covered. Newton and Crowley have both been sniffing around."

Double images of scrawny bloodhounds burst through my brain-Alice and me being the raccoons or squirrels they were chasing up a tree. The thought was bordering on Elmer Fudd territory, and it made me giggle too.

"Oh really, what are they nosing around about?"

I could practically hear the Grinch smirk form on Alice petite lips. "Someone may have told them about a sexy mysterious man dropping presents off for you. That, in turn, led to the game of twenty questions where Edward doesn't exactly seem to fit in as vegetable or mineral."

"Alice! Get to the point woman."

"Oh well, they're looking for a way to get on your good side and have both offered up incentive to get there," Alice announced happily.

Did I really want either of those guys doing me a favor? Not really, but hey, I figured they owed me for all the free boob and ass grabs. "Knowing those two, I don't want to know." I told her. "And Alice? Thanks."

After saying my goodbye, I tossed the phone on the coffee table and hugged my knees close to me. Yup, go ahead and do it, Bella. I don't know what you're talking about. Swan, pity party, table of one.

I smacked my hands down on the cushion next to my feet and decided that was one party I was not going to attend. Stomping through the apartment had never felt better. Well, until the downstairs neighbor started pounding on their ceiling to tell me to quiet down.

Damn, Mrs. Lieberman, I will shank you. Oh my god, being sexless and humiliated had improved my temperament so much. Haha, yeah you've just been nominated for the cunt of the year award.

I slapped my hands over my face and sighed at my internal critic. Shower...I needed a shower. Looking into the bathroom mirror only reaffirmed that thought. Jeebus, no wonder Edward didn't want to fuck me. I had mud stuck in all the wrong places, like...on my face.

My clothes were thrown across the room, and I stepped under the warm spray of the shower. The water felt like tiny pebbles bouncing off my skull. Oh the lovely after effects of alcohol. In trying to shield my head, my body turned, giving my back the full shiatsu treatment.

Funny thing about warm showers, the steam tends to clear your mind. As the tension faded from my back, snippets of last night came into focus. I had divulged way too much about my lackluster sexual prowess and tried to give a freebie champagne room lap dance to Edward.

He'd expertly diverted my attention to his gift and then very gentleman-like told me when I was sober he'd be more than happy to help me test drive the rabbit. Crap, when he had said he was 'that guy' just not with me, was that what he'd meant?

"Fuck, Bella, you may have just fucked yourself," I spoke to the tile on the wall. "Or made that the only option after kicking out the Sex Guru."

Crap, how was I going to fix this? Edward had not only not taken advantage of me, he'd stayed on my couch all night after I stumbled my way through the living room. I filled my palm full of shampoo and ran my fingers through the matted tangles on my head.

My breath stopped, and I hissed in pain. There was a huge welt on the back of my skull. It totally made sense now that I focused on that pain. Yeah, I stumbled out of the living room and face planted in the hallway.

Edward had made some comment about him not being there to catch my face with his crotch this time. I had mumbled something obscene about coffee cake. That was when the bright idea came to me. Well two ideas.

First, I could go to the coffee house and see if Edward looked mad at work. Second: I was pretty sure that the new "Bugs" that Edward had got me said "waterproof" on the front. Hmmm, definite potential for a second shower if the whole stalking bit fails.

A quick 'get dressed' moment and I was out the door and on my covert operation. Thankfully, there was a man exiting a cab outside of my building. Not so thankfully, it was the same cab driver from the other day. I gave him the same street name.

Hand to God, I swear I saw his eyes light up. Maybe he was going to start asking about lube. I shook the thought from my head but not before defensively stating, "They have the best coffee in the city."

The burly man shrugged and turned his attention to the road. Completely paranoid, I spent the entire ride watching his facial expressions in the rear view mirror. Way to start the creepy stalker act early. My internal voice had a point, and my gaze fell to my lap as he pulled to the curb.

Looking out the window, I noticed it was the same spot I'd screamed for him to stop the other day. He remembered me for sure...no paranoia about it. As confirmation, I saw him turn his whole torso around and watch me anxiously.

"What? They have great coffee, too?" I sputtered aimlessly.

"Just watching to see how fast you jump out this time," a heavy accented voice replied cheekily.

I huffed, annoyed, and slowly stepped out of the cab. No vagina vinyl searing taking place today. After being reminded of my rush the other day, I also remembered my haphazard trek across the street.

Instantly, I figured I should cross here at the corner. Falling on your face in the street and getting hit by a non-entertained cabbie was definitely not too stealth.

I was about as covert as a crackhead looking for a fix. Standing at the edge of the crosswalk, waiting for the "Don't Walk" light to change. I was twitchy and kept glancing over my shoulder at the Pleasure Chest.

The guy next to me was blatantly and open-mouth staring at my odd behavior. I shot him a glare, and he took a very large step back from me. Oh yeah, I'd just been elevated to crazy street lady status.

Part of me was glad he was giving me a wide berth. Where he stood now blocked anyone's view of me from the store I was eyeing. The other part of me prayed that he never made his way to any floor I worked on at the hospital.

I made a break for it as soon as the lit up stick figure showed on the sign, and blessed be, I didn't falter or trip in my mad dash.

My insta-bestie was the barista again, and she greeted me loudly as soon as I approached the counter.

"Chai Latte, right?" I nodded, and she added, "A slice of coffee cake with that?" Another nod earned me a bright smile from the girl, Angela.

I had a silent debate with myself whether she was a cheerleader or the pep squad type. I mean, she was still teenage looking but at least this time in the shop was during standard school hours. So, I guessed she was a former pep squad girl; she was much too nice to be a former cheerleader.

Well by Bring It On standards at least.

"Thanks." I finally found the manners I owned and spoke up. "It's been a rough morning," I offered as an explanation for my previously vacationing politeness, and then to show they were nicely rested and evenly tanned, I tacked on a, "My name's Bella, by the way."

Angela shook my outstretched hand and gave me that awkward, 'I stepped over the too friendly line' look. As soon as I felt my face turn hot and red her look changed to a more friendly smile. Socially awkward must have been spelled out in the blotches on my cheeks.

I grabbed my plate and cup off the counter top and found an empty seat in the corner by the large paned window. Evidently, weekdays, mid morning, were not as bustling as lazy Sunday brunch hours.

After about half the cake and a few sips of my latte, it was undoubtedly decided that this had been a bad idea. Staring out the window got me zilch on Edward watching. In my hasty planning, I'd totally forgotten the reflective glass windows. Oh yeah, this girl right here? She's a genius.

I took a large drink and pulled out my cell phone. Ignoring the three missed calls alert on the screen, I hit the contacts button. Yup, we're that desperate to save his number in our phone. My thumb ran over his name, and then I simply stared at the screen.

"Fuck me," I muttered, "Maybe I should just call him." My voice sounded pathetic, and since I really didn't like babbling out loud to myself, I shoved a large chunk of coffee cake in my mouth.

"Yes, please," a very panty dampening voice piped in. "And yes, you should, " it added snarkily.

Fuck, why does he always hear that?

I started coughing on the food halfway down my throat and ended up spraying little cinnamon swirled chunks all over the table and floor.

"Well, on second thought, maybe you should finish eating before you call. You know, talking with your mouth full and all." He was laughing, and in a high pitched, sing song voice, tacked on, "DAN-GER-OUS."

Quickly, I cleared my throat and turned to see that even if Edward was making fun, he was still a safe distance away. And when my gaze settled on his face, I saw a weariness that was not him.

"I was-" we both spoke out at the same time. I smiled and waved him over to the table. He came closer but still didn't sit down.

"I was debating coming over to talk to you when I heard you talking...to yourself." He shrugged and cast his eyes away from my face. Man, I'd really screwed up this morning by kicking him out.

Edward seemed nervous and overly cautious. I was so close to apologizing when his face morphed into that perfect 'combustible panty' smirk.

"So..." He drew the word out, and I knew I'd been caught. "what exactly brings you over here?"

I smiled lazily, but inside my head was doing that Exorcist spinning thing. In a flash of brilliance it came to me, the same excuse I'd been using all morning.

Pointing to the window behind my head, I spoke up. "Best coffee cake." Edward looked like he almost laughed at me. "What? The sign speaks the truth, buddy."

"Oh, Bella." He sighed, and with his smile still firmly in place lifted his right eyebrow a la The Rock or Jack Nicholson. "You can't handle the truth."

That was all it took. I burst into giggles . "Alright, Colonel. What would that truth be?"

His face sobered up immediately and very seriously he stated, "That you're stalking me for my sexual prowess, and I could get a restraining order, but I'd much prefer to be caught in this game of chase."

The laughter dried upm and a sensual haze over fell me. "Bella?" The vibrant green eyes had darkened; I noticed when I looked to him. He took the seat across from me with a graceful fluidity that was entrancing.

"Mmhm, Edward."

"Would you like to go get a drink with me?"

"Ugh, no more drinks for me today," I blurted, completely losing the steady penetrating eye contact we'd had. Are his eyes all you want penetrating you? I outwardly giggled at my internal commentary.

Edward laughed, too, unaware we were laughing at different things. "We could do something more PG, like a movie. Or if we did go to the bar, I can make you a virgin."

I began choking on my giggles, and only then did Edward really notice what he'd just said. Feeling emboldened by our easy banter, I stood and stared down at him with my best 'fuck me' gaze.

"Isn't that the point, my sex guru?" I put my index finger to his shoulder, leaned close to his ear, and whispered. "Tag, you're it." Then, I turned and sauntered out of the place, hoping with all the wetness on my thighs that he would follow.

_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

I had flagged a cab and was delighted when I saw Edward walk up behind me and open the back door for me. A silence fell over us both as we rode toward my apartment.

Edward paid for the cab and slid out of the car, only to offer me his hand so that I could step out. Once, my palm fell into his, I felt that oh so sought after spark that people mention. All at once, I felt flushed and over heated.

He slowly wrapped his fingers around my hand and eased me up and out of the car. And Edward didn't let go once I was upright.

"So, do you wanna watch some TV...just hang out?" Edward inquired, not looking at me as we made our way to my apartment. Oddly, it felt like we were comfortable with one another, like I had known him for a lifetime already.

That's what happens when you spill all your disastrous sexcapades.

"Sure." I smiled and then thought about which shows I needed to catch up on. "Oh, oh, do you like True Blood? I've been working so much that I haven't been able to watch, and I DVR'd the whole season."

"That guy that plays Eric Northman bothers me," he said but then smiled widely, his face finally turning to me. "But Sookie more than makes up for it."

"Oh my god, you're a fan?" I couldn't believe it, and his response was priceless. I had just opened the door to my apartment.

"Sookie is mine," he drawled out in a very accurate Bill Compton impersonation, and then chased me into the living room.

I grabbed a bag of chips and poured some salsa into a bowl to take to the couch. Edward kept surprising me, following me into the kitchen and helping grab some drinks and paper towels. We settled in on the large couch-close, but not quite touching.

With remote in hand, I started the first episode of the new season. The more I watched, the more breasts and naked asses I saw.

"Wow, this season is already much more sexual than the last." I said, astounded, my eyes glued to the television.

By the middle of the third episode, I was squeezing my thighs together tightly, and somehow Edward and I had inched together. The snacks and drinks sat untouched on the table.

In the moment I had looked at Edward and the ignored munchies, things had progressed on the show. I looked up just as Eric Northman had some girl chained up in his basement and was rapidly pounding himself into her strung up body.

"They make these vampires look like they're fucking like rabbits." The innocent observation earned a hiss from the sexy man next to me. "What? What is it?"

"They don't really fuck like rabbits, Bella." His eyes were heavily lidded, and the green was almost a coal color. "But I know what does."

With his last comment, I saw him reach behind me. I stopped breathing the instant I felt his forearm brush across my shoulder. In a moment, the connection was gone, and I realized that I'd closed my eyes. Opening them gave me a surprise.

Edward had reached back into the box and grabbed my present. Oh yeah, he knows what fucks like a rabbit...a Rabbit!

_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

A/N: I know you're all calling me a cock blocking bitch right now, lol. I'm sorry but I had to break it here so that I could perfect their first smexin scene together for y'all. I hope you still love me enough to leave me some love. :)

rabbit tickles to you all MWAH